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It has been a long time since I posted anything! I have deleted a lot of the old entries because I felt like it.
I have spent a lot of time recently thinking how much my life has changed or moved on since I turned up an hour early for my first class (those who know me know I still do that) in a t-shirt and trackie bottoms on that mild April evening. I have a responsible well paid job, I have friends and I am a lot happier in myself. Is it because of any one reason? Can't say!
All I know is I am now thirty years old and not nearly as scared and / or angry as I once was. I was talking to a friend on the side of the mat the other week discussing that aikido training is a lot like life.
No matter how many times or how hard you get knocked down the true strength comes in when you can get back up and to keep smiling.
A little while ago I was told that somebody in my office really could not stand me and given the choice the would rather work with someone else. My initial response was to go round to that individual and throw them head first off the tallest part of the office building , but because we live in a world with consequences and I quite like my job (most of the time) I resolved it was my approach that was askew rather than my personality. I went back into the office the following Monday and not saying a word about what I had heard I realigned to relationship through openness and a lot honest smiles. As a result I received feedback at a recent 360 review that this person now places me in the top five in the business (if you know who I work for you will realise what a big deal that is). I can think that it is due to a lot of things but believe me if I had heard the initial feed back four / five years ago I would have been mortified and would have possible become very aggressive. I just came back from being knocked down and smiled.
Of course I now have someone singing my praises to the echelons of power that may have noticed me of their volition and probably did, but while I am happy learning my trade where I am at my level I find it difficult to deal with these poeple. Aikido training is a lot like life, I have a friend that I count as amongst my closest who inflates my grade at seminars. I want to say I am happy where I am and say that I will be the first to say if I feel held back, but I appreciate the fact that I have someone in my corner noticing me and what I am capable of achieving. Need to learn to draw a balance, prehaps I will learn that tomorrow.