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<blogEntries>
<blogEntry id="2352">
	<title><![CDATA[sore right away]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I woke up this morning and was painfully aware that I was training last night. There were parts of me that were sore in places that I didn't even know had muscle. During my morning shower (a blissfully steaming hot one) I managed to find various bruises and stuff.

Some people talk about this delayed onset of soreness. They say it doesn't reach it's full potential until 24 hours later. I find that in much less time than that I'm at the peak of soreness. Even now, without any medication (I stray away from pills if at all possible) I'm not nearly as sore as I was when I got home from the dojo last night.

---

Three classes last night. I walked in with my new jo and bokken, excited for the final weapons class of the evening. In the first class with Toyoda Sensei we worked on what I think is an irimi kokyunage. As someone comes in for shomenuchi, you step right into them, draw them to your chest, then pivot around and throw them. Uke rolls out on one hand. It's a pretty powerful throw when you do it quickly.

After that I spent the rest of the class with one of the guys who is testing for 7th kyu this Saturday. He's young and really flexible. He had a little bit of trouble with the names of the techniques, but we talked about the Japanese meanings of them and I ran him through the entire ki and technique series. He knows what he's doing, and I'm looking forward to seeing his test this Saturday.

Class two with Parks-Casey Sensei focused on lots of taisabaki toshu. Munetsuki, yokomenuchi, and shihonage-like movements. We did a few variations on yokomenuchi sokumen iriminage and I had more practice on my yoko ukemi that I would have liked because I was beginning to get a little sore.

I was looking forward to using my new weapons, but at the last minute everyone left except for two 5th kyu who would be testing for their 4th kyu on the weekend. Sensei decided they would practice their test requirements instead of holding a weapons class.

D'oh. Didn't get to use the new weapons. I should have left then.

Blue belt, 4th kyu, half-way to shodan in the AAA/AAI system, is when the ukemi starts to get a little scary for me. Ukemi for ushirotekubitori kokyunage isn't bad, but everything else involves either breakfalls or yoko ukemi. I can't breakfall with confidence, and my yoko ukemi is still a work in progress.

I managed to make it through the class without breaking anything but I disliked the whole experience.  It won't happen again.]]></body>
	<date>12-14-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2344">
	<title><![CDATA[the weather outside is frightful...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It was snowing pretty heavily when I arrived at the dojo last night. There were three inches on the ground. I was the only student there about a half-hour before classes so I swept the mats and changed so I could do some stretching before anyone arrived. Erickson Sensei came in and it looked like we were going to be the only ones for class, but due to the heavy snow, people began to trickle in.

In class one we did lots of kokyunage variations from katatetori grabs. The most interesting one was where you lead uke's grabbing hand toward theor own shoulder and wind them up like a top. Pretty quickly they will lose their balance and fall.

There were four students and Sensei made us work as one large group in sort of a jiyuwaza style with repeated attackers coming in. It was all happening so fast I think most of us forgot it was cold in the dojo..

Class two, weapons, focused on jo. We did lots of striking patterns that Sensei is a fan of. For instance, munetsuki into hasso no kamae, then with a small hand change, you're setup for a shomenuchi strike. Then into another munetsuki and so on. Up and down the mats we practiced our forms.

Then we moved on to kumijo, kata three. The best part about that kata is the huge arc you get to make with your jo while winding up for the final strike. If you do it right, the jo emits a haunting "whooosh" as you whip it around.  Fun.

The final class was a mix of 4th kyu, 5th kyu, and 7th kyu test requirements.  Ushirotekubitori kokyunage, katatekosatori kotegaeshi, munetsuki kotegaeshi, and a few other munetsuki variations including a sokumen iriminage.  Again in jiyuwaza style. By the end we were all sweaty despite the cold.

---

Flexibility is my biggest focal point at the moment.  My ukemi for sokumen iriminage is not nearly as back-bending as I think it should be.  I try to loosen up and go as limp-but-stable as possible, but I can't bend back as far as I'd like to.

I've had many conversations with my chiropractor about this.  He's suggested a set of exercises designed to release tension in the psoas muscle.  The psoas is one of the main muscles involved when you bend or crouch forward.  But the problem, he thinks, is that mine is so used to that crouching position, it has trouble relaxing.

So we'll see.  I know the consistent training has definitely improved my flexibility.  I honestly could not touch my toes before Aikido.  Now I can, albeit barely.

I saw some yoga video clips the other day.  The people were all as limber as rubber bands.  I'm not sure if that's desirable or not in Aikido, but that's a goal for me.

Goals, goals, goals.  With the end of the year in sight, it's time to set some good ones.
]]></body>
	<date>12-09-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2341">
	<title><![CDATA[cold mats *shiver*]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[When your toes go numb and all you can pray for is a technique that involves some rolling ukemi, you know it's wintertime in the dojo.  Tuesday evening it was something like 12F(-11C) outside and the mats could have frozen a pizza if you would have laid it in front of the shomen.  But after training in 100F(37C) heat, I have to say I enjoy the cold so much more.  Toyoda Sensei put it best "In the winter, you can train and warm yourself up.  I'll take winter training over the summer any day."

The beginners class I attended was really good.  One of the gentlemen is coming along quite well.  It's amazing to watch what can happen in six weeks.  There is also a brand new student on the mats who lived in Japan as an English teacher.  I look forward to speaking loads of Japanese with her.

We did some ma-ai practice and lots of ikkyo with a bit if nikkyo.  Nikkyo is so sensitive, you have to get it just right and it works like a charm.  Otherwise it seems to have very little effect.  I like the challenge of it and I'm looking forward to working on it more because katatori nikkyo is on my next exam...whenever that will be.

Class two was with Parks-Casey Sensei and because we were cold, we did LOTS of rolls and throwing from katatekosatori and ryotetori.  There was a healthy dose of ryotetori tenchinage thrown in, which I have still yet to get right as uke or nage.  It wasn't until half-way in that class, nearly an hour and a half after beginng to train that day, that I felt warm and the cold mats didn't bother me as much.

My weapons don't have a case, and I wasn't going to take them out in the elements, so I didn't bring them for weapons class.  I'm on a mission to buy a case as soon as possible.  We focused on jo, doing the basic strikes quite a bit.  Then we moved on to the first two kumijo, which boggled my mind.  Paired forms are difficult for me because I forget who is who.  When I'm supposed to be tsuking, I'm blocking. Or when I'm supposed to counter, I lose concentration.  I know these are very advanced (something like sandan) but they are beautiful to watch and I really want to do them well.  They just need more work, and I have the time so we'll see.

I disliked the jo when I first started weapons classes.  I think it was because I was so bad at the ukemi from jo nage.  But now I see the real power of the staff.  It's so flexible. There are countless variations on any technique you can think of.  And a tiny movement in the jo can turn into a great wave of power that you can direct in any manner.
---

To Bu-jin or not to Bu-jin.  The cases are beautiful.  But it's Christmas time and I shouldn't buy myself TOO many presents.  Maybe at the turn of the year...]]></body>
	<date>12-08-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2328">
	<title><![CDATA[new weapons]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[At nearly the speed of light, my jo and bokken arrived at work today from Kiyota in Maryland. I chose a medium bokken and the aiki jo 54"  x 2.6".  Both are white oak, made in Japan.

The jo is HEAVY.  Much heavier, I think, than the ones we train with at Tenshinkan.  However, that might prove to be extremely useful.  It comes right up to my armpit, which is a comfortably long length for me.  I might have to rethink this and purchase the 50" one, but we'll see after I train on Tuesday with it.

The bokken is perfect.  It's perfectly perfect.  The length is good, the weight is not to heavy and not too light, and it has the pale blush I admired on Parks-Casey Sensei's bokken.

I didn't expect them to arrive until next week, so I have to make my way home with them and then rush off to the hardware store for some really fine grit sandpaper.  I've been instructed to finely sand them down (only a bit) and then follow with a good rub down using a muslin bag filled with chopped walnuts.

I also have no case for them yet, so I'll need to get on the ball and get that sorted out quickly as well.

Weapons.  I have weapons.  If you asked me last year what I'd get myself for Christmas 2005, I would never have said weapons.  Never.]]></body>
	<date>12-02-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2319">
	<title><![CDATA[Post-turkey training]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Last night I was back at the dojo after a week off for the holidays. Our first class with Toyoda Sensei concentrated on lots of kotegaeshi and backward rolls, although not at the same time. Gyaku kotegaeshi is far more powerful that I first thought, but uke really has to know how to take the ukemi from that control, otherwise they'll stumble over themselves. And yes, that was me, stumbling over myself the first few times nage applied the kotegaeshi on me.

The second class with Parks-Casey Sensei began with shikko. Up and down the length of the mats a few times we went. Then we started working on turns. They're exactly like some turns I learned during a dance class (WAY back in the day), I have the concept pretty well. It'll just be a matter of polishing my form and keeping my balance better. And of course, trying not to think of how sore my knees are.

Our shikko practice led into suwariwaza. I'd seen it done during a kyu test, but had never tried it. Shomenuchi kokyunage isn't a wildly complex technique. It doesn't have a million hand changes or feet movements. But when I tried it on my knees, I felt as helpless as an infant. Balance, control, throwing, all the rules change. Even the ukemi is wildly different because you're already so close to the ground.

But that didn't stop it from being very enjoyable. Every time we were each nage, there was a line of four uke taking turns attacking. The timing for the entering step at the beginning is REALLY critical, just as it is in the standing technique. Loads of fun. I look forward to doing it more in the future.

When our knees were all tired, we did lots of throwing from katatetori and ryotetori. Parks-Casey Sensei demonstrated about ten variations of each with Toyoda Sensei and then we were let loose throwing everyone as one big group. I barely remembered two or three variations as nage, but I can see now that the lesson wasn't for nage. It was an uke lesson...learning to accept whatever ukemi you're being led into. It's hard. Really hard. But that's why we train, to soften the rough edges of things.

The final class was weapons intro, Jo Kata II. I'd done this kata before a few times with Erickson Sensei and Kirsten Sims Sensei, one of the Summer Kenshusei. There were two students who'd never done the kata before, and by the end of the class they were both getting all twenty-two steps. Next week we'll work on it again, and maybe if I can remember everything, I'll put the kiai's in the right place.
]]></body>
	<date>11-30-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2286">
	<title><![CDATA[long rope]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The Tuesday night triple-play.  I'd been at the chiropractor earlier that day and my back was (and thankfully still is) feeling great.  I'm not going out of alignment, but my back is snap-crackle-popping a lot.  Little things go in and out here and there and he puts them back in place.  What I'm concentrating most on now is keeping my posture all the time.

First class was an intro class, so we did some rolling review and a bit of basic nikkyo work. I'm all for the rolling review because the more I roll, the better I get at it.  It's funny though, I depend a lot on momentum.  My static rolls, from kneeling, aren't very good.  That's something to definitely polish.

The nikkyo work was really interesting because Toyoda Sensei said something that really stuck with me.  It was a quote from one of his sensei, something to the effect of "Imagine yourself as a piece of long rope.  Stay extended.  You can shorten a long rope if you need to, but you cannot lengthen a short rope."  I've completely murdered the quote, but the point is to maintain extension constantly.

Class two was with Parks-Casey Sensei. We did lots of tai sabaki work from ikkyo forms. I like that kind of stuff because my body really does seem to learn the patterns and the flow of things better than pure technique.

She added a bit of break fall work and an interesting ikkyo technique where you lead uke around by the back of the neck while they are looking at the floor. It's pretty scary not knowing where you are being thrown, much less not being able to see where you are going.  My rolls are not great on one arm yet, and the ukemi was to take a roll from a single arm, so I was particularly awful. At the very end we were doing controlled roll-outs while someone was holding our hands.  Splat, oof, bang, crunch.  My body made all of those noises and then some.

Weapons class turned out to be more than just weapons class.  We started with a number of interesting rolling drills.  Forward then backward, forward and pivot to another forward roll, all at high speed. As usual Sensei was pushing us hard.  Her point was to try and move us beyond our comfort point to make us better.  I'm all for that, except I took one bad roll and it tripped me up. 

Jo nage was the theme of the rest of the evening.  The hardest was doing a koshinage throw.  None of us could do it well, so we spent lots of time loading uke on our back and taking the ukemi.  Rough stuff.

I'm still sore.]]></body>
	<date>11-16-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2274">
	<title><![CDATA[all the colors]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Two classes last night.  Toyoda Sensei was filling in for Garza Sensei.  I attended because I was scheduled to teach a Japanese lesson after training.  I sort of feel that if I'm going to be teaching Japanese to those who are teaching Aikido, I should reciprocate and study with them.  Odd if you think about it, but it works.

The first class was the first time I've trained with several students of every color of belt on the mats.  Sensei started by demonstrating the technique for the white belts.  Then he did a more advanced form for the yellow belts, and then the blue, and finally the brown and yudansha.

From my perspective, it was awesome to see the different approach from all the skill levels to the same technique.  One of the women who is just starting out commented on how she too enjoyed seeing the spectrum of applying the technique.

Experiences like that really help give me direction.  Setting goals is paramount to anything in life, but Aikido is one of those things that mandates small goals.  I can't see myself slapping a date on when I want to achieve, say, a blue belt, or shodan.  You really cannot do that in my opinion.  Short term, small goals are key;  I'd like to think I could test for 5th kyu before the end of next year (yellow with stripe for us) at my current pace.  That's a short term realistic goal.

The question I tend to hear most often from the people I talk to Aikido about is "how long does it take to get to black belt?"  My answer is always the same "When I get there, I'll tell you how long it took me."

If I'm lucky, and if I train well, maybe someday I will find myself wearing a hakama on the mats.  But right now it's not a goal.  It can't be a goal for me because I'm impatient.

Setting lofty goals in life is risky.  My preference is the safer path.  Tomorrow I know what I'll do.  Next month, I'm fairly certain what I want to do.  Maybe I even have a plan for next year.  But beyond that it's all pretty dim.

Too much planning, on or off the mats, is never a good thing.  Life has a funny way of changing underneath your plans.
]]></body>
	<date>11-10-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2268">
	<title><![CDATA[first breakfall]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Tuesday nights mean one thing; three classes at Tenshinkan.  The first was an intro class with some students who had all been there before.  We quickly went through some katatetori and katatekosatori techniques before spending a bit of time on sankyo.

Closeness seems to be the key to sankyo.  Get in very close and really control the entire arm, thus controlling the entire body.  Toyoda Sensei said that if you can see uke get up on their toes a bit, you know you have lots of control.  The pin is still a bit of a mystery to me, but it was the first time I really spent any length of time doing sankyo, so that wasn't a bad thing.

At the end of the class we all lined up as a group.  One nage was in the center of the mat, and in turn we each attacked.  Nage was free to do anything they wanted, as long as uke could perform the ukemi properly.

Intention, intention, intention.  That seemed what the lesson was all about.  Follow through on what you intended to do, and in fact, try and anticipate, if possible, what uke will do so you can get ready for the technique.  I wish we could have done more of that free work.  It'll come with time I suppose.

---

Class two, and the theme for the rest of the evening, was shomenuchi attack.  Stepping into shomenuchi and blocking it.  Shomenuchi kokyunage and some iriminage.  Difficult for me to do, but by the end I was getting the flow of it.  The entering motion is udefuri choyaku undo, really flowing into the attack.  It's a little disconcerting at first, and my uke was really into throwing me hard (he's the gent who's hooked on oyo waza...screw taking my balance and letting me fall, he throws me down every time) but I was able to manage it a little better this time around.

And then it happened.  I can't even remember the technique we did, something with shomenuchi, but Parks-Casey Sensei said the right ukemi was a breakfall.  When she asked who would take the breakfall, I didn't volunteer, which produced a frown on her face.  I'd never done one, nor had I ever spent any time even watching how they were done, and I thought we were still in yoko ukemi training (which we'd been studying the last few weeks).

But all that was about to change.

She demonstrated the technique, gave me a few pointers about which leg goes down and which stays bent, what arm to slap with etc., and then threw me into one.  Whoosh, bam!  My first real, honest to goodness, full speed breakfall.

Note to self: don't hold your breath on a breakfall.

Thankfully it didn't hurt. I managed to keep my focus on my foot pretty well, but I felt too tight when I landed.  I did one or two more and then threw my uke into them a few times.  We changed techniques after that, but all I could think about was doing some more work on them.  I'm not sore this morning, but we'll see what happens this evening, the full twenty-four hours after training when stiffness/soreness should be at it's max.

I still can't believe I did it.  But I'm glad Sensei pushed me to do it.  It wasn't so bad.  Except now it's another one of the billion things in Aikido that's like a rough stone;  I need to polish it again and again until it becomes smooth.

So far the only thing I can really do well is sweep the mat.

---

Class three was weapons intro with four students, two new and two of us who had been around for a bit. Jo dori, from shomenuchi attacks.  I was the senior student in class and I took so much ukemi from about ten different techniques, I can hardly remember any of them.

I like the style of jo.  It's like a puppet string with a lot of power.  You can manipulate uke a LOT because uke has the ability to grab onto the end, unlike bokken (presumably because they'd slice their fingers off).  Jo also has a big arc of power, so depending on where your hands are, a very small movement could translate to a very large one.

The two beginner students in the weapons class were like night and day in body type.  One guy was well over six feet, and the other was just under five.  As we switched uke, it was really helpful to learn how to adjust to the extreme height difference.

At the very end, Sensei had myself and the other experienced student demonstrate three of the techniques we learned.  We both managed to forget the first one of maybe five we learned, but we both did three.

It made me realize how versatile jo work really is.  There are so many variants that the possibilities are nearly infinite.

---

I've ordered a catalog from Kiyota.  It's time I purchased some weapons.  I'm taking two weapons classes a week.  I want my own.  Perhaps that'll be a nice Christmas present to myself...
]]></body>
	<date>11-09-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2253">
	<title><![CDATA[looking, and starting to see]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[After five hours on the mats in two days, I was a little concerned about spending another three hours training at the dojo.  But, and this always happens with me, once I got there, my spirit lifted and I caught the buzz.

That seems to happen from time to time, and I'm not sure why.  I'm at work, it's nearing the end of the day.  I know my dogi is in my bag, and it's only a short train ride to the dojo, but I second guess myself. "Do I really feel up to it?  How's my body doing?  Can I make it through n number of classes today"

Of course, stepping into the dojo washes all that doubt away.  Once I've got my dogi on, my training mindset clicks into place and I'm happy to be there.  I see my friends. I see my sensei. I look at the picture of O Sensei and the photograph of Toyoda Shihan, and I know I chose the right path for the day.

It's kind of a mystery why I second guess myself.  Every ounce of my spirit loves training, but there are moments when I ask myself if I  really want to do it today.

With only one exception, when I hurt my back, I've always been up for it.  Always.

---

Chicago is playing games with us.  We had a surprisingly warm evening last night. The wind blowing off the lake was amazingly refreshing on the way to class.  I arrived at the dojo about a half-hour before class and was able to relax and chat a bit with Matt in the office.

---

Erickson Sensei took us through warm-up exercises and sort of a break-fall roll which we call roll-outs.  It's a roll, but you end up in yoko ukemi at the end.  We did a very quick katatori nikkyo omote review, the technique we did last Thursday, and then moved on to something new.

Then we did lots and lots of katatetori taisabaki toshu.  It was only myself and Matt for the first class and we did the taisabaki over and over again until to the outsider it must have looked like we were doing an abbreviated waltz.  Grab, step back, scoop, step-in, step back.  Around and around we went.

I didn't catch the name of the applied technique, but it was basically our taisabaki with a deep step in, putting one arm under uke's bicep while the other one has a sankyo-ish control grip on the wrist.  I remember Sensei commenting how it looked like sankyo, but it was not called that.  A deep step forward throws uke into a roll.

At some point Matt began to wince when he took any sort of roll.  He had hurt his neck the day before, so we slowed everything down a lot and he made it to the end of the class.

Class two, weapons.  Matt left the mats and two students joined in.  We did jo suburi, which was going all well UNTIL we had to switch from left to right.  Normally a shomenuchi with jo (at least how we do it) begins with the jo in front of your left foot.  You lift, grab hand over hand, lift over the head, and step in to strike.  I'd done it in both weapons classes I take a decent amount.  Same thing with yokomenuchi strike.  Swing it back into your waiting right palm, lift, hand change and spin, step in to strike.

That's all fine and good, and those are comfortable for me.  But then we switched to starting everything from the right food, and the chaos ensued.  Shomenuchi was just ok.  But my yokomenuchi was a mess. My hands were not playing well with my feet, my strikes were wobbly, and I kept forgetting how to do the hand change.

I'm right handed, but it was like trying to write with my left hand.

Eventually, first doing it by a three count, then doing it in a single count, we all got in sync and were able to strike comfortably.  My wrists kept favoring the position they normally work in from the left-start, but that's something to work on.

We did some walking suburi, back and forth across the length of the matts in many patterns...munetsuki then yokomenuchi, then gyaku yokomenuchi, then munetsuki on that side etc.  Too many patterns to remember, but slowly we did them all.

Then we did one of the kumijo techniques.  Not sure what the name is, nor am I sure how exactly it worked, but there were some interesting blocks with jo that I'd never done before, and my partner was quite good with both his intent to strike and his blocks.

That's the scary and the interesting part about working with weapons.  I've pretty much over the fear of being hit by someone (been there, nothing serious, now I'm NEVER on the power line when the strike comes!), but I'm more worried about hitting someone when I'm the one doing the strike.

With Peter (yes, we have the same name) we really connected well when we were working together.  He was striking exactly where my head should have been, and my blocks were landing right.  When we switched roles, the same was happening for me.  I wish we could have done it for an hour or two more because the art of weapon techniques, especially the paired ones, is one of my favorite things about Aikido.  Every move, every eye-blink, and every hand grip matters.  You must be hyper-aware, yet not pumped up on adrenalin.  Keep weight underside, extend ki, keep one point, relax completely.

Weapons, for me, make those four concepts start to come into focus.

Class three was an intro class that focused a lot on rolling, sayu undo and sayu chouyaku undo.  My forward rolls are slowly moving into the one handed realm of rolling.  My right side is better than my left, but both are getting more even and straight.  Sensei told me to work on not touching both hands to the mat during the roll, just use the forward one but keep the second arm unbendable and in position.

Backward rolls are coming along well, but I still seem to thump my back a bit when I go down.  My polishing point, she said, was to kick my legs out and get my knees as far apart so I can land on my food during a backward roll.

If I only had mats in my apartment... :-)

Then we went onto sayu undo.  Sensei gave us tons of pointers on foot placement to guide your knee, arm position, and she kept stressing the need to relax your shoulders and square them to the front.

Applying it to a katatekosatori grab became the perfect way for me to practice more yoko ukemi.  I'll know tomorrow morning if I wrecked myself or not, but I suspect I did well because my landings felt right.

---

I just glanced at the calendar as I was writing and realized that next week on Thursday I'll have been training for six months.

Six months.

Almost can't process that in my head.

Six months ago I was sweating in the summer heat on the mats, in a t-shirt and sweatpants, trying very hard to listen to Erickson Sensei through the pain in my ankles from sitting seiza.

Six months ago my evenings were filled with endless movie watching, clubbing, and internet surfing.

Six months ago I was walking around in the world, living outside my body with my eyes closed.

Six months ago I thought I knew what Aikido was.

Today it's clear that I might never know what Aikido is, but if I'm lucky, I'll get the chance to experience it bit my bit.

&#26412;&#24403;&#12395;&#22645;&#12418;&#31309;&#12418;&#12428;&#12400;&#23665;&#12392;&#12394;&#12427;
hontouni chiri mo tsumoreba, yama to naru
Truly, even grains of sand can form a mountain.
]]></body>
	<date>11-04-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2247">
	<title><![CDATA[strrrrripe one!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Last night at the dojo I attended two of Garza Sensei’s classes. I don’t normally train on Wednesday night, but this was the first night I was going to begin tutoring him in Japanese, so out of respect I trained with him on the mats.

I enjoyed both classes a lot, but I can't remember much of what we did.  (I'll explain why in a moment) Having the chance to work with a slightly different set of uke was nice. It always helps to have different body types and skill levels to work with. There was a newly minted blue belt training with me.  He was in the very first class I ever attended. I always have enjoyed training with him because he’s a really thoughtful nage. He pays attention to you in an intense and friendly way.

At the end of the class, after the final bows, Toyoda Sensei called me to the front of the class to present me with my scroll. As he was reading the scroll in Japanese, my mind completely left the dojo. For a moment I was back in the Sanjusangendo temple in Kyoto. I completely lost touch with everything that was happening around me, just as it happened when I was in the temple earlier this year…

Something connects me with Aikido and Japan. I feel this really strong connection that’s haunting and comforting at the same time. My trip earlier this year woke something up inside of me that’s been sleeping for a long time.

…I heard hands clapping, and in an instant Toyoda Sensei was presenting me with my scroll and a small AAI booklet. It was almost like whiplash. Bam! I was back in the dojo and everyone was clapping. After class I was given the stripe for my belt, making my 7th kyu rank official.

The whole experience shook me up on the inside, much the same way it did when I was in Japan.  I don't mean it was a bad thing, but it knocked my mind off it's axis for a while, so I really have no clue what we did in those classes.  I keep trying to remember but I can't.  Maybe in a few days the experience won't be so cloudy.

—

It’s the beginning of the beginning for me. I know little more than a handful of sand in an entire desert. But that handful of things, those little pieces I do know, need to become smooth and shiny. I’m not just speaking about Aikido, I’m speaking about life. Adult life.

When I turned 25, I took a good look at who I was and the kind of life I was living. There were good points and bad ones, and I made it my goal to try and smooth out the bad things and strengthen the good ones. In three years, I’ve done a lot. But there is still so much more to do.

Aikido has opened up so much for me in just a short time. It’s given me the chance to meet some fantastic people, and to learn volumes more about myself than I ever knew. In many ways, Aikido is a new set of eyes for me. It’s a new way of seeing the rose through world colored glasses.

&#21315;&#37324;&#12398;&#36947;&#12418;&#19968;&#27497;&#12363;&#12425;
senri no michi mo ippo kara
a thousand-ri journey begins with a single step*]]></body>
	<date>11-03-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2243">
	<title><![CDATA[start, middle, end]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Last night two new beginners, my friend Josh and another guy, joined us for the intro class. Orenaite, sumitoshi, koho tento undo, etc. It's really amazing to watch people on their very first day doing technique. I like the pace of Toyoda Sensei's intro classes because during the last fifteen minutes, they're really doing stuff they've never done before, and enjoying it the entire time. Pretty cool to watch them grow right before your eyes.

Over the weekend I'd heard that everyone had passed their kyu tests, but no scrolls were given out yet. There was a lot of whispering when we saw them on the tokonoma, but there they stayed throughout the intro class.

For the second class we did more yoko ukemi practice. I wasn't hurting much this morning when I woke up, which is my signal that I was doing SOMEthing right, whatever it may have been.

Ryotetori tenchinage, both the regular kihon waza and the tenkan versions were on the technique menu for that class. While being uke for the first one, the nage I was with insisted on really throwing me down into the yoko ukemi.

After being pounded twice, and asking to not be pounded again twice more, Sensei came over and told him that what he was actually doing was oyo waza, changing the technique. Apparently he was taught to really throw uke down at the end, instead of letting them bend back, and then falling in yoko ukemi.

Sensei mentioned that she was under the same impression, that there was a real throw at the end, but was only recently advised by a higher ranked yudansha about the difference. The true kihon waza, she said, was to allow uke to fall because of the lack of balance, not because they were thrown hard. With ryotetori tenchinage, the difference is very subtle, but uke either takes a scary fall, or an easier one.

I let it be said that I prefer the easier one. Several times. I'm comfortable being thrown forward or even backward into a roll, but not down. Soon maybe. Today, no.

The experience illustrated, even more that usual, how utterly vital it is to pay close attention to your uke. There are some sadistic folks who don't mind being hard on the mats, as either uke or nage, and will gladly take fall after painful fall to try and prove something, but not me. I'm not the kind of person who will knowingly inflict pain on anyone. And I certainly don't want that to happen when I'm uke.

I'm not saying that controlling someone in nikkyo or kotegaeshi doesn't come with a bit amount of pain. It certainly does. But when you see your uke get up off the mat with that look, the one that says "And you're really going to do that to me again?" Do something about it.

Pay attention. Really close attention. That was the lesson learned.

We didn't have a third class. Matt and I were the only students left, so Sensei decided we should clean the dojo.  We swept, we vacuumed, we wiped things down, and we dusted.  We had a very limited time but made a difference with what we did.  Someday soon, all the walls, the ceiling, the fans, and the windows need done.  And the mats.  A white mat should be white...
]]></body>
	<date>11-02-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2228">
	<title><![CDATA[yoko-OOF-ukemi]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Thursday night with Erickson Sensei was fantastic. It was only Sensei, myself, and Matt for all three classes. I called rei for each class...which made me happy in a goofy sort of way.  I think I just like shouting in Japanese.

We started with more yoko ukemi. First we did it from squatting, then standing. Then we moved on to doing it from lying on one side and flipping up and over to the other. Bang, slap, roll, stand.

I asked Sensei what to do about breathing. She said some people hold their breath, which could help them prevent having the wind knocked out of them. Personally, she said, she prefers to breathe out at the same time as the slap. I think I prefer her method because the few times I did hold my breath, I seemed to fall harder and bounce. That can't be good.

Tai sabaki toshu was the main technique we focused on after yoko ukemi, katatetori permutations. We did the basic tai sabaki movements back to get the timing and the posturing right, then sumitoshi drops, and then some throws.

Our basic movement was the katatetori grab, and nage pulls their hand into their hara like tekubikosa undo. You tenkan back, then reverse, then step forward, leading uke around. From that point, you either do a throw, the sumitoshi drop, or you cut to tell uke to release, then step back to prepare for the next grab.

Sometimes I still find myself grinning like a fool when I get a technique close to right. I'm sure that's not a bad thing per se, but it breaks my concentration and my awareness immediately drops. My mantra last night was "head up, breathe, focus, balance". Over and over I kept reminding myself to do all four. I tried to save the smiles for taking ukemi.

Class two, weapons, started with yokomenuchi blocking tai sabaki with bokken. In a word; scary. Holding a big stick close to your face while someone else is trying to slice into the side of your head is, well, interesting. We practiced striking left and right, with uke blocking left and right. There's a certain calm feeling in the tai sabaki when you get the rhythm right. At one point, Matt and I locked eyes and didn't release for a few minutes. It was just us and the bokken. Intense, and fun.

Then we did bokken dori from shomenuchi. Since we were working on yoko ukemi so much, after uke does shomenuchi, you step in VERY close, grab the bokken, and then do our sayo undo movement, give uke a spin, and then lunge in which causes uke to go quickly down into yoko ukemi. More bang, slap, roll, stand.

Class three was open for us to choose whatever we wanted. Sensei said since we made it through two classes and were staying for the third, and it was only us, we could ask for whatever we wanted. Matt didn't have anything in particular he wanted to do. I chose katatori nikkyo.

Nikkyo, during te waza, is my weakest stretch. My wrists like ikkyo, sankyo, and kotegaeshi just fine. They flex into them and there is very little tension. But nikkyo is my weakest. My wrists just don't like stretching that way. Nothing like a good practice session to stretch them all the way out.

Slow was the name of the game. Matt's wrists weren't doing too well, and we'd just been training for two hours, so Erickson Sensei took things very calmly and slowly. We started with the static katatori grab and the control, taking time to position everything with the best nikkyo grip possible.

It was a this point in class that I felt so incredibly lucky to train with Erickson Sensei. Her many years of training has given her all the qualities in a teacher that I need. She's firm but never mean, detailed without over-explaining, and completely centered at all times; truly the "spinning-top" that I've read.

Her spirit is strong and dedicated, and she seems to take such intense pleasure in training and teaching, it's no wonder I find myself grinning like an idiot every time I'm with her. She is the first Aikido Sensei I've ever trained with and will forever be a part of me.

Over and over we did the initial nikkyo control from katatori, spending time on where to place the hands of both uke and nage, where the best position for nages' fingers, and just how powerful the little finger really can be.

We switched to the nikkyo pin, which is brings on shoulder pain instead of wrist pain; good after twenty minutes of bringing on the first part of the technique. The amazing thing about the nikkyo control and the pin is that millimeters in one direction or another make all the difference.

The three of us each took turns slowly bringing on the pin, stretching our shoulders in the process. After spending most of the hour methodically working through the fine points of the control and pin, we put it all together and got through the technique a few times each. For the first time, nikkyo didn't seem like such a mystery.

Now I have to do it about a million more times. But that's Aikido isn't it? Do it a million times and maybe, just maybe, you'll remember it.
]]></body>
	<date>10-28-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2220">
	<title><![CDATA[atemi, kaitenage, bokken, oh my!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Wow. The mats get cold in the dojo. And it was only 50F(10C) outside. What is it going to be like when it's a real winter day in Chicago?

The first class was a beginner class, a perfect segue back after a week away. There was one new student on the mats, and one familiar face from the summer kenshusei program. I was happy to see him back with us.

We did the usual koho tento undo, orenaite, and sumitoshi stuff, making our way to kotegaeshi. While the very new students were working on the techniques, Toyoda Sensei approached John and I, who have a little more experience (but not much by any means) and showed us about threatening atemi to change uke's focus.

All of the sudden, the little fake punches I'd seen in many techniques started to make a bit of sense. You don't actually intend to strike uke, but you're moving their awareness away from their active hand and forcing them to block.

Not only does it make it easier to control the hand you have, uke's balance could be upset with the push of a feather. Ok, well maybe not a feather, but John and I are so new that it totally changed the rules on us. For five minutes or so we kept at it, and every single time we both fell prey to the threat of a fist coming at our face.

It reminded me of magic tricks. You hold the attention of the audience with one hand while the other hand does something naughty or otherwise unseen. Change their focus. Control their minds.

Easy to think about. Hard to do.

---

Classes two and three were with Parks-Casey Sensei. Yoko ukemi, yoko ukemi, yoko ukemi and more yoko ukemi. We did lots from squatting, and I can really use the practice because I'm terrible at it.

I missed the name of the technique we used to practice. It was munetsuki something-or-other. Uke goes in for tsuki, then nage gets right into uke, putting their arm right under uke's armpit (from outside the tsuki). You grab uke's dogi and swipe your hand down and back (under uke's butt) while dropping your hips and stepping back with the outside hand.

The effect is to quickly drop uke straight down into yoko ukemi, but to help lessen the impact because you're holding onto the shoulder of their dogi. It looks frightening and it hurts a bit if you don't get the yoko ukemi right. But that's the point; to teach you the proper way to fall.

We did that for a bit, then did some katatetori throwing to really warm everyone up. And then the confusion set it as we began. Katatetori kaitenage, tenkan version.

Sensei showed the technique a few times and then had us start. It's the most confused I've felt on the mat thus far. I don't think I ever quite got the hang of it, but that was the lesson; sometimes it's ok to be confused. Sometimes you just have to work it all out for yourself. Everybody has to start somewhere, and when you're confused, you're a blank slate, ready to learn.

We ended with my favorite, kokyudosa. I'm seeing a black and white pattern emerge. There are those people who are determined at all costs NOT to let you throw them over. They fight against you with all their muscle, squeezing the life out of your wrists in an effort to resist.

Ick.

And then there are those people who get more zanshin about it. They breathe deep and get their Buddha face on; half-closed eyes, relaxed shoulders, and a sort of dreamy loose wash over their body. They too resist, but it's slight and with lots and lots of ki. It's a much more intimate experience to do it that way, which I believe frightens the heck out of most folks. Cathy, a 1st kyu (soon to be shodan!) kenshusei from Dubai, taught me to do it in this way. Every time I do it, she's on my mind. She's really a part of my Aikido, especially kokyudosa.

I miss her spirit on the mats.

The final hour was weapons class. Shomenuchi bokken taisabaki. Despite the terror in my mind when I'm doing a yokomenuchi counter strike to the head, I did pretty good while moving through the techniques. My bokken work has become a little less wobbly and my hands aren't getting as tense when I'm working with bokken because I'm remembering to relax them.

However, my shoulders are still tight after bokken. Jo too. I'm getting better at not shrugging them up like I was doing before, but they are still far too tense. They feel wrinkled up when I return to chuudan no kamae. I never seem to think of breathing when I'm working with weapons (except if its some kind of nage technique), but I need to write it on my hand or something so I can remember. I'll bet it makes a world of difference.

Again, easy to think about. Hard to do.
]]></body>
	<date>10-26-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2213">
	<title><![CDATA[scratchy throat = no aikido]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I had a rough week fighting off a scratchy throat, so no time on the mats for me last week. I really wanted to get back to the dojo to see what the results of the tests were, but I was feeling awful and didn't want to spread my germs. I think it was the best decision to stay home and recharge my batteries all weekend.

I'm feeling much better today and am looking forward to training tomorrow evening.

---

Jordan, you looked great on the mats too. Thanks for that!

---

Alex, thanks for reading. You're so right, I'm amazed at how the legacy of Toyoda Shihan has spread around the world. To think that one man was able to bring so many people together. I guess shouldn't say "was", I should say "is". He IS able to still bring us all together. Amazing.

Garza Sensei owes me an essay about that seminar. I'll have to get on his back about it! Thanks for sharing the link.
]]></body>
	<date>10-24-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2188">
	<title><![CDATA[7th kyuu test]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[First, Thanks Ralph for your comment.

---

&#26368;&#21021;&#12398;&#32026;&#12398;&#12486;&#12473;&#12488; - my first kyuu test

---

Yesterday morning I woke up at 5am after a night of deep sleep.  I was concerned I wouldn't be able to sleep because my kyuu test has been the only thing on my mind lately, but somehow I managed to fall into a very deep sleep.

The day prior I trained at my home dojo, Tenshinkan, and then had a Japanese lesson with Fujii Sensei.  She invited me to ride along out to Arlington Heights to the big Japanese marketplace with Garysan and Sachikosan.  Garysan is a gaijin in her intermediate class and he was interested in practicing Japanese.

The four of us spent a fun afternoon and evening in conversation with lots of shopping and eating.  Perhaps it was the immense quantities of food and Japanese candy I ate, but when I got home Saturday night, I was tired.  I stretched, showered, stretched again and went to bed.

Back to Sunday.  I woke at 5am and decided more stretching was in order.  I did some warm-ups and went for a very short jog to get my head clear and my mind moving.

The city was cool and quiet.  The air was very humid but with just enough chill to remind me that indeed, fall is here. I jogged through a couple of my favorite alleys because I like absence of trees.  The birds weren't even awake yet but I came across a raccoon digging in a garbage can, a grumbling possum, and a flurry of squirrels running around gathering what they could.

Every creature was looking for something.  I felt the same way.

Back at home I made some tea and ate a single dorayaki.  I stretched some more (notice the pattern) and relaxed until I had to leave for the dojo.  I'm not used to doing Aikido in the morning.  Normally I train at night when my body has had the whole day to wake up.  The test was at 10am, way early for me to be that physical.

I was meeting a fellow aikidoka at Tenshinkan for a ride down to Soshinkan at 8:45.  With my shuffle loaded with music, I set out with my dogi bag and the hope that I wouldn't make any dumb mistakes on my test.

---

Soshinkan is a great facility.  The shomen side of the mat is lined with smooth river stones.  At the back of the dojo is a small sitting room with a fridge and some chairs.  The entire entrance wall to the building is glass windows, so you can see all the traffic going by, and everyone can see you.  Quite different from the single glass door of Tenshinkan.

We arrived around 9:30 and I quickly changed into my dogi and began stretching some more.  Nobody told me to stretch that much, but I was so glad I did.  There were no warm-up exercises before the test and some people actually tested cold.  I can't imagine.

Four yudansha flanked the far side of the mat, as the testing committee.  On the other side, three sat as the testers.  There were easily 30 or 40 people on the mats, making it very crowded.  It was the first time I ever did the opening rei touching someone on both sides with my knees.

7th kyuu went first to my delight.  I was warmed up and ready to get it over with.  At around 10:15 we were all called up.  I think there were 11 of us testing 7th kyuu.

First we did the ki tests.  Seiza, shizentai, orenaite.  At some point they split us off into two groups to do koho tento undo and ushiro and mae ukemi.  Then the groups got even smaller, no more than four people testing technique.

I wasn't in the first round of technique testing.  I sat and watched and was amazed at how heavily many of the people were corrected.  I don't think it was a bad thing, but the testing committee had a lot to say to them.

Then my round was called.  I ended up on the door-end of the mats, directly in front of the testing yudansha, opposite the test committee. Erickson Sensei, my first Sensei, was right next to me watching.

The four of us lined up facing the shomen.  The committee called for four volunteer uke.  I couldn't see who was behind me.  I didn't know who it was going to be.  I closed my eyes for a moment, hoping for a Tenshinkan student I knew.  Someone familiar.

We bowed to the shomen.  Then we circled back to face our uke.  I tried my best not to grin like an idiot when I saw who it was.  Johnsan, a great yellow-belt, was to be my uke.  We've trained together since I joined the dojo in May.  The corners of his eyes raised a bit and he cracked a small smile.

At that moment, in my mind, flashing through it like a lightning bolt, I heard Toyoda Shihan's speech (one I saw on video in Japanese) about intention in my mind.  Visualize the goal.  It was something like "kanjite mae no suru" which roughly means sense it, feel it, experience it even before you do it.  That way you can apply it while you are there in the moment.  The feeling is hard to translate, but I felt it.

Sitting here writing this and trying to remember anything from that moment on is kind of hard.  I can picture moments of the technique test in my mind, but I'm not sure what we started with.  We did all three; omote and ura versions of katatori ikkyo, and two katatekosatori; kotegaeshi and kokuynage.

The nage next to me was using a lot of space.  During one technique (cannot for the life of me remember which one) I was about to throw my uke but the nage next to me threw their uke into our space.  I kept a hold on my uke, did a tenkan, and threw him in a safe place.  I can't be sure, but I think I heard Erickson Sensei whisper "good".

The other nage were corrected by the testing committee a few times.  Nobody said my name, so I'm taking that as a good sign during the technique that I was doing things right.

During the final kokyudosa, Johnsan and I were both sweating, breathing hard, and smiling.  We finished, bowed out, and as we sat back down on the edge of the mat I felt good.

During the course of the rest of the higher kyuu tests, I kept a close watch on how the uke and nage were interacting.  I learned so much by observing, but at the end of the test, almost four hours later, Bieszk Sensei closed with a few words that stick with me most.  He said it's never done.  Your best can be better.  Toyoda Shihan always asked his students to push beyond their limits and their abilities.

---

I may not know much at this point, but a whole world full of things I never knew is barely starting to come into focus.  The goal, for now, is to push myself until I can start to see.

Until then, with blurry vision, I'll be learning as much as I can by falling.]]></body>
	<date>10-17-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2187">
	<title><![CDATA[triple-play Thursday]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Three more hours yesterday with Erickson Sensei.  First class we did kyuu testing work.  My katatori ikkyo isn't nearly as smooth as I'd like it while taking uke off balance, but once they are down, I can flow right into the pin softly and balanced.  I know I'll be fine on the test, but I don't want to be fine.  I want to be great.  Prolly just a function of time.

The second class was jo.  We did jo kata I, which was impressive because none of the students in the class were above 6th kyu.  Yet after twenty minutes we were walking through all 22 steps pretty fluidly.  From there we moved into jo dori from primarily shomenuchi attacks.

I'm noticing that the jo and even bokken don't wobble as much at the end as they did when I began.  I can't say I'm solid with either, but Erickson Sensei mentioned something that sticks with me.  While holding jo or bokken, you should be completedly relaxed everywhere including your hands.  The only moment of tension is when you fully enter into the strike.

My shoulders used to hurt a lot after a weapons class, but now that's gone.  Relaxing during any technique, weapons or not, is something I'll continue working on for the rest of my life I think.  It's hard.  It's hard to relax when someone is coming at you.

The last thing she talked about in class was the power of breath during strikes.  Not just kiai, but how breathing from your hara sets many things in motion.  I understand the concept of one point, but I can't really feel anything just yet.

During the final class we did some techniques based on shomenuchi ikkyo undo.  One attacker, then two, walking them around the dojo.  With two guys full of muscles trying their best to hold you down and back, it's pretty tough to manupulate them.

As we each in turn became nage, we stood in a tight square.  Sensei and I faced each other, and on the other two sides of the square were the uke.  They each grabbed an arm, and when I was able to finally raise them up, Sensei demanded I not break eye contact with her.  She then began to step backward and I had to follow her, taking slow controlled steps, forcing each uke forward.

I couldn't believe it was working.  Each uke had to have at least 100lbs on me.  They both had huge arms and thick centers compared to me.  But from one end of the dojo, back and forth, I was able to pull them off their center and walk them around.

---

Intention is starting to mean more than just following through on an attack.  My new Aikido definition of intention is "visualizing the end goal" above and beyond whatever you're doing to uke.  If you can "see" the end, getting there isn't as hard as you think.]]></body>
	<date>10-14-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2180">
	<title><![CDATA[the overdue update]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Last night I trained for the usual triple-play Tuesday classes of three hours.  One intro, one mixed, and one weapons class.  Erickson Sensei taught in Parks-Casey Sensei's stead for the day, but at the beginning of the mixed class, Toyoda Sensei asked me if I'd be interested in assisting with Erickson Sensei's Thursday classes.

Assisting?  Me?  I'm only going to take my 7th kyuu test this Sunday.

They assured me that the beginners class would be a perfect place for me to start, as I can take, more or less, all the ukemi the 6-week beginners need to learn.  They also said it would be a great way for me to smooth out my ukemi and work on training while helping the new folks out. Naturally I answered with a resounding "Hai, onegaishimasu!"

I'm proud.  I'm proud they asked me, and I'm proud I said yes.

This journey in Aikido I'm taking, this learning by falling, only a few months old now, has changed my life in such a short time, I'm wondering what the next year will hold.

---

My 7th kyuu test is this Sunday, only four days away.  Two instructors have given me pre-tests and they are very confident about my testing.  It's up to me to polish my movements even more on Thursday and Saturday.  The test will be held at Soshinkan dojo in Burbank, IL.  I've never been there, but I'm looking forward to seeing the dojo.

ganbarimasu!

---

I keep dreaming about Aikido.  I woke up last night in the middle of a dream where I was wearing a green hakama that had a gold spiral print.  I was stretching on the mats and realized I was wearing a hakama, and I woke up.  It was all very odd.

---

Two nights ago I watched a video of Toyoda Shihan teaching in Japan.  He was actually teaching in Japanese.  When he began to speak about the reality and the truth of Aikido, and how the art isn't just physical, I became both inspired and sad.  His Japanese flowed so purely and so effortlessly, I can almost imagine how fantastic it would have been to speak with him.

Such a powerful man.  Thankfully his legacy still lives on.]]></body>
	<date>10-12-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="2025">
	<title><![CDATA[a short time away]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I was away from the mats for a week or so.  I had a very bad experience with one of the teachers at the dojo and unfortunately I let that get the best of me.  After speaking with the dojocho and many other aikidoka who train there, they assured me I was both doing well and to ignore the bad teachers extreme methods of teaching.

I'll only say this one more thing about the experience:  Aikido is, to me, about supporting your fellow aikidoka on the mats.  No matter what you are doing, no matter how often you do it, I believe you should be supportive and encouraging, even when someone is doing something "wrong" or against your way of thinking.  There are a million ways to communicate with words.  Chose them wisely and without ill intent.  To correct someone is to truly teach them, not to demoralize their character.

After the week off the mats I was thankful that the dojocho returned to train with us.  His first class back was akin to ordering pizza and watching a movie with a good friend.  No, we didn't eat on the mats :-)  But it was comforting and familiar, and I'm truly thankful to have a man like him as my Sensei.

It felt good to sweat again.  The Chicago heat and humidity have been running high lately, but we're all training as hard as we can despite the weather.  I've never trained when it's cold outside, so it'll be interesting to be on the mats when the weather begins to turn.  But for now, a good sweat makes me feel on top of the world.

I'm a huge fan of Japanese kotowaza (proverbs).  My signature is my favorite (see the bottom of the post) but I'm enjoying a new one I learned

nana korobi ya oki
seven falls, eight rises

It's very Aikido to me.  No matter how often you fall, you must get back up.  If at first you don't succeed...etc.  Given the situation I went through with the bad teacher, it's a perfect example of how no matter how low you get, you have to pick yourself up and keep going.

Last night Toyoda Sensei and Parks-Casey Sensei taught the three classes of the evening.  The first was an extensive review of aikitaiso, which I cannot get enough of.  Things like happo undo are just sloppy movements for me right now, but they are things I can practice when I'm outside the dojo and really work on.  Toyoda Sensei gave us many suggestions of things to focus on, so I know I have my work cut out for me.

The second class with Parks-Casey Sensei was bokken training.  We did mostly bokken dori.  I don't know the names yet, but nage went to the outside of shomenuchi, grabbed the handle of the bokken, and threw uke off the end.  It's very hard for me to roll on one arm, so my ukemi was really poor.  But I know what I have to do to make it better, and I'm working on it.

The most fun part was throwing people off your back.  I think it's called ushiro-nage, but we were told there are an infinite number of variations, and the one we were studying didn't really have an exact name.  Loading someone up on your back is quite and experience.  And the ukemi is quite fun, but I have miles to go with yoko ukemi.

I tried to escape the third class, but Parks-Casey Sensei wasn't having that.  She hollered for me on the mats at the beginning of class and I made my way  to the line as fast as possible.  It was a six-week beginners course, but we did lots of fun things with sumitoshi and throwing people into rolls.

Three hours is a long time.  I think my dogi was a half-ton heavier from all the sweat.  But bit by bit, inch by inch, things are starting to make sense.  I can see patterns in the footwork.  My ukemi is far from perfect, but I'm starting to get a sense for the shifts in my own balance.

And at the end of it all, it's fun and challenging.  There are very few things in life you can say that about.]]></body>
	<date>08-12-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1988">
	<title><![CDATA[sat, sun, mon, tue]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I spent most of my weekend at the dojo.  It's safe to say that yes, I'm addicted to Aikido.  Maybe it's just the outfit, I'm not sure, but I enjoy every moment of training.  Especially those little breakthroughs that signal progress.

The classes on Saturday were great.  There were lots of techniques that were new to me, including henka waza.  We changed from ikkyo to kotegaeshi and back.  Neither my ikkyoi nor my kotegaeshi is flawless, but I can now see how it's possible to sort out what to do when things go wrong.

The biggest thing I took away were Toyoda Sensei's words "You have no right to throw until you take uke's balance."  I wish I would have heard that earlier, and I wish more of the students would have taken that to heart.  Of course, beginners like me are unsure of ukemi, so it's sometimes hard, but the 4th kyu folks should know what they are doing instead of plowing into their uke.

Anyway, the second class was jo work.  In fact, we did jo kata two, a 22 movement kata that is required on the AAA shodan test.  After watching Kirsten Sensei do the full kata, I thought I'd never be able to get it.  But she broke it down into pieces and worked us through it.  At the very end of the hour all the ranks did the kata as groups.  First the 4th kyu's, then the 5th, then the 6th, and finally the 7th and below.  I couldn't believe I made it through all 22 steps.  She is truly a gifted teacher.

I spent Sunday at the dojo with Cathy transferring some Aikido videos she taped to DVD.  They were mostly technique explanations and demonstrations, but she did capture a shodan test because she will be testing for it sometime next year.  I do not know the Aikidoka who was testing, but he was stellar and had the stamina of a soldier of Troy.  His kata work was beautifully fluid, and he did quite well during the randori section.  He definitely deserved shodan, and I was pleased to find out he passed.

Monday I made it through just the beginners class.  It was boiling hot in the dojo.  More henka waza and oyo waza.  I'm still not 100% clear on the difference between the two, but I think henka waza is where you start one technique and change to another, while oyo waza is more of a "my own Aikido" kind of thing.

I don't even have anyone elses' Aikido, much less my own.  So I'm not sure that the concepts behind oyo waza are for me yet.  No worries.  It'll come in time.

Tuesday, last night, was very special.  A Sensei from AAI came to teach.  He is a priest in the Vatican, and was a long time student of Toyoda Shihan.  For the life of me I cannot remember his name, but he was so incredible it's almost beyond description.

He focused on ryotedori.  His thought was that ryotedori was often taught less than techniques that deal with katatori, katatetori, or katatekosatori, but in life you are more likely to encounter someone slamming you on the shoulders with both hands than someone grabbing for a hand.

Looking back on the kinds of bar-fights and brawls I've seen (I don't look for rough places to hang out, I've just happened to see a few...) They usually start with someone taking both hands and pushing the other person on the shoulders.  Exactly the way you start ryotedori.

We did numerous pivots and turns, stepping back and out, following through to do lots of throws.  He was amazing at explaining the technique, and as we all practiced, he came to each pair or group and made adjustments to our technique.

The group went from 1st kyu to the plain white belts (myself and another two guys).  It was quite widely dispersed in rank, yet I didn't ever feel that anything was too hard for me to do.  His words were clear, concise, and his comments on form were helpful and accurate.

The second class was a bokken class.  For nearly 20 minutes we were shomenuchi-ing, and yokomenuchi-ing.  Then tsuki and stepping-tsuki.  I thought my arms were going to fall off, but just as my energy reached an all time-low, Sensei came up behind me, adjusted my form, and told me "try it this way, you'll be able to last another 30 or 40 counts at least."

He was spot-on right, and I was able to keep going without pain.  We even went through a couple kumitachi forms, slowly working to perfect the spacing and footwork.  My bokken blocks are starting to get less wobbly, but I still have trouble with spacing when I'm uke.

At the very end he read a passage about Aikido from one of O-Sensei's students.  We followed that with some breathing exercises, focusing on one point and extending ki into the area to "look around the room without eyes".  It was the most spiritual thing I've done in Aikido, and while I don't really understand what's going on, I'm feeling something.

And something, no matter how small, is good.]]></body>
	<date>07-27-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1982">
	<title><![CDATA[watching, doing, and really learning]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The final set of kyu tests were conducted last night.  I was only an observer. They conducted a 6th, 5th, and 3rd kyu test.  The 6th and 5th kyu tests were interesting to watch, but I enjoyed the 3rd kyu test the most.

The kenshusei student who took the test was beyond good.  Even twenty minutes into his test, when Sensei called for the first form bokken kata, he was fluid and graceful, despite all the suwariwaza and jiyuwaza he had just completed.  Simply amazing.

I found it very inspirational.

Following the testing I had bokken class with Erickson Sensei.  It was partnered practice, concentrating almost exclusively on taisabaki for the first half of class.  Kiersten was partnered with me.  As I progressed she began to swing faster and harder.  My block with bokken is still a little shaky, but she gave me some good pointers on accepting the energy of the attack.

Bokken, and most weapons practice I've done thus far, seems to put everything into clearer perspective.  The footwork seems clearer for some reason.  I suppose it could be the real threat of getting whacked in the head with a big stick that helps me learn things a bit faster.  Thankfully nothing like that happened, but the threat was there.

Following weapons class, I stayed for the 6 week intro.  There was only one intro student, and since it was mostly kenshusei on the mats I knew it would be a good class.

We did lots of rolling practice, which I cannot seem to get enough of.  And then we moved into some katatori deflecting (maybe they are blocks?  not sure what they are called) techniques.  After working through many variations, Erickson Sensei grouped us up into three groups of four and we did a very slow version of 3 person randori.  The attackers were basically walking like zombies towards nage.  We were allowed to use any of the deflecting/redirecting techniques, but we weren't doing any throws.  

At first, everyone was all giggles and smiles as people began to plod their way around the mats like Frankenstein.  But soon it got much quieter and as all three nage began to concentrate on redirecting attacks around them.  The uke's were still moving slow, but all you could hear were feet, nothing more.

When it was my turn for nage, I wasn't really intimidated but I was a bit overwhelmed at first. Three people, fast or slow, coming at you is a bit much to deal with. I knew four, maybe five different ways I could redirect the attack, but I had to make a fast decision about which was best, how far it would push uke away, and how that would set me up for the next uke coming in.  At some point I had an epiphany when I realized that redirecting one uke into another gave me more time to think, more time to move around the group, and more time to get out of a corner.

Ok, so it wasn't *real* randori, but the concept and the basic structure were there.  I had to make the best decision possible in a efficient way, and move on.  And if possible, I tried to think one or two moves ahead of myself to always come out ok.

If that isn't the best metaphor for life, I don't know what is.]]></body>
	<date>07-22-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1976">
	<title><![CDATA[3 hrs. @ 90F (32C)]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Three hours on the mats in a 90 degree dojo will not only make you sweat, it'll make you question your own sanity.

It was hot.  Hot and sticky.  The first class was an intro course with several new students, so there were a lot of basic tai sabaki movements to practice.  Nice and slow, methodical and measured.

Class two kicked things into a higher gear.  We did a lot of highly choreographed shomenuchi and yokomenuchi strike/blocking practice.  When done properly, the movements are fluid, and you're always setup for the next technique.

By the latter half of that class, everyone was drenched in sweat.  As we were working on katatori nikyo, you could see the shiny patches on the mats from peoples' faces as a result of the pin.  My dogi was getting really heavy from sweat, and the students who were less-than-april-fresh began to add to the aromatic scent of the dojo.

Class three was bokken suburi, taught by Keith Sensei, one of the kenshusei.  I really like working with weapons because it makes shomenuchi kotegaeshi very logical.  You must maintain maai properly because of the bokken.

However, shomenuchi kokyunage is a lot harder for me with bokken.  The concept of throwing people off the end of a stick of wood is hard for me to get my head around.  And then when I'm taking ukemi, I'm terrified.  I think, in part, it's because we have a very rectangular dojo.  The shomen is along one of the long walls, so often we are practicing using the shorter length.  I suppose of the mat area was bigger, or if we practiced using the longer sides, it would be different.  My rolls are far from fluid, so the thought of having to curtail them to avoid a wall locks me up.

The air in the changing room after class was so thick, hardly any of us could breathe.  I think the walls were sweating.  My dogi, a nice thick one, was drenched and heavy.  When I got home and took it out of my bag, I was amazed at how wet it was.  I guess that's healthy...sweating out all that can't be a bad thing.]]></body>
	<date>07-20-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1974">
	<title><![CDATA[dancing]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Despite my best efforts at taking loads of Vitamin C and washing my hands as if I had OCD, I managed to pick up the cold that was floating around Chicago.  I woke up Saturday feeling quite bad and stayed home instead of attending the Aikido Seminar.

I'm certain it was the right thing to do, but it left me feeling very empty and depressed.  I really wanted to participate.  I really wanted to train at the huge  beautiful Ryoshinkan dojo.

I really wanted to feel that spark of energy I felt at Toyoda Shihan's memorial.

But it wasn't meant to be this time around.  There will be other seminars, and other chances to "raise the roof."

Last night I returned to the mats for the first time since last Tuesday.  I had purchased another dogi from a company called Midwest Martial Arts here in Chicago.  They have a storefront on Irving Park Road.  This one isn't nearly as comfortable as the BuJin one, but it was able to soak up every drop of sweat I could muster up.  Sadly, I think I'll save the BuJin for only special occasions, as right now I sweat like crazy.  A dripping wet dogi isn't pretty.

Anyway, the first class with Toyoda Sensei was lively and enjoyable.  We did lots of kotegaeshi. Ever so slightly I'm working my way into breakfalls.  Kirsten, one of the two yudansha kenshusei, is really enjoyable to work with.  She's recently become nidan and has been training in Aikido for a number of years.  I think she's only 18 or so.

She has this incredible way of coaching with a new technique.  Somehow she manages to individualize the instruction so perfectly for each of us.  When I'm nage, she'll help direct me and give me tons of tips on how to do the technique.  And then when the next nage is up, she'll explain the technique in a totally different way, tailored for that nage.  Her intuition about knowing exactly what you need to hear is amazing.  I can see now why she enjoys teaching children.  I already know I will miss her when she has left.  Fingers-crossed that she comes to Northwestern for college.

As the class moved on, the throws got bigger and harder to execute.  I was nage for one or two people, throwing them into a breakfalls.  Scary as it seemed, after the second one I instantly understood not only how to throw, but how to take one.  You must rely on the energy transfer from one person to the next.  And above all, relaxing is the key.  I was able to take only one breakfall.  I had my feet and everything positioned properly, but I forgot to slap and I took the force of it on my side.  I didn't hurt myself, but now I see why you need to release the force by slapping.

The very last technique was terrifying.  Toyoda Sensei picked up a kenshusei named Rachael and flipped her over his back.  He did it a few times and gave a pretty good explanation of it.  He then had all the yudasha position themselves as nage. The white belts weren't expected to do the flip, but when Kirsten had me on her back, she asked me if I wanted to go for it.  I did, and effortlessly she flipped me over and I landed properly on both feet.  I was grinning like an idiot. Kathy, my newly found kenshusei friend began to clap with glee that I did the flip.  Class was over and I felt on top of the world.

The second class was taught by one of the teachers I don't know well.  His style is to focus a lot on the philosophy of the movements and honing techniques.  He likes to talk a lot about the various techniques and how they can be boiled down into just a few basic body movements.  The only down side to his class was that he seemed to be talking mostly to the more advanced students.  For each technique, he didn't really demonstrate a less-advanced version.  It's not a huge deal, but I like when the other teachers present the basic body movements first and then work into the full teachnique.

His class consisted of showing the full technique, and then when people weren't getting it (thank god it wasn't just me), we reverted back to just the tai sabaki practice.  Then back to the technique.  I'm not an expert on teaching people Aikido, but the class seemed to lack the building-block flow of a lot of teachers I've experienced:  Learn the tai sabaki, do a simple technique.  Add a bit more to the tai sabaki, build a bit more on that technique, and so on.

It could just be my feet.  They are still pretty ignorant.  Despite what everyone's hands do, I'm trying as hard as possible to watch all the footwork and learn how to dance as both uke and nage.  I call it dancing because that's exactly what it feels like.  As nage, I must learn to move my body in deliberate and structured ways in order to take uke's balance.  As uke, I must be able to follow the dance that nage wants to do.

One-two-three, one-two-three...]]></body>
	<date>07-19-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1959">
	<title><![CDATA[s w e a t]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Despite the milder day we had in Chicago, the dojo was like a sauna last night.  I had originally planned to stay for all three classes but my feet and my soaked gi couldn't make it to the third.

I had a lot of trouble learning the tai sabaki for the movements in the second class.  Since the class was being taught in an additive way, if you don't get the movements during the first exercise, you're way off for the rest of class.  Thankfully during a few of the final techniques I was grouped with Kirsten, a yudansha who is one of the best teachers I've met.  She has this intuition about body movements and is quite good at coaching me through just about anything.

We ended with renzoku kokyudosa.  The funniest thing after all the students lined up for the final bow was how you could see the shimmering patches of sweat on the mats in groups of four, spread out like four-leaf clovers around the dojo.

As much as I want to train again tonight, my feet aren't feeling up to it so it's time to relax.  I've been using Arnica gel and cream quite a bit because I don't like taking pills, but I think I might need to augment that with some herbs.  The arches of my feet aren't happy, and everybody knows that a good house needs a good foundation.

So tonight, no class.]]></body>
	<date>07-13-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1954">
	<title><![CDATA[I want to test because...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It's a struggle.

During class last night, the buzz from everyone getting ready for the upcomming testing weekend was palpable.  Everyone is sorting themselves out by rank and going over their testing requirements in pairs.  It's amazing to watch and feel the dedication of everyone, but I'm kind of confused.

In my head, I know all the techniques for 7th kyu.  I can name them all and the tai sabaki for each one is not difficult for me.  The ki tests aren't a problem either.  But I've never seen a test and I'm not sure that I'm confident to test when it's all eyes on me.

One of the yudansha took me to the side and told me "Look, when you're up there to test, it's all about you.  It's your show.  Take control of each movement and really feel it."

Normally that's exactly what I do off the mats.  I'm a DJ.  I live for a crowd.  I perform in front of (sometimes) hundreds of people each week and don't ever think twice about it.  But DJing isn't physical, at least not in the way Aikido is.

I want to test because...hmm, I don't know that I can finish that sentence.

There's my answer I suppose.  If I can't really describe why I want to test, then perhaps I shouldn't be testing yet.

In any case, my two hours on the mats last night ended with some randori demonstrations.  Up to that point I'd only seen videos online.  Watching a six man randori made me nervous, excited, scared, and awestruck.  I could barely see any of the techniques executed, but bodies kept flying out in all directions.

Perhaps someday, with lots of training, I'll be in the center of all that, siezing chaos.]]></body>
	<date>07-12-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1948">
	<title><![CDATA[the aikidoka's new clothes]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My dogi arrived yesterday.  I wanted to rip open the packages and try it all on, but I was at work and didn't think that idea was too wise.  So I anxiously made my way home a bit early and ran up the stairs.

It was far more lightweight than I expected but the fabric seems very sturdy.  I ordered the 8.5oz Bujin jacket but the 12oz pants.  After one wash (and 30 minutes in the dryer) it was supple and comfortable. I tried to tie the belt but I really couldn't get it right.  I'd have to wait for someone to show me.

On Saturday I made my way to the dojo way early to practice moving around in the uniform as best as I could.  After asking five people how to tie the obi (more techniques are always better) I finally got a working system.  Being in a true uniform on the mats heightened my awareness right away.  It was like someone flipped a switch on.

Seiza is so much more comfortable in the dogi pants.  Perhaps their stiffness helps, I'm not sure.  In any case, the first class went by quickly and I found myself able to roll a bit better in the dogi than I had been in a plain shirt.

The second class was dedicated to kyu testing.  There is a kyu test next weekend, but I'm a bit too green to test right now.  I know the basic footwork for all three techniques we're expected to do, and the ki testing won't be a problem for me.  But I'm not fluid yet and I feel like I'm thinking too much about the movements.  Only for a brief moment during a previous practice was I able to relax enought to really let it flow.  That's what I really need to work on...allowing myself to relax and extend ki. 

At the end of class Toyoda Sensei did a practice kyu test and had some people doing the tests for 6th kyu and 5th kyu.  It was fascinating to watch.  I'm looking forward to the big testing ceremony next week at Ryoshinkan.

When I removed my uniform after class I was a little sad.  It meant that the lessons, at least the ones learned in the dojo, were over for the day.  I can say with a lot of confidence that it made a difference for me.  Perhaps not a physical one, but I think the process of putting it on mentally prepared me for class.

I'm looking forward to the next time I can put it back on and get out on the mats.]]></body>
	<date>07-09-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1946">
	<title><![CDATA[Last day on the mats in a tee]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Last night I arrived at the dojo at 5:15.  Many of the kenshusei were milling about, getting ready to travel to one of the other AAA dojo's, the Burbank one I think.  I began to get a little excited because no one was there except myself and them, which meant I would possibly have a private lesson with Erickson Sensei.

But, in due time, another student from my six week intro course came in and we began class.  After a series of warmups, the kenshusei's ride happened to arrive, so they left the dojo and the three of us alone.

We began with *wince* breakfall practice.  Sensei had us lie on the floor and practice slapping and positioning ourselves in the proper way.  My shoulders aren't used to landing like that, so this is going to be a big hurdle for me.  I could manage the slapping with the arm and the opposite food coming down flat, but that shoulder land is going to be a big thing to get over.

After flopping around like dead fish for a while and landing painfully several times, Erickson Sensei asked us what we wanted to work on next.  I chose katatekosatori kokyunage, the other student chose katatori ikkyo.

By this time we were all pretty sweaty, and since both of us were only in tee shirts and sweatpants, we were soaked through.  I didn't relish the though of placing another persons' head directly on my sweaty shirt, nor did I look forward to being smashed against someone elses' sweaty shirt, but we got through it.

In fact, ten minutes into it we were working VERY hard at a VERY rapid pace.  One of us would play nage to two uke's (one was Erickson Sensei) then we'd switch, then again, and again, and again.  It was all happening so fast and so furious that for a moment the dojo seemed very quiet to me.  I was only focusing on my footwork, gliding through the movements, feeling very heavy the entire time.  It took a booming "Yame!" from Sensei to bring me out of that trance.

It felt right.

Then onto the katatori ikkyo with pin.  Again, no dogi, so we had sweaty shirts to deal with.  Having two uke was good because I learned how to pin both a flexible and a not-so-flexible person.  We finished with that technique and ended that class.

A yellow belt joined us for weapons, and I had my second bokken class.  Now I have to admit, bokken is really REALLY fun.  I kept imagining all the swordplay in Kill Bill, but we were moving at snail's pace so it wasn't flashy.  In fact, moving very slowly was sort of meditative.  It also lit my forearms on fire like never before.  While bowing at the end of class I felt like I had two fires burning at my sides.

The final class was a six week intro which was more of a cool-down for me than anything.  It was nice to work through some basic movements slowly.  It's also fun to work with people who have only been on the mats a couple times.  They are full of smiles when they learn something new.  Watching and helping them learn ukemi is teaching me more and more about blending and extending my ki.

It's also fascinating to see how far I've come in the last two months.  I know there is a lifetime of learning ahead of me, but to see the progress in myself is satisfying.

I just checked the fedex tracking number that bu jin sent me.  My dogi is in the building!  No more tee and sweats for me on the mats.
]]></body>
	<date>07-08-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1940">
	<title><![CDATA[Three hours...]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I made a quick exit from work at 4:45 so I could make it to the dojo in time for the 5:45 beginners class with Toyoda Sensei.  More mae ukemi roll practice, which is great because they are starting to get a little faster and a little easier for me.  I'm able to somewhat do them from standing, but if I hesitate in the least I end up rolling as smooth as a flat tire...thumpa-thumpa-thump.

I decided to stay for the mixed rank class at 7 with Parks-Casey Sensei, but it turned out that another teacher, a long-time student of Toyoda Shihan, was going to teach our class.  We did katatekosatori kokyunage with the head throws and some kotegaeshi as well.  At that point we switched to something  with iriminage and a serious throw.

One of the uchideshi gave me a good yank and a good throw and I flew into a roll and bounced back up to standing like nothing happened.  He and I both had an expression of suprise because neither of us heard a thing, which meant the roll was good and I actually seemed to do it properly.

It was a breakthrough, but there's still so much more work to do.

I realized that during ukemi, if you can do it in one long exhale and totally relax, the fall/roll/etc. works so much better.  I really felt like I was extending ki properly and letting the movements just happen.  It felt right.

I was so energized after that, so I stayed for a third hour of training.  It was going to be a bokken class, which I had never done before.  A few of the kenshusei students showed me how to choose and hold the bokken, so we all lined up and class began.

It wasn't until maybe ten minutes into practice from chudan no kamae to jodan no kamae that I learned about some new arm muscles I apparently have never used before.  My forearms were white hot, but I did my best to stick with it.

At the end of class I was exhausted.  My tee shirt was transparent with perspiration, my face was dripping wet, but I must have been beaming like an idiot because both teachers commented on how happy I looked.

Myself, a few students, and Toyoda Sensei stopped in at the bar just next door for a beer and a bite to eat.  It was nice to trade stories about Aikido with everyone and just relax in the cool Chicago evening air, although in the back of my mind a long hot soak in a tub full of epsom salts very nearly kept me from hanging out with everyone.  Eventually I made it home to soak, but tonight I need to take a break.  No classes for me.  Time to heal.]]></body>
	<date>07-06-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1935">
	<title><![CDATA[Sunny Saturday and Rainy Monday: Toyoda Shihan's M]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[In the Chicago heat I trained on Saturday, working with a newer group of beginners on forward rolls.  I'm still taking a bit too much time to setup my roll, but it's getting easier and easier.  At least I'm rolling straight.

We ended class by doing some katatekosatori kotegaeshi, which as I understand it is a 7th kyu requirement.  The footwork is far from natural, but it's starting to make sense how I can shift my weight around and take uke's center.  I left the dojo with a smile and a sheen of sweat on my forehead.

On Monday, after having a VERY late night out on Sunday (in bed by 5am!), I arrived in a rental car at Tenshinkan dojo at 8:00am.  Everyone had been awake for a bit longer than me, but everyone had a long face.  It was the day of Toyoda Shihan's memorial service at Ryoshinkan dojo in Palatine.

Kathy decided she would ride with me, and I couldn't have been happier.  It gave us a long time to talk about Aikido and how our lives have been and are being changed by it.  She has such an amazing perspective on life and how Aikido fits into hers.

Ryoshinkan is beautiful.  The mat area is at least six or seven times larger than Tenshinkan, and the ceilings seem to rise up forever.  The shomen is set in a gracefully curved area with two shelves.  A youthful picture of Toyoda Shihan hangs on one of the other walls, and the Japanese tatami are quite comfortable.

Before the service began I sat on the mats for a while with Kathy flanking me.  I tried my best to clear my mind and breathe slowly and deliberately, but I couldn't shake the picture of Toyoda Shihan from my mind.

I think it was a testament to how strongly his spirit permeates that place.  I never had the chance to meet him, but if someone asked me about that day, I'd tell them I was able to feel him.  In that place, on those mats, in the company of so many who loved and admired him, his spirit is still alive in this world.

After everyone was in their uniforms, we lined up on the mats.  Toyoda Sensei, his son, said a few words to open the memorial and took everyone through warm-up exercises.  From there, he offered a stick of incense to each of us.  We each, in turn, lit the incense and placed it on the shomen.

I felt a little out of place because I haven't yet received my dogi (although I ordered a bu jin one which should be on the way.)  As I was watching all the yudansha in line, followed by the brown, blue, yellow, and white belts, the sadness of the event hit me.  Toyoda Shihan was truly a man who changed the world, and his loss made me feel empty inside.  I could see the emptiness making it's way across the faces of those who knew him, and those, who like me, never had the fortune to meet him.

But as anyone who has heard a story about Toyoda Shihan knows, they always end with a laugh or a great big smile.  Each of the higher ranked yudansha, those who were his students, related a story about him, and then demonstrated a particular technique that fit.  This was followed by everyone practicing the same technique for a short while.

The techniques were far more advanced that I had ever attempted before, but there wasn't a minute of it I didn't enjoy.  With so many people around me training hard and smiling, the Aikido energy that day seemed far stronger than I have ever felt before.

After all the yudansha had spoken and demonstrated, Toyoda Sensei, Toyoda Shihan's son said the final few words.  For his technique, since the dojo was buzzing with energy, he had everyone work on punches all at once.  At first we kiai'd on the fifth count.  But when he had everyone kiai on every punch, I though the roof of the dojo was going to blow off.

Every person was shouting with every bit of ki they could summon.  The effect was almost breathtaking.  I didn't just hear each kiai, I felt every single one in that room.  In unison, in praise to Toyoda Shihan, we were all one.

When it came time to pair off and practice blocking punches with the kiai, Erickson sensei asked me to be her partner.  I was flattered and grateful at the same time.  I can't remember the name of the technique because my head was in the clouds from all the energy in the dojo, but basically uke went in to punch and nage shot out an arm, barely catching uke's face and pushing them back into a fall. 

After two slow attempts for me to get the feel of it, we did it at high speed.  It was magnificent, and if I could still be on the mats doing it right now, I would.  With everyone practicing around us and kiai's thundering through the air, I know Toyoda Shihan's spirit was there on the mats with us.  And I think he was smiling.

---

On the drive back, we hit a furious rainstorm.  The rain was falling in sheets, pounding the car and the pavement.  I could barely see the car in front of me, much less anything more than five feet from the windows.  The world was being drowned by rain.  All I could think was that the heavens were weeping because of the loss of such a great man from this world.
]]></body>
	<date>07-05-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1928">
	<title><![CDATA[Community]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My first weapons class went by so fast it seemed over before it began.  There were perhaps sixteen of us training on the mats, so the dojo was sort of full.  Kristen, a yudansha with a kiai that will knock you over flat, coached me through the first movements with the jo while Erickson Sensei led the class.

The fluid movements of jo practice are so wonderful to watch, I found myself thinking I should try to be in the back row next time to watch the other aikidoka move.  When it's done right, it's very graceful.  There's something spiritual about moving with the jo, and it makes every movement I've learned begin to make sense.

After quite a bit of jo tsuki practice with each other, we moved onto jo dori with a kotegaeshi pin.  I knew the pin (although a bit awkwardly) but bringing the jo into the mix made the movements more understandable.  The reasons for moving the way you do when doing kotegaeshi are magnified when you're swinging a jo around.

At the very end we did kokyu dosa practice.  I was partnered with an incredible brown belt from Dubai.  She's a native Australian (I believe her name is Karen) and has such good energy that our kokyu dosa practice was as fluid as a stream of water.  She coached me on when to breathe and when to cut.  My previous partners made it difficult for me to tell what was muscle and what was ki, but with her it was obvious.  I later learned she's certified in Reiki, which completely made sense given how she works.

I stayed on for the Intro class that followed and enjoyed some interesting sankyo practice.  Of all the grips I've learned thus far, sankyo appears to be the most dangerous when you look at it, but I'm told that's not true.  Apparently there will be a whole lot of pain before you even begin to damage anything, so it's one of the safer ones.  That doesn't change the fact that it looks scary as you twist someone's hand the wrong way and raise it up in the air to throw them.

After practice I was invited to dinner with the ten people who are staying at the dojo.  One of the uchideshi was leaving the next morning, so it was sort of a farewell dinner.  We went to Matsuya for Japanese.

Sharing a meal with someone is the first form of friendship for me.  We must eat together for me to consider you my friend.  I'm not sure if that's the Greek side of me talking, but there is nothing more enjoyable than good food shared with others with some lively conversation.

There I was, sitting at a table full of aikidoka, with the son of the founder of AAA at the table, enjoying a meal and talking about Aikido, Japan, and life.  I can't help but wonder what it's like for other people.  Do they find a sense of  community where they train?  Do they go out after leaving the mats and enjoy the world together?  I hope so.]]></body>
	<date>07-01-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1927">
	<title><![CDATA[My first class with Garza Sensei]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[When I arriveda the dojo yesterday, there were quite a number of people on the mats.  This week marks the beginning of the Summer Kenshusei, so the mats are going to be quite full for the next month.

It was intimidating looking at a group of younger students, full of life, with many colors of belts tumbling around the mats.  There was me, in a white tee and sweatpants, with no dogi.  The dojo still doesn't have any in stock in my size.  I suspect I'll have to order one online very soon.  I don't particularly relish the thought of that heavy jacket in the heat, but I'm certain training in the dogi will feel different from a tee and sweats.

It was even more intimidating when I had to roll across the length of the dojo in front of everyone.  My rolls aren't horrible, and I can keep them pretty straight, but I still have to think about it quite a bit.  When I lose concentration I sound like a flat tire rolling down the street.  Thumpa-thumpa-thump.

A fellow student told me not to worry about being slow.  It gave him a chance to take a break...

This was my first class with Garza Sensei and I couldn't have had more fun.  He kept the conversation light and to the point, even recounting a story or two about Toyoda Shihan.  He's a very good humored man who seems to really enjoy what he does on the mats.

However, the real reason I enjoyed class was because I had the chance to work with so many people who are much more advanced than I am.  Everyone I worked with had a tip or a suggestion on how to position myself, and they were all different sizes and heights.

Rather quickly I learned that the taller the uke, the more I must step out of the line.  But that comes with a trade off because depending on the hold, sometimes you need to get back in quite close.  It's almost like I kept trying to picture the response a couple different ways in my head to determine my footwork before uke approached.

We did a lot of different ikkyo and nikkyo pins, and with the 95 degree heat, the mats soon became wet with perspiration.  I haven't described the smell of the dojo because this is a public blog and I don't want to offend.  However, since I've brought it up, elephantine seems an apropos description.

Having trained in many of Toyoda Sensei classes for the last two weeks, I was used to the Zen breathing exercise he did at the end of class.  I found myself missing that with Garza Sensei.

Originally I planned to stay for the second and final class of the evening, but the heat and the fact that every part of me was wet made me decide to go home.

I will definitely be back on Wednesday evenings to learn more from Garza Sensei.  I'll just have to do the Zen thing on my own.

Tonight, weapons with Erickson Sensei, and maybe sitting in on the 6 week intro.]]></body>
	<date>06-30-2005</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="1923">
	<title><![CDATA[The beginning]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My Aikido training began a VERY short time ago, on May 12th, 2005.  Myself and four other new students gathered together at Tenshinkan Dojo in Chicago, Illinois to begin a journey into a world none of us knew very much about.

I came to Aikido for many reasons.

I've been studying Japanese language and culture since the beginning of 2004.  On a whim I began to look for a place to study Japanese, and was very lucky to find the Japanese Culture Center (which is build around the AAA Tenshinkan Dojo) in Chicago.  I knew very little about the place, but the classes were the right price and I signed up at once.

The very first time I visited to pay my fee, there were people in curious clothes throwing each other around on the mats.  Upon my next visit, I realized, to my horror, that I would have to cross through the mat area to get to the basement where the language classes were held.  It was intimidating to say the least, but I quickly picked up from watching others that you needed to bow before you entered the mats.

During our language classes in the basement, we could hear people shouting and landing with various thuds and thumps.  Still ignorant to what was actually happening on the mats, I learned how to introduce myself and count in Japanese, with the din of Aikido in the background.

Fast-forward one year and I was a private student of the language teacher, able to read all kana, a few kanji, and speak like a six year old.  By then I knew a lot about the Japanese culture and began to prepare for a three week trip to explore Japan.

In March of 2005 I visited Japan and toured the country from Hokkaido to Kyushu, which is a long haul.  I rode the Shinkansen.  I ate ramen standing up and ate ekiben on the trains.  I explored Tokyo by day and night. I was rained on at Mt. Aso, and in Osaka I sat in a Spa World hot tub under a pouring rainstorm.  It snowed in Noboribetsu while I lounged in a sulphurous onsen.  Monkeys ran free around me outside of Beppu and I meditated at Ryoanji in Kyoto.  Tears fell from my eyes in Hiroshima.  My soul was calmed at Sanjusangendo Temple. For three weeks I felt like I was truly in the floating world.

Returning to Chicago was like reverse culture shock.  The Japanese ai, omnipresent in life, was gone.  Everything appeared chaotic and random compared to the order of Japan.  I needed to get back that feeling of peace, that feeling of harmony.

That's when I learned about Aikido.  It was more than a form of defense.  It was a way to harmonize with the world around you, the very thing I was looking for but could not find.

So there I was, nervously waiting on the mat in a tee shirt and running pants.  Laurie Erickson Sensei would be my first guide into the world of Aikido, and I cannot think of a better way to start than under her tutelage.

The first six weeks, one hour per week, were spent stretching, rolling, learning the difference between and step and a slide, and doing many ki exercises.  After class, and in the following days, there were many sore arms and wrists, and I found myself soaking in my bathtub, pretending I was at an onsen in a far away land.

During our final class, Erickson Sensei reviewed how much we had learned in just six hours of training.  I was both speechless and grinning like an idiot.  I couldn't (and still cannot) do much of it quickly or even well for that matter, but I knew what I was doing, and I was aware of my body in ways I never had been before.

I signed on as an ongoing student immediately and began spending as much time as possible training.  That was only two weeks ago, and I find myself on the mats as close to daily as I can.  I've had the good fortune to train with Toyoda Sensei (Toyoda Shihan's son) quite a bit over the last few weeks, and each time I train I feel like I leave the dojo with just a little bit more.

The most apropos thing I can think of to describe Aikido so far is the Japanese kotowaza  that reads like this:

&#22645;&#12418;&#31309;&#12418;&#12428;&#12400;&#23665;&#12392;&#12394;&#12427;
chiri mo tsumoreba yama to naru
bits of dust pile up to form mountains

Someday I will become a mountain.  Until then, I'll be on the mats.]]></body>
	<date>06-29-2005</date>
</blogEntry>


</blogEntries>