<![CDATA[My Path]]> en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:52:56 GMT Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:04:31 GMT http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss vBlogetin aw_forums@aikiweb.com aw_forums@aikiweb.com <![CDATA[Hard Day, Fun Weapons Class (day 14 of 16)]]> Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:04:31 GMT Day 14 of 16. Today at work was harsh. Plowed through work all day long, and then an hour before I had to leave, I realized there was a huge chunk more that had to be done. If my day were randori, I'd let myself end up in the middle, and all the attackers were on me. I haven't been out walking for 2 days, and my legs felt like achy blocks of concrete. My left shoulder has been bugging me, so I was icing it at my desk. I wouldn't have gone to class, except that I said I was going to. I didn't figure my brain could absorb a lot more today. I was tired and overwhelmed, and really feeling the need for rest.

That all vanished after a minute or two on the mat. Everyone was in a wonderful mood. I had plenty of time to warm up. My front and back rolls were better tonight. I got most of the techniques at least halfway correct. I felt focused and centered, and had a very pleasant time in class. Yay!

Tonight was a weapons class with Sensei. We did tanto, which I think I've only worked with once or twice before. Even techniques that sometimes turn my mind into a pretzel seemed easier.

I was gonna go to class anyway, because I said I would, but now I'm really glad I did.

Off to dinner and a quiet evening, with more energy that I'm going to need for another intense day at the office tomorrow.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Better Day Today (13 of 16)]]> Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:25:48 GMT A much better day today (day 13 of 16). Not great, but better. And a lot of fun, in any case. There were two classes this evening, one with Sensei, and one with one of the yudansha. I managed to do some of the techniques reasonably well, but on the whole it was one of those days when I can't tell front from back, in from out, or left from right. I got a few techniques inside out, upside down, or just plain screwy. Back falls weren't happening so well, and I don't know why. Sigh...

On the positive side, I was happier with my front rolls tonight. A little rounder, a little quieter. We did a short jiyuwaza in the second class, which was fun, and I did much better than I have done recently. And kokyu dosa really seemed to come together at the end of the second class. A nice way to end the evening.

Tomorrow night is a weapons class, with Sensei. I've only done one with him before - the first weapons class I ever did (I found myself in it by accident) - so I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's class.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[How Not To Do It (Day 12 of 16)]]> Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:02:48 GMT One of the woes of having the privilege to train under a teacher with an unflinching commitment to his students growth as Aikidoists is that the feedback sometimes stings.

Last night, in spite of my intention to go to class tonight, I stayed up to the wee hours to watch a meteor shower. That was stupid. Tonight, not having had enough sleep, I went to class anyway. That was arrogant and selfish.

I actually felt pretty good, and thought I was doing well for most of the class. But particularly toward the end my rolls got sloppy, and I wasn’t really focused. And I failed to notice that.

Sensei, being a perceptive and experienced teacher, noticed. He stopped class early, with a few words about how injuries are more likely when people are too tired to roll correctly, and how he doesn’t like injuries happening at his dojo.

Thank you, Sensei. It won’t happen again. My apologies to you and to my training partners.

In the words of Mark Rashid, horse trainer and aikidoka, “now I know how not to do it.”

Off to get a good night’s sleep…]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Two Classes, Plus a Meteor Shower]]> Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:26:50 GMT Tonight’s post is being pre-empted by a meteor shower. The quick version: Two awesome classes tonight, the first with Sensei, the second with Cyril. Both flew by. It’s great to have Sensei back. More later. Heading out to the back yard to stare at flying rocks.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Day 9 of 16: End of a Great Week]]> Sun, 15 Nov 2009 07:23:12 GMT Today, Saturday, wrapped up the first week of my 16 day Personal Aikido Intensive. I'm delighted and relieved to be able to say I've been having an awesome time, and am excited about having another full week ahead.

Next week I'll be in classes Monday through Saturday. M, W, & Sat. are two-class days. That's 9 classes, 5 of which will be with Sensei. This past week (M-Sat) he was away, and the yudansha (meet most of the teaching staff at Aikido of San Diego) taught all the classes. I really could not have picked a better time to do this, because for the past week there has been a tremendous variety to the classes, and for the next I'll have 5 days in a row of classes with Sensei.

The whole 16-day thing kicked off with a killer Friday night class with Sensei. I think he was trying to tire us out so we wouldn't be too hard on the yudansha during the week. It was an absolute blast. Sensei taught again on Saturday morning, and we did several really interesting exercises, including a walking-pace randori practice that looked like "Night of the Living Aikidoka" as 6 uke wandered, zombie-like in the general direction of each nage. Then Terry, Bill, and Doug had their exams, and there was the dojo party and potluck with the Sumo suits. (If you haven't seen the video yet, you can find it on my YouTube channel.)

The classes during the week were all as different as they could be, and offered many opportunities to try completely new things, hear familiar things explained in new ways, focus on different details, and so on. If I'm remembering correctly, I got to train with Megan, Jay, Cyril, Andy, and Karen. Classes were really well attended all week, too, and ran like clockwork, as usual.

This morning was a pretty fast-paced, interesting weapons class with Jay. We worked with the jo, doing still more techniques I hadn't yet seen. (I just tried to run through them all with my barn jo after feeding the critters this evening. Ah, the joys of long, dark nights and open outdoor space.) It sounds like there may be more opportunities to train with weapons, which would be great.

Next was an open-hand class with Mike. Lots of complicated (for me... sigh...) techniques. Some I got, and some I was befuddled by. The really annoying ones were a couple that I nailed on the first attempt, and then couldn't get right again. I've been finding lately that I'm much less frustrated with myself when that happens. I just keep trying, and don't go into panicky brain cramps. The class was a lot of fun, and thankfully I ended on a good note by getting the last technique right.

After class we cleaned the dojo and headed off to our respective weekends. Next up: Two 1-hour classes on Monday, with Sensei, and Cyril. But first, chores, resting, playing with the critters, and dinner with a friend.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[It's a Lot Like Line Dancing (day 8 of 16)]]> Sat, 14 Nov 2009 07:01:31 GMT I'm going to keep the brief, because come hell or high water I am going to get 8 hours' sleep tonight.

Have you read the two diaries that make their way around the Internet every so often? One is by a cat, and one is by a dog. The cat reports the horrors of his captivity, while the dog is excited about everything that happens, all day long:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
(From http://www.wanderings.net/notebook/M...iaryVsCatDiary)

My experience of Aikido all this week has been reminding me of the dog's diary: "Woohoo! My favorite teacher. Yay! My favorite kind of class. Awesome! My favorite people to train with. Oh, good! My favorite techniques."

---

The teacher tonight asked me (since I've been to a lot of classes this week) what techniques we had been working on in the classes. Or at least what kind of work we had been doing. I could only come up with a very short list. I really should start being more conscious of that, I suppose. So I'll try to post a very brief summary of at least a few memorable points from each class, mostly to use for my own review.

Tonight we did a lot of bokken work:
  • Cutting, one direction, and then with irimi
  • 8-directions cut (happo giri)
  • Front rolls, and back slap-falls (?) with bokken
We also did a bit of open-hand jiyuwaza.

A fairly large class, with a broad range of levels, learning happo giri looks a heck of lot like a big group of folks trying to learn a line dance. It went very smoothly, and none of us whacked each other. I couldn't help but think of The Electric Slide (video on YouTube), though, as we all stepped and turned at the right angles, all together. A music video would be hilarious.

---

The most recent exams at the dojo were last week. Exams come around every few months, with the next date being February 6th, 2010. I don't know if I'll be testing then (for 5th kyu), and I don't care. But I am setting it as a personal goal for myself to be on track to test then. That means paying even more careful attention to the techniques that are on the test, training thoughtfully, etc.

We each work with a senior student when preparing for an exam. It's our responsibility to find a mentor, so I've been doing some watching and thinking about who I might want to work with some day. At least if my name does appear on the Dreaded Dojo Whiteboard, I'll have an idea of who to ask.

To be clear, my goal is not to test on February 6th. I am not even hoping to test then. That's up to Sensei, of course, and I'm not in any hurry to "get there" anyway. The goal is to train as if I will be testing, regardless.

OK... Off to bed. Two classes first thing in the morning. Right after my 8 hours of sleep.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Weapons Class (Day 7 of 16)]]> Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:58:04 GMT Tonight's class was weapons. We usually focus on one weapon per class, and tonight it was jo (my favorite!). We did the first 12 jo suburi, and a combination of several at the end. I think I've only done 1 through 5 or 6 before tonight. I definitely had not seen the bigger swirling-the-jo-around techniques - those were fun!

I really like weapons classes, for the opportunity to work independently and slowly. It's possible to focus on the mechanics, alignment, center/base, staying relaxed, breath, posture, and so on, without the rush of doing partner practice. I wouldn't want to train like that exclusively, but it's nice to be able to break things down and work on what you need to work on.

I also like that once I get something basically down, I can practice it at home on my own. (I keep a spare jo in the barn for that.)

Tonight I was really happy about most of what I did (not really lost at any point). I felt much more solid and settled than usual during the techniques. Between techniques, however, I caught myself being a bit busy and unfocused in the way I was moving. I've seen what that looks like in videos (it looks ridiculous and goofy ), and have been trying to be more conscious of it. So tonight I tried my "being someone else" approach (see that blog post). Sort of "how might this look and feel if I were...?" It worked beautifully. No "trying" just doing. And then feeling what it felt like to be doing things that way.

There was a second class tonight, normally for 2nd kyu and up, but tonight anyone could stay for it. I was very tempted, but also very tired. I would've been the only one below 4th kyu. I decided to stay if by doing so I would make an even number of students (6), but as luck would have it the number came out odd with me (7), so I passed on participating. Probably for the best, as I was really wiped out from little sleep and a very fast-paced day at work. It wasn't until I was on the way home I remembered that I also had to get the barn ready for a feed delivery in the morning, so it's a good thing I didn't stay later.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[A Much Better Day (Day 6 of 16)]]> Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:42:11 GMT I sure didn't get everything perfect today, but I did a lot better. 5-1/2 hours of sleep instead of 4, and actual meals (big, hearty salads), meant more energy. Last night's bath, plus a few sessions with ice packs, had everything feeling better today. More water, less coffee, more focused.

Not perfect... Still not enough sleep. I didn't eat or drink enough this afternoon. Having a good dinner now, with ice packs scattered about as needed, and heading for bed ASAP. I'm glad I seem to be able to get things going in the right direction, instead of getting more sore, and more tired.

Tonight (day 6 of 16) there were two classes, so I did them both - 2 hours, total. It's the first time I've trained on a Wednesday, because I usually have another commitment in the evening. So these classes were new ones for me.

The first class (open to all students) was the biggest class I've done, aside from the Nadeau seminar in July. The second class is "only" open to 6 kyu and above. (I'm 6th kyu - that's the level where you've proven some very basic competence at simple things - graduated from kindergarten, essentially.) There really is no set pattern to how classes are run, aside from warm-ups, but this week in particular, with a variety of yudansha teaching while Sensei is on vacation, they are even more variable. It's great to hear things explained in different ways, do new exercises and techniques, and experience a little different temperament to each class.

I finally learned something that has been driving me nuts for months. I've seen the ukemi for tai no henko done two ways - staying rooted where you are, basically, or sort of spinning to face Nage (and keep your own alignment). I failed to see the pattern to when it was done one way versus the other. It seemed capricious. I'd almost accepted it as a koan of sorts - someday it would become clear to me why each way was randomly wrong half the time. (I suppose I should have, um... asked?) At any rate, someone (and I've very sorry that I can't remember who) pointed out that the difference is static practice (kihon waza?) versus doing the whole thing in-motion. Oh!

Something I was especially aware of this evening, although it's always the case, was the attention to detail, kindness, patience, and generosity of spirit of everyone I have the privilege of working with. Everyone is careful with their partners, thoughtful in giving perceptive, helpful feedback, and really warm and caring about each other. (And I'm not just saying that because I know some them read my blog. Really.) It's a wonderful environment to practice and play in.

I found out today that yet another student will be signing up for the Aikido Bridge seminar. So that makes at least 4 of us from Aikido of San Diego who are going. Yay!

For the last couple of days the muscles under my left shoulder blade have been in spasm. Patient trigger point work last night and this morning helped, but even so, by the time I got to the dojo it was the sort of thing that made me not want to even take a deep breath. I considered not going to class, but I'm too stubborn to wimp out. Fortunately, like last Friday, a good workout with a lot of rolling got it feeling nearly perfect. Much, much better. By some great stroke of luck, I was also able to schedule a massage today for Saturday afternoon. Really looking forward to that!

In the second class we did a simple, short jiyuwaza (freestyle series of attacks). By that time I was pretty tired, and really did a rather pathetic job of it. One thing I am proud of, however, is that I was able to mostly stay connected visually and energetically with my partner, in both roles (Uke/Nage). I was focusing on them, not the attack. As Nage I think I managed to mostly keep coming in and offering, not backing down. But then I couldn't seem to manage a single coherent technique. Oh well...

We had the opportunity to try a two-uke jiyuwaza (randori?) at the end of the second class. I would have loved to done it (in either role), but I was just too exhausted and dehydrated (in spite of drinking water all through class) to do anything else. I hope we have the chance again, when I'm not wiped out.

All in all, a tremendously fun evening. I left the dojo already looking forward to tomorrow night. But for now, a hot shower and sleep.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Training for Training]]> Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:27:15 GMT Before I got horses, I got chickens as "practice livestock," to see if I was up for the whole feeding-and-cleaning-every-day-and-night thing. I made some mistakes, and learned a lot. After a year, and still enthusiastic, I tore out trees, got the yard graded, put in a barn and fencing, and dove into horse ownership better prepared for having had that experience with the chickens.

In addition to being fun and worthwhile on its own merits, this two-week period of training at every opportunity (now at only day 5 of 16) serves a similar purpose. This time it's to help me be more prepared for the Aikido Bridge seminar in January. And true to form I've made some mistakes and am learning a lot. A few lessons so far:
  • Do not take on any other projects. Like grocery shopping, laundry, or cooking food. Get that stuff out of the way well beforehand.
  • Do not make commitments that keep you up into the wee hours. Aikido on 4 hours' sleep and 10 cups of coffee is way less fun that you might imagine.
  • Get plenty of sleep for at least the week before. Going into a more-intense-than-usual training period coming off a week of sleep deprivation is stupid.
  • Don't plan anything at all in the evenings. Feed the critters, take a hot bath, go to bed with ice packs on anything ouchy.
  • Eat as well as possible. Living on snacks (healthy ones though they may be) is not a good strategy for having lots of energy and endurance.
  • Warm up and stretch in the mornings. Being tight and achy before class usually leads to guarded rolls and falls, which leads to more tightness and discomfort.
  • Remember what trigger points are, and how to use them.
  • Do not try to sneak in a few hours of extra work "in your spare time." There isn't any.
I'm sure there are more, but I'm too tired to think of them. Time for some stretching, a hot bath, and, well, 6 hours sleep. Sigh.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[A Little More Freedom]]> Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:16:49 GMT There is class on Monday (day 4 of 16), but because of a prior commitment I won't be there. So no training notes for day 4. It's the only day I'll be missing class.

Instead, I offer this, about my recent experience of trying to write a little information about my background:
Leaving Some Things Behind

I started to explain who I
Have been throughout the years

Justify my limitations
Perhaps excuse my fears

The stories told of loss and pain
And how life wasn't fair

Like dirty water to a fish
The stories were just there

But the more I wrote
The more it seemed
Those stories weren't mine

They'd lost their hold
And left me free
My own life to define

Linda Eskin
Copyright © 2009
I know, intellectually, that we need not be defined by our pasts. We can start now, where we are, and create our own futures anew. I had known that, but still felt ensnared by a litany of Perfectly Good Reasons for being who I was. They were some really solid reasons, too.

But when I sat down recently to list these things they suddenly seemed insignificant, powerless, and pointless. Not like something I should try to ignore, and move ahead in spite of, but truly meaningless, at a gut level. It felt ridiculous even to be writing them down, and so I stopped.

I’m sure there will be times when stories from my past will seem more present and real than they do right now. But I won’t forget this.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Go Out and Play]]> Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:04:29 GMT Day 3 of 16. No classes on Sunday. A quotation for the day:
"The delight of mountains, rivers, grasses, trees, beasts, fish, and insects is an expression of the Art of Peace."

Morihei Ueshiba (O Sensei)]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Sumo Suit Smackdown at the Dojo]]> Sun, 08 Nov 2009 08:39:33 GMT On Saturday morning we had a really interesting class, with lots of fun exercises, including a sort of 6-uke slow/easy randori, which was really enlightening. Then there were exams - two for 6th kyu, and a 4th kyu. Dang, that 4th kyu test looks challenging (and exhausting).

After class we had a BBQ/potluck party, with inflatable Sumo suits. We often have some kind of party after exams, plus this time Jason and Karen (the two in the video, along with Sensei) were celebrating 10 years in Aikido. A fantastic time (and lunch) was had by all.

You can see more videos of all the fun on my YouTube Channel, under Aikido of San Diego: http://www.youtube.com/LindaEskin]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Working Hard, Playing Hard]]> Sun, 08 Nov 2009 00:58:44 GMT This is the day one of my 15-day personal Aikido Intensive. Tonight included lots to think about - refining some well-known techniques and exploring some new ones. Awesome class. After a very challenging week at work (at lot of which was engaging and rewarding, but still…), I really needed it, too.

Several of the techniques we worked on involved falling or rolling - quite a lot of it. I had been kind of stiff and achy all day, and the first few rolls I did before class weren't pretty (or pleasant) at all. But by the end of the class my partner and I were playing pretty hard (by my standards, at least), and it was sheer fun. And afterward I felt a lot better than I did when I walked in.

As I was driving home I thought about my first phone conversation with Dave Goldberg Sensei. I knew I wanted to do Aikido, and was looking into training at Aikido of San Diego. I had heard somewhere about a low-impact class, and thought that might be what I needed, since I've had an abundance of foot, arm, hand, and shoulder problems (with all the associated PT, surgery, orthotics, etc.). Sensei explained that he'd tried that kind of class at some point, but he preferred that things be more inclusive, with everyone in the same classes. He said I wouldn't be expected to do anything I couldn't handle.

Part of that conversation was some nonsense from me about only being able to train once a week, and would that even be worth doing - and would he even have me as a student if that's all I could make time for. Thankfully, he said "A little Aikido is better than no Aikido," and invited me to come observe a class.

I had several concerns about doing Aikido. Because of foot problems I rarely wear sandals or go barefoot, even around the house. Walking from the car to the dojo in flip-flops was the first time in several years I'd worn anything other than fairly rigid, supportive shoes or boots. I felt naked. I considered taping my feet, but hoped I could handle working on the mat without that.

I've also had trouble with vertigo. On a few occasions it's been so bad I could not stand up, walk, or even look around. Completely debilitating and miserable. Last Christmas I spent two days sitting still and staring into the distance. When I managed to walk to the barn to feed Rainy and the donkeys I was so disoriented I had to hang onto things, and got seasick anyway. It's harmless, but awful. I've done months of PT for it, worked with vestibular disorders specialists, etc. I couldn't even lie down flat without risking starting the spinning all over again.

In class, of course, the first thing to do was to learn rolls, with one of the senior students. I didn't know what would happen when I tried - if the dojo would start spinning, if I wouldn't be able to stand up… And I told them so, because seeing someone in that condition can be fairly worrisome to one who isn't familiar with it. I had even arranged to call for a ride home, just in case I wasn't able to drive.

After that first class, in May 2009, I had some pretty sore muscles, but nothing injured my shoulders or hands. My feet felt OK on the mat. And the rolling didn't start the world spinning. (Woohoo!) Most of those problems are things I still need to take care about, but they haven't stopped me, and all have improved since I started doing Aikido.

I got to thinking about all this as I was driving home. How lucky I am to be able to do this at all, physically. How grateful I am for Sensei's stand on inclusive classes, and for giving a "one night a week" student a chance. How wonderful it is to just feel good in my body, even (especially) while playing pretty hard.

So if you see me grinning like an idiot while getting tossed across the dojo, now you'll know why.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[My own 2-week Aikido Intensive]]> Fri, 06 Nov 2009 06:12:19 GMT Thanks to a happy fluke in my calendar, my next two weeks will be my own personal Aikido Intensive. It means being at work an hour early (and I am not a morning person). I’ll have to kick butt on caring for Rainy and the donkeys, and on doing my strengthening exercises in the mornings and evenings. But I know it will be well worth it. It’s also going to be a particularly intense time at work, with some long hours, so Aikido will be a good re-centering time each day. And that's all my days will be - sleep, chores, exercises, work, Aikido, critters, work, sleep.

It starts this Saturday with an Aikido class, watching exams, & dojo party (and making a salad Friday night). There will be Sumo suits! Naturally I’ll try to get a cool photo or video to post.

Next week I plan to train Tuesday through Saturday. Sensei will be away, so the classes will be taught by several of the yudansha. I’ve trained with most of them before, and am looking forward to experiencing their whole spectrum of approaches to Aikido and teaching throughout the week. There’s only one I have not had the opportunity to work with yet, but have been wanting to. I think he’s teaching two of the classes. Woohoo!

The following week Sensei is back, so the week will have an entirely different awesome quality to it. I plan to train Monday through Saturday that week.

I hope I can do that much! I’m really excited about seeing how near-daily training is different from the sporadic 2 or 3 days a week I’ve been doing. It’s going to mean being really careful not to injure myself, and aggressively staying on top of any sore, achy, or irritated bits. There are going to be lots of ice packs involved, since I don’t do anti-inflammatories. Oh, and getting plenty of sleep - that will be an interesting challenge.

I’m planning to blog every day for the two weeks, if for no other reason than to help with my own recall of everything. It might be pretty straight training notes. We’ll see.]]> Linda Eskin <![CDATA[Be gladdened.]]> Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:23:18 GMT
"Create each day anew by clothing yourself with heaven and earth, bathing yourself with wisdom and love, and placing yourself in the heart of Mother Nature. Your body and mind will be gladdened, depression and heartache will dissipate, and you will be filled with gratitude."


Morihei Ueshiba (O Sensei), from The Art of Peace, translated and edited by John Stevens

A month ago I would've thought of this as some lovely idealistic vision, but it's becoming my real daily experience.]]> Linda Eskin