View Full Version : please help me i cant Relax at all

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02-14-2005, 04:55 PM
ive got a small problem whenever someone does a technique such as nikyo or any thing where there is a lock to me i tense up straight away. The onyl time i dont tense up is when my sensei does it. What is the best thing to do. i feel terible bout his cos my sensei can see my getting tense nd then sumtimes blames my partenr, i also feel terrible bout tapping out straight away. please if any one has any advceplease help me.

02-14-2005, 05:06 PM
Don't worry about it, David :)

Relaxing has lots of levels, you are already doing one of those levels with your Sensei...just give it time :)

Tim Heckman
02-14-2005, 05:24 PM
Concentrate on breathing when the technique is being performed upon you. You might not be able to relax on demand, but you shouldn't have any problem breathing. This might help you relax naturally.
Otherwise, just keep practicing. Relaxation eventually comes... I hope. After 18 months, I'm nowhere near all the way there yet.

02-14-2005, 06:06 PM
Really don't worry about tapping early! If you're tapping than it probably hurts, and if it hurts, it's not worth tearing up some muscles to avoid tapping early.

Some people are less flexible than others and they don't bend as far. As well, some people have a tendency to really put the hurt on as soon as they slip into the lock. In practice I make it a point to go slow so uke can tap when it hurts and so I don't hurt them much.

02-14-2005, 09:07 PM
Sounds like you have a great mind-body connections and your mind is in some fearful fantasy anticipating what you think might happen. To really help the body relax, breathe and slow down. To realy help the mind relax, get out of fantasyland.

02-14-2005, 09:44 PM
...whenever someone does a technique such as nikyo or any thing where there is a lock to me i tense up straight away.

Were it happening to me, I'd ask my partner for some indulgence and go through the lock very slowly--I'd signal him/her--and take it to pain and repeat.

Then I'd try building up to speed.

Hope this is useful.

Good luck.

02-16-2005, 10:35 PM
Hi David,

If you've read any of my posts, you'll know that I have many Mental Health problems. Anxiety Disorder is one of them. Although I am unable to train at the moment, I've been using self-hypnosis relaxation cds, and listening to them through headphones - they really do help!

Send me a private message and I'll give you details of where to get them if you're interested.

Breathing is definitely the key to relaxation. Be sure to breathe in slowly through your nose, while pushing out your stomach and exhale through your mouth while pulling your stomach back in. This is called "diaphragmatic breathing", and is the proper way to breathe. This method is very similar to "Ki breathing". Most of us breathe too shallow - only using the chest.

Hope this helps.

:ki: :)

Lyle Laizure
02-26-2005, 06:38 PM
I explain to my students that it takes a great deal of trust to give your body for someone else's training benefit. It is no different than any other relationship we have outside of class. Until you are comfortable and trust the individuals you practice with some if not all techniques people perform on you will cause you to tense up or feel uncomfortable. Breathing helps but I think if you take the time to get to know your fellow students this will help too.

Charles Hill
02-27-2005, 12:42 AM

What do you think is the difference between your classmates` doing it and you teacher? I imagine that there is where the answer to your question is.


02-27-2005, 09:28 PM
You need to learn to trust your partners. Not with anything special. Just with that they know what they're doing, and that they don't intend to do any serious damage beyond what needs to be done to learn/practice the technique.

david evans
03-10-2005, 06:07 AM

There is only the mind and the body. You're not going to get hurt, and everyone at you dojo wants to help you to learn.

Since I started aikido, I have been told to relax; all you can do is persevere

03-14-2005, 08:10 PM
You can't "tell someone to relax"! If anything, that will likely make him even more tense!

Relaxation is a state of mind. It takes practice to become in a relaxed state. My earlier advice about learning breathing techniques will help you relax - being "told to" won't.

:ki: :)

Ibaraki Bryan
03-15-2005, 12:25 AM
I agree about tapping early -- never be afraid to tap early. When I first arrived in Iwama I tried to impress the dojo by enduring much pain -- dislocated my elbow in a sankyo pin on my first night. If it hurts or feels like it's about to snap, tap. :)

03-17-2005, 11:30 AM
Thanks everyone. Sorry for taking such a long time to reply. I know that i am perfectly safe and that as soon as i tap then they will stop, just as when my partner taps i stop immediatly. It seems as if though that i can not get control of my mind, and relax.