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<blogEntries>
<blogEntry id="3197">
	<title><![CDATA[The Final Frontier]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[or should that be The Next Frontier?

Now that we've gotten to the good stuff where do I go now?
 
Despite X years of training, Aikido does not, cannot, make you (one?) something you're (one's?) not.  Part of the reason I took it up was because of my natural tendancy to undermine myself at every step, in just about everything I do outside of the climbing wall.  The trouble is I am so used to doing that now, that it (it being the miraculous transformation from easily angered, insecure person with pronounced doormat tendancies and the organisational capacity of a lamp post, to invicible sword goddess (don't ask - ed.)) is not happening like I thought it would.

I still have a whole heap of issues with confidence (especially my tendancy to follow blindly/take what I'm given rather than adapting or fighting for something better ) but I will try and take the positive feeling about my grading into other ares of my life!!

If I'm honest I guess I'm in a rather quickly developed post grading slump.  Not about my aikido, I'm enjoying the freedom to make things up and try things out, but in everything else.

hmm... Tea! I need a nice cup of tea and a sit down me thinks!  That and a hug.  Mainly because I can't drink after the Cider I could really do with. ;) 

Any advice for the next stage?  Is there a next stage? If this was a hollywood film the next new student I tripped over at the Dojo would change my life.  I'll get back to you on that one!

Love  Ali]]></body>
	<date>04-30-2008</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="3192">
	<title><![CDATA[10 Years]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[That's how long it's taken me to get my black belt!! :) 

I've had at least 4 jobs that I can remember... Have moved house 3 times... become a chartered librarian, passed the Open University's Engineering 101 and even survived my first snowboarding holiday (two weeks before the grading).

Crikey! :D  I was trying to remember what I did with my evenings before I started Aikido. The fact is, I didn't have any!  I went straight from University to Aikido lessons.

So I have my mother to blame for this!! ;) :p :D]]></body>
	<date>04-25-2008</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="3115">
	<title><![CDATA[Back in the saddle]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA["Ali's been on a sabattical" said my instructor to a visiting Sensei.

That's one way of putting it!  I got my brown belt and went from twice/three times a week with the occasional weekend course to once a fortnight or even once a month in places.

Oops...

Well, now I'm back at the coal face and I have missed it soooo much!  I have made my first wobbly steps towards Shodan.  and Dear GOD I have a lot of work to do especially if I#m going to make it by April...
Some of my fellow brown belts who I trained with, weekend just gone, are superb. I say some... I mean all of them.:)]]></body>
	<date>12-11-2007</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2926">
	<title><![CDATA[righty ho!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Insert pithy, funny and wise blog entry here. I tried to share my thoughts but the site swallowed a really good update after telling me.. invalid blog specified... despite my being signed in!! :confused:

Ah well, view it as a sand painting, caruthers.

the joy is in the act of writing, not in whether or not anyone gets to read it or save it.  it says here...
anyway, grading soon, so all eyes are on ninnin dori right now.

Dont panic Mr Mainwaring!!!

Love and Good Ki to everyone
Frac]]></body>
	<date>03-04-2007</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2741">
	<title><![CDATA[Having a moment...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA["you should know it by now"

OK it's not a direct quote, it's more of an implication but even so...  I think Sensei was somewhat unnerved by the 2nd kyu's inability to remember Kaitenage from Jodan.  Oops!  and by 2nd Kyu, I mean myself and two others had no idea, the fourth "just about" got it right and the fifth wasn't actually there.

I don't think it's going quite the way L hoped.  Of the five of us who are all hoping to go for the 1st kyu grading in April, the two women involved have been pretty constant but the guys have all been off for quite long periods with work or family or both.

For the main part I'm just concentrating on not letting L panic me, a feat I can manage quite well on my own if I don't get a grip!  So far, despite strong self-criticism, I'm quite pleased with my progress but I will have to study the new additions to the syllabus in detail.  The two major ones are Koshinagi and Munedori.  I'm not even sure which attacks we have to be able to handle into Koshinage.

I can't ask to study something in particular though if I don't know which things we'll actually be doing for the grading... I got the syllabus a fortnight ago and promptly lost it.
Once I have all the syllabus (syllabi?) together it should be easier to go through and see where my weak points are... Shiko is definately still a little wobbly and is at the head of my list of "things I can practice outside class" because I don't need a partner (or a big squashy mat to land on).

Be responsible for your own training.

It's the one concrete thing I can say I learned from work!! ;)]]></body>
	<date>09-18-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2726">
	<title><![CDATA[Hara! (I do wonder why entry titles have to be 5 c]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Nights like last night don't happen very often.  Maybe that's what makes them sweeter.  

The Aikido was just 'there'.  My centre was low, my feet moved under me instead of remaining stuck to the ground until I'm at the point of tipping over and best of all, being told I was good didn't cripple me!

Sensei R showed me a technique that I've not really tried before and I nailed it.

Please don't wake me up!!

I could do with a few days like that at work.  I have about 15 library tours to do on Monday.  I sometimes wonder what the staff here do... organisation certainly isn't on the list!]]></body>
	<date>08-31-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2707">
	<title><![CDATA[Follow my lead...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I might not be a leader by nature but learning the Tango has shown me I'm not a natural follower either... :)
One thing I think it will show me, is how to keep my centre even whilst I'm twisted up like a sweet wrapper... and walking backwards in heels.  Beat the daylights out of me and I'm fine, teach me to dance and I pull a stomach muscle. *wince*  Maybe Buffy was right, maybe you can kick someone's arse whilst wearing high heels and skin tight clothing... but not right now. ;)  I still can't quite decide whether I love the Tango or I just want to throw my partner over my head.  I'll stick with it for as long as it improves my balance and not just my pain threshold.

Aikido on Monday was a great session.  Lots of weapons work which always makes me grin and hop around like an over excited puppy.  Partnering Karate God and Mr Tomiki was particularly good.  Mr Tomiki and I were throwing each other around like nobodies business.  And... AND I was demo Uke, hurrah! Didn't even land on my head. 

The path towards 1st Kyu is slow but steady...  L's Ukemi course has done the world of good for my Koshinage landings, as has being thrown about by the lads.  I can't think of anything deeper than that to report at the moment.  I'm enjoying the journey and that's the important thing... it says here. :D]]></body>
	<date>08-09-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2677">
	<title><![CDATA[A rose by any other name...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[There seems to be a constant butting of heads, on this site and I'm sure else where, over what 'style' of Aikido people study.

I have very little knowledge of different styles of Aikido.  When someone writes Aikikai or Iwama I have no idea what they really mean.  I have some vague notion of Tomiki Aikido due to a fellow class member studying it in a former life and an equally vague notion that Yoshinkan sounds quite scarey but other than that its a bit of a mystery.  I'm greatful to Templegate for giving me a brief but enlightening introduction to other ways of 'doing things'.  Attending one of their courses felt rather like a licence to adapt my aikido to me rather than adapting my square peg to one associations round grading system.  I'm not exactly planning any kind of revolution; in a "Strictly Ballroom"-style performing the forbidden steps fashion. ;) But it's good to see proof of life outside our box, lovely though our box is..

Anyway,  I digress.
I always see the training of Aikido as being similar to the story telling traditions of many societies.  The 'bare bones' of the story remain the same but the embellishments are unique, not only to each teller but to every listener.  Rumplestiltskin will always be Rumplestiltskin whatever language it's translated into.  The adaptations are almost by accident.  Yes O Sensei (as I understand it but again it's only recently that I've learnt much outside my Dojo's 'Do') had a mid-life career change as it were, deciding that maybe the martial way of doing things could be adapted to a more peaceful.   But Aikido is still Aikido.

Aikido is both inclusive of everyone and unique to each individual who studys.  Even if you study a more martial, dare I say it a more 'violent', version you may be too small to be able to hammer on a particular technique and will need to adapt it to your physique.

Not even writing things down can set Aikido in stone because, frankly, if you do that you loose Aikido's fluidity which is it's essential foundation.

When telling a story every reader has a different style.  You might be good at funny voices or different accents and emphasise individual characters accordingly.  You might be good at acting the parts physically by dancing round a room or prefer to be up close and personal whispering the story in peoples ears.  Similarly when it comes to Aikido each individual will have different strengths and weaknesses

This adaptability is what 'makes' Aikido.  If it was static and a set series of moves how could it be adapted to different physiques and situations.  Saying "Aikido doesn't work" is often more akin to a workman blaming his tools than anything else; a tendancy to think that I tried a technique and it didn't go well rather than, for example, using the "verbal aikido" that people often mention to difuse a situation before it gets to the physical stage.  That oft maligned but rather useful ability to talk your way out of a corner / running away style of Aikido. ;)

My experience of life is almost as narrow as my experience of Aikido.  I've lived in a softly cushioned world and it doesn't take much to upset my equilibrium (see my church mouse entry) or that of 'my' Aikido.  But in the same way that life is change, trying to deal with a 6'6" guy the same way I'd deal with 5'1" woman is probably not a good idea.  You have to take each situation as it comes and learn from it.  Use every lessons to broaden your ability to cope with what life and Aikido throws at you.

So what's in a name?  Each individual partner you come into contact with will respond differently to a different style or technique whether it says 'traditional' or 'yoshinkan' on the Dojo's books.
The one unifying attitude is about blending with your oponent. Absorb the energy of a committed attack, turn to see things from their point of view and then come to an agreement... 
Whether or not that agreement is their meeting with the Tatami is up to you!  ...What ever it says over the door.
PS if I'm talking rubbish or my arguements don't follow through, let me know.  I'm trying to learn how to write something more than my usual "dear diary" wafflings ;) :)]]></body>
	<date>07-03-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2674">
	<title><![CDATA[...It's like dancing]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[only soooooo much harder.

I attended my first ever Tango lesson last night (it was actually a milonga session but as I've never done any Tango before it was all new).  It was divine, and surprisingly uncreepy; I think that's the advantage of a fairly small class.

Having spent more time than is really sensible trying to obtain my partners balance, disrupt their centre with mine and then plant them on the floor (in a peaceful and at-one-with-the-universe fashion), all that lovely Aikido stuff that is so vital and yet so hard to master, I fancied a change of pace.  
I fancied an activity that involved some music and plenty of time NOT defending myself.  Tango being what it is though (a potentially Hot & Steamy Latin American dance) I'll probably spend more time defending my honour during a class than I ever have during Martial Arts training.
I think I've chosen to go about it the right way, mind.... Learn to throw a guy on his arse, then take up close and personal dancing with a partner, it gives a girl a certain sense of power. :)

Monday's Aikido session was a mixed bag.  I got thumped randomly for missing my place in the Ukemi line up by the person who, being too close to the person in front, caused me to miss my turn in the line, but there we go!  **meditates furiously....Psychic Egg, Psychic Egg, Psychic Egg** **then thinks sod it and sticks tongue out at person who thumped her**

I trained with Rw our "we shall, we shall not be moved" black belt with the only recently repaired knee.  Was hopping with frustration at my inability to do a decent Ikyo on the man but think I may have worked out how to throw him, so I will grab him tonight and see if my theory works. Creative Visualisation, by Jove I think those Taoists may be on to something.  Lead, lead and more lead...

Koshi Nage is still a mixed bag. As with all things, it's how I land that's affecting how I throw other people.  It's a Karma thing; If I can't take it I shouldn't dish it.
Any tips on how to land from Koshi, gratefully received!!]]></body>
	<date>06-28-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2672">
	<title><![CDATA[Just poke him in the eye...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[ Ah yes, thank you Sifu for your sage advice...regarding my Aikido instructors implicit request that I shelve Thursday Kung Fu in favour of an extra hours Aikido as preparation for my upcoming 1st kyu grading.

I wonder who would win if I set up a match? Aikido ...obviously. ;)

Wednesday was another good session.  My breakfalls are improving already.  I decided the best thing for negative comments (from myself!) is just to bite my tongue and so far it seems be working.

Dave has promised to teach me the psychic egg (the Barefoot Doctor, can't help but love him!) in order to help me find my centre.  I think that is my primary weakness.
there are details that I need to learn on techniques but it's my balance and posture that are undermining progress]]></body>
	<date>06-23-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2670">
	<title><![CDATA[How to eat an elephant...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[...slice it very thinly.
the Ukemi are progressing... slowly.  
The moment I started to roll over things (sticks, punch bags, Jos) rather than people the situation improved immensely!]]></body>
	<date>06-22-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2666">
	<title><![CDATA[Good Ukemi...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[shhhhhh, don't wake me up, I think I might actually have done a couple last night. ;)  Re-reading Lan's comment about facing the action suddenly makes sense.  Thank You Lan!!

1st Kyu = Koshi nage.  help me *drowns*
Last night was a damn good start though.  Even if I did get a hefty smack in the stomach from My. *pout*

I must get back to Iaido, I love weapons work, plus I want to order an Iaito before the Home Secretary bans them.  I'm willing to bet that if you did a study you'd find out a hell of a lot more people are attacked with kitchen knives and other, more random, domestic appliances.

ooh ooh ... aand ... I was Uke last night!  
Bring it on. :D]]></body>
	<date>06-20-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2663">
	<title><![CDATA[First Steps towards the martial goddess...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[or: the Seven Samurai
ah hahahahahaha!!! *cough*
Hello.  Did ya miss me? :)

On Wednesday night we took our first official step towards 1st Kyu gradings.  There's going to be 5 of us making the jump with two people as chief Ukes.... Damn it's going to be a hectic 18 months or so.  Sorry make that 9 months... eep!
L sat us all (by 'us all' I mean 'four of seven' as three peeps weren't there!) down and we had a big long speach about all of us or none of us, no man left behind, honesty in dealing with strengths and weaknesses and something about carrots. ;)
So... seven members of the club bound up in our next external grading.  I was so excited I was just hugging myself. oooh! it's going to be so much fun and a proper goal to aim for and all that good stuff.

My main problems as pointed out by L (and agreed with completely by yours truely) was weak Ukemi and having a centre that's up around my ears.
D has contributed his copy of "The Barefoot Doctor's Handbook for the urban warrior" to my sanity fund and it is brilliant!! Finally I've got something about Taoism and meditation and getting a grip on my "inner street brawls" and my non-centred-centre.

sooo, for once this might actually become an Aikido Diary rather than a string of neurosis and boasting about other Martial Arts I've tried.  Although whilst we're on that subject I attended a Kali Seminar last weekend.  Brilliant stuff!  Too scarey for me though, once was enough. ;)]]></body>
	<date>06-16-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2612">
	<title><![CDATA[Success!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[At least on the part of "Club Uke" anyway. :)
He is now a fully paid up mamber of the Dan Grade fraternity.  Well deserved adn about time too ;)

It was a looooooong day, Definately another Mooney grading, what with 27 people being put through their paces.  The man from Reading asked why we weren't Ukes.  Fear that's why!
(If I ever got the chance to time travel I would use it to go back in time and meet my 18 year-old self.  I would kick her arse like nobodies business.  Things like "you might think doing that task is scarey but there is NOTHING as scarey as wondering what you might have missed, what you could have done, how good you might have been, who you could have met and made friends with, why you didn't keep in touch", "mistakes are how you improve and learn"...all the usual self help stuff.) I've editted this three times to try and stop it sounding so naff!!

I wonder if I'd listen though. ;)

I must volunteer to be UKE.  Anyone who reads this has my permission to kick my arse if I don't.  I've been loosing focus during lessons which doesn't help.  I find that I've been kneeling down watching Sensei and then when he shouts tachi  I can't remember what has just been shown.  I'm off thinking about my house and about work and 100 other neuroses about things.  I can remember the outline of what has been shown but not the details.  So much for being a senior grade.

]]></body>
	<date>04-27-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2586">
	<title><![CDATA[Moony Grading]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It was like a mass Mooney wedding, except for the throwing people around the mat aspect.  Five people graded; two 5th Kyu; one 4th Kyu; two 3rd Kyu.

I was an average uke... as normal.  It was pointed out how our now 4th kyu would have had a better time with more positive attacks!  Ach well. One day, maybe in my next life time, I'll be good at Ukemi.

The depressing thing is it's all I want to be good at, the ukemi.  If I can land well I can attack well and if I can attack well I can improve everything else.

If I'm not good enough for 4th kyu there's not a chance I'm good enough to Uke for a 1st Dan grading, but there's next to no-one else.  Two of my fellow bluebelts are always away with their jobs and our previous successful Dan grade has a busted knee which leaves My, S and me.  Oh well at least that's TWO good ukes! 

Sensei gave us a talking to about positive thinking and that what you hold in your mind is how you will live.  I wish I wasn't lazy by nature!  It's bloody hard to be positive when the one thing holding you back is the thing you find hardest.

I MUST go to the Ki Society.  I need the extra Ukemi practice desperately.  I must get better than this... and there in lies the problem.  I'm not talking about working hard or enjoying things or anything positive I'm just talking about "must do this, must do that."  blah blah
If only the grading was in September, I might stand a chance then.

The fact that I spent all this morning with my head down a toilet means I won't really be fit enough to go to the Ki Society tonight...

I envy people who can do positive visualisation.  I don't have the imagination to see myself doing something well, in my minds eye all I can see is when I falter and trip or forget or turn the wrong way.  
I don't know how it feels when it goes perfectly and the few times when I've been really happy with the way something's turned out it's been so fleeting that I have no idea how to recapture how the move felt]]></body>
	<date>04-11-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2573">
	<title><![CDATA[New Abode for the Martial Goddess]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[:o)
I have been living in my new flat for about 5 weeks now.  I am going to have to become a budgetting goddess if I'm going to survive.  I got a bank statement on Monday night shortly before Aikido.  Surprisingly enough... I never made it out the house!]]></body>
	<date>04-06-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2539">
	<title><![CDATA[Defeating the ego - musings on]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Being of a natural tendancy towards thinking "I can't do it" it was hard to read the article about how self-doubt should be the basis of all martial training and of Aikido in particular.

But I spend all lesson having to remind my self not to mutter out loud "I can't do this", "this isn't working", "I'm doing this wrong" I thought, how can an extra helping of self-doubt help the proceedings?

Reading DV's more detailed explainations in the discussions of the essay and musing over my signature (the bit that says "we see things not as they are but as we are"), a picture began to form in my head.

"No Mind"  it's one of my favourite bits in The Last Samurai when Katsumoto's son tells Nathan Algren "too many mind ... no mind".  Having been told this, the Algren character  switches to instinct mode and his reactions improve immeasurably.

By listening to the strident voice shouting "of course you can't do it, this is wrong, you started too late, you've missed sessions you'll never be any good at this [add any number of negative statements here!]" I am listening to my ego.  It's just not the ego as we would normally recognise it.

An egotist is normally a person who's seen as being all mouth (and no trousers ... matron).  A person who doesn't listen, who ignores Sensei's way of doing things and generally acts as if they know everything already.

Truth is...why the hell would I be an Aikido Goddess on barely 4 hours a week for 6 ish years?  Furthermore, by listening to my inner voices chipping away at my self confidence, I'm not listening to Sensei, my fellow students or my instincts.  I'd say that was a clear case of taking my ego/self into consideration before anything else.  We can go into all sorts of detail about being surrounded by people who bring you down but when you're in Aikido they're not there...  
The only person picking away at your abilities when you say I can't do it is..well.. yourself.

Recently I was doing Suwariwaza Iriminage, all the while muttering "I'm doing this wrong".  Sensei walked past, heard the mutterings and said "the only thing you're doing wrong is telling yourself you're doing it wrong".  I very much doubt that it was a perfect technique worthy of O Sensei but at the same time he was right.  

If the loudest and closest voice is a drill sargent in you head, telling you you're a grubby maggot with no ability, it's going to be pretty damn hard to concentrate on Aikido and to get the most out of it and life in general, both for yourself and for the benefit of others.

So...if there's going to be a voice in your inner ear, let it be a positive one.  Mostly it's much more fun.
No Mind!]]></body>
	<date>03-10-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2535">
	<title><![CDATA[Ukemi]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I knew this point would come.  The one where my Ukimi skills are what hold me back.  We got a talk about how we need to be able to fall for Nage to have confidence in their own abilities.  I had some major "sack of spuds" moments last night. BANG! Down on my lower back...not painful but winded and a bit stunned... not to mention very embarassed.

L has been helping My with her breakfalls so I can't really ask him to help...hmmm... who can I con into helping me?  Maybe my fellow 2nd kyus (apart from My).   D! That's it... I will offer my services as a pack horse and head tea maker for when his company moves... in return for him throwing me backwards a few times and maybe walking up my spine with expertly trained hands ... matron. :)

I think what I also need to do is practise with another club.  If I can find the Ki Aikido group then I will have a third practice session during the week.  I don't know how they would feel about an outsider who is very much loyal to her previous sensei taking lessons with them but I KNOW it would help and I wouild do anything I could to help them...  Less pressure to learn the breakfall means I might learn quicker and if there are any techniques that help...

I'm regretting moving further from Bristol... It would have been great to pop down there for the odd Saturday morning.  I love my club but I'm starting to get less sure about the association we're linked with... Maybe I'm just attracted (in my usual moth-like way) to the brighter lights of some of the bigger federations.

I will create a website for Devises and the anniversary and take it from there.]]></body>
	<date>03-07-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2519">
	<title><![CDATA[Last Aikido Session...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[eep!  Not last ever, but last before I move.  It'll take me a couple of attempts to work out how to drive cross country from my new place to Devises!

Now... be upstanding for Ukimi/Uke practice, that's my new resolution.  I was rolling like a demon on Monday that means I can do it again. grrrrr! :)

As I shouted at L on Saturday (through 3 pints of cider and the loudest folk band in Christendom) I haven't volunteered in the past in case I land badly and make them look bad (or some such nonsense).  It then occured to me... again through my still slightly addled, post-cider, brain that maybe I should volunteer FIRST and that there's no better way to learn breakfalls than in extremis (or the nearest I'm likely to come to extremis anyway!)

Buy the dress, the event will come!]]></body>
	<date>02-22-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2515">
	<title><![CDATA[30... plus 2.5 days]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Well... I don't feel any more wrinkly (admittedly I'm not looking too hard) and the purple blotches under my eyes are about the same size so no obvious signs of decrepitude as yet ! :)  The Sunday blearyness was definately *hic* cider induced.  :D

Spent most of last night's Aikido session as Uke for M our 1st kyu man who is going for his 1st Dan in April.  He seemed a bit subdued, I think he might be ill.  There was such an almighty crack from his knee when he did the final nikkyo pin on me I thought something had gone wrong.  

It was fun being Uke, especially the weapons work.  I took a serious beating... makes a change not to be placed delicately on the floor by M but to be hoisted up and thrown around.  Some SERIOUS ukimi practice.  There were occasions when I had NO idea how I landed.  I will have to volunteer for Ukemi practice more often... :D]]></body>
	<date>02-21-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2508">
	<title><![CDATA[30 tomorrow]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[AAARRRGGGHHH *runs across screen left to right*

Moving and turning thirty within a week of each other.  I'm feeling remarkably sane

AARRRGGGGHHHH *runs back again right to left*

Aikido rocks right now.  Taking up other arts has only enhanced how much I love my first home in Aikido  and I ahve just...JUST started to get the confidence to do diving breakfalls.  With age comes confidence... dodgy knees certainly but they're confident dodgy knees. :)

Onwards and upwards... :D

]]></body>
	<date>02-17-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2490">
	<title><![CDATA[Brilliant Session!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Something just clicked last night.  Both S and I were saying what a great session it was.  Kokyu Nage went really well for all of us in our group... aaaand my response to being told off, for talking myself out of being able to do something, was just to go "fair play" and keep quiet rather than leaping to the defensive... there's hope for me yet!! :D

After Tuesday Night I am now 9th Kyu in Iaido wheeee!  I messed up the ending of the Genshin Kata but everything else went pretty well.  9th Kyu.. dear god It's going to take ages ;) Looking forward to those ages though.  Rogers knee seems to have got better.   I don't know whether to be offended that my other Iaido instructor expressed great surprise that I was so high up the grades in Aikido. (2nd Kyu? really? that high?);)  He's still trying to sell Jujitsu to me but to no avail.  
Aikido in general is my home and Devises Budokwai in particular is where my heart lies...!  Mind you I could be tempted to have an affair with Templegate. ;)

Now For Kung Fu... oh dear... I am not progressing with great speed at this.  It's definately the most challenging of my trinity.  It tests my memory and sense of balance to the absolute limit.  The kicks I'm finding particularly hard.  I either kick like a girl (sorry!) or I hop around, half fall over and then take ages to settle myself for the next kick and find it hard to keep up with the count.  It's also a nightmare trying to remember what to shout when and with which move when performing the Short Fist Boxing Form. Five animals indeed!  They're all mad, I tell you, MAD!   At least in Karate you only had to shout HA! or the equivalent....  
But I battle on, like the trooper I am! :D

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!!

Plus Mr Angry has backed down. I think he's learnt that contrary to what the voices are telling him we (the unholy trinity of me, the letting agents and British Gas) are not OUT TO GET HIM GRRRRRR ;)]]></body>
	<date>02-09-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2481">
	<title><![CDATA[The Church Mouse gets Flushed Out.]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I like to think I'm a bit of rebel...   I'm not.  
I'm REALLY not.  
I do the nine to five, I live in a bog-standard Rabbit Hutch House (which I wont miss) I've never been out the country for more than a fortnight and the scariest thing I've done is lead an E3 route...indoors!
Sometimes I play my music too loud and I have a snappy temper but mostly I keep my head down.

Thing is though, keeping your head down... it doesn't work.  You get warned at a certain age, or perhaps you learn, that not everyone is on your side.  You learn that not everyone has your best interests at heart and that they not only don't care that much but actually seem to have a negative agenda.  The problem is not necessarily with you personally but there are "issues" somewhere in their psyche and you might be the unlucky sod on the recieving end even if you didn't start it.   If you're unlucky you learn that fact obscenely early.

For my relative inoffensiveness (yes alright at the back there, pipe down, you can complain later! ;)) I am being threatened with being taken to court.  Apparantly the leak from my heating, which occasionally sprays, onto the man next door's house wall is causing to wallpaper to peel.  Part of what I might be sued for is "emotional distress".  What will eventually happen?  I don't know at this stage.  The broken heating is being fixed this afternoon and tommorrow and hopefully I should hear no more about it.  From past experience however I am not 'counting my chickens'.  I am dealing with a person who claimed he might sue when I used the stairs too often.  Fair play, they do creak a lot, but I'll run that by you again anyway.

Emotional distress caused by the next-door neighbour's stairs creaking too much.

AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA **cough** :D sorry...

The moral of this story?   There's no POINT keeping your head down.  Anyone who is looking for a conflict will be able to create one.

I'm not a paranoid person (mostly).  I don't go round under a cloud thinking everyone's against me (least not now anyway!) But I have been hiding, I can see that now.  Hiding who I am (careful Frac you're heading into Jerry Springer territory)  I have always known, intellectually at least, that you can't be everyone's friend, that some people will just take against you however pleasant you think you're being, but have always had this unquenchable desperation to be liked.
At its worst my natural tendancy towards "live and let live" has seen me agree with people just to be liked even if what that person has said has been not been particularly nice.  I've avoided inviting people out or even to my own house incase they don't like the film I've chosen or the food I've cooked.

The Man-Next-Door (a good horror film title... anyone?!) has taught me a valuable lesson in both the value of honesty and the need to live life rather than just existing.  When he first threatened me all I could think about was the things I'd done wrong and how they might be discovered... Ok so I've never murdered anyone but I missed the deadline on my car tax once and I spend WAY too much time on the net when I've at work... [God Dayum, those are feeble skeletons - Editor]
That's why honesty is Sooooo important. Not because you'll be "found out" but because you only get one shot at this stuff.  Not doing your best because you're scared is no way to live.

I have never met a person about whom I have had such difficulty finding something positive to say.  Seeing the positive first is my default setting and generally people live up to it but this guy is stretching my bubble.  I try, however. to follow the path of least resistence (ommmmmmmm).  Therefore I am thankful to this man for teaching me, in a relatively safe environment, that if they want you they'll get you.

You can be as inoffensive as oatmeal and some people will still take it personally.

So, in essence, get that tattoo, buy that motorbike, join Reclaim the Streets, and wear that bright pink top with the pillarbox-red skirt and a mushy-pea green hat, because some people will NEVER be happy. ;)]]></body>
	<date>02-02-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2477">
	<title><![CDATA[The first Knee is the Weakest, baybee I know]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I always remember someone saying the knee is a good jiont for a four legged animal... 
We broke Rw on Monday.  oops.
He disappeared over the blue crashmat.  A red, and in severe pain, face appeared briefly and then he just lay there.  An ambulance was phoned, his leg (with dislocated knee cap) was strapped up in an orange inflatable (!) and he got wheeled off by the men in green jump suits.  Get well soon Rw!!
That's the first time I've ever witnessed a serious injury although apparantly a beginner put his knee out in only about his third lesson and never came back. (wow am I self centred or what?!? everything comes back to me...)

Iaido was good. It's my grading next week! Hurrah.  I'm actually looking forward to it which is very unlike me.  I want to show what I can do and I'm enjoying the constructive criticism for once in my paranoid life.  Thankyou Sensei Den, you've done wonders... :)  So far you and Roy are the two people from whom I can take any sort of advice or criticism without wanting to lash out.
Roger is still off after his knee operation.  There was a before and after picture of the cartiledge in his knee.  The before was all frilly and the after looked like a giant plastic ball bearing... It's amazing what they can do with keyhole surgery...

aaand in other great news, Grant (the Buddhist man) is not going to Tibet/Nepal until October.  I can get info off him about going on a Buddhist retreat :).  Plus, I was hoping to see him before he left anyway, go climbing again (abs of steel anyone :) that's me by the way not him although he works as a builder so who knows ;)), maybe Friday can be my new climbing day.  That would truly finish me off for the weekend!

Sunday - Iaido
Monday - Aikido
Tuesday - Iaido or could be Kung Fu
Wednesday - Aikido
Thursday - KungFu or Aikido
Friday - Climbing??

As you may have noticed there isn't a single week night to myself in there. :);) Is it any wonder the skin under my eyes is permanently a shade of purple!?  I would rather loose a day at work than a session of Martial Arts but I don't think being tired is helping my attempts to improve my work...  zzzzzzzz  mmmmph? yer wha? I'm still at work? ... rats.

I will have to organise my cooking so that I can have my own fast food outlet.  Small and fast to cook, as that's often what makes me late, particularly on Tuesday and Thursday when both sessions start at 7 (I get back from work at 6!)

This weekend I'm off to visit my former flatmate in her huge new house.  I'm looking forward to it but I'll be even MORE knackered by next week!  

This is going to be a busy month..what with me turning THIRTY. eek! *hides behind sofa* I must book another meal at my favourite chinese restaurant.  The Dragon comes of age. :D]]></body>
	<date>02-01-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2460">
	<title><![CDATA[Truth]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The truth is in the attack.  Not fast, not particularly hard, just accurate.  In a Dojo everyone is there to support each other and to help you iimprove.  To really improve you need a truthful representation of what might happen in a real situation.

When you've spent so much of your life agreeing with others just to keep the peace or to be liked sometimes it's hard to find your own truth.

I can't help wishing I had moved away for a while after university to break out of my old habits.  Aikido can't magic up self discipline and belief it has to be based on something and you have to work on it.  

I am lazy by nature.  Anyone who doesn't know me well see's a person who goes to Martial Arts lessons of one type or another and assumes it's a sign of a hardworking woman.  Wrong!  and you know why? because it's not work.  It's as automatic as breathing.  Plus a couple of hours a night a couple of times a week is hardly like raising kids!

The reason I'm always late and untidy isn't because I do so much it's because I find sustained effort difficult.  You need to put the effort in first and then relax... I don't!

I also need to work at my sociel skills, especially my temper... :(

Or, conversely, I could just throw out my television...except that it's my sisters telelvision.]]></body>
	<date>01-25-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2453">
	<title><![CDATA[How the other half live...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Just for Saturday afternoon I was the Kai Shin Kai's woman in Moscow (the British Aikido Federation to you and me.) 

It's funny what different people think of as brave.  Going to somewhere unfamiliar to try out Aikido was easy:D; being thrown on my head was nothing compared to the ten minute break when I stood, surrounded by people chatting, frozen to the spot wanting to talk but not quite able...!  It's easy to be bolshy online, it's one of the main reasons I write full stop.  When real 3d people are involved I freeze up like the arctic. :(

Templegate is a great Dojo.  The tatami cover two thirds of a floor of what is essentially an office block.  The main area is filled with plants and has huge windows all down one wall.  Loads of natural light.  They even have Uchi Deshi (if that's how you spell it), people who live in the dojo.  That would be something...

I wonder how many people have or take up the opportunity to train with a different association.  It was a great afternoon.  Everyone made me feel really welcome especially Phil from the Weston outpost! (He reminded me of Roland Rivron and that can only be a good thing :)) And FuManChu :D Sorry sir I forgot your real name but thanks for showing me round!  
 One guy I partnered (with eyelashes that went on forever) seemed unwilling to attack... I don't know whether it was because he was relatively new to it or because he was unwilling to attack girls!  I should have grabbed Daren to partner if he'd been available, he would have dumped me soundly on my behind I imagine! . :)  I know Sensei Narey advised one guy I worked with not to hit new girls round the face in case they freaked and never came back.  He should have been there when FuManChu smacked me soundly on the nose! :):)

There were a couple of times when I had to sit on the little know-it-all in the back of my head going "you don't do it like that you do it like this!!" *insert picture of angry gnome hopping from foot to foot*  but once I'd silenced it there was some interesting new techniques.
  The "dedication rather than grading" based way of earning your Hakama is a great way of doing things.  I could never wear one unless I was a Dan grade but that's just how my Aikido was born and raised.  Thankfully Iaido will give me the oportunity to get used to wearing a Hakama so I won't have to learn it all again when I get to a Dan grade (when...arf arf! said with such certainty ;)).   I wouldn't mind having a debate about Kokyu Nage sometime aswell... I was glad not to have to breakfall over anything or anyone.  If there's one bit of our lesson guaranteed to knock any confidence out of me at home it's that.

I could witter on and on and on.  It was a great afternoon.  I'm soooo glad I went.  If I'm ever in Weston I might have to take Phil up on his offer to visit their club.  Never again will I let fear maek me miss an oportunity.  Even so I regret not talking to Leonard like Daren told me to.  The man seemed to be a bit of an institution at Templegate and it would have been interesting to get his view on things.  Ah well, one thing at a time...

Thank you Daren!

Now, can I remember anything to take with me to Devizes to night!??!? :)  I've already been asked if April '07 will be OK for my 1st Kyu... :D]]></body>
	<date>01-23-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2440">
	<title><![CDATA[Life Lesson part the whatever]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Before judging someone, walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, they're a mile away and you have their shoes! :)

Victory over the self, that's the true martial way.  Boy do I have a loooooonng way to go...

Keep your trap shut woman.  Why do I leap to agree with people who are having a go?  It wasn't really a major slating it was just felt horrible.  It's not like I have no life of my own why do I have to agree just to feel included or liked? it makes me so angry at myself  How do I change part of my basic make-up.  I have to change it because it is a truely repellant character trait.  two faced-ness is not attractive in ANY form.  I just don't understand where this underlying desperateness comes from...
It's doing things like this that just increases my general feeling of crapness about me.  and adds to my TOTAL lack of surprise about my first class ability to keep people at arms length; it's for their own good.

Take your time before giving an opinion.  Dammit.  I'm a grown woman, I should know better by now...]]></body>
	<date>01-18-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2439">
	<title><![CDATA[You know you're an Aikiweb addict when...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[it replaces, almost entirely, your livejournal blog on which you used to post up to three times a day!

Arrived late for Iaido, having only decided to go last minute.  On the drive home from work I decided I would go, as a treat, but only after I'd done a change of address form.  Damn glad I went though.  
Spent a full half hour partnering the rather lovely Roger.  Partnering meaning wrestling each other to the floor (he can wrestle me down there any time! ;)).  The technical point of view of course was that we were doing Aikido as it was originally meant to be done.  "Get your grubby hands off my Katana you oik!" etc :)  Attempting variations of Shihonage and Kotegaeshi whilst trying to stop them drawing and attempting to draw lefthanded. (Just had to put that bit in there so this doesn't degenerate into a page long fantasy about my instructor ;))
aaanyway... I will wear the huge bruise on my shin with pride... He's a Jujitsu instructor as well as Iaido and couldn't resist putting the boot in occasionally.  I think he appreciated having someone who could adapt and didn't mind when he changed moves, or possibly he just doesn't like me ;).  I think I'll go with the former...

*insert picture of me grinning like a Cheshire cat* :D

Someone just told me I look too fragile to be a Martial Artist.  awwww. I love you!!! 

I tend to wander round in a slightly gloomy cloud sometimes :( feeling like an ersatz bloke because I study three martial arts, am completely flat-chested and spend all my time in angry white pyjamas. 
So I am a girl after all ! :)  Certainly felt like one last night. :):):)]]></body>
	<date>01-18-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2432">
	<title><![CDATA[So NOW sensei starts Utemi practice! :)]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Having taken up Kung Fu specifically to get the oportunity to learn attacking and timing skills, R now starts on Utemi.  I must be psychic. :)

Apparantly NO-ONE other than M will be grading!  Put down that banner and step _away_ from the politics Frac.  Doesn't bother me in the slightest but it might upset others I'm told.  I would have refused even if I'd been asked, I KNOW I'm not that good yet!!  I will be ;) :) but not yet :D

Great session last night despite getting a swipe to the nose that had my eyes watering... Partnering S was fun (it wasn't him that swiped me, just thought I'd point that out!), he's been off for a long time after putting his back out but now he's back and on form.  Ah, where would I be without my Aikido men?! ;)  Any boyfriend I have (ah ha ha ha ha ah ahahahaha *cough* like when hell freezes over) will have to be very secure because I won't be giving these guys up any time soon!

At one point I did a great, slightly adapted, version of Irimi nage and Sensei asked if I thought it was good.  I said no... I didn't really mean no I just felt like I had no centre, like it was purely timing.  Oh Dear.  I mean it was pretty good, I'm just preprogrammed (from where I don't know) to think that saying I'm good means =no further effort required= and I always have to watch that tendancy like a HAWK.  I can always be better but my lazy arse gene has to be supressed.

I am getting there though thanks to Martial Arts and various other things...

We need an entry emoticon for KNACKERED. *clunk* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]]></body>
	<date>01-17-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2422">
	<title><![CDATA[The advantage of partnering the unofficial deputy]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[is that he can take it (and even tells you how to make it MORE effective); when you're laying into him like he's just run over your cat.  If there's one thing Aikido doesn't quite have it's the sparring/punch up aspect.  All that non-confrontation stuff is good in a real situation but sometimes there is nothing that can replace a good thrashing in a controlled environment for keeping a girls sanity.

We were only doing a set 7 move pattern but it was great fun.  I took a fair amount of punishment myself (partly from him doing the punches and partly from blocking incorrectly and getting my fingers bent back or my wrist crunched) so I was taking it as well as dishing it out! :)

Aikido on Wednesday was also good though.  I took a white belt, who's going for his yellow belt, through his paces.  L decided I should be his instructor for the night.  I had a fairly easy ride of it as he's already of yellow belt standard easily but hopfully I gave him a few extra pointers.  It was more of a challenge with T, one of our newest regulars.  She kept turning the wrong way but I think I helped her as well.  She's fierce with the pins mind which is great so long as she pays attention.  Watch for the tapping out girl! :)

I think I prefer someone who you have to rein in (so long as they're not purposefully aggressive/destructive) to trying to get a bit of spirit out of someone who is constantly apologising or saying they can't do it, it just gives you something real to work with.  Yes I know I'm BADLY guilty of the latter but I am improving!  I try and recite a mantra in my head so that whenever I'm about to get snappy or depressed.  I just keep repeating "I'm learning, I'm always learning" to drown out the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).  I think I'm finally understanding the point of view of my Sensei!  One of whom had his birthday yesterday.

Happy Birthday Roy!!! :)

I should get round to putting our club on the dojo list.  I will have to ask if it's OK with them first!]]></body>
	<date>01-13-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2415">
	<title><![CDATA[dang!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I seem to be developing a major crush on my Iaido instructor!  ah well.  Although, if you think too hard it could get depressing, it's rather fun to have a bit of unrequited lust happening.  Adds a certain delicious tang to a lesson, watching him perform seitei what ever... I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could wrestle him away from his girlfriend ;) but I wont.  Least not at this early stage! :) ;)
*cough* anyway... enough of this inappropriate talk...
There's a seminar at the end of February and hopefully I will be going for my first Iaido Grading at the end of January so we're speeding along in Iaido.

Aikido (for me at least) will remain fairly level as the club is concentrating on getting "Club Uke" his first Dan grade!  No bad thing mind you.  The more general training I get the better!

I think I have pissed someone off as they go out of their way to avoid practising with me.  I think I know why too.  I will apologise if I can get her alone but other than that, not sure if I can do anything else about it.  I know she got caught in the cross fire caused by the usual explosion of anger (from me) that happens when yet AGAIN I can't do the breakfall over things and injure myself in the process of trying. :( dammit.  
I will have to look up some sort of meditation course, get a grip on Missus Angry Pants and learn to accept and try again rather than judging...constantly.  Although I could start to practise Iaido at home once I have the space because it's basically just armed meditation due to the severe lack of Samurai on the average street. ;) Don't tell the lads I said that though.

  Mind you it might just be that she's avoiding the inevitable day when Sensei goes, "Right you two, lets start that 1st Kyu training".  For the last grading it meant that we got to train with each other and pretty much no-one else for several months straight. :)  Combining the sense of claustrophobia created when you train with one person exclusively for months on end with our incredible knack of winding each other up she probably wants to avoid me for as long as possible!!

Aaaand of course I need to look up the Aikido Bunnies (That's Ki Aikido to you and me (AGAIN don't tell them I said that ;))) and see what their club is like even though I don't want to miss Devises... Maybe I could just cut it down partially.  3 Mondays out of 4 maybe!]]></body>
	<date>01-09-2006</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2379">
	<title><![CDATA[Dagnamit: A year in review]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[So... What was your best moment of 2005? Aikido related or otherwise...?

I should have gone to the pub with the guys after Aikido last night.  I spend so much time bitching about having no-one to hang out with, no-one to go places with, and when I get invited out I say no thanks.  Sheesh!  Not my brightest of years 2005.

I had an idea for a between Christmas and New Year Party... The Fight Club Party.  Bring your favourite movie fight scene with you and we can all argue over whose is best. Have a muck around in the garden.  Defence from twiglet you fiend!! It would be cool.  I might canvas people for ieads... (I've never hosted a party before! eep)

and STILL the whole concept of breakfalling over stuff kills me.  I knackered my shoulder trying to get over a foam snake of all things.  I swore at My which went down well.  Way to go with the Christmas spirit Frac.

All in all though 2005 has been a great year on the MA front.  When L listed everyone who had graded it was amazing... soooo many of us!  A new Dan grade amongst us as well, Rw is such a love! So great of him to invite us all to join him with the Sealed Knot...   What with that and a holiday together at Butlin's it's been a busy year.  I hope I can be involved in the club's anniversary in 2007.

Two new MA's in one year.  I could even have done my first grading in Iaido if I'd been so inclined! 10th kyu apparantly.  Yikes, that's a lot of grades to wade through, mind you Den reckoned with a couple of lessons a week I could get to Dan grade in a couple of years.  Huzzah!  I'd still only 2nd Kyu in Aikido by then though, going on my average. :)  

:)  Oh yes, did I mention I have a blue belt. wheeeeee!    :D

... and as for Kung Fu.  The best analogy I can think of is that whilst Aikido is family (can't live without it but drives you MAD grrrr) and Iaido is that old school tutor who picks and picks and picks until you're just perfect, Kung Fu is like a new best friend.  The type of best friend who introduces you to new things, who pushes you further than you would ever go on your own, who has you hopping up and down with excitement both before meeting them and for hours afterwards and who makes you better to be around when you're outside of class.

Skim over my lack of love-life and stunted career and try to build on the good stuff, right?!?:)

Have a great Christmas/Hannuka/festivity of your choice. Celebrate the differences don't squash them into Disney-fied blandness, and I will see you all next year!  Hurrah for Aikiweb! :)

]]></body>
	<date>12-22-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2360">
	<title><![CDATA[Stress Relief]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[How does Aikido rate as stress relief? I'd say it rates pretty high.

In a normal week I go to Aikido two nights, Kung Fu (now) one night and Climbing and Iaido one night each.  That's 5 nights out of 7doing some mad sport or other.  they are stress relief for different reasons. 

Iaido, for me anyway, requires complete concentration.  It's not that I don't concentrate in the others ... ;) but Iaido is so nit picky and precise I really have to be concentrating or I just stand there, one arm in the air, not having a clue which foot goes where next.  This provides one form of stress relief, the mental sort.

Kung Fu, with it's partly mental "Ching mai what now?" and partly physical, "we have to do how many sit-ups?"

Aikido, my beloved confusing mix of free flowing movements and utter confusion...

Climbing is the only one that is entirely physical.  It's entirely instinctual, I don't have a level I have to be at for any particular grading, there are no hoops I have to jump through and I only learn moves in that someone might shout advice and I try a different way of moving.  The simplicity of it is glorious.

Stress relief is what I could really do with right now.. but I can't get to my classes.  I have no heating, the academics are wanting 35 books ordered in the Christmas rush for a course that starts in January, I haven't written my chartership nor any christmas cards, I still have a bunch of presents to buy and I have a mortgage meeting (can you smell the fear?) for a flat that I put in an offer for. THEY WEREN'T MEANT TO ACCEPT IT!! :)

What I really need right now is Kung Fu. I want to smack the hell out of a couple of pads but I don't have the time to go...]]></body>
	<date>12-16-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2343">
	<title><![CDATA[Christmas...Almost!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It was the Christmas meal last night.  Twenty of us turned up from various places...  Including a guy I have never seen... he must go to the Thursday sessions!
2 pints of Cider and I'm anyone's... I am sooooo going to miss this class.  I will try and go as often as possible but I'm going to be another 20 odd miles away and a class that finishes at 10pm will mean I arrive home in the middle of the night.

I've looked up the local club in the town I'm moving to and they seem, as Ry said, a bit drippy.  It's all Ki development and "dynamic relaxation".  say wha?  "Dynamic relaxation"? what's that all about then?  You mean we actually get to stand up and do stuff...? Crumbs.  it might work for some but I'm the impatient type.  Make me stand still for too long and I start futtering (pronounced footering by the way, Rd just could not pronounce it last night), that's Glaswegian for fiddling.

Thing is though, I guess that's the next stage anyway... the philosophical angle needs a bit of work, a bit of research, not to mention learning the history.  If I want to be in it for the long haul I should know a bit more about it all.  
I just don't know that I could handle not doing dynamic Aikido.  I might as well take up meditation classes.

Oh well I will enjoy our Yoshinkan/Aikikai/Traditional version of Aikido while it lasts.

Have decided I want Ry and Rn on my desert island as well!  How about an Aikido Island that would be good.  Them plus the Sealed Knot who I barely know but like immensely.]]></body>
	<date>12-09-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2338">
	<title><![CDATA[The Power of Positive Thinking]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Is it all in the mind? No...but most of it is.  As someone, whose name I've forgotten, once said, "whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".

The destructive power of those little voices that tell you you're not quite good/funny/attractive enough is awesome.  They can destroy everything from a breakfall to a relationship. (or should that be the other way round in priority on an Aikido Site!? ;))

Heading towards my thirties things are getting better.  Thanks go to jf for reminding me how lucky I am...:)]]></body>
	<date>12-07-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2336">
	<title><![CDATA[Sore Bum!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[5-ish hours of Aikido on Sunday has lead to me walking a little lop-sidedly...  We had the Kai Shin Kai Head Instructor giving our class a private session!  Only one guy from Reading turned up; everyone else was Devises Budo. We Rule.

It's nice sometimes to just experiment.  I love having a go, adapting and changing things to see how they fit to each circumstance.  It was great partnering the guy from Reading as he helped me see that even though you're practising the same initial move (Gakyu), each time Uke can react slightly differently resulting in a different throw or lock.  Zed was good fun too EVEN though he poked me in the throat with a Jo.... the fact that it was probably my fault (moving too late) is besides the point!

Last night I nearly came to blows with Sensei because he said I was a typical woman unable to translate move from one side to another.  I then threatened him with a slap.  I really was NOT in the mood for all that generalisation rubbish.  He then practised with someone else for the rest of the night.  heee! oops.  Ah well, I'm a brittle, short tempered person, far too easy a mark.  He should pick S to wind up, she's much more mellow.  But then, I guess, where would the fun be.  Paddington the Stress Bear.

I have an ambition to go on a Buddhist retreat.  I really like the idea of trying meditation in a place designed for that purpose.  I need a bit of calm and a bit of focus in my life...  I have picked a martial art 2nd only to Tai Chi in terms of apparant lack of competition and aggression but I can be such an angry person.  It's anger and frustration at myself I realise but other people don't always get given that bit of the instruction manual and shouldn't have to take the brunt.

Oh and D graded! hurrah, he is now blue (that's 2nd Kyu by the way)!  Such a lovely bloke.  I could so abduct him and run away to live on an island.  I mean he could have his family there, he would just have to ask how I am each morning that's all! :)  His wife and 2 sons were there to watch his grading and the younger of the two got all upset that he couldn't come on the mat and join in... awww!

Dear Santa, a bit solid self-esteem for Christmas please.  Just something to make me a little more sure and a little less scared of not being liked.  Something to make me believe that it's WORTH investing because I WILL be good enough, rather than never investing because I believe that I'll be good enough... NEVER.
Something that springs back like a stress toy rather than collapsing like an egg shell everytime it gets the slightest of prods.
 Yours Mol

Have a truely Frabjous Day. *bows*
Bye! :)]]></body>
	<date>12-06-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2306">
	<title><![CDATA[I've been a long time...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Althought in truth I think it's only been about two weeks since my last Aikido session.  Kung Fu seriously over stretched my back, so whilst I can jump around, punch bags and wave swords in the air (both boken and Iaito) I've been nervous about breakfalling.

I think maybe I NEED my weekly head thump though because my neck has been incredibly stiff.  Off to the Physio again I think...

]]></body>
	<date>11-23-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2262">
	<title><![CDATA[A Good Session]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It's been a long time since I've had a session as good as teh one last night.  For a while now Aikido has just been passing the time.  I've had fun finally getting to know everyone at Butlins and just learning about people but Aikido itself has just been drifting.

Last night suddenly the dynamism was there, my centre was lower.  I still finish most moves tottering around like I'm half-cut but it was much better than usual.

Now, however, I'm shagged!  and not in a good way.  My upper arms are both bruised from Ryote higi dori and I'm dangerously close to falling asleep at the front desk and drooling all over my keyboard.

Saturday night was spent watching Twin Warriors/Tai Chi Master.  The fight scenes were ludicrous! I may have to get my own copy from somewhere...

Now, keep the noise down I'm having a nap.

I'm sure my boss won't mind! :)]]></body>
	<date>11-08-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2235">
	<title><![CDATA[I have to write a title... :)]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Have been to the aforementioned Kung Fu class.  
It now hurts every time I breathe, which is a new and exciting development.  Worth every wince though.  It will be interesting to see how I get on in Aikido tonight.  

To misquote Forrest Gump, "Martial arts are like a box of chocolates... in reverse."  They appear different from the outside but when you look a bit closer there are moves and philosophies at the centre that are very similar.  Already I can see one of the guards/blocks looks very much like Ikyo.

The best thing is, I can feel my centre lowering already.  There are times when I've been convinced I've had ear trouble, my sense of balance is so bad!

I managed to whack my Iaido Instructor on the hand with a boken (beginners luck!).  Spent last night throughly confused, getting help from two students who were off the mat to one side. Them "right foot back" ,"turn left","diagonal cut", Me "wha...?", "oh dear", "oops".

And can I just say (to whoever runs this site) I love the halloween Kanji on the homepage.]]></body>
	<date>10-31-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2215">
	<title><![CDATA[Martial Allsorts]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Dammit Aikiweb ate my last entry!

Anyway I went to watch a Kung Fu class and will be returning next week to take part.  So, three martial arts running simultaneously, it's a hard life I lead :)
Aikido was pretty good last night.  I have leant Sensei L my copy of House of Flying Daggers.  All people should witness at least once the unadulterated gorgeousness that is Ziyi, Andy and Takeshi kicking arse in a Zang Yimou film.  It's ludicrous, but you're watching it for the eye candy not the deep and meaningful life lessons; that you need Crouching Tiger for.

Now ... to get those backwards Ukemi.  If I can nail those I can be a good Uke and if I can be a good Uke everything else is practically window dressing!]]></body>
	<date>10-25-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2212">
	<title><![CDATA[Would you like syrup with your waffle?]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Didn't make it to Iaido AGAIN this weekend have nothing to blame it on other than my own inability to utilise my time.
101 thing to do this weekend and 99 of them still to go.
I don't think there are any Aikido class' in the town I'm moving to so I will be a Martial arts commuter.  Plus I like the people in my class...

I have learnt all sorts of things about my family recently that go a long way to explaining my, at times gut wrenching, belief in my own crapness at EVERYTHING!!!!11111onety!!11!!  but it's still hard to fight my way past it.

Doing Martial Arts is a dream I've always had but sometimes when I land with a sickening thud and especially when I am the ONLY person in a class (white belts included) without the confidence to breakfall over someone it's hard to be all smiley-happy-people about my abilities... 

bleah!  Am I whinging again? sorry about that. 
Sunny positivity and self esteem are not natural parts of my personality, they are merely imported on an irregular basis from foreign climes. :)

My inner Invincible-Sword-Goddess needs a kick up the arse!]]></body>
	<date>10-24-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2194">
	<title><![CDATA[Ong Bak]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Have finally seen Ong Bak now.  Muay Thai looks fantastically violent and great fun!

Sadly, Tony Whatsisface is a bit of a wet blanket when he's not kicking the crap out of his opponents, although easly cute enough to be forgiven ;).  He might have Jackie's ability with using random bits of scenery for death defying acrobatics but he doesn't have the man's charm...]]></body>
	<date>10-19-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2193">
	<title><![CDATA[I love my Sensei's]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[R came up after Mondays session and talked about developing my Aikido in a moreindividual fashion.  He said the techniques were there but I was having problems because I was trying to use strength.  Hurrah!
L, one of my other Sensei, has taken a shine to S and is always helping her with her techniques...and even with her Aikido.   ;)  I love the fact that he always makes a point of coming over and telling you you've had a good session (if you've had one!)

If someone moves I can normally do a technique (not always in the best style my centre still needs working on but never mind) but when I'm working with The Karate Demon (TKD) it's like trying to get flow out of a fence.  Once he's got me he just WILL NOT MOVE!  I have similar trouble with some of the others who don't move so much I just feel that at my stage I should be able to move them... grrrr.  keep on fighting!  in. y'know the most Zen like  go-with-the-flow manner. I feel like a sack of spuds because I'm trying to heave TKD round.  I need to listen to those physical instincts more.
Find that centre, girl, find that centre!

M is taking the first steps on the road to getting his black belt!  Good for him.

ooh... have also found a Kung Fu class that is relatively nearby.  I think I'll go over this week and see what the class is like.

Invincible warrior woman status imminent!! :)]]></body>
	<date>10-19-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2073">
	<title><![CDATA[Finally...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I have watched Seven Samurai.  It's only taken me 5 or 6 years!

Toshiro Mifune is brilliant.  A bouncing bomb of a performance, it was heart rending when both he and the master swordsman die in such close succession.   The younger lad was very well played as well. All doe eyed innocence and enthusiasm... Definately a good purchase.  The final battle scene in the rain and mud really give it a serious jolt of realism.  It must have been a nightmare for the actors.

I'm helping more with teaching at the moment.  Not taking a group or anything that important (!) but just helping some of the lower grades whilst practicing.  It does wonders for making you think about your Aikido!  Ed is a relatively new Aikidoka of about 6 months.  He's a nightmare!  Will NOT move unless you really do it well.  He's built like a tank and seriously shows up the holes in my technique, damn him!   :)

I can feel the learning curve starting again though and now I have Iaido to sate my thirst for weapons work as well!

Bushido... If I could only apply it to life as well as Aikido.]]></body>
	<date>09-05-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2069">
	<title><![CDATA[The Steven Segal Entry]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[ah hahahahahaah.  I had no idea that he was an Aikidoka until about 3 years ago.  No amount of martial skill can make someone worth watching in a film if there's no charm about them.
In a demo? Fine.  In a film there has to be a little more soul even if the acting isn't that good.

aaany way.  I ahve to get over my ukemi problems.  they're holding me back.]]></body>
	<date>09-02-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2053">
	<title><![CDATA[Instinct]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[This is something that Aikido has helped me develop.  

Obviously it's not something you create out of thin air but due to insecurity and an over developed Taoist sense of going with the flow and not actually standing up for myself I have always tended to quash my instinct.  This led to a lot of frustration and anger because my ignored instincts turned out to be right.

Aikido though has helped me in that if I can't see a way through one way there must be another way.  If something feels right go that way rather than fighting against something.

HA! If only I'd taken up Aikido when I was 13 instead of 23 I'd be at this level at 19 instead of 29!

But you cant' start any sooner than today as my mum always says...  And without her I wouldn't even have been this far so she must be on to something!]]></body>
	<date>08-25-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2052">
	<title><![CDATA[Martial Arts Films]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I am desperate to see Ong Bak (the noise has been impossible to avoid about this one) and Twilight Samurai (especially as it stars my favourite man from the Last Samurai) at the moment.

I saw both Unleashed (Danny the Dog was a much better title) and Fist of Legend on Saturday night, it was a serious Jet Li Fest. I felt sooo unbelievably happy after watching FoL.  Seeing Jet do Kung Fu patterns had me clapping and cheering and then having to stop suddenly incase I woke my flatmate.  My favourite scenes in The One were the parallel ones of him performing two very different styles of Kung Fu.  I must search out a class.

It would be fun to see some films that involve more Samurai stuff.  I havn't even seen any Akira Kurasawa (that's the Seven Samurai Director incase my bad spelling has rendered the name incomprehensible).  Apparantly Steven Segal is an Aikidoka but for me he holds about as much charm as watching a brick wall.  Jet Li can kick your arse hard as anyone but he makes you love him as well (or is that just me and my hormones again!?)

I am finding it hard to stay here in the real world when there are so many alternate ones in my mind.  Hong Kong cinema rules in a major way.  Seven Swords has to make it over here!

My job is not under control and it has never been under control.  I'm in trouble with my car, I've been single longer than is healthy for anyone. :(
/end self sympathy. :)

I just need to kick things into gear.  A few late nights here at work I think!  I should have more character, less fear of people and better forward planning skills by now...

I started Martial arts inorder to instill some sort of self discipline.  Well unfortunately the old cliche "give me a boy until he's 7 and I'll give you the man" rings decidedly true.  I started Aikido when I was twenty three, I've still got forever to go before I have the level of self-discipline I need to be able to function on a long term basis.]]></body>
	<date>08-24-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2047">
	<title><![CDATA[The great thing...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[about having a blog that no-one reads is that you can rant about anything.  Aikido and Iaido, both the arts themselves and the people involved, are the only things keeping me sane.  

I'm just not that good at keeping everything going all at once.  I am about to be fined £1000 due to a severe screw up in the car department.  No insurance papers means no tax renewal possibility which means severe likelihood of being fined.

It's amazing that things like The Village (great film, take a look if you haven't already) don't happen more often.  Getting away from all the paper work and the regulations and the money drains and you need a pass for this and a password for that and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE.  **tears hair out**

To go back to something closer to nature.  Wake up, practise Aikido, eat, cook, fix the building, raise kids, read philosophy, grow your own vegetables, all that stuff.  I would work.  I'm not someone who just wants to lie down and do naff all, I just get confused by all the paperwork sometimes...

I will definately be getting a Bushido tattoo...  my Iaido instructor has one on the inside of his arm.]]></body>
	<date>08-22-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2044">
	<title><![CDATA[Run away from the real world!!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[aaaaggggh  I cannot be bothered with work any more!  I just want to pack it all in to live and work in a Dojo.

I would happily take on the responsibility of finances and maintenance and setting up courses just to avoid work right now.

Just imagine how heavenly it would be to have martial arts become your entire life.

Know when to ask for help.  That's always been my problem.  The thing is though I love the fact that you can come to Aikido every session and learn things.  It's not that you dont need to try it's just that there is always stuff to learn...  People are relying on you in certain ways but not in others.  At work I never seem to improve, Imust have done but I seem to be so SHIT at organising searches at arranging informaito and avoid certain things for so long that I can't ask for help because it's too late and people will know that I'm not focusing properly.

yuk, I hate feeling like this...

I could do with a week away at a yoga/buddhist retreat.]]></body>
	<date>08-19-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2037">
	<title><![CDATA[Sensei for a day]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My first real go at teaching a decent sized class.  eek!

I once took a class when only 4 of us turned up and I was the highest grade (even at only 3rd Kyu) which went pretty well, even for a "right you're the highest grade" level of forward planning.  This time though there was about 10 of us including M (1st kyu) and L (Sensei!).

It was a challenge from Sensei, to see if we could not only demonstrate but explain our chosen techniques.  All the graded students had to pick a technique (and attack), teach it and then later go round the class whilst everyone was practicing and help out...  

It was brilliant fun.  Distinctly nerve wracking.  Demonstrating, whilst a bit wobbly-leg inducing, is easier than having to explain things.  "OK, so you, um step through, yes aaaaaand keeping the twist on the arm bend legs turn (keeping you centre down of course) and bring them down and pin them"  "right anyone want to see that again? no? oh good.  you do? urm, right OK where was I?"  And so on...

And then going round the class whilst practicing.  Yikes, how do they keep track of everyone?

L is a star.  In previous generations you could imagine him being the Parish Priest going round and tending to his flock.  He just has that kind of concerned way about him.  It's not that R doesn't, he's just a bit fiercer and more obviously demanding.

A great session.]]></body>
	<date>08-18-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2017">
	<title><![CDATA[Entry Three: Rising above]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[As an Aikidoka you are meant to avoid confrontation and I do.  If I'm honest though it's more because I dont have the arguing skills and am slightly scared than because I am strong and positive and above these things.

My friends and I met someone in a pub last night that had a distinctly right-wing view of all the recent London bombings and I really just wanted to give him a mental and verbal lamping.

Truth is rather than rising above I just wanted the knowledge of world politics, international relations, the palestine question an everything else inbetween to be able to argue him into the floor...is this bad??

I like the Bushido attitude of standing up for what you feel is right but I still feel as though I'm soooooooo far from being able to defend what I believe is right and being able to defend my corner that it seems unatainable.]]></body>
	<date>08-10-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2014">
	<title><![CDATA[Whoops]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Too many things on the brain there... I nearly forgot my password.

My brain is a big spicy soup right now.  Too many things swilling round.

I have survived my second Iaido lesson, despite there being too many live blades being swung round in such a small space and in such a chaotic fashion.  I'm impressed there aren't more be-headings.

One thing my Aikido has already bought to Iaido is the concept of ettiquette (can't spell!).  I automatically thank my instructors for every piece of advice given.  The Iaido instructor was obviously not used to it and kept taking the mick, "you aikidoists are so polite, I could get used to this"
I think my Roy would be proud!
One thing I do need to do is officially announce my taking up Iaido.  At least two of my instructors know that I've started practicing but I want them to know for certain that it's as an extension of my martial arts experience not a replacement for Aikido...

coo.  I'm normally quite good at the comedy stuff over at livejournal but over here I'm all serious and worthy, oh dear.  If only I had the intellectual depth to back it up eh?!

Am considering getting a Bushido Tattoo.  I've never seriously considered a tat before; too much pain for what? A picture that I will undoubtedly becoome bored of within a month.
Now though, Bushido is really starting to mean something to me and a bit of pain and a permanent symbol of it might make me pay more attention to life in general... What do you reckon?  (She says, like people actually read this!!)

Well off to climbing tonight, then back on the mat tomorrow.  
Some things to think about.

Oh and DAMN, the younger of my two primary Iaido instructors is hot.  That cute and that good? Shouldn't be legal, seriously...
Hormonal to the end! :)]]></body>
	<date>08-09-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2002">
	<title><![CDATA[Tonight Pinky we take over the world]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[To add to my two LiveJournals and one Blogger I now have an Aikido blog thing... moi? waffley?  :)

An introduction!
It's been six years now, crumbs. Least that's what it says on my little blue book.  I seriously cannot remember my first Aikido lesson or how I started.  I know mum was involved somehow but I just feel like it's always been there. 

It's only now that something has clicked.  I always knew I wanted to do a martial art and have tried Tae Kwon Do, Karate and Judo in the past.  Fencing was almost there, but I knew I wanted the philosophy that comes with eastern Martial Arts as well.  I loved scoring points in fencing though so I may go back to it...  Non-competitve traditional Aikido just doesn't quite cut it!

Thing is, even though I've been doing Aikido for years, it's only since 2nd Kyu that a real passion for it has errupted.
I've realised now that Aikido will always be a part of my life... and that is no bad thing!]]></body>
	<date>08-05-2005</date>
</blogEntry>


</blogEntries>