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Kevin Temple
12-05-2005, 06:50 PM
I am taking aikido and it is tons of fun, but I have this friend I was hoping I'd be able to beat up. He thinks he's so good at martial arts and I want to wipe the smug grin off his face. He has a 5th degree black belt in karate, a 3rd degree black belt in judo, is the reigning champion of the local illegal cage fighting circuit and also founded a style of kung-fu. Any tips and techniques would be appreciated. I was thinking maybe get him really drunk and catch him off guard with a high-five transfering quickly into nikajo, but I am open to other suggestions.

xuzen
12-05-2005, 07:44 PM
Thought we had a troll on board, but then realised it is in the Humour thread. Oh well, have fun with this one people.

Boon.

CNYMike
12-06-2005, 12:00 AM
I am taking aikido and it is tons of fun, but I have this friend I was hoping I'd be able to beat up. He thinks he's so good at martial arts and I want to wipe the smug grin off his face. He has a 5th degree black belt in karate, a 3rd degree black belt in judo, is the reigning champion of the local illegal cage fighting circuit and also founded a style of kung-fu. Any tips and techniques would be appreciated. I was thinking maybe get him really drunk and catch him off guard with a high-five transfering quickly into nikajo, but I am open to other suggestions.

It's very simple. You must use O Sensei's most poweful, devastating, technique, the Forgotten Technique. It was truly awe inspiring. Ukemi for this usually involved parachutes, retro rockets, very thick pillows a HUUUUUUGE catcher's mit. The technique sent shockwaves through the space/time continuum, so that any martial artist who even thought of challenging the Forgotten Technique would crap in his pants two days before doing it and call it. Your smug friend would be a pile of goo in two seconds if you used the Forgotten technqiue. His great-grand children's third-cousins-twice-removed-classroom's-dentist's-appartment-super's-brother-in-law's-accountant's-mechanic's-girlfriend's-annoying little borther would get a concussion.

I'd tell you what the Forgotten technique was .....

But I forgot it. So you're doomed.

Nice knowin' ya.

Mike

Yann Golanski
12-06-2005, 02:27 AM
A large truck driven at 150kph?....

happysod
12-06-2005, 02:31 AM
Challenge him to a full-contact hakama folding competition in seiza - after about 10minutes of his being unable to get the damn pleats correct, he'll be unable to stand up thus leaving him open to bokken practice.

Nick Simpson
12-06-2005, 03:39 AM
Damn those pleats, they are the bane of my life!

Steve Mullen
12-06-2005, 03:49 AM
"But being this is a .44 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off," get the point, failing that a baseball bat with a nail through the top could work

Tim Gerrard
12-06-2005, 05:29 AM
In Arnie Voice: "Soviet Patparine, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun."

Sorry it had to be said.


But definate advocate of boards with a nail in them

Steve Mullen
12-06-2005, 08:23 AM
if you can find a table leg you are quids in as most of them have the screw burried into it but sticking out a good few inches.........anyway........ill go now

merlynn
12-06-2005, 08:56 AM
sorry guys i gotta go with a 2 by 4 works well, failing that do a marathon using shikko only it will take him out in no time ;) mwahahahahaha

James Davis
12-06-2005, 09:59 AM
Nuke the guy. ;)

merlynn
12-06-2005, 01:27 PM
could always use the good old fashioned nut cracker

MaryKaye
12-06-2005, 02:05 PM
The answer to people like this is often to challenge them to something they'll see as really sissy or effeminate. If you are willing to do public demos while wearing a pink tutu and fluffy bunny ears, and they aren't--you win!


Mary Kaye

RebeccaM
12-06-2005, 09:49 PM
Challenge him to a few rounds of thumb-wrestling and put him in kotegaishi.

Eric Webber
12-08-2005, 10:32 AM
Eat a large onion, challenge him to a staring contest :dead: , and when he settles in induce a large belch :crazy: and blow hardy at his face. He will blink back the tears :drool: ... or fall over from the fumes :freaky: .

tenshinaikidoka
12-08-2005, 02:21 PM
Destroying a bridge might look easy in the movies, but remember: They're designed to withstand the immense shear-forces of wind and weather. Deploying an underwater M-32 satchel charge at the base of each load-bearing pylon looks like the answer, but it might not even shake a modern riveted steel highway or railroad bridge. Without delving into the complex language of the guerrilla combat engineer, the best advice I can give you is to forgo subtlety in favor of brute force: Put two satchel charges at each X-shaped trestle buck, and this should rob the bridge of any reinforcing strength and cause it to buckle nicely.

Oh, wait, sorry, this is not the Navy Seal thread..my bad!!!!!! LOL

CNYMike
12-09-2005, 10:03 AM
Take a cue from the Speedy Bird school, and use your ki to lead your attacker right over a cliff. Make sure he has a little sign that says "Oh, no."

James Davis
12-09-2005, 10:16 AM
Take a cue from the Speedy Bird school, and use your ki to lead your attacker right over a cliff. Make sure he has a little sign that says "Oh, no."
Yeah, and give 'em time to blink a couple times and lift the sign before gravity takes effect! :D

Kevin Temple
12-09-2005, 11:57 AM
Or I could just send him lots of awesome-looking gadgets that always seem to backfire and make him explode, or fall off a cliff, or explode, then fall off a cliff, or fall off a cliff, then explode.


I wouldn't be surprised if roadrunner had a stake in acme corporation, by the way. Thats why he can avoid the traps so easily.

James Davis
12-09-2005, 03:45 PM
Or I could just send him lots of awesome-looking gadgets that always seem to backfire and make him explode, or fall off a cliff, or explode, then fall off a cliff, or fall off a cliff, then explode.


I wouldn't be surprised if roadrunner had a stake in acme corporation, by the way. Thats why he can avoid the traps so easily.
If you waited until he was standing close to a cliff, you could sneak up behind him and scare him over the edge with a loud, strong kiai...

:) MEEP MEEP!! :p

Ulises Garcia
12-09-2005, 11:29 PM
Or I could just send him lots of awesome-looking gadgets that always seem to backfire and make him explode, or fall off a cliff, or explode, then fall off a cliff, or fall off a cliff, then explode.


I wouldn't be surprised if roadrunner had a stake in acme corporation, by the way. Thats why he can avoid the traps so easily.

Hey, no wonder. Rumor has it that he designed those traps. :D

Eric Webber
12-21-2005, 09:50 AM
Hire the A-Team; if they're not available, look up Chuck Norris.

Mats Alritzson
12-21-2005, 11:20 AM
The answer is obvious; tai no henko.

Matt Molloy
12-21-2005, 12:11 PM
How about printing out all the threads about Aikido vs whatever martial art, then all the threads with reference to BJJ.

Then ball all that paper up and it should undergo some kind of gravitational collapse.

Look at your newly formed black hole.

Chuck your opponent into it.

Job done. :D

Cheers,

Matt.

Of course, Eric's suggestion about hiring Chuck Norris would always work too but make sure that you pay up on time or you could die a terrible, roundhouse kick related death.

M.

Yo-Jimbo
12-21-2005, 02:02 PM
Want to wipe that smug grin from his face?
When you see it, smile back big and genuine with amusement at your desire to defeat him. His smug grin will disappear from his face as you desire to remove it disappears. Small victory if he looks quizzically wondering why you are smiling. Larger victory if he smiles genuinely back. True victory if you no longer compare your smile to his.
Another aikido option, train for 100 years, stay healthy, when he dies, go and kneel next to his grave. Place your hand on the grave, pinning him. He won't get up. Be gracious and thank him for the training. Don't expect a reply.

James Davis
12-21-2005, 03:40 PM
Want to wipe that smug grin from his face?
When you see it, smile back big and genuine with amusement at your desire to defeat him. His smug grin will disappear from his face as you desire to remove it disappears. Small victory if he looks quizzically wondering why you are smiling. Larger victory if he smiles genuinely back. True victory if you no longer compare your smile to his.
Another aikido option, train for 100 years, stay healthy, when he dies, go and kneel next to his grave. Place your hand on the grave, pinning him. He won't get up. Be gracious and thank him for the training. Don't expect a reply.
Fun post! :)

rtist
12-21-2005, 10:31 PM
1) Wait for him to attack. If he is truly your friend, he will not.

2) Drink beer while you wait.

3) Say you have to go to the bathroom.

4) Leave without paying.

The technique is called "Stick-it-to-him ho"
You win on so many levels.

ian
12-22-2005, 05:27 AM
poison, shooting or stabbing a sharp implement into his ear drum when he's asleep are good tactics - why make it easy for them? Also, if you wait for long enough this person will die of natural causes and you can then have the last laugh! (indeed if you buy him lots of beer it may even speed up this process!)

Dajo251
01-17-2006, 11:51 AM
I am taking aikido and it is tons of fun, but I have this friend I was hoping I'd be able to beat up. He thinks he's so good at martial arts and I want to wipe the smug grin off his face. He has a 5th degree black belt in karate, a 3rd degree black belt in judo, is the reigning champion of the local illegal cage fighting circuit and also founded a style of kung-fu. Any tips and techniques would be appreciated. I was thinking maybe get him really drunk and catch him off guard with a high-five transfering quickly into nikajo, but I am open to other suggestions.

your best bet, is to sneak up behind him quietly and hit him in the head with a bokken

emma.mason15
01-18-2006, 08:34 PM
Or send him to train at "DORYS DOJO" (TM) .... and then challenge him, he will of course used the much feared "Scribble of Death!" that he will have learnt with the other dan grades (all being under the age of 8!) ... when he goes to Write the first letter of his name ... boot him in the head with his shoes (which you will have stolen and hid on your person) .. he will pass out with the stench and die from the beating! THUS YOU WILL HAVE COMPLETED THE FAMED AND FEARED "DORYS DOJO" (TM) Ultimate Special Move! the "BEAT THEM TO DEATH WITH THIER OWN SHOES!"

(long winded but VERY effective!)

James Davis
01-19-2006, 11:04 AM
Or send him to train at "DORYS DOJO" (TM) .... and then challenge him, he will of course used the much feared "Scribble of Death!" that he will have learnt with the other dan grades (all being under the age of 8!) ... when he goes to Write the first letter of his name ... boot him in the head with his shoes (which you will have stolen and hid on your person) .. he will pass out with the stench and die from the beating! THUS YOU WILL HAVE COMPLETED THE FAMED AND FEARED "DORYS DOJO" (TM) Ultimate Special Move! the "BEAT THEM TO DEATH WITH THIER OWN SHOES!"

(long winded but VERY effective!)
I'm feeling faint myself! :p

emma.mason15
01-21-2006, 02:33 PM
I'm feeling faint myself! :p

sorry ... i'll put my shoes back on! :D

ChrisHein
01-22-2006, 11:08 AM
I wouldn't try and beat him up. When he talks about being tough, just remember, all that toughness isn't going to stop a bullet or a blade. Mastering unarmed fighting has it's limitations. No need to worry yourself about beating him, if he ever attacks you, just pepper spray him, and remind him that it could have been worse, I think that's what Uyeshiba would have done. It's only modern martial artists who have decided that unarmed fighting is the be all end all.

-Chris