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<blogEntries>
<blogEntry id="892">
	<title><![CDATA[To The Matter Of My Ego.]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[II have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and have concluded that I will no longer post my journal on a public forum. I think that for me the posting on a public forum is only making my struggle with my ego more difficult. With all the literature I have been reading on Budo, Zen Buddhism, and Aikido Philosophy I can't help but think that posting my journal on a public forum is saying "Hey look at me. Look what I'm doing"! That I think is a big part of my problem with following this way. I try too hard to gain recognition and praise, where what I really need to do is just strive to be the best I can be without worrying about what others think whether it be good or bad. 

I have come to realize that every time I make an accomplishment I have a need for someone, actually everyone, to know about it. I now see how egotistical this is and I need to take steps to stop this. I'm pretty sure this bragging has caused a rift in some important relation ships in my life. So my goal now is to try and move away from the me/I focus and start training towards the we/us focus. I just wish I didn't have to struggle through this alone. But then again it's probably best this way as the need for a mentor to tell me whether I'm diminishing my ego or not is just another desire to get a pat on the back.

So to those that did read my journals I apologize. I do find my journals helpful to me, and I will continue to journal, but I am now questioning why I need to publicize them.
 ]]></body>
	<date>08-13-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="829">
	<title><![CDATA[Trip to Calgary Ki Society]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[On the second day in Calgary I had planned to visit the Calgary Ki Society and hopefully train. While I headed to their dojo Diane and the kids went to the Zoo. I got to the dojo to watch the last half hour of the kids class with James Angevine Sensei, the head of Calgary Ki Society, instructing. While I was watching David English Sensei, 3rd dan yudansha, whom I had spoke to from Winnipeg on the phone, entered and welcomed me into the dojo. Upon discovering who I was English Sensei invited me to train. I couldn’t say no despite the trouble my back was giving me. 

Since it was a long weekend it was a small class. Five of us in all! Angevine Sensei is a 6th dan whom has trained under Tohei Sensei in Japan. His technique is extremely light and he emphasizes to his students to be as light as possible. This lightness of technique was practiced in the exercises at the beginning of class. Sensei went through sankyu and rather than gripping the fingers and hand into sankyu he had us lightly hold the hand with one hand and and merely control lightly the fingers into sankyu with the other. The lighter control, rather than grip, help the nage feel the uke’s energy thus it seemed easier to respond to and follow the flow of the uke’s energy. Despite the feeling I was a bare beginner under Angenvine sensei I felt like I had learned a lot in that class. I wish that I had time to practice what I had learned. It is apparent to me that if I ever have to move to Calgary as an RTC, I at least know I have a top of the line dojo to attend
 ]]></body>
	<date>07-26-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="767">
	<title><![CDATA[I'm Going On A Trip!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My vacation is coming up in less than a week and my family and I are going on a road/camping trip. We will be driving from Winnipeg to Calgary, north to Edmonton, over to Prince Albert, then to Dauphin, and finally home to Winnipeg. I have plans on visiting a couple of Ki Aikido dojo's in Calgary and Edmonton. It will be nice to train again. I haven't been on the mat for a while. The two dojo's I plan to go to are the Calgary Ki Society, and the Edmonton Yiushinkai. I'll let you all know how it goes. ]]></body>
	<date>06-25-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="669">
	<title><![CDATA[I feel like I've been given a sign]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Upon finishing the very compelling and informative “Three Pillars of Zen” I wanted to look into whether or not Zen sittings were held at any of the Buddist temples in Winnipeg. What I found out was that Zazen sittings are being organized, from my understanding, for the first time for lay people starting Saturday at 0930 at 761 Westminster and regularly there after Monday to Friday from 0630-0730. 

I think this being available now is speaking volumes to my fatalist sensibilities. Everything happens for a reason and it seems that me discovering this now when my path in Aikido has been taken from me is nothing less than a sign. Aside from finding this new path is available for me at a time that is convenient for my family I understand that there will be a Sesshin organized at a later date for those who wish to delve more seriously into themselves using zazen. Sesshin is overseen by a Roshi, or Zen master, to help guide you to Kensho (enlightenment) through the use of intense zazen and Koans (Zen riddles such as what is the sound of one hand clapping). According to the book there are many stages of kensho, and it could take years to get to even the first stage.

I think spiritually this is something that I have been looking for. I hope that no obstacles stand in my way on this path. I will keep you all informed. 
 ]]></body>
	<date>05-28-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="638">
	<title><![CDATA[The practice of calming myself]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[You will all now hear an admission of a rather unusual bad habit that I have had, and wrestled with, all my life. I am a perpetual motion machine. To be more specific I rock. No I don’t mean I’m constantly playing the air guitar and bobbing my head to some unheard music, though it’s not far from the truth. What I mean by rocking is that I can’t sit in a chair without rocking back and forth in it. I have never liked it but have never been able to control it. As a kid in my teens I always hoped that I would just grow out of it, but I am into my forties now and still rock. All who know me well have seen me rock often and most think nothing of it any more. Those who don’t know me must think I’m a little off when first they witness this odd physical tic.

Why am I telling you this? It’s because I have noticed that the calmness that I train and strive for in my Aikido training is beginning to calm my habit of rocking. This is only just beginning mind you, but is happening just the same. 

Before I started training in Aikido I was totally oblivious to my rocking habit when it started while sitting watching TV, or reading something on the computer at work, until someone made a comment about it. Now as part of my own training out of the dojo I am consciously and constantly trying to find my one point and in turn that relaxes my shoulders first then other parts of my body follow. When this happens that “need” to rock gets washed away. I sit there in my chair reveling in the stillness. In this stillness I find I’m more focused on the movie I’m watching (go figure) or the task I’m performing at the computer.

This 40 year old habit isn’t licked yet, but I think I have finally found the key to beating it. For those of you who read my journal regularly you’ll know that I have had to all but give up my training due to responsibilities that required my attention at home. So I’m going to turn my Aikido training focus from the physical to the mental study. Not to say that I’m going to stop training in technique, but to turn more to the study of Zazen. I’m doing this because I think that in my Aikido training what has been helping remedy this habit the most is the Ki breathing exercises done in seiza. 

Up till now I have only been practicing Ki breathing in seiza maybe once a week. After I practice this form of zazen I feel invigorated yet relaxed. I’m more conscious of my surroundings. But most importantly I feel calm. I can get up after this practice and sit still in a chair for an extended period of time without thinking about it. Trust me after 40 years of not being able to sit still this is a great feat.

To help me develop this practice I picked up a book by ROSHI Philip Kapleau called the “Three 
Pillars of Zen”, which give great detail on the different practices of zazen. I am finding this book very interesting, but that is for another topic. Till then I’m going to practice sitting still. ]]></body>
	<date>05-16-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="611">
	<title><![CDATA[A Pros and Cons Compromise]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Now that I am on an evening shift my family is finding it very difficult with me being gone to train at the dojo on the little time that is available when my wife or I are not at work, or my kids are not at school.  My son is having problems at school that require my full attention now.  The two days I’m off work I need to make myself available to him when he gets home from school.  Now that my wife is working full time I almost never see her.  The few times I can see her I was attending classes for the most part.  So needless to say this new arrangement is grating on everyone’s nerves.  Because of this I have informed Sensei that I will no longer be able to train.

I was afraid that this might happen when I moved from night shift to evenings, but after 8 years on nights I couldn’t do it any more. The pros of moving to a new shift definitely out weighs the cons of stopping my training as I new that if I were to continue on nights the way I was it would surely have killed me. This compromise was one that I needed to make at this time. I have been and will continue to investigate what my options are with respect to continuing my training in Aikido. Until I find an equitable solution I will try to train on my own the best I can and hope that I don’t lose everything that I have learned.
 ]]></body>
	<date>04-26-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="580">
	<title><![CDATA[Practice, practice, practice]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I’ve been going “aha” about a few things lately that is not only making improvements on my nage waza, (for lack of a better term) but also my ukemi.  Sensei has tuned up my nikkyo by showing me that when I’m applying it my fingers aren’t pointing downwards and toward my center.  I was more rolling my hand over the wrist so I was trying to apply the nikkyo with the weight underside my little pinky.  That subtle change in finger direction made all the difference.  Now I have to get out of the bad habit and into the good habit of finger placement so the ki is flowing through the technique properly.  Practice, practice, practice.

When applying (or in my case trying to apply) three palms up pin, follow ukes energy to the ground during the throw as not to lock out uke’s arm.  Even though I can get him into a sankyo pin from there I should be able to perform the technique into the three palms up without uke blocking that pin. By following his energy to the ground ukes arm stays slightly bent thus being in good position for the TPU pin. Also I need to make a more cutting motion with my forearm at uke’s elbow to initiate the bend in the arm. Practice, practice, practice.

With sankyo the stupid thing is I know what it is I’m doing wrong, and I know what it is I need to do to do it right, I just don’t seem to do it.  For some reason during sankyo I come up with uke into more of a version of a hammerlock. I rely too much on the wrist and upward movement rather than applying the sankyo at the fingers and opening the door. I don’t know if this is still my fear of harming uke with sankyo or if it’s just a case of poor shin shin toitsu.  My guess is probably a lot of both.  Oh well, practice, practice, practice. 

Last but definitely not least I need to work on my ukemi.  In this case I don’t mean my falling technique (although I have lots of room to improve on that) I mean my attack as uke.  Again this is my bad because I have been call on this by not only sensei before.  I have been called on it by sensei’s sensei, and the Aikikai sensei from next door.  The problem is that I am tracking nage with my attack.  Now why would that be bad? More energy for nage to work with after all!  Well the problem is, and I know it, that it’s not a realistic attack.  In a real fight situation there is now way I would commit myself in an attack like that.  Why do I do it then?  I think it’s a classic case of the mind leading the body.  In practice I know ahead of time what technique we’re working on, thus I tend to track nage because I know that is where the target will be.  The only thing I have to say about that is practice, practice, practice. :)  ]]></body>
	<date>04-02-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="565">
	<title><![CDATA[Calligraphy as opposed to just writing]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I have been asked many times by friends and family what makes Aikido different from other martial arts and two stories that I have heard in the last 24 hours seem to say it well.  The first story was imparted to my sons cub troop by sensei during a seminar we were doing for them.  It goes roughly like this.

A Karate martial artist, a Tai kwon do martial artist, a Judo martial artist, and an Aikido martial artist were standing at the bottom of a hill.  A bolder was rolling down the hill for which the Karate martial artist punched and shattered it into dust.  Another bolder rolling down the hill was kicked by the Tai Kwon Do martial artist and also was reduced to dust.  Another bolder rolling toward the Judo martial artist was picked up and thrown by him.  And the Aikido martial artist merely moved out of the way of the bolder rolling towards him.  Of course sensei told it much better but you get the gist of the story.  At any rate I thought it was a very good comparative parable.

The second story wasn’t a story at all, but rather a similarity that Kensho Furuya Sensei was using to describe the difference between DO and JUTSU.  This could apply to any martial art but I think it fits well to why and how most Aikidoka train.  

He likened Jutsu to cursive writing and Do to calligraphy.  One can apply Justu or the technique to make it work as a martial art just as one can write cursively to be understood.  It is not difficult to understand a technique enough to apply it in a fight situation.  So too it is not difficult to learn how to write so others can understand what you have written.  These are both skills developed to interact with others, and the act of applying the martial technique (Jutsu), or the scrawl of the writing (so long as it’s legible) does not say much about you.  

In contrast when one studies a martial art as a Do one tries to see past the basic movements, despite how well the technique is applied, to try and understand how the technique affects him as well as the person the technique is being applied to.  The affects that these martial artists ponder aren’t necessarily just immediate. They ponder the lingering affect as well.  The calligrapher can tell the same story as any one else on paper but the effort and beauty of the calligraphy leaves an impression on the reader that can’t be done by scratching it onto a paper cursively.  Following a Do and writing calligraphy are also both skills to interact with others, but unlike Jutsu and cursive writing they say much more about the practitioner.

Again, I think Furuya Sensei did a much better job of describing the correlation, but the description struck a chord in my heart just the same.  Even though my training is just in the stage of learning the ABC’s little lone writing, or calligraphy, I aspire to the Do of the art, because it's much more than just technique.
 ]]></body>
	<date>03-25-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="554">
	<title><![CDATA[Oroshi Gaeshi, and pondering the effects of less m]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Ok, now my dojo mates have shed a little more light on the Oroshi, Gaeshi thing I posted in “I just found out”.   It turns out that with reference to the Japanese language they mean exactly the same thing.  However, to satisfy the need for us North Americans to verbally differentiate the physical differences in the techniques, these are the Japanese terms we use.  So in this case I really wasn’t incorrect in using those terms. 

Testing was briefly brought up tonight and even though it might feel nice to have that next rank under my belt (excuse the pun), and put behind me, I am not feeling like I am ready.  I don’t want a kyu rank that doesn’t match my abilities.  Also, I don’t want to obtain my next rank and, due to my changed work situation, not be able to train as much as I have been. (Which isn’t enough now).  I am referring to the change from night shift to the afternoon shift at work that will take place in a couple of weeks.  Once I start working the afternoon shift the only time I will be able to train is Wednesday’s and every second Saturday. 

I think the reduced mat time will not only cause me to slow my refinement of the techniques, it will take Sensei a longer time for him to impart these subtle refinements.  Even though I will not stop trying to refine my technique, I think I will have to shift my focus more to the conditioning aspect of training in order for me to feel like I’m getting the most out of my training.  This is not to say that I haven’t been getting enough out of training, this is more a change in mindset for me so I won’t feel I have reached a plateau that I can’t get past due to my lack of mat time.  If I feel I’m getting physically fitter despite not improving in my technique I will feel like gains are still being made.  After all, the desire to improve my health was the reason I took up the martial arts again.  I don’t want to lose sight of that.
 ]]></body>
	<date>03-18-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="548">
	<title><![CDATA[Transposing my journal.  Apologies to my readers!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[After a post by Jamie I decided that it might be prudent to copy this journal to a file on my computer and save it to disc just in case something happens to Jun's server and all this work is lost.  While I was doing this I noticed that there were a lot of spelling, and some grammer mistakes.  Now I know that my spelling is pretty bad, but after spell checking this journal I realize that my spelling is atrocious.

To the people who actually read my drivel I apologize perfusely.  I will take better care in the future by typing the journal on a word program first to spell and grammer check it.

I also noticed that on a few occations I was refering to the shiho-nage throw as kote-oroshi.  I was also spelling a lot of the Japanese terms incorrectly.  I intend on remedying this by refering to the proper spelling in books such as "Aikido Exercises for Teaching and Training" and "The Dynamic Sphere". 

It is unfortunate that I can't go back and correct the mistakes I made in this copy of the journal.  At least I now know what my mistakes are and I can learn from them to improve my journal entries in the future.  A lot like Aikido training isn't it? :) ]]></body>
	<date>03-14-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="542">
	<title><![CDATA[I just found out!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I just found out last class that kote-oroshi and kote-gaeshi are the same thing.  Up till then I was under the impression that the difference was the direction that the torque of the wrist was applied. ie oroshi would be the wrist bent so fingers are pointing just outside the fore arm to cause uke to sit to ushiro-ukemi.  Where gaeshi would be rotating the wrist to twist the fore arm to cause uke to go head over tea kettle break fall ukemi. (hows that for a technical term)

So those reading my last post wondering what the heck I was talking about I hope this explains it.  If there are Japanese terms that differentiate what I have described above, by all means make comment. ]]></body>
	<date>03-12-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="539">
	<title><![CDATA[One does one doesn't]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Took both kids to the dojo to train today.  I think that my daughter has finally decided that martial arts in general is not for her.  She likes the idea of haveing a martial skill but only wants to put half her heart into it.  That's fine with me.  After three trips to the dojo she now has enough information to make an informed decision.

My son on the other hand.  HOLY SMOKES!  He's taking to Aikido like a duck to water.  He seems to be eating up every aspect of it from dojo etiquette to Ki exersizes and tests to  kokyu-nage.  Speaking of kokyu-nage, I showed him katate-kosa-tori kokyu-nage for the first time.  I was worried that it wasn't going to be easy due to our size difference, but he picked up the basic movements so well that he's quite capable of preforming the technique with surprisingly little cooperation on my part as uke.

Another one we have been working on is mune-tsuki kote-oroshi.  He is really getting the basic technique down well.  He now tenkans so that we are back to back with very good foot work.  he "picks up the quarter" from his knees rather that his back, so he is well balanced for the throw.  last but not least, he is realizing the difference between kote-oroshi and kote-gaeshi and the difference in ukemi it produces.  

Even though we worked mostly on kote-oroshi I told him to throw me kote-gaeshi a couple of times, being mindful of not "cranking" the throw, but rather guiding my momentum into the throw.  I gave him an idea of what I meant by grabbing his arm and giving it a yank to move him forward calling that the feeling of "cranking".  Then I grabbed his arm and gently pulled to guided him forward.  This must have been a powerful analogy for him, because the next couple of kote-gaeshi's were so light and flowing I was flabbergasted, and very impressed.

The last thing we worked on was kokyu-dosa.  He liked playing around with the throw itself, even though he hasn't quite got the concept of splitting the mind to take my balance.  What he did get, and was quite impressed with, was the knife edge pin.  I showed him the difference between being relaxed and pinning me as opposed to trying to keep me down with force.  At first when he tried to hold me down with force I easily sat up from his pin.  No supprise he thought.  He's only 80 lbs and dad's 220 lbs.  Then I told him to relax use unbendable arm (which we discussed in an earlier class) and concentrate on his one point.  I was then unable to get up from his pin.  Quite frankly I found that just as astounding as my son did.

I think that if and when the kids class is started at our dojo that my son will be a great example and insperation to the other kids.  For now though I'm just happy to share something with my son that we both enjoy.   ]]></body>
	<date>03-08-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="533">
	<title><![CDATA[Spliting the mind, more than once]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[For the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to physicaly train so I have been reflecting on the psycological aspects of Aikido.  One of the things I have been thinking about, and ultimately aspireing to, was the spliting of the mind.

When I was first introduced to this concept it was the idea that during some techniques it is necessary to split the mind of the uke in order to make the technique work as in Kokyo dosa or the heaven and earth throw.  But recently I have come to realize that not only do I have to split ukes mind in some cases, I have to split my mind as well, and always.

What I mean by this is I have to split my mind to coordinate my right hand with my left hand.  Then I have to split it again to coordinate my hands with my feet.  Then I have to split it again to make my apendages work from my center.  Then yet again to control my instinct to tense up while preforming a physical throw.  Add to that the need to control my breathing, connect to uke's center, be aware of my surroundings, and extend Ki, my mind is now split in quite a few directions.

Of course I'm incapable of spitting my mind in that many directions.  I'm still having trouble with two.  I see other Aikidoka that seem to have this ability and am inspired to know that it is possible.  At least to the extent that these Aikidoka can do it. I can't help wonder at the point when one is able to think about, and control all these things simultaniously, is this the point this person becomes enlightened? ]]></body>
	<date>03-04-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="512">
	<title><![CDATA[Me, My son, and Aikido]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Yesterday my son had a bad day at school to the point of being expelled for a day.  I can't help but wonder if it was partially my fault.  The day before my poor sleep patterns were catching up to me and it was showing up as irritability and negativity on my part in front of, and towards the kids.  It was nothing blatant or abusive, just a negativity that the kids (in particular my daughter) called me on.

My son being very sensitive to this type of thing seemed to take on this negativity the next day.  Without getting into details, it ended him up in serious enough trouble to get him expelled from school for a day.  It just so happed that this is the same day that we had been planning to go to the dojo to train.  My first instincts were to not take him as he was being so negative about everything that he wouldn't listen to what I was trying to show him.  After some thought though I decided to take him so that it didn't seem like I was giving up on him.  If I was having trouble keeping him on track I was just going to stop and give him the option of continuing or going home.  As it turned out he stayed very focused and we had a good training session.  Afterwards I noticed his negativity was gone, and his tense (more manic) demeanor was more relaxed.

It was then I knew that these training sessions are exactly what we need on a regular basis.  There was something about helping calm and center my son that was equally calming and centering for myself.  I have said in the past that Aikido has helped a great deal with the relationship with my son.  Last night was something extra though.  Even though he didn't realize it, he taught me something about the connection between the two of us and how important it is for us to continue to study Aikido together.  

My daughter had also been looking forward to coming to train at the dojo with me, but didn't, thinking that my sons attitude would ruin the experience.  I plan on making our trips to the dojo more frequent.  I hope that my daughter decides to come next time.  I beleive it will be just as benificial to our relationship. ]]></body>
	<date>02-21-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="508">
	<title><![CDATA[Aikido IS for everyone!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Between a demonstration our dojo will be doing for some high school teachers, posts made on another journal about an injury, and a reflection of how I was physically when I started Aikido, I can't help but realise that Aikido can be for literally any body.  From the person who is interested in the aspect of Ki developement to coordinate body and mind, to the one who is in it for self defence, to the person who starts it just to get back into shape, and every one in between.  The multifacets of Aikido can be practiced and used by everyone.

When I started Aikido I was severely out of shape and wanted something to learn from as well as work at so I had an incentive to keep returning for the work out.  Over time, as I realized how much more there was to Aikido, I continued to practice for other reasons.  The philosophy behind Aikido has helped with my relationships with my family members (in particular my son).  Also the centeredness and calmness I get out of Ki breathing and meditating has also been life changing for me.

I look back a mere year and a half ago at how I felt physically then and how I feel now, to me it is a difference of 20 years younger.  I felt 10 years older when I first started.  Now I feel 10 years younger.

I see people with disabilities and injuries who adjust their training to compensate yet still find copious amounts of things to study and train in in Aikido.

While discussing how the demonstration will unfold we concluded that even though the focus on the demo will be Ki development exersizes, we realise that everyone participating in the demo are individuals and will be looking for and taking in different aspects of the demonstation depending on their personality and what interests him or her.

I see also that as individual as the person is, so too is the dojos in the city.  Some have a harder style.  Some are more traditional.  Some are more layed back.  I think it is so important, when choosing a dojo, not to form an opinion on visiting just one dojo.  

You may go into a Dojo that is layed back and think (they're not working very hard, or they're having to much fun for a martial art dojo) Don't stop looking there!  Go to the next dojo in the city and see if that one is more martial, or more physically demanding.

On the other hand you may go into a Dojo and see them training and falling very hard and you might think (LORDY! I can't do that!).  Don't stop there!  Look further!  The next Dojo may take a less physical approach to the training due to style, or other reasons.

That being said, I think in an effort to help promote Aikido to everyone, (or at least as many people as possible), the head instructors should say to the potential students that if they find their dojo too rough, or not rough enough, or too traditional, or too layed back, or whatever, to tell these people that so and so instructor at such and such dojo may be more suitable for them.  This could be the difference between someone decideing to train or not.  If they don't know they have options they won't look any further, and O Sensei's desire to spread Aikido to everyone will have been undermind, even if it was done unintentionally. 

I am very fortunate to belong to a dojo that fits my personality well yet encourages me to try other senseis in other dojos in other styles of Aikido so that I continue testing my "fit" as my understanding and ability in Aikido changes. ]]></body>
	<date>02-19-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="488">
	<title><![CDATA[Ki, Tests, and Reversals]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[On Monday, due to some self inflicted back stiffness(snow, snow, snow), we worked mostly on Ki tests, and some techniques required for the 1st and 3rd Kyu tests coming up.  The Ki tests are primarily done while we are doing our warm up exersizes at the beginning of class.  I am finding the Ki tests are getting slightly more difficult, but at the same time I am learning new things from them.  Different test energies produce different sensations (for lack of a better word) that I have to develope in order to transfer the test energy through my hara and into the ground.  I am finding with some tests that it is still impossible for me to find that right "feeling" in order to pass the test.  

There is a test with Ikkyo-Undo where the hand is blocked from either raising or lowering.  I can muscle through that technique to make it work, but that isn't a pass.  I need to somehow just allow the energy of my hand to pass through the blocking energy of the Ki test.  The mechanics of passing this test still eludes me.

It is funny how the mind works, or at least my mind.  Sensei can call for just about any technique that we've worked on and I can execute it to some semblance to how it should be done.  But!  When Sensei says to show him 5 variations of so and so techique I draw a blank after the first two or three throws.  This should be easy because the majority of the techniques break down into Ikkyo, Nikkyo, Sankyo, Yonkyo, and Zempo variations.  Of course there are more, but if I can just keep in my mind that those are the basic variations I should be able to come up with 5.  With my luck I'll be asked to do five variations of a technique that that can't be turned into Zempo.  Then I'll just look like a deer caught in the headlights in the middle of my test.

On Wednesday we practiced more test techniques, and started to learn some reversals.  All I can say is WOW!  Reversals are a great way to feel and practice connections with uke.  It's one thing to connect with uke to preform a good throw.  It's entirely something else to connect with nage enough, and in motion, to change the flow of energy to your favor in order to perform a reversal.  Of couse being a new learning experience we were helping each other complete the reversal.  But even with that, if you didn't follow the flow of the technique well, with proper foot work to stay connected to nage, the reversal was difficult to impossible to pull off.

The sensations of reversal technique really gives me a good sense of how Aikido priciples are applied.  It also showed me just how much more there is to learn and to practice.  It is classes like this that make me wonder how people who are training in Aikido can ever get bored.    ]]></body>
	<date>02-07-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="462">
	<title><![CDATA[Relaxing my shoulders]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[It was just Sensei and I tonight.  We started out with warm up as usual except I was the one leading the warm up.  We pretty much do warm up in the same order every class, and I pretty much know the order of the first half.  It's the last half that's a little cagey for me.  It's so much easier to follow someone elses lead.  Not only that, when your doing the leading it forces you to start thinking about what exersize comes next while your doing an exersize.  That invasive thought then distracts me from what I was doing and the next thing I know I've not reversed the exersise on the count of go. :(  There is something to be said for the mind body coordination exersizes of leading a class.  I'm glad it was just sensei and I, otherwise I would have been even more self conscious causing me to flub even more exersizes.

After exersizes we started working on throws that will be on the sankyu test.  We stopped to play with the showmen strike for a momment, to see how easy it was to accept this attack using one point and unbendable arm.  I asked Sensei to strike me as hard as he could.  I would step in using unbendable arm and centered stability, and no matter how hard Sensei swung at me it was as easy as catching a base ball.  Sensei took a turn at this as well.  I showmened him about 4 or 5 times progressively getting harder till the last two times I was swinging full force.  Now I'm 6'2" and 230lbs.  Not braggin or anything but to stop my momentum dead in its tracks is a pretty impressive and useful technique.

Worked on Jo and Bokken next.  I don't know why I get so tense in the shoulders when I pick up a weapon.  It makes my weapon flop all over the place.  I swear if there was actual opponents involved I'd be hitting every thing but the opponents.  More likely they would be falling over laughing at me.  After a few rounds of each Kata I managed to relax enough to steady my weapons to resemble a tree branch on a blustery day.  Oh well!  I'm sure some day my weapons katas will have some simalarities to everyone elses. ;) 

Kelly  ]]></body>
	<date>01-15-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="459">
	<title><![CDATA[Training with the Aikikai again]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Due to some miscommunication between sensei and I, I ended up at the dojo by myself on Monday.  I used the time to work on my Jo and Bokken katas after I finished a good warmup/workout.  Threw in some shiko and ukemi and I had a pretty good sweat on after an hour.

Towards the end of my workout I started to hear people show up next door.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to train there again so I asked that sensei if I could join them.  He said certainly, and thus I was training for another two hours.  Good workout! :)

We started out with paired bokken practice.  The first technique we practiced involved uke attacking in showmen.  Nage counters by drawing the sword and slicing uke's arm pit, and moveing forward and off line of uke as he raises his sword for the attack.  The technique is finished by nage turning 180 degrees under his sword so it remains pointing in the same direction as before the turn, and showmen striking ukes sword close to the hilt.  I couldn't help but notice the relationship between nages body movements in this bokken practice, and the near identical body movements required to preform Shiho-nage Irimi.

I saw no other relation ships to empty hand in the other bokken techniques we practiced.  I did notice how powerful a suttle move can be if the bokken is moved from your center.  ie: Keeping my hands in front of me, using my wrists to control the bokken for parries, and my hips and legs for power during thrusts.

After bokken practice we moved to tai-sabaki (sp).  These were exersises on moving off line of an attack.  In this case all the attacks were Yokomen.  I found this a good practice not only for nage moving off line, but also for uke issuing a proper attack.  When at the end of class we tied our tai-sabaki to an actual throw (a type of kokyo-nage) I found I wasn't continuing the attack properly thus not giving nage enough energy to complete the throw. (Sorry Jeremie I think it was). :(  

All in all it was a good learning experience.  The class gave me alot to think about with respect to my ukemi that isn't part of the falling and rolling.  I look forward to returning to give Jeremie a proper opportunity to plant me into the mat. :)

Kelly

 ]]></body>
	<date>01-14-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="443">
	<title><![CDATA[Changes in the new year]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[There will be some changes for me in the new year that may affect my training.  I'm not sure if the changes will affect my training for the good or the bad.  At the end of the month I will be moveing to an afternoon shift from a night shift.  I will then have Wednsdays and Thursdays off.  This means I will be moveing my training times from Mondays and Wednsdays to Wednsdays and every second Saturday.  Less training but if sensei starts a kids program on Saturdays after regular class then I would consider that as extra training time.

I won't be able to bring my kids on Friday evenings as I had planned but maybe the kids program would remedy that (hint hint Sensei).

I am looking forward to getting off night shift but I hope it doesn't mess up my training too much. ]]></body>
	<date>01-08-2004</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="426">
	<title><![CDATA[Our biannual seminar]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[We had our biannual seminar with our esteemed sensei from Seattle.  I always enjoy those seminars because I learn so much in such a short period of time from him.  He is very good at describing suttleties that make or break a Ki test, or greatly improve a technique.  

I got to spend a lot of time being uke for him as everyone else was injured in some way (not Aikido injuries).  That was great!   Sensei must have told him I have began brekfalls because he snuck in a few on me.

Some of the memorable pointers were the change I needed to make in my ushuro ukeme to standing position.  I failed a Ki test to stand.  I was then told to use my abs more to place my one point forward enough to stand rather than extending my arms to gain momentum to stand.  I made the change with some success, but I really need to practice that one more.  He had me make a suttle (and I mean suttle) elbow, shoulder drop to make me more stable when offering my hand to uke.  I was astounded at the difference such a suttle change made in my stability.  He showed us two other versions of happo waza.  One was a tenkan version, the other was a sword cut with knife hand version.  The tenkan version realy takes some getting used to.  We worked on the eight direction sword kata.

I only managed to get two days of four that he was teaching.  I wish I could have gone to the other two, but because Christmas dinner was at my place I was behind the eight ball to prepare the house for the 15 people that will be coming over.  I don't know when he's going back to Seattle.  If I'm lucky maybe he might run another class after Christmas before he goes.  I was hoping to cover some of the techniques I'll need to do for my 3rd kyu test.

Kelly  ]]></body>
	<date>12-24-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="421">
	<title><![CDATA[Nikyu and Sankyu (your welcome)]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I finally figured out why I was haveing suck a hard time drawing uke up into Nikyu.  as it turns out I need to get more of a circular lifting motion before I place ukes wrist on my shoulder.  It seems to pull uke into the right position for Nikyu.  Before I was just trying to pull uke straight to my shoulder causeing his arm to extend and stay there making me lose that S in nages arm.  Just by lifting the arm higher than my shoulder before planting his wrist on my shoulder seems to bring uke around enough to force him to make that S in his arm.  My timeing for the up, down, Nikyu is becoming more fluid.

For Sankyu my up down timeing is improving for that as well.  I just have to remember to step in behind uke for tenkan so I'm out of the way of uke's fall.  I also feel I have to use less of a forced sword cut motion and more of a lead the uke by the fingers motion when droping uke to the floor.

I'm looking forward to training this weekend.  Our Nidan is coming in from Seattle.  I'm going to ask him his opinion on what I should be working on for my Sankyu test.  

Kelly  ]]></body>
	<date>12-18-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="417">
	<title><![CDATA[Avoiding conflicts to the detrement of others.]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I am a firm beleiver in avoiding areas were conflict florishes.  I don't go into dangerous parts of the city if I don't have to.  I try to keep a calm deamenor in the face of a verbal attack. I also know that conflict is enevitable.  There are places though that people come to, work, or learn such as schools and libraries where conflict that does occur has to be dealt with.  Whether by yourself or by the people responsible for the place of work, or learning.

What if one or two of those places that you go to find knowledge are rife with people who thrive on conflict but are left unchecked.  This year I have experienced far too many times this phenomona.  The latest incident was seeing a highly respected Aikido Sensei (Kensho Furuya) stop posting his knowledge on the web forum because of people who seem to thrive on aggrevating others for whatever reason.  How does one deal with these people.  I as a reader now have lost a legitimat source of good information on Aikido just because of the bad enery Furuya sensei was forced to constantly deflect.

IMO confrontational behavior, such as that which caused Furuya senseis departure, is what we as Aikidoka are supposed to be training to control.  Too many of us think that the idea of controling this behaviour is only controlling the others behavior, but it's not.  It's mostly training to control our own.  Until we as Aikidoka understand this we will never learn from our training, and we will continue to chase away the people that would teach us the most.  

If you don't what to learn from someone who is more knowledgable then don't listen.  but most of all don't ruin it for those of us who do want to learn by chasing the teachers away.

That's my journal rant.  I highly doubt the trolls on this forum will learn from this, or even care, but I've said my piece.  

Kelly  ]]></body>
	<date>12-14-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="414">
	<title><![CDATA[Training my son]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[My 8 year old son has been frequenting the dojo with me on Wendsdays due to cub scout outings that I have been taking him on right after class.  We have been working on basic ukemi to start and he is already getting to be a high fligher.  He threw me Zemponage a few times and I threw him the same (lightly)a couple of times.  

When class started he joined us for our warm up exersises.  He's starting to figure out those pretty well too.  I think it will be easier to get him to come Fridays to the dojo with me now.  I hope my daughter comes too.

I had alot of energy tonight.  We had a couple of our new guys show up for class.  I always enjoy working with the new people.  They tend to progress so fast that you can see and feel it from class to class.  

Sensei worked on alot of the technique I will be tested for next.  The others being fairly new were able to handle the techniques well.  It was good practice to be able to apply these techniques to the newer stiffer ukes.  I'm forced to flow the technique properly or, especialy with the one guy, it doesn't work.

gotta go.  See you soon.

Kelly ]]></body>
	<date>12-11-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="398">
	<title><![CDATA[Uke VS Nage]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I have heard complaints in the past, in this and other forums, of Nage's being too rough on their uke's.  Now I'm sure they are ligitimate complaints, especially if the nage is trying to muscle through the technique.  I wonder though how much of it is due to the lack of proper ukemi to help protect against a firm technique.  For eg.  In Ikkyo I have been brought down to my knee on the spot by a nage rather than walking me down.  This in itself is alright with me because I was told the proper ukemi for the technique which allows me to prepare for this downward pressure that puts me straight down to my knee, and or stomach.  If I wasn't told the proper ukemi I could try to walk forward to my knee causing more torque on my elbow or shoulder which could damage to same.

As for nage, he's just trying to do the technique as he would apply it in a real situation.  If we as uke's can't drop properly to protect ourselves so that nage is following uke around till we get to our knees, then we are not doing our nage's any good, because nage is not getting the feel for the intent or Ki with which to do the technique.

I'm not saying that nage should just complete the technique uncaring of uke.  I'm saying that the nage needs to know wheather uke is capable of proper ukemi for the given technique.  Thus the learning process extends to both nage and uke, and each is benefiting from practicing the "proper technique". 

If nage is preforming technique without muscleing through it he/she should be able to feel the tell tale resistance of poor ukemi technique.  At this point nage should be able to hold the uke with Ki, or intent, till the uke adjusts or assistance is verbalized on how to continue with ukemi.

Now I'm no expert by any means, but I take my ukemi very seriously because I want to protect myself to the best of my ability so I will always be able to train.  If I see a new throw that gets me in an unusual fall I would like to know how to fall properly.  Not only to protect myself but to allow nage to practice the technique properly.  ]]></body>
	<date>11-27-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="395">
	<title><![CDATA[Test Techniques]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[On Monday the only people at the dojo were sensei and I so we worked on the techniques that I will be doing for my 3rd Kyu test.  Interestingly enough two of the new techniques I'm going to do are just that, new.  The first technique, katata kosa ushiro something, ends with the throw leveraging ukes arm over my out stretched arm.  I have had sensei throw me with this one once or twice as a supprise throw to see how my ukeme would respond to something unexpected, but have never practiced it myself.  I didn't have any problem initiating the throw.  It seems to be quite simple and fluid.  I find also that it tends to be easier for me to stay relaxed during this throw.  Of course the ability to stay relaxed tends to help with connection to uke.

The other technique is a Yonkyo zemponage where the yonkyo is applied in an upward motion with the throw immediatly following.  As I will be doing it for the test there is a pump of the arm into Yonkyo before the throw.  I was having trouble with the pump because it felt like I was changing uke's direction too many times.  We practiced an abreiviated version where there was no pump.  It lended itself well to the throw, but it was difficult to apply the yonkyo.  Mind you, even with the pump it was difficult to catch the yonkyo.  We didn't get a chance to work on it too much because the few other yonkyo techniques we practiced prior to this made our nerves too tender to continue.

We next with some taigi (sp).  Sensei was a bit sick with a bug so he was having trouble with ukeme so I was uke and he was nage.  I like being uke for taigi.  It is a good cardio vascular workout for me.  We did two rounds, one right after the other, and I got a good huff going.  Despite the huff I didn't need too much of a break before we went on to Jo and Bokken.  I wish we could have timed the taigi because I think it was the fastest I have been able to go through it.

Bokken practice mainly shows me that I'm pathetic at it.  In summer months I can at least practice in my back yard.  But in winter I'm SOL unless I'm at the dojo.  For some reason I'm tense like a board, I'm tripping over my own feet, and my bokken is waving all over the place.  I really need to practice more with bokken, in slow kata, concentrating on relaxing my shoulders, and using my legs more to sink into the cuts.

I sure wish I could practice more.  I guess as the kids get more independant I'll have more time to get to the dojo.  Hey!  I got a life!  It just belongs to the kids thats all. :) ]]></body>
	<date>11-26-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="381">
	<title><![CDATA[Roll em over, kote-giashi, and randori!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[On Monday there were 4 of us training.  We worked on munetski (sp) koteroshi (sp).  Sempai reminded me how to make the turn to roll uke onto his stomach once he is on the ground.  Turn hand holding koteroshi towards knot in belt of Uke and walk around following the turning hand.  Uke will have no choice but to turn over on his stomach.

Sensei was helping me smooth out my Kote-giashi.  The throw from a step and grab now comes from the downward energy during the enter. the joint lock itself is now merely a guide.  Stability is still maintained after the turn into kote-giashi.  This, I see, could end in a fairly high fall for uke if a lot of energy was given to the nage.

Sensei was also testing my ability to handle Ukemi supprises.  He would throw me with a different technique out of the blue to see if I could adjust.  Intrestingly enough during my ukemi I merely let my body follow the technique, reguardless of what we're doing, so if the technique does change in any way my body does the adjustment all on its own.  I find the key to this is to stay as loose, and light, as possible.

We did Randori with sempai and I attacking sensei.  It was a very fast randori and I was quite pleased to see that I am arobically getting fitter.  After two sessions of randori I wasn't trying to catch my breath.  In fact I felt like I could go another couple of rounds.

Been having a little trouble with my left knee since I banged it on the mat throwing myself to show a new student something.  It feels ok once it is warmed up, but it stiffens up the next day.  I also have some shoulder pain mostly in my left shoulder.  I don't think its from landing on it during ukemi.  My rolls seem solft and I can maintain unbendable arm during the rolls.  I think its a little brusitis.  It to goes away once I'm warmed up, but stiffens up the next day.  I think the more fit I get the less my shoulders will bother me.

I'm looking forward to Wedensdays class.  My back feels about 98%, my flexability is improving, and I don't seem to need to take breaks to catch my breath any more.  Life is good.

 ]]></body>
	<date>11-19-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="374">
	<title><![CDATA[Training on Friday!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I normaly only train on Monday and Wedensday because that's the only time I can get to a formal class.  On last Wedensdays class I asked Sensei if I could come in on friday to train on my own.  Sensei had already given me a key to the Dojo so I knew he wouldn't object, and he didn't.  I also invited any one who wanted to join me if they wanted to.  One of or new students said he'd be there and thus we were training together last night.  

I was there about 45 minutes before he showed up so I spent half that time warming up, very carful to work out the stiffness of my back injury.  I then spent about 10 minutes meditating using Ki breathing exersizes.  I am still not very good at Ki breathing but it still helps to relax me, and with all the stupidity that has been happening to me at work lately I need all the help I can get.  

After meditation cleared my head and got me relaxed I began to practice Jo and Boken Katas.  I concentrated mostly on the weapon being in the spot that I was extending to, and not alowing the weapon to waver at the end of thrusts and strikes.  I found in order to accomplish this I really had to focus on staying relaxed in the shoulders especially.

The new student that wished to train with me then showed up.  We worked on a few stretching exersizes due to his poor fexability.  I urged him not to force the stretches, but rather to relax into the strectches. That way he wouldn't hurt himself while stetching, and the stretches would help his flexablility sooner.

We worked on Ushuro Ukemi, starting from a sitting position, then to a kneeling position, then to a standing position.  We only touched on forward rolls.  I showed him how to do a begginers forward roll from a kneeling position, which he tried a few times.  His lack of flexability hinders him a bit but I find that he is a fast study.

After Ukemi 101 we worked on Katatori ikkyo, irimi and tenkan.  We broke it down into the attack, the hand grab, the entering, and finally the finish.

The attack-  I mentioned that the uke should make a concerted effort to grab for nage's shoulder.  I also mentioned that the lead foot should be facing the direction of the attack because the knee is designed to handle more stress from body weight in this position.  Constant lunges forward to nage will cause undue stress on the knee if the foot lands in a sideways position.

The hand grab-  We worked on taking one step back while moveing off line of the attack and catching the hand with a brushing off the shoulder motion.  After the hand is captured we worked on holding the hand down, close to nage's center of power, with unbendable arm.  I pointed out that there is a slide of the foot back into hamni to keep the uke off balance.  keep body upright and balanced right into hamni.

We repeated this quite a few times until he got used to it.  Again I found he was a fast study in that after about 10 reps for each of us, he was capturing my hand and holding me in place, off balance, very well.

Entering-  He had no problem with this what so ever, irimi or tenkan.

Finishing-  This is where he ran into a little problem.  Like I was when I was starting, he is concerned about hurting me while dropping me into ikkyo.  He would hesitate thus not completing the "weight under side".  After going through the technique a couple of times in slow mo to help him see how the handbone leads the shoulder bone, and the shoulder bone leads the body bone right to the floor.  And that an uninterruped downward motion will guide the ukes energy to the floor.  We practiced this a good 10 times each.  Buy the 10th time he was guiding me to the floor with little effort on his part, and nothing I could do about it on my part.  It was neat seeing the grin of realisation on his face when he started to perform the technique well.

I was very happy to help him with his first technique.  I have to say though that I learned a quite a bit from him as well.  Being a new uke he tended to be very stiff and unintentionally uncooperative.  I really had to focus on technique to get him where I wanted him without muscling him into position.  At the beginning of the session I had trouble dropping him into ikkyo from irimi without following him around the mat till he was down.  I had to really concentrate on leading his energy through his fingers to get the shoulder and hence the body to follow.  Buy the end of the session my ability to put him where I wanted him improved dramatically.

As I said before, I am enjoying working with the new students because I am learning so much from them. ]]></body>
	<date>11-08-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="364">
	<title><![CDATA[Helping new students]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I was going to take a couple more weeks off from the dojo but sensei talked me into coming to a few classes to help with showing the new students the basic techniques.  It was a good class going through the basics like irimi and tenkan.  and of course we started with ikkyu.  I didn't do ukemi aside from going down on one knee.  it was fine for what we were doing.  

I'm looking forward to taking ukemi again.  I felt left out watching the senior student taking all the falls.  I felt like a big playful dog watching kids play from my kennel.  All I could do was wag my tail. :(  Soon my back will be better and all will be normal in the dojo again.  For me anyway. ]]></body>
	<date>11-05-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="344">
	<title><![CDATA[Things are not going well]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I make this entry in fear that I may have to give up Aikido.  I thought my back was improving only to have it get worse over dinner Sunday night, and I have been in a great deal of pain since.

I feel bad about it too because I was just getting to the point where my Ukemi was good enough to help sensei show new students how diffrent techniques would look like at higher speeds.  We were getting new members this year too.  I feel like I've failed the dojo, and let my Sensei, and friend down.

I feel like if I have to give up Aikido I'll be giveing up something that is a part of me.  Its bad enough that I wished that I had discovered Aikido 10 years ago.  I know that there is something in Aikido that I have been looking for, but haven't yet found it.  If my back keeps me from training I'm afraid I'll never find it. ]]></body>
	<date>10-23-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="339">
	<title><![CDATA[What's the real reason?]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I have had, and heard many discussions on why someone studies the martial arts.  Out of all these discussions I don't think I have heard anyone once say they study the MA's simply for the sake of excersize.  They always say that they wanted to feel they would have the advantage if they ever got into a bad situation that may result in a fight.  That's all very well and good, but realistically speaking the vast majority of us would know how to avoid those types of situations.  It's been almost 20 years since I got into a fight. It was related to the fact that I was a bouncer at the time, and it only happened once in the two years I had that job.  Not because there wasn't lots of opportunities in that line of work, it was because I was able to talk sense into the majority of the people who were causing the problems.

Now where am I going with this?  Well its just this.  I get the feeling that most people think they have to have a logical reason to train in the MA's.  (I train so I can learn how to fight / protect myself).  When was the last time you needed to fight or protect yourself?  Why can't one just say, "I train in the MA's for exersize"?  That is, after all what I do!

Well why didn't I just join a gym then?  Been there done that only to find that pushing weights and jogging around in circles gets boring after a while. Why spend a couple hundred dollars on a one year membership that I only use for a month. MAs tends to keep my intrest because I learn something every time I go to the dojo.  I find it is so much easier to keep my physical training going if there is always something to keep me interested.

There is also a calmoratary (sp) and interaction among the students and teacher in the dojo that you don't get in a weight room.  I think most people need that type of socialization to keep them particapating.  I know I do.

I'm not bashing weight rooms or other gyms, I'm just wondering if people who study MAs are being honest with themselves when they say I study so I can learn how to fight.  Fight with who? ]]></body>
	<date>10-19-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="335">
	<title><![CDATA[Light training.  New student]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Not a 100% yet but I can't stay out of the dojo any longer.  We took things easy due to a few injuries, not related to Aikido training, and a new student.  We were expecting a few new students but only one showed up.  Late, but better late than never.  He seems quite keen on this style.  I think he'll enjoy it.

It was neat haveing a new student in class.  It really gives you a sense for how far you've come.  like, I remember leading with the wrong foot all the time, and being so choppy and tense.

To slow things down we practiced a few entering and blending exersizes.  I was trying to get the feeling of staying floppy chicken loose while entering, and keeping my leading hand in front of me with unbendable arm while leading.

The rest of the class was Katatori ikkyo, katatatori Oujiji, to get the new guy started on a couple of techniques.  We did a demonstration on randori with the senior student and I attacking sensei.  Sensei got me with a great touchless irimi nage.  I saw the cloths line coming and wasn't about to let it connect.  All I could do was Ushiro Ukeme to the floor. 

We were also discussing about how to deal with unpredictable attacks.  Ma-ai was mentioned, and during the demo I didn't give sensei any indication how I was going to attack him.  It was the first time I have done that.  I found out just how effective sensei's Aikido is.  It became evedent to me that I wouldn't want to be the poor sap who tries to take a lung, punch, kick or anything else at sensei. ]]></body>
	<date>10-16-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="320">
	<title><![CDATA[Slipped L5 disc]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I slipped my disc again.  I did it 5 years ago and it took me about 3 months to recover.
It doesn't seem as bad this time as it was last time, and my chiropractor has already made a difference with his treatment.

It was the stupidest thing that caused it.  I was out at the lake packing up my camper for the winter.  It had been out there for a few weeks unused so it was beginning to be infested with spiders.  I was going around killing the spiders with a fly swatter.  I reached down to swat one on the floor and "crick" it went.  Stupid spiders!

I think I'll only be out of the dojo for a couple of weeks.  I know I can't do Ukemi, and I don't want to risk aggrevating it by being Nage either, so the only thing I can do is a couple of exersizes and Jo and Boken kata.

I'm already walking without too much of a limp.  The only thing that aggrevates it now is sitting, and bending over.  Very tender.

I just have to concentrate on getting better and training in the light stuff.  ]]></body>
	<date>10-09-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="295">
	<title><![CDATA[Arobics]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[I'm giddy as a kid at Christmas, all because I was able to go through two sets of Tai-Gi (Sp) as uke, and even though I was winded, I wasn't wheezing winded, and I recovered quickly.  I think alot of this has to do with paying attention to my breathing with rolling and falling.  (not holding my breath)  

I think I'm going to take advantage of this by starting to do a little jogging in the morning when I get home from work.  Not much!  Just enough to get a little huff and blood going, then follow up with some stretching before I go to bed.  I'm going to try keep the whole routine under a half an hour as to not bite into my sleep too much. ]]></body>
	<date>09-25-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="278">
	<title><![CDATA[Lots of one on one]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Another class with just Sensei and I.  It's nice getting all this personal attention.  It sure is helping me figure out a lot of issues I've had with certian techniques.  It's a little hard on Senseis knee, during ukemi, as there is no break for him while others take turns trying the techniques.  I told him that it might be easier on him if he took double the turn as nage so I can work on MY ukemi more at greater speeds, and he can practice manipulating my 220 lbs of energy at speeds he wishes.  He said he thought that that was a good idea.  

Sensei is beginning to throw me harder and faster now.  It is intresting to feel the techniques at higher speeds as uke.  He even throws in a breakfall throw, without telling me, to see how well I can handle it.  He's careful not to get too agressive when he does this.

Did a lot of Ki testing today.  I think it is helping me with my lazy leg syndrome.  I'm having trouble with passing one of the Ki tests.  Funekogi, and Zengo I have stability problems with a test from behind.  I can pass after a few tries but never on the initial test.

Worked on Shiho-nage.  Slowed it down, watched my foot work, and kept my lazy leg syndrome from forcing my ass in the way.  I also adjusted it so I wasn't raising Ukes hand up too high so he had the opportunity to spin out of it for a reversal.

We also worked on Jo kata #2.  I was pleasantly supprised to be able to pick up the moves quickly.  Now all I need to do is do them right.  That should only take another 30 years or so. ]]></body>
	<date>09-18-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="258">
	<title><![CDATA[Slowing things down again]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[We have been slowing things down again in order to concentrate on little niuances that are helping me with my lazy leg syndrome, proper foot placement, and maintaining the intent or the completion of the technique without leaving uke an opening to escape half way through the technique.

This really forces me to concentrate on every aspect of the technique from beginning to the end.  I really am seeing the tenseness in my shoulders disappear as well.  Moveing slower is making me more aware of this thus I can correct.  I guess the trick now is to gradually speed up the technique without going back to that tense choppy technique that I'm trying to work my way out of.

Sensei showed me why I was loseing half my ukes in sankyo.  I was merely standing into the sankyo causeing uke's arm to come up more into a hammer lock.  Now when I stand I lead the arms energy back into the fore arm thus making the arm draw up into the proper position to maintain the sankyo.  I am still nervous about putting too much grip on the fingers for sankyo in case I apply to the point of an injury.  This is because I still have a tender wrist from a sankyo I received last spring and I don't want to do the same thing to someone else.

No class on Wednsday!  I'm going to lay out a big tarp I bought for practicing in my back yard and practice my ukemi with an arobic intent, and try to work more on my flexability.  If I can work up a sweat a couple of times this way before next class maybe I can make it through to the end of class without grabbing a drink of water or needing a break. ]]></body>
	<date>09-10-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="249">
	<title><![CDATA[Deflecting Bad Energy]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The last time I was at the dojo it was just sensei and I again.  I was feeling quite stresses due to a week of bad luck and bad Karma.  My truck broke down and cost me a wack of money, and was haveing problems with a person who just can't seem to leave me alone.  The stress showed up in my technique and training as an uncontrolable tensness in my shoulders.

I try to make part of my training the philosophical where deflecting abusive verbal energy is part of it.  You know! Sticks and stones.  But how does one deal with it when it becomes so persistent that I'm constantly ignoring and deflecting verbal abuses and accusations.

The training session did help to destress me some what, but I'm still dreading my next meeting with this person.  No telling what ()'ll come up with next.  I wish I knew what it was that started it in the first place.  Oh well just keep my mouth shut unless I have to open it, and deflect and redirect the rest.  Maybe ()'ll get bored and give up and finally leave me alone. ]]></body>
	<date>09-06-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="237">
	<title><![CDATA[Adjustments and break falls]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Finally the dojos open again and it was just sensei and I.  We worked on a few adjustments to step up to the next level.  The adjustments were suttle but made the techniques more fluid due to the ability of takeing uke off balance much easier and making his energy flow to where you can feelit better and utilize it better.  It is a hard thing to express in words but it is a powerful thing to feel during the technique.

Many times I have been told to start from the sholder and slide down to the wrist in a munetski attack.  I always was unable to do this.  During this session I tenkaned so I was slightly further from the uke.  This change in distance allowed me to aim for the arm first the slide down to the wrist without crowding myself.  Catching the wrist after sliding down the arm did two things.  One: When catching the wrist, my energy helped in drawing Uke's energy forward more than he wished.  This took uke off balance with no effort from me (other than the effort it took to catch his wrist in the proper manner).  Two: This breaking of his balance in such a way enabled me to execute the rest of the technique with little effort due to the more rooted stance I was in, all because I grabed the wrist properly.

We worked on moving into a pin with Ki.  Sensei showed me how tense I was while moveing into a kneeling pin.  This is something we were working on in the seminar as well.  It was a good reminder.

At the end of class I got sensei to throw me into a few break falls on the mat.  It felt good. As I was practicing them in the water at the beach, the transition to the mat was fairly easy.  I would like to do more of them. 

It's nice to get back into it.  After the class I was full of energy despite the fact I was up at 0500 to go to work from the lake that morning.   ]]></body>
	<date>08-30-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="216">
	<title><![CDATA[Wet break falls]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Sensei still hasn't opened the dojo yet, but since we're nieghbors out at the beach I had the opportunity for him to throw me into the water a couple of times.  The water there stays very shallow for quite a ways.  We just got to a spot where we were ankle deep and he proceeded to throw me.  The throws we were doing resulted in breakfalls.  It was great because it has been along time since I had done any breakfalls and the ankle deep water was a fantastic cushion.  no matter how hard he threw me, or how bad my ukemi, it was quite painless.  After several throws I started to feel more comfortable and better at breakfall ukemi.  I think I would like to try more on the mat when we all get back to the Dojo.  

It sounds like we're going to have a few more bodies on the mats this year.  The more the marrier. ]]></body>
	<date>08-16-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="179">
	<title><![CDATA[It's been a month since the seminar!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The seninar is over.  I learned a lot again, but I unfortunately have not been able to practice what I have learned.  Senseis knee has yet not healed and the dojo has`n't been open since the seminar.  I'm considering approaching the Aikikai Sensie to see if I can start training with then again.  It's a little harder on my body, but as Jamie says "No pain no gain".  I'll just have to try and take care not to go too gung ho with the training there.

Aside from that I was tested and passed my 4th kyu test.  I spent three 12 hour days prior to that installing hard wood floors in my house.  I was so bagged, stiff, and sore I could barely concentrate.  I messed up so many times with little things that usually come very easy to me that I'm supprised I passed.  Sensei said I did very well regardless so it's on to the next leg of my training. ]]></body>
	<date>07-19-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="147">
	<title><![CDATA[Lazy leg syndrome]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[We were working on Katatatori Kotagiashi tenkan (I think!?), and I'm having a tough time making the turn to Kotegiashi.  As I spin for the turn I tend to lose balance, and 9 times out of 10 my ass clips uke which screws the whole technique.  I am pretty sure it's because I am not using my legs to get lower.  I tend to bend over at the hips instead and, bang, my ass runs into uke.  When I try to use my legs I find it makes the spin difficult to the point that I don't make a complete enough turn, therefore ending up out of position for a proper kotegiashi.  I am not sure if foot placement will help in the technique or not.  I'm hoping our, soon to be visiting sensei, will be able to help with it. 

well at least now when my sensei asks me "Is there is something spacific I would like to work on"?  I will have a definite answer. ]]></body>
	<date>06-14-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="144">
	<title><![CDATA[There's nothing like an injury!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[There's nothing like an injury to make you do your technique right.  while I was at the Aikikai I hurt my ankle, and to a lesser extent my shoulder while practicing break falls.  It was all my fault, because I was so over zealous about doing break falls I jumped (excuse the pun) into them to quickly.  Interestingly enough whenever I was thrown into a break fall it wasn't a problem.  It was when I was practicing them that I hurt myself.

Any way!  Afterward I was occasionally rehurting my ankle during rolls because I wasn't tucking my knees enough and my ankle would slap the mat. OUCH!  This forced me to tuck properly afterward to help protect my ankle.  I also found in the past that my rolling was good in practice but in throws I would neglect to tuck, and slap, the ankle would hit the mat.  Now that it causes pain I make damb sure I tuck properly.  Once my ankle heals a bit more I intend to practice the break fall again.  Only this time I will take it a bit slower. ]]></body>
	<date>06-06-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="130">
	<title><![CDATA[My Senseis back!]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[A week and a half after he got his surgury my sensei decided to return to the dojo to instruct, not train.  I think it was too early but it is not my place to say, although I did say it.  I think the biggest reason for his early return was he wants to get me and another ready for testing in June before an inportant high ranking Aikidoka arrives to do a seminar for us.  I will be testing for 4th kyu and the other guy will be testing for 2nd kyu. I am quite nervous about the test.  I'm sure I'll do fine.  I think I am meeting the requirements for qualifiying for my next rank.  I have been noticing sensei raising the bar a little more lately, to my delight.  I am enjoying the new challenges.

I am looking forward to our seminar in June.  The last time "he" was here I learned a lot from him.  He is quite highly regarded for his ukemi so I hope to pick up some more pointers from him since I place a great importance on ukemi.  My forward rolls are becoming quite fluid and soft.  I can do a quite a few of them in succession with no consequence.  I would like to work on my ushuro ukemi more.  I would also like to do more arobic conditioning exersizes. 

Sensei has mentioned that if his knee doesn't heal that he would only be able to take our training so far.  Well I think that as I'm only a 5th kyu I have a long time before that becomes an issue.  Unless of course he stops teaching due to his injuries.  Oh well we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. 

Till next time. ]]></body>
	<date>05-29-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="128">
	<title><![CDATA[A Taste of Aikikai]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[The Dojo I currently train in is closed for a couple of weeks due to a surgury my sensei had to have to repair an injured knee.  Our style is Shin Shin Tau Tsu.  Next door is an Aikikai where I ask (upon the suggestion of my sensei) their sensei if it was ok to train there till my sensei is back in action.  The Aikikai sensei graciously allowed me to train and I was there last night for the first time.

We started out with Jo training, begining with what I thought was a complicated Kata.  Of course any Kata would be complicated the first time.  lots of spins, foot work, and unfamiliar change ups with the Jo itself.  Technique was quite different.  We moved on to a partnered jo kata that was easier to grasp and very cool to watch at higher speeds. 

When we were done with the jo we started throwing technique.  we started with a Katatadori tenkan ouijiji (sp).  At least I think that's what it's called in shin shin tau tsu.  Not sure what its called in Aikikai.  The shock to me was that even though the technique was almost identical in our dojo the ukemi is ushiro.  There it is a forward roll.  The thing that made the difference in this was upon spinning uke from tenkan there is an atemi to the face that causes uke to shift his balance enough to set him up for a forward roll.  I was impressed that such a suttle difference in technique could result in such a dramatic change in ukemi.

We did Kitenage, long and short version.  Technically I saw no difference but there was something sensei ws doing at the end that landed the uke in a break fall.  I think it was due to a simultanious manipulation of the head as well as the arm control.  I couldn't figure out how to capture the head as well so I ended up relying on the arm push which sends uke into a roll.  Its still effective but it's not Aikikai, so I'll have to work on that while I'm training there.

We did a zemponage that resulted in a break fall because it was a total weight underside that brought you straight to the mat, as opposed to a lead and extend that sent you into a roll.

Kokudosa was also very different, but very effective in training your body to extend from center.  We also did a standing version that was kind of interesting.

I didn't point out any differences in the dojo out of respect for that style.  It was very interesting to see and feel the differences though.  I'm looking forward to going back tonight.  I understand that the training is much more intense than what I seen tonight.  I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and hope no one has to perform CPR on me.   ]]></body>
	<date>05-23-2003</date>
</blogEntry>

<blogEntry id="123">
	<title><![CDATA[Why Me & Aikido?]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[Ah! Aikido Journals!  What a great Idea!  I have read a few of the other journals with intrest and I see this as being a good learning tool.

I might as well start from the beginning and explain how and why I chose to study Aikido.  It was a bit of fate that steered me to Aikido but first I'll take you back many years before that faithful day.

I grew up in a fairly Isolated community that was 2 hours from the nearest dojo.  It was the Mid seventies and Bruce Lee was making MA's popular on the big screen with his Movie Enter The Dragon.  When I saw the movie I was facinated be the grace and skill of the legendary Lee.  I longed to be able to do what he could do.  When the High school found a Judo Instructor from an adjacent town to come in twice a week to run a Judo class I jumped at it.  It wasn't Kung Fu but you take what you get, right.  

I studied judo for 5 years this way before the sensei finally moved to greener pastures, and I was out of a place to train.

Again I longed for the chance to continue on with the MA's, but life kept throwing me curves.  25 years later after I finally earned the time and money (and was haveing a mid life, and a mid drift crisis) I decided to find a MA to train in.  I search many a dojo and dojang but they where either WAY too expensive or the times that they wher open didn't jive with my work times (I work a night shift).  I was beginning to get discouraged when I happened to be walking along the beach where my wife and I bought some property a couple of years prior, wher I came across a guy carving what looked like a knife.  Being the snoopy nieghbor I approached him and asked if it woudn't be easier to use the knife which he is using to carve the knife with (in jest)?  He explained to me that he was a sensei of his own dojo, and that he used these tantos in his knife defense classes.  On more conversation and questioning I found it very affordable and conveinient, and he invited me to try it out and the rest is history.

I've been at it for almost a year now, and have graded to 5th kyu. Aikido turns out to fit my personality well and is a good compliment to the judo I studied as a teen.  I suppose I'll always study Aikido now cause it makes me feel so good.  It has changed my life and perspective on many things that I hope to journal here.

but that is for a later date.  Right now it is the end of my shift and I have to print up a transfer for my colleage. 

 ]]></body>
	<date>05-18-2003</date>
</blogEntry>


</blogEntries>