View Full Version : A lesson learned..

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08-14-2003, 07:16 AM
I'm posting this to "spiritual" forum but I'm not 100% sure this is the proper location for it.

That aside, it's been a long time since I've posted here. Too long.

I am doing well though, have had some "seperation anxiety" problems I am seeing a doctor for, as far as the "abridged version" goes.

Throughout this time of three months or so, I have been missing Aikido practice, but have been feeling like I was still connected and living the spiritual side of the art. Trying my best to keep my emotions in check, and trying to redirect anger, frustration, anxiety, and depression towards healthier goals has been something I was pretty good at doing. Until Tuesday night.

I met up with my ex and she had our dog there. That upset me to no end, as she said I couldn't see him, because I was crazy, etc. I'll not get into details details, but basically, I stormed into the apartment to hug my dog and she was trying to restrain me. Nails in my arms, hands on my wrists.. bear hug from behind, and the wo other people there tried to hold me as well. I switched into Randori mode, and my ex was on the floor with a sore wrist, the other woman was behind my ex as the ex was tossed into her. The large man couldn't keep ahold of me, and he only recieved a bruised ego.

An hour later, back at home, I was arrested. Out on bail a few hours later, and yesterday in court I was told that I need to keep seeing my doctor and he needs to write a letter to the court and things will be nullied. (spelling?)

I feel like I failed, basically. I should have seen the emotions rise, and stopped there, wrote a lengthy letter and not mailed it, or just went for a walk in the woods. (Something that helps me calm down..)

What are your thoughts?

Again, hi everybody! I'm going to read-up on the post I've missed, and try to get some work done this week. :)



08-14-2003, 08:42 AM
Sorry for the situation. Sounds painful all around.

IMHO, practicing the spirtual side of Aikido may not be as expedient as getting some competent counseling for your separation anxiety and anger management.

Failure only shows us where we need to practice more. Sometime our practice is how to get out of our own way mentally and emotionally. Remember, where ever the head goes the body tends to follow.

Learn to accept and flow with what is.

Compassion to all involved.

Ron Tisdale
08-14-2003, 08:52 AM
Stay away from people who obviously enjoy manipulating your emotions, and enlisting others to support same.

Adopt a new dog from the spca (I still miss all of my pets that have crossed the bridge).

Live well. Its the best revenge.


08-14-2003, 08:55 AM
That concept of living well is absoutley what was on my mind this entire time.

I thank you two for your replies, as you've confirmed what I was thinking all along..

Oh, and petfinder.org is a great place to find pets! :)

Nancy Mathews
08-14-2003, 09:31 AM
i agree completely with all advice given so far.

get some counseling or therapy. going to a psychiatrist was the best thing i did when faced with similar problems in my own life.

one more word: take a moment to find a good psychiatrist, or counselor, or support group, whichever route you take; don't expect that your first avenue will automatically be the best choice for you, and be willing to make changes. sometimes it takes a while to find the right path and the right people to help you, but it is definitely worth it.

good luck !

08-15-2003, 08:31 AM
One thing I'd add is to get a copy of "The Magic of Conflict" by Thomas Crum. It takes an aikido-based approach to dealing with conflict. It's made a real impression on me.