View Full Version : I Used to Fear...

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04-04-2003, 05:23 PM
Hi everyone,

On the heels of the thread "I Used to Believe..." (http://www.aikiweb.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=3547)...

What sort of fears did you used to have in aikido that have since then changed or been overcome?

What caused the change in your thinking?

-- Jun

04-04-2003, 05:45 PM
flip from kote-gaeshi looked terrifying untill I actually tried it :) I think the key word would be "trust" in your nage.

Greg Jennings
04-04-2003, 09:19 PM
When I started, I was scared to death of a simple front roll.

Then I was very scared of front high falls.

Then I was scared of rear high falls.

Then I was nervous about fast koshinage ukemi.

Then I was bothered by teaching.

Now I'm scared to death of getting so banged up that I can't train vigorously anymore.


04-04-2003, 10:00 PM
not really a "used to" since I still havent started aikido yet (hopefully visiting a dojo or two this week)

I Fear:

Not being accepted for who I am, or not fitting in at the dojo

Doing something embarssing (there's that nasty ego kicking in)

Getting hurt

High Falls

04-05-2003, 12:48 AM
I still fear: reaching a plateau without realizing it, allowing my growth and development to stop and getting stuck in habits that I don't even notice and will always limit me.

04-05-2003, 03:54 AM
I fear growing old and turning into a soure old git like so many other aikidoka

04-05-2003, 01:35 PM
After one class, I can say I still do fear messing up something for someone else in the class. No good at ukemi yet, so I fear making it difficult for someone else to learn because I'm hindering them.

Well, maybe I'll be with the senior students more often.

Mary Eastland
04-05-2003, 05:14 PM
I used to fear men.....I don't anymore. ;)


mike lee
04-06-2003, 07:09 AM
I used to fear that I would study aikido for decades and never fully understand the technical side of aiki.

Kung Fu Liane
04-06-2003, 12:38 PM
i used to fear that aikido would screw up the footwork in my kung fu, and my teacher always used to tell me off for sloppy footwork in sparring. happily, aikido has improved my footwork, probably becuase learning two different ways makes you really careful about picking up bad habits.

04-06-2003, 07:17 PM
Losing. I hate losing. Now, I understand there's much more to life than winning, and that's what really counts.

04-07-2003, 03:32 AM
I used to fear getting bored with aikido - frustrated yes, bored no.

(Eric, come join us, don't fight your feelings...)

Paula Lydon
04-15-2003, 02:32 PM
~~That I'd lose my martial edge and become an Aikido 'weenie'. Changed when an number of Aikido weenies dumped me on my butt :)~~

04-15-2003, 03:17 PM
I used to fear leaving the house. I used to fear interacting with people. i used to fear connection.i used to fear "leadership". i used to fear that what i am trying to say is being heard as something else. i used to fear relationship. i used to fear asserting myself.

i still do, but now i get to the dojo as often as possible.where i am still afraid...

Kelly Allen
04-16-2003, 01:58 AM
I still fear hurting some one because I'm not good enough yet. In fact I tweeked my senseis elbow the other week. (little hyper extention) I was terrified I injured my teacher. Luckily it wasn't that bad.

Kung Fu Liane
04-16-2003, 11:19 AM

surely that kind of fear is a good thing in a way? i think that a small fear of hurting others helps to build control. i remember telling my teacher i was scared of getting hurt and hurting others, and his advise was to stay a little scared

04-16-2003, 01:32 PM
I used to fear getting onto the mat,
Because I was a walking screw up.

I used to fear being touched,
Because I could not let go of yesterday.
I used to fear my own strength.

Now I come to the mat open and calm,

I am not a screw up.. Maybe directionally challenged at best;)

Physical contact is but a whisper of what it used to be,
I am learning to trust and have faith in my self and others.

I have let go of the bad things that compile as “yesterday”,
Because in letting go, I am holding on to my future.

There is no need for the physical tension that ran things amuck then,
I am light of hand with those I partner with.

I still fear Koshi-nage and highfalls,
But that’s another bridge of trust that I must cross,
One baby step at a time.

I still fear using Bokkens and Jo’s,
But I no longer run away.

I fear being foolish and giving Aikido up,

To me that is allowing a large part of who I am begin to wither away.

04-16-2003, 02:59 PM
I am so full of fear that it has become my friend. I saw a little beastie the other day as I was taking out the trash, out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was a piece of trash blowing in the wind, but when it hopped, fear gripped me. When I got my eyes to look at it (this was all of about half a second, from my peripheral vision), I realized it was only a little bird. But I got to stroke my fear a little bit more and realized that I create patterns and mentally catalog everything into those patterns because I am afraid of the unknown. The universe isn't always what we think it is, and my fear made me conscious of that. If fear creates consciousness, it can't be all that bad. For that split second I had to look at that living thing without a preconception, just as it was. It wasn't "just a bird", it was life sneaking up on me.

What does this have to do with Aikido? Why, everything, of course.

Jim Vance

04-16-2003, 03:00 PM
Oh yeah, I was going to say that my biggest fear now is spending more time on Aikiweb than I do in my dojo. :D

Jim Vance

05-01-2003, 04:19 AM
In training, I fear hurting others...and I fear hurting myself. I fear that my fear will prevent me from learning aikido.

In life, I fI fear hurting others...and I fear hurting myself. I fear that my fear will prevent me from learning to change and adapt.

Dave Miller
05-01-2003, 09:50 AM
I really struggled with taking the big falls on the mat. On the crash pad is easy but on the mat was quite scary.

I crossed a major hurdle when I served as uke in a Shodan demonstration. The tori was about half my size and totally intimidated to throw me. Talking her through tossing me safely helped me a lot. However, the big change occured as the result of a complete fluke.

As we were finishing up the Ju Nana Hon no Kata, she did Hiki Otoshi (which can be quite intimidating to uke) on one side with no problem. On the other side, however, she lost her grip on my arm. :dead: I didn't even think about it because I had plenty of momentum and the fall happened flawlessly. I did notice a few gasps from the gallery. :eek:

The more I thought about that experience, the more I realized that it's the combination of my skills in ukemi as well as the skills of my tori that make my falls safe. So long as I keep my ukemi sharp and make sure my tori is compitent and confident, I'll be taking falls for years to come.


05-01-2003, 11:34 AM
at first i was scared that i'd hurt myself during technique (being uke or nage). now after practicing for a bit, i realize that a little pain won't kill me, and what looks terrifying when observing it can actually be less scary while doing it. except for those first few tries.

another fear was hurting my uke, especially if he/she is less experienced. now the fear is less because sensai continues to encourage communication between uke and nage.

Jesse Lee
05-01-2003, 02:37 PM
I used to fear breakfall from shiho nage, now that is getting better.

I fear that possibly having a kid in the near future will cut into my training significantly, which sucks b/c training is such an important part of my life.

I fear moving up in rank and losing my beginner's mind, s/t I'll become another crusty know-it-all who has an answer for everything aikido-related and has stopped listening to new ideas.

OK, honestly I know that last one ain't gonna happen... :)

06-01-2003, 06:12 AM
I used to be horrified of hurting people, now I'm still scared.

And I'm arachnophobic. That really sucks. ^_^

06-01-2003, 10:52 AM
I used to be scared that (many years of Judo) I would end up throwing, sweeping or strangling someone. The first two never happened (I would be a liar to say the situation never appeared,) and strangling someone in aikido is unrealistic in the styles I have tried. (The aiki strangle/immobilising attacks bear no relation to real strangles imo.)

These days I am more worried about things like Rokkyo. Knowing from my judo time how easy it is to snap an extensor joint like the elbow, training with rokkyo unsettles me when my partner doesnt seem to realise the make-up of the elbow. I worry about my own safety, not theirs.

And while I am at it...:p

Koshi nage ukemi! Near 20 years of throwing arts has made me (5ft 8, 140 lbs maybe) total unafraid of any throw, however high or hard the landing. And I also notice that a few aikido people have trouble with koshi-nage ukemi. So when I am thrown with it I just see where I am going, reach out with my spirit and body into the 'space' where I am going to be. However my use of my arms seems to infuriate my sensei :(

Sadly Jun, nothing has changed yet amongst those.

I used to fear that if I stopped doing my other MA training and did only aikido, I would end up getting badly hurt or killed from doing such a useless art. I got over that one, though. Now I am quite happy training in aiki only.

06-02-2003, 02:22 AM
I fear that those injuries from my previous MA will stop me from training aikido