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5-ish hours of Aikido on Sunday has lead to me walking a little lop-sidedly... We had the Kai Shin Kai Head Instructor giving our class a private session! Only one guy from Reading turned up; everyone else was Devises Budo. We Rule.
It's nice sometimes to just experiment. I love having a go, adapting and changing things to see how they fit to each circumstance. It was great partnering the guy from Reading as he helped me see that even though you're practising the same initial move (Gakyu), each time Uke can react slightly differently resulting in a different throw or lock. Zed was good fun too EVEN though he poked me in the throat with a Jo.... the fact that it was probably my fault (moving too late) is besides the point!
Last night I nearly came to blows with Sensei because he said I was a typical woman unable to translate move from one side to another. I then threatened him with a slap. I really was NOT in the mood for all that generalisation rubbish. He then practised with someone else for the rest of the night. heee! oops. Ah well, I'm a brittle, short tempered person, far too easy a mark. He should pick S to wind up, she's much more mellow. But then, I guess, where would the fun be. Paddington the Stress Bear.
I have an ambition to go on a Buddhist retreat. I really like the idea of trying meditation in a place designed for that purpose. I need a bit of calm and a bit of focus in my life... I have picked a martial art 2nd only to Tai Chi in terms of apparant lack of competition and aggression but I can be such an angry person. It's anger and frustration at myself I realise but other people don't always get given that bit of the instruction manual and shouldn't have to take the brunt.
Oh and D graded! hurrah, he is now blue (that's 2nd Kyu by the way)! Such a lovely bloke. I could so abduct him and run away to live on an island. I mean he could have his family there, he would just have to ask how I am each morning that's all! His wife and 2 sons were there to watch his grading and the younger of the two got all upset that he couldn't come on the mat and join in... awww!
Dear Santa, a bit solid self-esteem for Christmas please. Just something to make me a little more sure and a little less scared of not being liked. Something to make me believe that it's WORTH investing because I WILL be good enough, rather than never investing because I believe that I'll be good enough... NEVER.
Something that springs back like a stress toy rather than collapsing like an egg shell everytime it gets the slightest of prods.