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jxa127
10-02-2003, 09:42 AM
Okay,

An aikidoka goes to see his shrink.

He says, "Doctor, I had a dream last night that I was a tepee, and the night before I dreampt that I was a wigwam.:

The doctor said: "You just need to relax, you're two tents."

-Drew

Jim ashby
10-02-2003, 10:33 AM
Two hydrogen atoms go into a bar. as they approach the bar one starts patting his pockets and says "hey, I've lost my electron!" The other one says "are you sure?" The first replies "yes I'm positive".

Oh dear.

Jim.

Yann Golanski
10-02-2003, 10:53 AM
For those two jokes, both of you diserve to get 100 kote gaeshi...

BTW, if every full moon I turn into a nice little cottage, does that make me a were-house.

Sorry.

jxa127
10-02-2003, 02:22 PM
:D

Noah safely guides the animals of the Earth to dry land following the flood. He opens the ark's doors and tells them all to go forth and multiply.

Two snakes hang around after the other animals have left. Noah asks if he can help them in any way.

They reply by asking him to cut down a tree and chop it up. Noah asks why.

"We're adders" the snakes reply, "We need logs to multiply."

:D

Okay, so it's not an aikido joke.

Regards,

Paul Kerr
10-03-2003, 01:51 AM
The Zanshin Joke:

Two guys are walking down the road. One of them walked into a bar...:freaky:

Jim ashby
10-03-2003, 02:44 AM
A dyslexic guy walked into a bra........

Have fun.

DaveO
10-03-2003, 09:47 AM
Q: How many non-aikidoists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None - they all live in eternal darkness.

(Oooh, that's lame! :D )

shihonage
10-03-2003, 05:48 PM
I like the other version of this joke.

___________

A patient goes to see psychiatrist.

He says, "Doctor, I had a dream last night that I was a tepee, and the night before I dreampt that I was a wigwam. What is wrong with me ??"

Doctor says, "It is quite simple. You're a stupid fucking idiot."

ChristianBoddum
10-03-2003, 05:53 PM
I can't wait 'til we get to Gary Larson !

Jim ashby
10-04-2003, 02:31 PM
Rene Descartes was in the fish and chip shop. When asked if he wanted salt and vinegar on his chips he replied "I think not" and promptly disappeared.

Think about it.....

Jim

jxa127
10-06-2003, 09:04 AM
James,

I think, therefore...I get the joke. :D

Regards,

-Drew

indomaresa
10-06-2003, 12:39 PM
what do you do to a stubborn newbie?

when partnering him/her, pretend to fail a technique when sensei is walking by, during nikkyo or yonkyo variations

what do you do to make people join the dojo?

everyone should pretend to execute their technique effortlessly while chatting with each other and the uke helps by flying several metres away, yelling terrifiedly all the way

what do you do to avoid being called by the sensei during session?

breathing heavily after each technique, loosen your belt and start fixing it, hold your arm limply and pretend to nurse it, or just avoid eye contact. ( these tricks are not 100% guaranteed - they're not workable with sadistic senseis )

How do you make your arm unbendable?

let the tester try bending someone else's first

What's so good about hakamas?

they're black.. didn't you watch matrix?

why woodens swords?

recycleable

why are hakamas so expensive?

seven pillars of budo

Why only seven?

how much more are you gonna pay for a hakama?

why shouldn't all newbies wear hakamas from the first day?

they're expensive

what's the best thing about wearing a hakama?

if you fail a technique, it's because you trip on your hakama

anyone?

BKimpel
10-06-2003, 12:51 PM
Ha ha, "failing" to do yonkyo and asking sensei to "help" you works on stubborn oldies too!

That's a classic :)

Bruce

indomaresa
10-10-2003, 12:23 PM
aikido mathematics;

koshinage + newbie = 0, he's not coming back

nikkyo + sankyo + kotegaeshi = 3 months of recovery

---------------------------------------------

aikido physics;

if an aikidoka has a body resistance of x, capable of withstanding an impact of 360 Kg/day and an average mis-executed shihonage has an impact power of 12.5 Kg. How many shihonages is needed to pulverize him? (Rounded down)

If an aikidoka has a recovery rate of 7.5 Kg / throw, and an average practice allows only 20 mis-executed shihonage before sensei intervenes, how many practices until the subject is obliterated? Also calculate mis-executed koshinages. Impact power = 17.5 Kg

-------------------------------------------

aikido accounting

If aikido fees every month are 20 US$, and the requirements of kyu testing for kyu 5 to shodan are respectively 30, 60, 60, 70, 80, 90 hours, The requirements for a yudansha exam is 120 hours plus 20.000 yen. Calculate the "cost" of the black belt and the number of practice needed if the training is two hours-a-day, twice-a-week.

If every practice allows you to be thrown at least fifty times. Calculate the amount of throws needed to reach shodan. Also calculate the cost / throw.

Now, I'd like to inform you that I'm paying 2.50 US$ a month, so go ahead and calculate my cost / throw. ^_^

*laughing with glee

Jane Woodcock
10-13-2003, 04:36 PM
maresa,

didn't you know the answer to, life, the universe, and everything is 42?

indomaresa
10-16-2003, 11:59 AM
sshhh...jane, don't tell EVERYONE

if everybody knows the secret of the universe, we'll all have to stop learning aikido and start doing something useful

like.. college, or work. blech..

^0^

markwalsh
10-16-2003, 01:13 PM
Did you hear that Bob that builder opened a dojo. Its called...

Yeswekan!

UKA summer school joke.

Apologies

indomaresa
10-22-2003, 08:20 AM
phew..

so busy, work never stops

here's one to cheer myself up

---------------------------------------------

an aikidoka, a scientist and a businessman is stranded on an island. They found a genie-in-a-lamp deal and quickly rubs it.

the genie pops out and gave them the regular deal, one request per person.

The scientist immediately asks; "send me to my lab immediately, I think I just realized the formula to turn water into gold"

Poof! he's gone

The businessman eagerly says; "send me to wall street now, I think I've figured a sure-way to make a killing on the market."

Poof! he's gone

The Aikidoka just ponders, and ponders, and ponders...

The genie, being a busy spirit tries to hurry him up; "hey, any request will do - what's on your mind right now?"

The aikidoka then says; "well, i've always been wondering if my Futarigake is correct. Could you call those two people back here? I need to test it"

POOF!!!

ranZ
11-19-2003, 08:20 AM
teacher : you know, i'm actually a bit crazy.

student : sure we know, that's why we think you're cool.

teacher : do you know why i'm cool?

student : why?

teacher : coz i always use air conditioner.

student : (*fell down from the chair...*)

(probably the lamest yet funiest joke my sensei told me)

Ted Marr
11-19-2003, 09:00 AM
Old joke, but still a good one....

Q: How many Aikidoka [or whatever other MA you want] does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: 15,000. One to change the lightbulb, and 14,999 to stand around and say "well, in MY dojo we do it slightly differently..."

indomaresa
11-19-2003, 10:05 AM
hi wulan,

is that joke really from K sensei?

I'm having a hard time imagining him say it

----------------------------------

here's one;

A multi-level business expert is riding the bullet train in Japan. Sitting beside him is a grey haired person who looks serene.

He immediately launches into business mode and begin his presentation.

expert: ... and I have reached a rank of "diamond". In case you didn't know.. it means I have over one thousand downlines under me that extends all over japan.

grey hair: i see.. what happens if you have ten thousand?

expert: you'll achieve the rank of "double diamond", and be able to travel all over the world. All expense paid by the organization.

The Grey haired man seems to ponder this quietly, and then asks again,

greyhair: what if I have a hundred thousand?

The expert enthusiastically answered;

expert: well, no one in the organization has ever reached that level, but YOU could be the first one. How about it? interested?

Another lengthy pause.. and then he politely declined. The expert is dissapointed, but then he inquired again the gray haired man on his reason.

grey hair: well, I've already have over one thousand follower and my trip to any country in the world is always paid for. I'm also on the top of my organization.

the expert is appalled by the response.

expert: what rank are you in your organization?

grey hair: i'm a doshu

ranZ
11-20-2003, 10:57 AM
hmm... imagening what would happen if doshu was into Multi Level Marketing... Every akidoka will have to buy so-and-so aiki products, and for every new member, you get a 20% discount on your next monthly payment. hehehe..

(*then again i just remember, there is a MA here that uses MLM system to expand, and now they've got thousands of students *)

-------------

Maresa, yup, that's K-sensei's original & plenty more where it came from... hehehe.

(* you'd be surprised at some of the stuff he sez ^^; *)

JeffBayard
11-28-2003, 11:17 AM
The other day I was hanging out with my friend Dan, and it occurred to me that if he had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan who had a son named Dan... (pauses to double check count)... then they'd have a 10th degree black belt in the family!
...he didn't get it. ...come to think of it, neither do I! :confused:

taras
12-03-2003, 04:53 AM
it recently dawned on me that in Aikido context the following sayings may have a new meaning:

"I don't trust him as far as I can throw him"

"The harder they come the harder they fall"

thisisnotreal
12-03-2003, 10:01 AM
if you were using your jo and your bokken at the same time, you'd be jokken.

groan...

jxa127
12-03-2003, 12:06 PM
Josh,

You just had to stick it to us, didn't you?

:-)

indomaresa
12-04-2003, 10:32 AM
nice one josh

lol

JasonB
12-08-2003, 01:06 PM
Here's a variation of a joke that the Kancho of my dojo told in a seminar.

The Kancho of a local dojo is giving an Aiki-Ken demonstration to a group of non-Aikidoka when a heckler in the group yells out,"Yeah, but can you catch that fly with a pair of chopsticks?"

The teacher sees the fly buzzing around, looks calmly at the heckly and say, "No, but I can cut it with my katana."

"Let's see it!", says the man, unbelieving.

The teacher retrieves his katana from the wall, returns and cuts at the air in front of the fly, which continues to buzz along through the air.

"Hah", says the heckler, "you didn't kill the fly."

"Yes," replies the teacher, "but that fly won't be having anymore children."

vanstretch
12-17-2003, 07:56 AM
sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.

indomaresa
12-17-2003, 11:39 AM
isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke?

-- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..--

it fits though

Kyri Honigh
12-17-2003, 10:45 PM
Sorry guys here's a dirty one..

A sensei I know, once said to us that we would improve much faster if we just had observed him and others more keenly...He told us the following joke:

A professor was giving autopsy classes to 2 students who were very promising. They had to pass this class in order to become surgeons. Professor: Look very closely and repeat after me..he then got a body of a young woman and put a finger in the anus of the dead woman , and then gave the finger a good lick. The students were terrified!! But hell, being a surgeon would make mommy and dady proud so the 1st of the three was gonna try. He brought his finger close to the womans rear...but he couldn't do it! The second one stuck his finger in but had to puke when he brought his finger under his nose. The 3rd guy was very brave and stuck his finger in the woman's ass and gave it a good lick!

Professor: YOU ALL FAILED!! ya wanna know why? Cause i used my index finger and licked my middle finger!!

Kyri Honigh
12-17-2003, 10:46 PM
Sorry bout the typos and there were 3 students not 2...:)

ikkainogakusei
12-17-2003, 10:56 PM
sensei called dominoes to order a pizza. "make me one with everything." duhhhhh.
isn't that a variation from a 'zen' joke?

-- a zen practitioner called pizza hut to..--

it fits though
I heard the same joke but the [insert eastern spiritual here] gave too much money and asked for change. The pizza guy says 'Change comes from within'.

indomaresa
12-18-2003, 06:20 AM
funnyy...

"zen comes from within"

rofl

Jim ashby
12-18-2003, 06:48 PM
A reprise of one I posted ages ago.

What is red, and at the same time invisible?

No tomatoes.

John Boswell
12-19-2003, 11:46 AM
Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time.

Bilbo and Gollum agree to duel of riddles. (Gollum's idea) Gollum gave Bilbo a riddle that had to be guessed. If he got it, he could give Gollum a riddle. First person to not guess the riddle loses. If Bilbo lost, Gollum would get to eat Bilbo. Poor Bilbo just wanted to be lead out of the caves.

All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win:
"What do I have in my pocket?"
Bilbo won. ;)

I mention all this because:

A) It was damn funny!

B) Something very Zen about it to me.

C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used...
It bites, but has not teeth. It stings, but is no insect. It howls, but has no voice. What is it?
Do you know?

Okay... I'm gonna run along and babble somewhere else. If anyone needs the answer to the riddle, don't worry: I'll be back. ;)

Qatana
12-19-2003, 01:44 PM
the wind

ikkainogakusei
12-29-2003, 12:57 AM
Anyone ever seen the animated version of "The Hobbit" by Tolkien? I was watching it last night and this thread reminds me of Bilbo meeting Gollum for the first time.

<snip>

All the riddles were good, but Bilbo was getting tired and came up with the most obvious riddle to win:

Bilbo won. ;)

I mention all this because:

A) It was damn funny!

B) Something very Zen about it to me.

C) The "no tomatos" reminded me of a particular riddle used...

Do you know?
My favorite from the book is:

"Alive without breath,

As cold as death.

Never thirsty,

Ever drinking.

All in mail never clinking."

:D

zachbiesanz
12-29-2003, 12:14 PM
Q: Why do we call it a hakama?

A: Cause tough guys are always asking "Hakama gotta wear a skirt to learn how to fight?"

Delicious, but best served out loud.

boni tongson
01-09-2004, 10:17 PM
actually this happened in our conversations here when i was still new in Aikido i was 15 years old then we had this about discussions, story telling, story telling a lie (hehe) and etc whenever sensei have not yet arrived so other students would ask, "How do you distinguish the kind of martial art the person practices?" a little older student would answer "I've encountered a really good karateka, u would know because he would have callose in his hands! a kendoka because of big muscular fore arms and judoka because of his deformed ears!" so what about the aikidoka? somebody asks. nobody could answer. some uttered "yeah, how do you know he practicies aikido?" the older student wanting to point out that we won't know because there is no physical manifestation if a guy or lady practices aikido because aikido deals much with the matters of the mind and so and so and etc. just keep on saying "c'mon c'mon how could you tell?!" his feeling proud because he knows something we don't. then sensei walks in the dojo and one student younger than me after seeing sensei exclaimed "they've got big tummies!" hehehe

is there some kind of truth in this? hehe :)

pls dont tell my sensei :D

taras
01-11-2004, 03:00 AM
may be beer gut :-)

indomaresa
01-11-2004, 07:55 PM
bigger tanden needs bigger gut

Ted Marr
01-12-2004, 08:41 AM
Sensei belly is a well documented phenomenon, at least as far as I have seen it. Basically, I figure it's because as your aikido gets better, practicing (and certainly teaching) doesn't take as much energy, and time spent at the dojo detracts from time at the gym doing aerobic things. Of course, a lot of that has to do with diet and all that... and there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. I hope to be one of them someday. If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.

Bronson
01-12-2004, 10:53 PM
If not, though, the hakama should keep the belly in check.
No...it doesn't :p

Bronson

vanstretch
02-10-2004, 09:56 AM
here's a funny gag guys= put on your gi and then place an empty 32oz coke plastic bottle in your armpit/concealed. when your partner does a sankyo, just sqeeze the bottle! sounds like a bone snapping-then scream-then laugh.

taras
02-15-2004, 08:01 AM
I've recently read this on the net.

OSensei used to explain the moves in the terms that now could be called 'new age'-like. Once he was in the middle of explaining a move, when he extended his uke and said 'and now you should become one with the universe', and proceded to throw the uke down quite hard. The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'

Jesse Lee
02-16-2004, 01:51 PM
The uke raised his voice from the floor: 'I can see the stars'

LMAO!!!

We have this dyslexic devil-worshipping guy in our dojo that just sold his soul to Santa.

Michael Hackett
02-16-2004, 04:31 PM
Terrible story about the dyslexic devil worshipper! Dyslexics of the world Untie!

John Boswell
02-23-2004, 02:09 PM
Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads:
I'm uke. You're uke. :)
Now THAT is funny !

Bronson
02-24-2004, 01:07 AM
Saw a post where the owner of a dojo puts a sign outside that reads:

Now THAT is funny !
Hey that's us!! One of my past favorites was the "study judo and earn frequent flyer miles" sign :D

Bronson

Andrea Demel
02-29-2004, 03:01 AM
This is more zen than aikido, but I enjoyed it. I'm unsure if this is considered funny or not, but this was always one of my favorite zen stories:

There are two monks who are walking along a road, and it has rained recently, so mud coats the road. Soon, they come upon a beautiful girl standing on the side who wishes to cross but is apprehensive of getting dirty.

The first monk, oblivious to his friend, picks up the girl, and carries her across, then sets her down. The second monk is baffled, as they make it a practice of avoiding women.

Hours go by, and the first monk seems serene and doesn't mention it, and the second monk continues to be curious, but lets it go.

As the day goes on, however, he becomes more and more agitated by the thought, and finally bursts out, "Why did you pick up that girl at the roadside back there?!"

The first monk replies, "I left her back on the road, do you carry her still?"

taras
03-01-2004, 03:42 AM
On a lunch brake at work I was talking to my colleagues about some web sites that I run. As I listed them I said "and then there is the dojo web site". Instantly a few heads popped up and asked "what dodgy web site?"

taras
03-01-2004, 04:24 AM
Not really an Aikido joke, but still...

Two old friends who practiced Judo all their lives had a conversation on wehter they hold Judo competitions in heaven, and decided that the first one of them to go will come back and tell the other. A while after one of the friends dies. As it was agreed he comes to see his friend a few weeks after adn says, I've got two news for you: a good one and a bad one. The good news is that they hold Judo competitions in heaven on a regular basis. And the bad one is that tomorrow you are fighting Jigoro Kano.

Ted Marr
03-01-2004, 11:53 AM
That last joke reminded me of an interesting anecdote...

Back when I was studying martial arts in my pre-aikido days, my teacher had us practicing this one variation of nikkyo for more than 2 hours of a three hour summer class. The racquetball court we were using as a temporary dojo was stifling, badly ventilated, and hot. Eventually, one of my classmates' patience ran out, and he said "Hey Steve, how long do we have to practice this technique for?" My teacher replied "Um, well, until you die probably, if you want to get it right." to which that student replied "Nah, 60 years from now I'll show up in the afterlife, and you'll be there with a bullwhip making me practice for all of eternity!" At which point someone wondered aloud "Now, would that be heaven, or hell?"

Justin Gaar
03-24-2005, 10:00 AM
Okay small joke might take a little visualization.

Uke and his sensei (120 lbs and 130 lbs) stand before the nage (approx 250 lbs). Sensei tells uke: "Remember our motto is use his weight against him.

Little piece of paper in the dojo dressing room. LOL! :confused:

:ki:

Hardware
04-11-2005, 12:04 AM
Q. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

A. Lie awake all night wondering if there really is a dog...

*****************************************************************************

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

W. One. But it takes a long time and the light bulb must want to change...

*****************************************************************************

A little more off topic...

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A. Well, one is white, made of plastic and is dangerous for kids to play with. The other one holds groceries...

Thank you everyone. You've been great. I'll be here all week, try the veal...

Hardware
04-11-2005, 12:11 AM
Not Aikido related, and a visual joke - but for some reason I cannot explain, I find this hilarious.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v206/Hardware02/Misc/2d5ca31e.jpg


For any "ground pounders" out there.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v206/Hardware02/Misc/Comanche_Artillery_Vulgar_Brawl_Cartoon.jpg

gundisalwa
04-11-2005, 08:44 AM
What does an aikido student says after receiving a present:
"Sankyo"

(sorry! I was trying to hold that by the urge to post it was stronger than me :p :p :p)

Bronson
04-11-2005, 11:04 AM
How does an aikido master open the door to his dojo?

With his key :D

Bronson

Dirk Hanss
08-04-2005, 05:26 PM
recently sensei told us how to do the technique, starting from static katatedori.
"First offer uke a present, and as he takes it, do the ikkyo"

Suddenly I knew that aikido is much older tahn I thought before.

A wise man in Troy once said: "I fear the Aikidoka, even if they offer presents!"

Only those dumb translaters, who did not know about aikido changed the name to "Greek".

Cheers Dirk

ChristianBoddum
08-04-2005, 07:36 PM
Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance

dyffcult
08-05-2005, 12:20 AM
Once upon a time, three students of martial arts were discussing the various merits of their respective arts. Of course, each claimed that their own was better than the others. Finally, the doka selected a contest to determine the best of the arts. Each would challenge the next vehicle to come down the roadway.

The student of karate stated that he would go first. He stood in the center of the busy roadway and waited for the approaching vehicle. With a mighty chop, he stopped the first oncoming passenger vehicle dead.

The judoka was up next. He positioned himself in the road way. As the truck approached, he set himself, and then threw the truck with a mighty shrug.

The aikido student was concerned. The karate student had stopped a car. The judo student had thrown the truck. As he looked, a bus full of passengers came barreling down the road.

The aikidoka concentrated, stepped off center and the bus passed by.........

Steve Mullen
08-31-2005, 09:29 AM
( these tricks are not 100% guaranteed - they're not workable with sadistic senseis )

i have yet to meet any other kind of sensei :D

Goye
08-31-2005, 09:58 AM
How is that an aikidoka wins a combat with a capoeira fighter?,..

,...

The aikidoka turns off the music.

NixNa
08-31-2005, 01:11 PM
How is that an aikidoka wins a combat with a capoeira fighter?,..

,...

The aikidoka turns off the music.

Noway ! Darn, why didnt u say so earlier ?! :uch:


LOL

bryce_montgomery
09-01-2005, 09:43 AM
Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance

I don't know Christian...it seems funny enough if you just randomly say "Doctor I'm afraid of noodles!"...of course, people might change out your gi for a straightjacket, but it'd still be pretty funny! :D

Bryce

P.S. - I'm a college kid, so pretty much anything taken horribly out of context would make me laugh.

Patrick Crane
09-26-2005, 03:42 PM
1. Aikido: the most fun you can have on your knees with your clothes on.

2, Coed naked Aikido: Get tapped on the mat.

3, Is that a Tanto in your Hakima, or are you just glad to see me?

4. Doshu has announced a new, honorary, 11th Dan rank for my mother-in-law, who has perfected not just seven, but thousands of ways to TWIST MY ARM.

John Boswell
09-26-2005, 04:08 PM
Ok , so I've had this punchline in my head for a while ,
could someone please make a dyslexic joke on it :
" Doctor I'm afraid of noodles ! "

Thanx in advance

Roctod, M'i dfraia fo soodlen! :D

Odom origata :hypno: :confused: :p

batemanb
09-27-2005, 04:09 AM
two sausages sizzling in a pan. One says "hey aint it hot in here?". The other says "bloody hell, a talking sausage!"

John Boswell
09-27-2005, 10:28 AM
ROFL! I liked it, Bryan! Goofy... but funny. ;)

batemanb
09-27-2005, 08:45 PM
Why is a pirate called a pirate?
















they just ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Mike Fugate
09-27-2005, 11:12 PM
Here somthing my Sifu sent me,,,
The Top 12 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

12. Lesson 1: A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in
a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock
yourselves out, Grasshoppers."

11. All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered
bowling trophies.

10. Due to a misspelling of "Martial Arts" on the door, half
the class shows up with vibrators and lotions.

9. Other students show up with sketchbooks.

8. Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful
suspenders and co-ordinating ascots.

7. Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye
can see", you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking
going on.

6. The lesson keeps getting interrupted while the Master swaps
french fry baskets.

5. As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor
says "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong." :eek:

4. You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve
masturbating and throwing feces at your attacker.

3. You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar
bills in your g-string. :drool:

2. Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving
your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.

1. At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you
could just buy a friggin' gun." :D

cconstantine
09-28-2005, 11:30 AM
Two anecdotes...

After my third class (picture me in tshirt/sweatpants, with no clue and a few new books about aikido on my bookshelf) I mentioned to my new-found, 1st kyu aiki-friend, "Mike, where can I buy a gi?" (Our small dojo didn't "stock" them.) Mike replied with a long set of driving directions. Confused by the directions, and in an attempt to be aiki-clever, I replied, "Uh, yeah. Nevermind, I'll use my ki to find it!" Mike's deadpan reply: "Your car will stall." We're friends for life!

My Sensei (American, 30yrs experience, very hardcore training style, you get the picture...) is a very approachable and friendly person; But he does not commonly crack jokes -- very rarely on the mat, and never while actively demonstrating a technique. So there we are lined up watching him mercilessly apply nikkyo-to-ikkyo in suwariwaza (on those hard rubber puzzle-mats no less.) After several reps, uke sort of flopped forward away from the ikkyo and Sensei lost his contact with uke's hand/arm... In a flash he grabbed uke's foot and twisted his ankle/toes (analagous to how you'd apply nikkyo) pinning uke, splayed out. (Uke tapping madly.) We all watched a bit startled (it looked like it really hurt.) Sensei then released uke, and paused dramatically. Then he smiled with a little "hehe" sort of mischevious chuckle... and said "toe-kyo... Please practice!". (We practiced the ikkyo-to-nikkyo part. ;)