View Full Version : An Honest Confession

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12-05-2002, 09:20 AM
I have been trainging in Aikido or 1 1/2 years or so i say. To be really honest with myself I have not truly trained much at all.

When i first joined Aikido as a beginner I went for every lesson trained as hard as i could and put in as much effort as i could. I went for every beginner training time my dojo had. When i finished the beginners course I naturally signed on as a full member.

I pushed my training to 5 times a week. Nearly every single lesson. But then the limits of time and reality dawned on me. I started cutting back it slowly became les and les then hardly even at all. It got to a point that i stopped going all together. Only going once in a long while. I became more like a visitor to the dojo. It was not time thats a problem but it was as if i got bored even though my interest was still there.

This has been going on for a yr and a half now. I recently went back to my home town for a holiday from school having not been home for nearly a year andI signed up at the local dojo. I told the sensei there i had been traing for a yr or so. I went through the class and realise what my skills were like. It was a different approach to my old dojo in which i somehow skipped the knowledge of my lack of skills. It was truely thrown in my face that I was really really bad at it. I must admit I learnt alot today aikido wise but I really was surprised at what I had become.

The final kick in the gut was after the session when I went to thank the Sensei for letting me train there. He asked me. "Are you sure you have been training for 1 1/2? I have beginners who have been training for 4 months....." He kinda trailed of there but u could tell he wanted to say more.

I was really upset by this. I was pissed at myself and pissed t what I had wasted.Then i started thinking about it. This has kinda been happening my whole life. I have undertaken so many things and thrown in tons of effort and tons of work. Yet things don't seem to pay of. I realise now that the way I have been leading my life is that of a half heart lazy useless person. I realsied that whatever I have done studies, training relationships all have been halfassed. I have goals and aims and wishes like everyone. I want to be great a aikido, great at my studies but I hvae not been able to do so. Why? cause I have never truely had the will power to say " Hey! Cut the bull and finish what u started with the same gusto u put in the first place!!" I intend to finish what I start and Really do the best of what I can. Not some halfass dodgy runaway.

I hope this is not some gust in the beginning that I usually have but something that i can really pull together for myself. If Aikido has thought me anything it has been this.

12-05-2002, 10:28 AM
Not to sound trite or anything, but Good luck and stay in touch


12-05-2002, 10:39 AM
Brave confession, I can relate on how you feel. My humble advice, donīt try to push to hard at first, that will lead to frustration and burnout. The benefits of regular practice will come your way then and they will reflect on your life, work, relationships, etc. but you have to be steady.

Ali B
12-05-2002, 11:04 AM
Hi Tessa,

I too can sympathise with your feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can always do better in future, I am sure you were a bit rusty but after even a couple of weeks on the tatami, the old magic will still be there...

At least it has taught to one of your patterns. Now you can work on breaking the cycle - good luck.

Love and Light


12-05-2002, 12:08 PM
Don't feel bad.

I'm a firm believer that the martial arts are for everyone....but, not every martial art is for everyone.

Maybe Aikido isn't your bag anymore.

Kevin Wilbanks
12-05-2002, 12:24 PM
Get a calendar and start keeping track of your training days. Make consistency itself your goal and postpone all other Aikido goals until you have a demonstrable record of consistent practice. Start with a modest goal like 2x/week, and try to make incremental progress from there. If you fail to meet your training frequency goal, don't condemn yourself about it, simply start over. I see your type of mistake/approach in people who attempt to change their fitness habits all the time. Almost nothing can be accomplished in the realm of physical training without consistency.

The three cornerstones of successful training, according to Bill Bowerman, legendary Oregon track/Olympic coach, inventor of the running shoe, and founder of Nike:




I was shocked when I first read it, and it has been gradually transforming my approach to my own training ever since.

12-06-2002, 01:11 AM
The three cornerstones of successful training, according to Bill Bowerman, legendary Oregon track/Olympic coach, inventor of the running shoe, and founder of Nike:
That's really good advice. I never seen put so succinctly.

12-06-2002, 02:37 AM
consistency / moderation / rest

great advice. always works too.

as for halfassed approach:

apologies for sounding cold but feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. changing your approach will.

sometimes our expectations outstrip our capacities - not reaching our goal first time, every time does not make us lesser beings.

start again and approach it as a new beginning rather than a step back.

Jason Tonks
12-06-2002, 04:40 AM
Alright there Tesca. I can well relate to all you have said. For years I would stop and start things. Having a low boredom threshold and being somewhat temperamental in nature I suppose this is always a danger. I was always attracted to the Martial Arts and fighting if I'm honest! Having tried a few of the arts, Judo as a young boy, Tae Kwon Do and Muay Thai, I had Aikido in my mind. I really didn't know anything about it but the I just had in my mind that I was going to do it. From the outset I loved it. Aikido embraces a whole code of ethics, entailing respect, discipline, honour and integrity. What I would say to you Tesca is that it's never too late for change. If you want to do Aikido just carry on with it, pay no mind to how many classes you previously missed, concentrate on just going to all the future ones. As my Gran would say, what is for you in life will not pass you by. Whatever you choose to do, stick in with it.

All the best

Jason T

12-06-2002, 04:46 AM
same thing for me tesca.... ive had many an aspiration and never stuck anything through. aikido for me is the first thing ive stuck to and really stuck to.

ive been through the wanting to leave, ive gotten bored with it. but ive just made myself go and its really been worth it. ive never felt stronger in my life in both a physical and mental sense and training has become a very large part of my life taking preference over most other activities.

if you persist it may be rewarding.

take it easy and the best with your pursuits.