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Today was my second class of the new year. I started out horbaly bad. Twice I got severly dizzy and felt as if I was going to fall over. I am srue this was not aided by the fact the mint I walked in the Dojo and I not even sure why I felt extrely perionoyed. I felt like just walked into a pnainl that was going to junde everything I did or that I was already awating the dection for some action that I did not even do yet. Like it was diffrent demetion all togetether. So , since I had a few mints I tryed to bring my self back to realty, thow the felling lasted most of the class, not till the end di it pass some. I not sure why I felt this way becaue this class out of all is the one where sisisay evsises that we should be having fun at the same time as lurning. Kids are with us for the frist half. Plusse I tryed to remind my slf what was the worst that could happen. So, I went ahead with class. We did alot of rolling where I felt like I was going to hit someone too many people for my liking I gess, or at lest for today. I also got relly dizxzy a cupple of times. I stood by the door so hoping to not fall down and also hoping that I would be left alone. A fello student asked me if I was ok and I siad kinda. With a noned of my head. I tryed to resome pratice, thow it did not help that I was seeing images that I not sure were there, not like they could not be but like how things would turen out. People coliding ect. I got back out there then we were to Cosie falls ( spelt wriong I think) the one where you put some one on your back and throw them on the ground. This one fricked me out eslepy at the fact that I would be doing it to someone else and I don't like doing it with those whom do not trust me. I was placed with a 12 year old kid and I felt like if he tryed to throw me I would hurt him and I deftely did not know how to thow someone else. so I tryed the begaing steep and then we got to change parterns , but I felt relly dizzzy and scared by this point and the parynoya was dolled was rering its head. I now had fear adn perna all together. Not to metion soem since issue that was effecting my belace and causing dizzness. I did nto relly want to qute, but need a breack. So , I steeped off the mate and stood by a windo, this time I was asked by the for metioned stued and I resjured he was there but words just did nto want form I was ok when I so was not. I siad nothing he let me be, then a nother person came and i just pulled away from heer pertrating eyes, i sure she said somethign a well. Eventuly I pulled my self back. I tryed agin. I ended up I think making sisay not um happy with me becaue he ened up working with me and my partener, I think becvaue I was doing it wrong or something. I mean like soley for a while. Then we bowend out and got wepons. I browed one from the Dojo and one from a student. For one of the movments Boken Cota 2 or something like that. I was thought by a senor student out side , where I maged to scrach the bottom of fooot. I also do not know if it is Key eye that they say or what it is becaue it sounds difrent eaf time. I scewed up on most of the mocements. Next we did some what I belive to be Jejeso where we put our lage on some one and then took them down and something like that. For this I had a child not as bad thow it was hard for him to acplish the movement due to hight diffrence. For onece I was the tall one . Then we closed class and went out side where my ride was not wating. So , I texted my sis who siad she was on here way. Sisay and some others were talking in side or awhile. Then sisay came out and he siad where is your ride? Did they forget about you? I sook my heade and siad I do not think so. He siad should we watie with you? I shurged , becaue I do not what I should do have the time, let alone what he should or should not do! He siad some one might steel you , so we will watie. I had this occre before , I always feel bad. Some part of me feels like how nice, some other part says he must think of me as an invidled. Mostly I just feel like I am burden then. Althow, today I was having issuses because one of the classmates whom I have grown to I gess you would say trust and like ( nothing werid, just felt connceced, IDK why) seemed to push me away today and this bugs me. IDK what I did wrong? Oh, well thats life or it is mine at the moment anyway. So, stay tuned for more tales in the strugling 7 moth Akido Gril. I string to liek some of ti thow. Oh another thing I lurned today throw difrent things is that I need to work on focose and when you do movements rellydo not seem to be so heard. Now I know I ned to wrok on my "monkey Mind" tell it to shutup. Also, help to know how to truly lesson.