View Full Version : Aikido Vs your loved ones

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08-05-2004, 05:38 AM
I've only just had my second lesson tonight but there is a special training day at another dojo on the Weekend. A Sensei (6th Dan I think) is coming down especially from the mainland and a good number of people will be there from around the state.

However, my partner has today been given free tickets, all expenses paid, to the football for the same day. Neither of us even particularly like football, but he thought it would be nice just to do something different and we haven't done anything overly exciting together for a while, mostly spending time indoors.

I can't really win because I will feel guilty either way. I really don't want to be sacrificing time with him (although he said it doesn't matter), plus I have some uni work I should be doing, but at the same time I think the experience of the training day would be very valuable.

How do you guys cope with chosing between Aikido and your loved ones/work/study etc...?

08-05-2004, 05:52 AM
Go to the seminar.... That's what I would do. Then again I have a very understanding wife.... ;)

Anyway - if neither of you are very fond of football why don't he take a good friend to the game for some male bonding. Then at the same time schedule another event for you and him doing something you both enjoy, like going camping, canoing, to Vegas or whatever you can thing of.

No need for you to sacrifice something that could be a once in a lifetime opportunity in order to do something of less appeal. In the long run he will be better off having a happy and excited wife/girlfriend all for him self a whole weekend, than going to a football game with a sulking one.

Just my opinion on the matter....

Greg Jennings
08-05-2004, 05:55 AM
The same as anything else in life. Prioritize.


Yann Golanski
08-05-2004, 06:06 AM
You know, there is an interesting mathematical background to your story....

[WARNING] if you don't like maths, stop reading now...

Still, here? Good. It comes from game theory. It's called the wife and husband game. Generally, it is set up so that a couple can do two things. One is preferred by the wife, the other by the husband. Of course, neither want to be without the other, both going to different events is bad. The results of the game theory is that you have two Nash equilibria (ie both go to the event preferred by one of the). However, there is no way to tell which of those equilibria will be reached.

http://www.gametheory.net and http://mathworld.wolfram.com for more info.

What does this have to do with Aikido? Absolutly nothing whatsoever. Although, if your wife does not do Aikido then maybe spending time with her is best... that is if you like your wife *grins evilly*

Yann Golanski
08-05-2004, 06:09 AM
Right, one day I will learn to read....

Since Olivia is female, swap genders in my post above...

I give up.

08-05-2004, 06:17 AM
Typical mathematician, assuming an incorrect boundary condition based on inaccurate refernces :D Don't worry, an engineer'll be along in a minute to help you Yann

08-05-2004, 07:14 AM
Do what I did: Marry someone who also practices budo ...


08-05-2004, 07:34 AM
How do you guys cope with chosing between Aikido and your loved ones/work/study etc...?

Easy - Aikido almost always wins!

If I get to train I'm happy, therefore more productive at work. If I have to miss Aikido due to work, I bitch and whine about it :grr:

I asked my sensei about it and he said that he prefers Aikido to work as well :D

Family / loved ones - I dunno. Not within my realm of experience! The cats don't mind what I do as long as they get fed :rolleyes:

As for studying - I have always been able to fit that around Aikido even if it meant writing essays at 3am ;)

You just gotta do what makes you happy - smile and the world smiles with you :)


Nick Simpson
08-05-2004, 07:38 AM
Stay Single: You can do what you want all the time.

Lyle Laizure
08-05-2004, 11:19 AM
Finding balance is difficult. You have to prioritize and be willing to make sacrifices. The scenario you described though sounds pretty simple. Since neither of you are really into football then going to the seminar would be the action to take. I would however plan special time in the near future as a thank you for understanding for your significant other.

Just a thought.

08-05-2004, 12:10 PM
How do you guys cope with chosing between Aikido and your loved ones/work/study etc...?


if you are expecting a reasonable balanced answer, this is the wrong group of people to ask,

Aikido of course!!! woo! woo!

08-05-2004, 12:12 PM
Next time anticipate the situation and be 'in credit' with your partner. :)

08-05-2004, 12:58 PM
My wife's not an aikidoka, but she's found that applying nikkyo tends to convince me what choice I should make.

08-05-2004, 01:02 PM
Talk to your partner and find out how important is it for him. That may be a case when he says "Oh, don't worry, I happy not to go there myself", or that could be the case of "You know, I thought I was worth a little attention". If you feel he does not treat that as smth very important, tell him that you would rather have a dinner with him after the training (or smth like this) :) And give those tickets to a friend who loves football.

A humorous answer - pin him and ask where he wants to go now!

Michael Neal
08-05-2004, 02:17 PM
Darn, I was prepared to read a story about Olivia using Aikido against her family members.

08-05-2004, 02:42 PM
Darn, I was prepared to read a story about Olivia using Aikido against her family members.

Me too.

08-06-2004, 01:24 AM
....he thought it would be nice just to do something different and we haven't done anything overly exciting together for a while.

Take him to the seminar. Since you've only had two classes and he's had none it will be something different and I'm sure it'll be exciting :D


Mark Jewkes
08-06-2004, 03:26 AM
I too was under the misconception that this would be about using aikido against family members. I have actually used yonkyo to get my lazy 8yr old son out of his bed :D


Nick Simpson
08-06-2004, 06:53 AM
LOL, aikido against your own family members, hehe. When I first started I was trying to show my dad some stuff but he wouldnt have any of it, now if we play fight and I try to pick him up for a koshi or something he just deadpans and says if you injure me I'll kill you. So I leave him alone :p

08-06-2004, 07:37 AM
If we ever get to train together, ask me about the Drunken Uncle Bob defense.


08-06-2004, 08:05 AM
Life is a matter of choices.

This is not a "vs" question. If one of you lose, you both lose. If he loves you and wants wants is best for you, he will probably want you to train. If you don't train, and resent him, he loses anyway.

A better phrase is aikido "and" loved ones.

My wife encourages me to go to seminar (and she doesn't study) because I am happier and grateful for the support and encouragement. We both win in the long run. That's what relationships are about.

Jorge Garcia
08-06-2004, 10:43 AM
For me, the key to your question is that fact that "you've just had your second lesson". At that stage , you are so new to Aikido that I don't think you will get that much from a seminar. I would take the tickets and spend time with my "significant other". There will be other seminars in the future and you can burn the capital (good will) you have stored up later when you do know more and a seminar will benefit you more. I will say this, when I go to seminars, I always try to take my wife and let her go shopping while we are training. Then she joins us for dinner and we go to a movie at night. She also gets to sleep late and do things she doesn't get to do at home. Hope things work out for you.
Best wishes,

Lachlan Kadick
08-06-2004, 12:47 PM
Simple... have him give his tickets to his friends, and then bring him along

Ian Williams
08-06-2004, 06:28 PM
If your Aikido is something you're doing and not him, and it's going to impinge on significant family/social events, I'd suggest you sit out the seminar and put the family/relationship first.. Maybe that means going to neither the seminar OR the football, but rather going out for a nice dinner instead?

win win situation.

08-07-2004, 08:44 PM
Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all your replies! In the end the decision was made for me, BF (boyfriend) gave the tickets to his Dad and a friend.

BF taught San Chi Kai a while back so alas I don't think I will be pinning him down just yet (although he did let me pin him down the other night so I could practice which was nice!).

To clarify, the training was actually a state training day which they only run about twice a year so I wasn't going to get a chance to go again soon. I disagree with the post that after only 2 lessons it wasn't useful. The senior students from our dojo all encouraged us to go so I thought it wise to take their advice.

There was 2 other newbies there and the Sensei of the dojo very kindly took us aside and teached us some basic moves, including the unbendable arm which was pretty cool! I also got to train with some of the girls, it was nice to see someone small throwing the guys around (I'm the only female at my dojo). There were gradings at the end as well, where half the challenge seems to be remembering the names! It was certainly worth going and I'm really glad I went.

Thanks for your advice! Olivia :D