View Full Version : interference... yes? no?

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07-18-2005, 08:11 PM
so i was recently on vacation and while me and my sister were walking around this really small town a woman came out of a resaurant crying and with the fly of her pants pulled open... moments after seeing her, a man came out after her trying to talk to her almost trying to reason with her or something, she continued to sob and yell and swear at him, and she kept on trying to move out of his arms reach and he kept trying to grab on to her... finally she just started to run, the man kind of paused a second (expecting her to come back) and then he started to run after her, i was sort of standing in between them and the way the man was running i could have easily done some technique on him or stall him or something and let the girl keep running, but my sister pulled me out of the way and said not to interfere....

was that right? i mean aikidoka (martial artists in general) have an ability to help people like that girl but should we... or is that out of bounds?

i honestly feel really aweful :( that i just stepped aside and let that man go... i mean he would obviously catch up to her and she obviously seemed afraid of him and just wanted to be away from him.

07-18-2005, 08:28 PM
You were right to not get involved.

07-18-2005, 09:43 PM
How So?
I geuss it depends on what YOU feel is right for yourself. If you think that you should help.... You should. If Not.... I would have tryed (If I wasn't shaking in my pants....Lol)
:ai: :ki: :do:

Amir Krause
07-19-2005, 10:42 AM
Given your description of the event, I still can not say whether you were right or not. Think about it - if he expected her to return, he was familiar to her, and you have no idea of what was truly going on.


07-19-2005, 11:27 AM
yeah so i think that its like right and wrong... because i didnt know their situation it would have been wrong to have gotten involved (because obviously i did not know them), but even though i did not know them i knew there was a serious problem... so i dont know.

Mark Gibbons
07-19-2005, 12:16 PM
Rather than sticking your body in the way when no obvious assault is occurring you might consider calling the police and reporting the situation. Feeling bad about the situation is pretty normal, I still wonder about some events 30+ years after. Its tough but admirable to care about strangers. Good luck.


Adam Alexander
07-19-2005, 12:48 PM
I would of minded my own business. She apparently knew him. If she wants to carry on that type of relationship, who am I to stop her?

When I was in my late teens, there was a neighbor woman who's old man would whoop her every now and again. When they moved in and had their first fight in that house, the sister came over and begged me to help. I went over and told him to stop. I was scared (I never feel good about going into someone else's house like that). He was cool. He left.

Next day, he was back home and they were in love again. Next week, he was beating her a**. The sister comes running again...Oh, well...I didn't go back to him...she did.

Amir Krause
07-20-2005, 05:05 AM
The only interference I might have considered, would have been verbal , without resorting to physical means until the situation is clear, or you are under attack.


Mark Jakabcsin
07-22-2005, 10:13 PM
I wasn't present so I can't give you an honest opinion because I don't know the facts, however since you felt the need to post it seems obvious. Trust your instincts! Analyzing after the fact sucks, do what you believe is right at the moment.

Robert E. Lee said it best 'Duty is ours, consequences are Gods' or something close to that.


ps. Take the advice of Socrates (The Peaceful Warrior) and 'Let it go'.

07-22-2005, 10:28 PM
Dear Malsmith,

You were on vacation, you were on a foreign/unfamiliar territory, you are unfamiliar with the surrounding, you do not who what is happening.... not all that you see is what it seems. You are just a passer by, you are won't be there permanently... so why bother?

If you you really want to be a good Samaritan, you will be of greater help to remember clinically what happened, e.g., time of incidence, clothing of the man and/or woman, distinct facial feature of the man, height, etc etc...and convey these to the police should something really bad happen.

Just my logic speaking.


07-24-2005, 05:26 PM
I don't know much on this sort of thing, but I have read that many police officers say that domestic violence is a toughy. Quite often if you interfere, both parties forget about their fight and attack you.
I think it was wise to stay out of the dilemma.

07-25-2005, 05:53 AM
We can't make decisions for you - and neither can your sister! You must judge a situation based on your own knowledge and experience and desire to feel morally righteous. You did what you had to do at the time. I can't really tell, but I presume they knew each other, so maybe that will alleviate your conscience a little.

Whether you do aikido or not is not the question - whatever you do, you can still get killed by getting involved in a situation. There was a buddhist who taught in the west who said that action should be out of compassion and not out of ego fulfillment. Thus, you could have investigated, but be willing to be heavily insulted by both of them for interfering (or even have to run away to avoid becoming the target of both of their anger).

Usually we worry about situations like this because we don't have enough information. I've waded into situations which I have completely misinterpreted. IMHO The best thing is to talk to them and ask if everything is OK (i.e. get more information), but be prepared to be apologetic if you then realise your interference is inappropriate. However I'm not your moral judge, and you had no legal responsibility to do anything. I like to think a highly ethical person does things because they are the right thing to do at the time, not because it is of personal benefit or because of fear of personal loss.

PS. don't feel awful - the fact that you are thinking about it suggests that you want to resolve a response which you don't think was necessarily appropriate, and this is likely to help you in the future.

07-25-2005, 05:56 AM
PPS I remember on another thread someone saying about a person who intervened to protect someone and they themselves were injured and paralysed. At the time it was suggested that it was wrong to interfere. However I think it is OK as long as there is a realisation of the potential consequences. To me martial arts training has to come down to being able to look death in the face and still make the appropriate decision.