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Tonight I arive early and I am watiching the Jejizo class before us, and cant help but notice that they are a tight night group. then I turn my attion to my litte group of people, in aikido, and relize that it is too kinda tight night group as a wole. Some are closer then others, but contary to anyother class I have been in we are close on a comisic level. then I reliz mabby something about leting this people into your personal bubble that we spend so much of our lives trying to keep people out to protect ourselve, lets them be closer. we have let down the phosical buyer we so often clang to, and alow us to open our sprits to other person as well as them to us. It stricks me as intresting becaue we are in a self defence class in its nature and yet rather then puting up walls it seems to teach us to take them down. One might think that it should be the other way arond?
so, in class today I was quite proud of my self becaue I actuly did a fraily disecent coshy fall. I actuly let someone throw me, i uslely run away, i refusse to do it. I get scard that they will do something worng or I will. I was prod of me for two resons I trusted this person enoff that they woruld do as they say and hold me the whole way down so I wont get hurt and that I kinda fell right with out trying to grab the grond.
I was also predy much able to do jocata 1 well as long as my sapi did nto leave my side , but I can do some with out total relance on him. I even manged to push throw the fact that one of the sapi people I had been closs to was being santd off ishis to and disconected form me. I want her back, but I was able to put it out of mind and connute with class. That took a lot of constration, I was porud that I was able to do it.
I was also able to demnstart all 5 of the moves I was suposed to and recive a complet from sisay for doign it well. Over all the night went well. I feel the conction is back while I feel disconceed form one whom I used to feel so connced to , I am concented int others adn feeling much momre confint in some aeras , mabby even enoff to teach some.
I felt disconced today wehn frist geting in the car to aikdio, because of drama of earlyer. I still have drama in my life , but at lset for 1 hour and a half I got to feel like I belonged.