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01-31-2006, 11:07 AM
Totall not aikido, but I had to laugh:

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days. Wait, that is a real fact.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer let the dogs out.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer f*#$@ hates lemonade.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why theres no life on Mars.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better f*#@ do it.

01-31-2006, 02:47 PM
You can keep your Jack Bauer, I'll stay on the winning side, Chuck Norris!


Lee Mulgrew
02-02-2006, 04:37 AM
No! it's got to be Jack Bauer, don't you realise that Jack has probably already got chloe to tap into your'e computer and find out what you have just written!? he'll come round your house and torture you until you tell him the location of Chuck Norris (this will take approx: 4hrs). he will then spend the next 19 hours of the day tracking him down (never going to the toilet! unless thats why they have ad breaks ;) ) and then kicking his ass for an hour; that would be soooo cool to watch!
Oh no! I know too much! help!!!! :eek:

p.s. you know that scene on full metal jacket where he screams let me see your war face? well, drill seargents actually say let me see your Bauer face (but they only say to them once! evileyes )