My sensei bullies me

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[Dragonfly22]

I've been training since for 5 years, every day because Aikido is something that I like and I really enjoy it. I go to several seminars every year, of any weapon. I am not in a rush to pass the black belt test, the problem is that in my dojo there's a lot of favoritism and psychological abuse going on. They constantly belittle me. There's this sensei, he's not from the dojo but comes a few times a year and when he saw me performing, months ago, he suggested to my sensei that I should take the test in November, however, my sensei said I'd rather wait because he wants me to take the test with another pupil that is behind me.

Well. Today me and him are paired, and he said I can now start to prepare for the test. This guy doesn't come every day like me, some weeks he doesn't even turn up, and he'd take two years to be ready for the test, while I train every day and still my sensei is forcing me to wait for him. I cannot say otherwise or complain because "he's doing what is the best for me" and I shouldn't be so cocky as to think I know better than the sensei.

When I disagree with them over a technique, they use brute force to stop me from using it and to humilliate me in front of all the class, and if they see that pain doesn't affect me, they use mental abuse.

I don't want to quit, because as I said, I love training and this is the only dojo in the Area. But this is getting on me, affecting myself, my happiness and my personal life. I am sick of crying myself to sleep on a daily basis.

I need advice and idk who else I can ask. :(

[kewms]

If your training is making you feel worse, rather than better, why are you doing it? An environment that has you crying yourself to sleep on a regular basis is not a place where you want to stay.

Katherine

[fatebass21]

When I disagree with them over a technique, they use brute force to stop me from using it and to humilliate me in front of all the class, and if they see that pain doesn't affect me, they use mental abuse.


I am struggling to understand this statement. When you say disagree with them over a technique are you saying that you are disagreeing with how the technique is performed?

[JP3]

"I am sick of crying myself to sleep on a daily basis."

Really? What in the world are you staying around for? Go elsewhere.

[Forum Lurker]

I'm a bit confused. On the one hand, you say you're in no hurry to test, but then a major point of the rest of the post is about how you want to hurry up and test.

I don't know what sort of reaction you were expecting from your teacher, but a class in which you are not teaching is not a good place to disagree with the instructor about a technique. If you doubt your teacher's qualifications to such an extent that you don't think he demonstrates techniques properly, then you should spend some serious time thinking about what you are doing practicing there.

Five years is not much time, at all. It might seem like it is, but it's not. Don't concern yourself with or measure yourself against the progress of others, focus on working through your own issues, whatever those might be. If you want to correct someone about something they're doing wrong, correct yourself about the things you, yourself, are doing wrong.

[sakumeikan]

I've been training since for 5 years, every day because Aikido is something that I like and I really enjoy it. I go to several seminars every year, of any weapon. I am not in a rush to pass the black belt test, the problem is that in my dojo there's a lot of favoritism and psychological abuse going on. They constantly belittle me. There's this sensei, he's not from the dojo but comes a few times a year and when he saw me performing, months ago, he suggested to my sensei that I should take the test in November, however, my sensei said I'd rather wait because he wants me to take the test with another pupil that is behind me.

Well. Today me and him are paired, and he said I can now start to prepare for the test. This guy doesn't come every day like me, some weeks he doesn't even turn up, and he'd take two years to be ready for the test, while I train every day and still my sensei is forcing me to wait for him. I cannot say otherwise or complain because "he's doing what is the best for me" and I shouldn't be so cocky as to think I know better than the sensei.

When I disagree with them over a technique, they use brute force to stop me from using it and to humilliate me in front of all the class, and if they see that pain doesn't affect me, they use mental abuse.

I don't want to quit, because as I said, I love training and this is the only dojo in the Area. But this is getting on me, affecting myself, my happiness and my personal life. I am sick of crying myself to sleep on a daily basis.

I need advice and idk who else I can ask. :(
Dear Mystery Aikidoka,
Start your own dojo.After 5 years you should be able to practice with other students.Why does your sensei need wait on some other guy who needs two years training before you can test?Hit the kerb running and and find a small space for yourself and others.If what you say is true the sensei is a complete control freak.As for crying yourself to sleep , sorry this is hardly the way to go, I suggest you toughen up .Too much negativity here. Hope I am wrong here and this is a genuine blog.Sounds a bit of a wind up.Cannot think why anybody would spend time and money receiving such treatment.
Cheers, Joe.
Cheers, Joe.

[Velvet Underground]

Maybe you're just not as ready or good as you think you are. Toughen up and train harder. Don't give up.

Good luck.

[Brian Sutton]

I'm a little late responding to this post or possibly not. My suggestion is go to another Dojo. You will be amazed what a difference, a difference can make. Not a typo. Neither is; if you want a change something, you need to change something.
Aikido is a recreational activity. It is your free time to relax and get your head right. No one is going to storm the enemies fortress tomorrow. I feel you though. I was at a previous dojo, where this joke of a teacher was the Grand poobah and everyone drank the koolaid. Not only did he belittle students, but everyone would stand around dazed while he was doing it, and condone his actions. When the chief instructor(a decent enough guy but just a natural born follower) condoned his actions, it pretty much made the decision to leave all the easier. I had been there for years before that guy came on the scene with a previous shihan and it was great place to study for a long time. But when things changed, I changed and when I changed ,everything improved. I found a new dojo and its all good.
I guess my point is life is short and nothing is worth receiving abuse. Not from a parent,spouse,employer and ESPECIALLY not from someone who is supposedly teaching you how to blend with the universe. Oh and forget about rank. Wear your rank in your bones,not your belt.

[Billyjoe]

mate. i feel for you big time, i was also a victim of a bullied Tae-kwon-do instructor years a ago, and i know how you are feeling.

the instructor who i won't name was not as bad as yours. who i wont name here.

what the instructor was doing to me, is he was Laughing at me in class and be hide my back some times, putting face's at me, making fun of me in class, and name calling me , and same times he pulled down my hair really hard, a still i bleed, becaues i have a learning and communicating disability difficulty, and still have as of today and working on it.

he only really starting picking on me, because i did not communicated with him like other adult's and other student did.

what happen is. when i try complimented and report him to has head Tae-kwon-do instructor, all he told me, is do you have proof on this, then he just hang up the phone on me, like a ass hold head, just didn't want get invented all of this all he care about is money money money.

so what happen in the end, there end up banning me for life from there taekwondo and that instructor just left willing in.

i also did not want to leave because of the commitment's i did, and it took lot of hard training to get were i was, 1st gup. and was enjoing all the fancy and fashion, flying kick, jumping round there did.

what happen in the end. is i just join up, with some type of karate club, and i had to start from white belt, and now a 1st kyu. been training for 8 years now and still training as of today, with a good and nice friendly sensei/sempais

this happen back in
2003/2006

i join up with new style in 2008

[philipsmith]

Totally agree with everyone who has advised you to leave. Aikido should (to paraphrase O'Sensei) practised with a joyful exuberance not in an atmosphere of fear.

That's not to say it shouldn't be challenging but it should never be abusive,

[MeatDic]

Your Teacher sounds like an A-Hole. Pardon my language he has no place teaching or instructing or even running a dojo with that Antisocial behavior its everyone's duty to expose aholes like this rid them of the Martial Art Community it should be a LEARNING and Martial Experience not a abuse situation, crimany their are woman and children who face this daily and don't pay to have it done to them. GET THE IDEA.

[james55c5]

I'm not trying be an asshold.

You do know you could report that ass hold to schools , Council, Government,

all Private teaching, coaching or tutoring and instructors must behaving in a professional manner. when Working with Children.

1.safe and protected at all times
2. involved in decisions that affect you, and
happy.

were i'm from we are very strict who can teach kids and who can't.

i don't know who things work in other part of the country.

[rugwithlegs]

I don't know what you have been going through, and as this is an old thread, you've maybe already chosen your course of action.

If you aren't comfortable there, if you are crying yourself to sleep every night, then yes, it is time to take a break or see another dojo.

The only comments I want to add, it's something I wish I had been able to communicate to a young student a few years ago. She was very gifted at the early ranks, trained often, and was promoted quickly and started to be an assistant teacher. She ran into a barrier hard before the black belt test.

Koshinage (pushing your buttocks into someone's crotch), Tanto work (including higikime and potentially damaging variations), jujigarami, free style with multiple attackers, Yonkyo - she really enjoyed doing big flowy pretty Shomenuchi Iriminage type stuff and the higher the rank she received, exercises that made her uncomfortable that she had been able to avoid were now getting mandatory for testing. I wasn't/tried not to be belligerent, but when she was in class I did try to make opportunities for her own grading material. I stopped because she would walk off the mat. She had some emotionally scarring interchanges with her family at the same time. The teacher asked her to test, she would quit coming for a month or until the testing had passed, and eventually she quit.

I wish I had found a way to help her come to terms with the training. But, I was asked what I thought about her getting promoted and I did privately speak up against her being promoted for a rank she wasn't prepared for.

[silversmoke]

There's maybe a fine line in tough training and discipline, but have never come across bullying in Aikido,
I was sort of bullied by a karate brown belt when I was green belt, I very un aikido like smashed a chair over his head never got bothered again