12-12-2016, 11:33 PM
So, just to clarify first, Im a very respectul 4th kyu, I always try my best not to hurt my partner when executing the techniques but also while maintaining the technique done correctly, I always try my best to help those in need (specially those that are new and dont know how to do the techniques) whith a humble manner, and whith black belts I always take advice in a respectful way, and always thanking for any advice given,
Ok so to start, today I went into the dojo, everything fine, did a few techniques(most of them Kokyu Nage), and everything was fine, I did the techniques with mostly black belts that corrected me some minor mistakes, I took the advice as always and said thanks to those that provided it to me, at the final technique we were going to do riotetori kokyu Nage, a black belt that I hadnt seen before aproached me and asked me to be his partern, we did the greeting, and proceeded to practice, at first everything seemed cool, but as our turns passed the black belt became more and more imperative, first he "corrected" me that I was doing the technique too slow, I told him "ok", but he seemed a little upset didnt know why, so we continued, and in that day we were overcrowded at the dojo, so in one of his turns when he applied to me, I stopped and didnt move, he asked me why ,and I told him I was just a little afraid to crashing against a near by pair of aikidokas, whe got angry and told me, "theres nobody at the side!" which was "true" because the pair had moved because they saw that I didnt flow because of them being there, I just told the black belt again "ok", he got even more mad, starting "correcting" me again, but this time almost yelling and looking at my eyes in a very threatening way, I started to get worried, I dont like fighting, and much less in my own dojo, its like my sacred place where I learn new things, but anyways the black belt kept his angry mood and at last he told me "If you do it wrong again I'll attack you like a black belt", I thought that he was just going to get a little bit rough on the kokyu nage, so I did "wrong" the technique and instantly he grabbed my arm, and tried to apply nikkyo, it was all too fast, but I saw his intentions in those moments, he wasnt going to just throw me to the matt, that was a move to try to break my arm!, so I didnt give in, took my arm out and pushed the black belt away, he instantly turned around and looked at me very pissed of,I was afraid, I've fought before but only in self defense I dont like fighting and like I said before much less in my dojo, so again to continue, this guy(the black belt) seemed like he was going to try to attack me once again, I was ready to punch him(I didnt want to) because I knew now that he was really trying to hurt me, luckily my sensei came and told us what was happening, I told him that the black belt was trying to attack me, my sensei just looked worried and made us change pairs, I am a very calm person, I hate fighting, but I dont like being disrespected, and I must admit Im mad just writing this, but to continue, we changed pairs, ended the class, and we greeted each other at the end as always, except this guy didnt did the greeting to me, I told him "You didnt greeted me", he said "sorry" whith a malevolant smile, so we shook hands and ended the class, at the end I asked my sensei to talk, and told him what had happened, and that I was pissed of. How can a black belt which is supposed not only to know aikido but to self control himself tried to attack me?, also I got mad because I didnt responded, I had the crazy idea of telling the black belt outside of the dojo to go and fight on a nearby abandoned terrain, but I didnt do it because I had mmy jiujitsu class coming up, tomorrow I have my class again, and this guy is probably going to come again, I feel so disrespected and specially because I always treat others the way I want to be treated and this guy just comes and attacks me being a black belt? come on, whats wrong with him. So now I have mixed emotions, I want to hurt him, I know thats not the phylosophy of aikido but I dont know I just feel so agraviated, this guy was trying to fight me forreal, and I didnt do nothing except pushing him aside, which was just self defense .I want to kick this guys ass, but at the same time I wish this had just not happened, my sensei did nothing but to tell me to calm down which I had already done, when Im angry I dont look like it, because I dont want to cause a scene, so anyways what should I do know, I feel threatened and have the urge to put this guy in place, Im just 18 years old but feel this is so wrong, this black belt is like 40years old like 5'4 tall and tries to humiliate me? just because in his eyes I did the technique "wrong", I know as a fact that I can put him in place if necessary, the real question is, WHAT should I do? I feel disrespected but also I'd prefer to never been put into this situation.
Thanks everyone for reading me, I'll try me best to do whats right.:ai: