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There is class on Monday (day 4 of 16), but because of a prior commitment I won't be there. So no training notes for day 4. It's the only day I'll be missing class.
Instead, I offer this, about my recent experience of trying to write a little information about my background:
Leaving Some Things Behind
I started to explain who I
Have been throughout the years
Justify my limitations
Perhaps excuse my fears
The stories told of loss and pain
And how life wasn't fair
Like dirty water to a fish
The stories were just there
But the more I wrote
The more it seemed
Those stories weren't mine
They'd lost their hold
And left me free
My own life to define
I know, intellectually, that we need not be defined by our pasts. We can start now, where we are, and create our own futures anew. I had known that, but still felt ensnared by a litany of Perfectly Good Reasons for being who I was. They were some really solid reasons, too.
But when I sat down recently to list these things they suddenly seemed insignificant, powerless, and pointless. Not like something I should try to ignore, and move ahead in spite of, but truly meaningless, at a gut level. It felt ridiculous even to be writing them down, and so I stopped.
I'm sure there will be times when stories from my past will seem more present and real than they do right now. But I won't forget this.
11-09-2009 12:16 AM 