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	<title><![CDATA[Hating My Own Weakness]]></title>
	<body><![CDATA[After Jo practice, we started things off with some Hanmi Handachi waza:  Shomenuchi Shihonage.  Some of the finer points I had to add were:  not sweeping outward to catch uke's hand (that's for yokomenuchi) but just raising your hands up to do so, and moving more at a 45 degree angle (not 90 degrees/perpendicular) from uke to avoid being within his punching range.

We also spent a great deal of time on Tsuki Ikkyo and once again, it became readily apparent (as it usually does) that as things stand right now, I could never perform this technique on someone bigger and stronger.  Essentially, were someone to really lock their arm out strongly, I would have to resort to a Nikkyo-like pin to move them.  Which is fine.  Whereas I used to be frustrated at not being able to do certain techniques exactly the way most of the guys do, I've learned to accept the fact that I will simply have to adapt a great many of them so that they actually work for me.

I've been working on improving my grip so as to make such things as this (and Sankyo, for example) a lot more effective.  I've also noticed that with some uke's in class I have had a tendency to hold back a fair amount (until Sensei notices and tells me to do something with more force)--- such that if I were to simply torque their limbs just a bit more, I'd have the control over them that is necessary.  Why is this?  Am I so afraid of hurting someone else?  I'm certainly not all that fearful of hurting myself (case in point, just dislocated my thumb tonight taking ukemi for Sempai Jeremy).  

I suppose it shouldn't come as such a big surprise, but I can't believe I haven't realized up until now that as a whole it seems that because of my physical make-up, I am forced to work a great deal harder than a lot of my larger classmates.  They have strength to fall back on in a real-life combat situation, but I have no such saving grace.  (Not that it's necessarily a good thing, but) they can get away with bad technique through muscling it.  Not me.  Nope.  So until that one shining day, when --- or rather, if --- I ever actually get good at this shit, well...I'm screwed.  :-P ]]></body>
	<date>01-20-2005</date>
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