Aikido Puns

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[akiy]

Hi folks,

So, what are some of the worst (or best, depending on how you qualify them) aikido puns that you've heard?

-- Jun

[Simbo]

Kind of a pun, but one of my sensei's told a story of an aikido get together after a seminar he went to and had a shirt that had some Japanese characters on it that one translation was something like "always growing" as in always changing, envoling, whatever. And a Japense sensei grabbed his shirt pointed to the characters and said "It should have a down arrow! Always growing!" Its a funnier story in person.

[iHeretic]

As my dojo's resident pun-meister, the following are the genuine article.

"Aiki-dokie!"

Sensei: "Does anyone know what this is called?" *Demonstrates Yonkyo*
Student: "Donkyo?"
Sensei: "Anyone know what the difference between Yonkyo and Donkyo is?"
Me: "With Donkyo you make an ass of yourself."

[Mark Uttech]

Our dojo's favorite pun is : "Black Hakama down"

[Nick P.]

"It's not called Ea-Sy-Do. It's called Ai-Ki-Do."
"That's a half-kan, or five-kan; do a full tenkan!"
"Oh, move WITH your center!"
"What, it's not perfect yet? You've been at this for 2 weeks! Give it up and go home."

And I love that one, Mark! Hah!

[Steve Mullen]

:sorry: before we start to train at my local dojo we practice ki exercises we all stand in a circle aorund sensei and practice focusing our ki in one place, we call it a ki ring (okay really bad pun i know, and the worst part is that the story isn't even true, im so ashamed of myself :sorry:

[henry brown]

san-kyo = thank you

[Ulises Garcia]

:sorry: before we start to train at my local dojo we practice ki exercises we all stand in a circle aorund sensei and practice focusing our ki in one place, we call it a ki ring (okay really bad pun i know, and the worst part is that the story isn't even true, im so ashamed of myself :sorry:

Mmmh. Interesting. If that's a Ki-Ring, I wonder what a Ki-Holder would look like...

:D
-U-

[Dirk Hanss]

Kokyu ho is the ki to aikido

Maybe not the best, but I like it

Dirk

[Don_Modesto]

"Aikido"

"Aikido is love"

"The cross of aikido."/"JUJI NAGE"

[Sonja2012]

Not exactly a "pun", but here it goes:

We were doing kumitachi at a seminar. It is not very common in our organisation to work a lot with kiai, especially not with different types of kiai (which I belive origin from kototama, right?!), but we were encouraged to work with it then. Anyway, this friend of mine had heard that TO is often used when cutting with the bokken so he thought he´d try it out. So, there he was, yelling "TO", which everybody understood as "TOR", which is "GOAL!!!!" in German. :) Ho got quite a few puzzled looks ;)

[cguzik]

When someone's obi comes untied during training, tell them they cannot do good aikido with bad musubi.

[John Boswell]

At a seminar I attended, the instructor was very empahtic on using good kokyu ho hand position. After the seminar, we all went out to eat where Sensei had a beer and demonstrated the real reason for good kokyu ho: for drinking beer! :D He'd toss back his beer holding the bottle just so... "Good kokyu ho!"

Sankyu very much! ;)

[MikeE]

When someone has a problem with iriminage, we say they have, "Ki-less entry".

[Camille Lore]

:D
Keep 'em coming!

[maeukemi]

yonkyo = yank-u

kaitenage = kitty-nage

kitigaishi = kitty-gaishi

after being on the giving end of sankyo = ''guess i sank you''

after accidentally going for an irimi with both hands - "Irimi, not chokyu waza!"

Okay, okay, so I made all those up (except for the last one) :o

...there are others but I'm going to stop before someone decides I need about 100 kotagaeshi followed by 50 shihonages....

[rtist]

After "regular" class, we frequently retire to a pub where we intensely study "Beer-iminage" (from different attacks).

[Kevin Temple]

All your basics are belong to us....

Its funnier if you're in yoshinkan

[Kevin Temple]

Oh and in regards to beer iriminage, we have a similar technique called hirike no yose san (elbow power number 3) Make sure to keep your elbow cap pointing forward

[Satyre]

All your basics are belong to us....

LMAO!

Having read that I almost find it tempting to embroid "I pwn you" in kanji on my gi.

[Eric Webber]

After "regular" class, we frequently retire to a pub where we intensely study "Beer-iminage" (from different attacks).

Ahh, beer-waza is good for the spirit and for strengthening the connections with one's partners. Cheap hotwings and fries help the practice, as well. :D

[nilsh]

In our dojo, we frequently practice gappo undo - the exercise of closing the gaps in the mats...

[Kyudos]

Ear-imi nage..... as in try not to leave your ukes ears on the mats!

[Nick Simpson]

'All your basics are belong to us....'

Classic!


'Having read that I almost find it tempting to embroid "I pwn you" in kanji on my gi.'

Mmmm, your giving me ideas here...

[jducusin]

There's a funny story my sensei tells of a time when he was demonstrating and told his uke, "Kosadori! Kosadori!" --- at which point one of his students abruptly got up from the mats and ran to close the dojo door, much to everyone's amusement.

[3girls]

Redneck Aikido Dictionary

Hakama:
Hakama you aint fixed the toilet yet?

Obi:
Obi quiet I'm watchin the game

Iriminage:
So wut happen to ur girlfriend?
Irimi-nage'n me all time I had to leave her

Aikido:
Man Ai ki do's fellers fer messn wit my truck

Nikkyu:
Nikkyu finished drinkn that beer yet?

Satome Sensei:
Bubba wuts wrong? Ma parents moved back in. Why they do that?
My ma; Satome they did it sensei loved me so much (no offense sensei it just fit :) ):D

All fer know ;) Git r dun
BK

[merlynn]

lmao im loving it keep posting people

[3girls]

:D ok more redneck aikido dictionary ;)

Hanmi:

Hey Earl HAMI another beer wudya?

Tenkan:

Dang Bubba you drank that whole case a beer? Naw I just drank TENKAN of it

Shinai:

Man I cought my ole lady sleepn round with that Earl so SHINAI dun spilt.

Jo & Maai

Hey JO, watch wut yer a doin you dern near poked MAAI out whit that stick.

Kata:

Bubba why u so upset? Oh heck its onaKATA them fellers at the IRS.

Rei:

REI get off your lazy but and cut that lawn

Shodan

WHOOOWHEEE it SHODAN good to see u fellers again

Randori:

Jr I did a terrible thing to pa's dog. Wut u do? I RANDORI over with his truck.

Dogi:

Well JR I made things squrae with pa. Whut u do? I went to town and got him a new DOGI.

Hope this adds some levity to everyones day/night :p

BK

[3girls]

Geeez whats a matter folks i mean there funny/goofy come on this is the light side of aikido :D

[Camille Lore]

I'm lovin them!
Got more? :D

[Robert Jackson]

Not something heard in the dojo but something that popped into my head while sitting in standard Houston traffic.... Not necessarily a pun either :)

I want to blend with, and throw you, and pin you, and call you UKE...

[Amassus]

Ok, my partner takes pride in twisting everything I say about aikido. She has some puns.

Sushimi is the art of falling.
I practice with Okidokies.
I like to play with my stick ;)
It is polite to say, Sankyu very much.

I know there are more but can't think of them right now. She will remind me soon enough.

[PhilMyKi]

Udekimenage - They tell how clean your house is! :D

[jaime exley]

I totaly lost it when someone asked me to attack him with "ushi no kubishime". (choke the cow) He gave me a blank stare when I said "Aw jeez! don't be so hard on yourself. You're not really that fat".

[MikeLogan]

A bit late, but two of my favorites, one not so punny, the other one abit more painful in it's punliness:

for a night of drinking as training: Misogi of the Liver

and for those random toe stomps: atoemi - waza

[CNYMike]

Mmmh. Interesting. If that's a Ki-Ring, I wonder what a Ki-Holder would look like...

:D
-U-

Yes, ki = key is the source of some of the worst puns in the universe. Even I am not immune. Forgive me. :(

[Dajo251]

and for those random toe stomps: atoemi - waza
I like that one a lot....

[aikidodragon]

This is because i can't spell the actual word.

Q test

[James Smithe]

All you basics are belong to us.

Someone set us up the bokken.

We get Sankyo.

[Mark Freeman]

All you basics are belong to us.

Someone set us up the bokken.

We get Sankyo.

This is a haiku of the 'obscure' class, either that, or a Zen koan from the 'cuminatcha' period.

It's way beyond my comprehension :D

[emma.mason15]

Kaitenage ...... in the hands of dory becomes shytonage ....
trust me ..... Im terrible!

MAN IN BLACK SKIRT YOU NO FRIGHTEN ME!!!

[6th Kyu For Life]

This is a haiku of the 'obscure' class, either that, or a Zen koan from the 'cuminatcha' period.

It's way beyond my comprehension :D
Actually, it's an internet fad of the "old and overused" class. See http://www.allyourbasearebelongtous.com/

Peace,
Tom Newhall

[Mark Freeman]

Actually, it's an internet fad of the "old and overused" class. See http://www.allyourbasearebelongtous.com/

Peace,
Tom Newhall

Hi Tom,
the link doesn't seem to work, so it's all still way beyond my comprehension :)
cheers
Mark

[kohaku]

i have quite a funny tale in reagrds to ukemi. a dan grade was helping a kyu grade in how to fall comfrotably from a koshinage throw. unfortunately the said uke was tensing up all the time and hitting the floor with a nice bang, at which point the dan grade started the next throw and looking behind the uke said "just relax and "come" over my bottom". due to the body position and that both were male much laughter followed.

[daverun]

at my dojo during a test in order try to get the one testing to relax, my sensei will sometimes ask them to do the technique "Shomenuchi Teriyaki"

[Rocky Izumi]

I totaly lost it when someone asked me to attack him with "ushi no kubishime". (choke the cow) He gave me a blank stare when I said "Aw jeez! don't be so hard on yourself. You're not really that fat".

I couldn't stop laughing for minutes. Still laughing now.

My contribution: Every once in a while one of the seniors students in class may be saying something to a junior about how they are doing their Shi-ko (pissing) instead of Shikko. So I yell over at them to tell the junior to go to the bathroom and not mess up the dojo.

When she was about five, my daughter insisted on calling udekimenage as ude gimme nage and shomenuchi as show me ouchi.

Rock

[emma.mason15]

When she was about five, my daughter insisted on calling udekimenage as ude gimme nage and shomenuchi as show me ouchi.

Rock


I think at show me ouchie is perfectly reasonable name! ... certainly describes some of the stuff happening to us!

[juliaKay]

What is it called when you can quickly get in and out of a large Swedish furniture & housewares retailer & purchase the item you want, without getting lost in the maze-like showroom?

Ikea - do

(For those not familiar with it, Ikea is an international chain of furniture stores that are easy to get lost in. The name is pronounced eye-kee-a.)

[CNYMike]

I think at show me ouchie is perfectly reasonable name! ... certainly describes some of the stuff happening to us!

Only if you don't get off the line. :p :)

[Dajo251]

What is it called when you can quickly get in and out of a large Swedish furniture & housewares retailer & purchase the item you want, without getting lost in the maze-like showroom?

Ikea - do

(For those not familiar with it, Ikea is an international chain of furniture stores that are easy to get lost in. The name is pronounced eye-kee-a.)
oh...that was bad, made me chuckle but it was still bad

[Joanne Arnest]

On the subject of shi-ko versus shikko, one of the members of our dojo was once told about this difference. He had been saying it shikko, but after that he could never remember which was which, and would get it wrong half the time. It didn't help matters that if he was saying it correctly you could easily fluster him just by asking "Which way is it that you don't want to pronounce it?"

During testing once our Sensei asked one student to do this incredibly long and complicated sounding technique. She stood there looking very confused, until he gave her something else. After testing was over, he admitted that the "technique" was just a list of different types of sushi.

[Nick Simpson]

I dont know where else to put this, so: On sunday I was at one of our organisations courses held by our head instructor. At dinner time I was given a breakaway (which is a chocolate covered biscuit bar, for those of you not au fait with them) and stashed it in my obi because I was waiting for some chips. 2 hours later and well into the afternoon session Im training with a friend and notice something yellow sticking out of the top of my hakama. I pull out a very mangled chocolate bar. I'd been thrown by sensei and everything, had trained with most of the senior instructors in the org. Oh imagine the situation had it flown out and hit sensei in the face in front of everyone. Doh!

[Carlos Rivera]

I know this one's bad. . .but instead of tai no henko, at dojo parties we do "wain o henko" :cool:

[Tatiana]

I live in Brazil, and in Portuguese "Ai que dor" (Pronounced ai-ki-dor) means "Oh what pain!"

So when ever I tell anyone that i'm an akidoka they all say "Ai ki dor?" and laugh

its silly really =) but its funny when they say it ^^

Tat

[emma.mason15]

What an apt saying ..... i think it sums it all up!

[Steve Mullen]

that is one of the genuinuly funny coincidences that the world throws up at you every now and again

[pezalinski]

Has anyone else encountered an Ai-ki-don't-a?

As in, they used to practice hard, but no longer do?

They don't-a take breakfalls
They don't-a do swariwaza
They don't-a practice with new people
They don't-a get along with everyone else
....

:p

[Pauliina Lievonen]

A japanese friend of mine and I were talking about compassion, and trying to find a translation for the word in japanese....one that she came up with was "dojo". :) I assume the kanji is different.

Then we thought Dojo Dojo would be a nice name for a dojo. :) Until she translated it back as "sympathy club". Erk. :)

Disclaimer. I don't know how accurate any of these translations actually were, considering that my Japanese is even worse than her English....

kvaak
Pauliina

[akiy]

A japanese friend of mine and I were talking about compassion, and trying to find a translation for the word in japanese....one that she came up with was "dojo". :) I assume the kanji is different.
Your friend was probably referring to the following kanji compound:

同情 =~ sympathy, compassion, pity

同 (dou) =~ same, agree, equal
情 (jyou) =~ feelings, emotion, passion

-- Jun

[MaryKaye]

We have a student named Sean (pronounced Shawn). One of the junior adults was counting in front of a group, and when he should have thought "san" thought "sean". In the usual way of people under pressure, the more he tried to remember "san" the more he got stuck on "sean."

Counting produces a lot of our humor moments anyway. It's amazing how you may have been doing a particular exercise with counting twice a week for a year or two, but you still can't remember how to count it when you're up in front of everyone!

This isn't a pun, but Curtis sensei was once dissatisfied with his senior students' counting of jo dai-ni, so he made them count it without using a jo, and stood behind them trying to do the kata to their count. Everyone else could see his efforts, but the counting student couldn't.... It was pretty funny, though probably not for the senior students involved! They would speed up certain parts until he looked like the Tasmanian Devil, or leave out counts so he had to suddenly switch the jo from one position to another between moves.

Mary Kaye

[CNYMike]

I was at a seminar yeaterday, and at one point we were doing shomenuchi ikkyo from seated technique. I and the nage next to me were facing the same way, and when I sent my uke to my right, his went to the left. They didn't hit, but their heads were aimed at each other. I couldn't resist -- I had to say it: "Let's put their heads together."