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08-08-2002, 06:13 PM
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession to kiss the beautiful Queen Guinevere's sensual lips. But he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief physician. Horatio said "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay bribes." Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching lotion and poured a little of it into the Queen's toothpaste. Soon after she brushed her teeth, the itching commenced and grew in intensity.
Upon being called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master and issued the imperial command. Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote to the itching lotion, which Horatio had given him, into his mouth and for the next four hours kissed the Queen passionately.
Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching lotion onto King Arthur's loincloth. And Michael the Dragon Master was again summoned by the King.
Moral of the story: Pay your bills.
08-09-2002, 01:07 AM
08-09-2002, 04:51 AM
techincally not aikido related but who cares thats a damn good joke!
dont suppose you've heard the prawn one?
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming
around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The
prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that
patrolled the area. Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to
Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark,
then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning
hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified,
Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming
bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he
came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance
was the cause of his sad plight. During the next tropical storm, Justin
figured that the same lightning force could change him back into a prawn.
Lightning never strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was
thinking of being a prawn again, a flash of lightning struck the water next
to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends
and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn
cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he
searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy
and became a shark", came the reply. Eager to put things right again and end
the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened
the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and
shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.
"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and
I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me.
Wait for it
Wait for it
"I'm a prawn again Christian".
I'm really soooo sorry about that
08-12-2002, 05:39 AM
haha what the hell...
I thought it was going to be something along the lines of his friends then became sharks and he was going to get eaten and there was going to be a moral ending with some humor...
Haha but that was so stupid it was kinda funny. :D
Jane is walking through the jungle when she see Tarzan standing very close to a tree. Upon closer inspection she notices that Tarzan has his manhood stuck in a hole in the tree.
"Tarzan!" cries jane "what are you doing ?"
"Me make um love to tree"
Jane lifts up her skirt, points and says "Why don't you make love to me here instead ?"
"eh Ok" Replies Tarzan.
Jane lies down on the ground and closes her eyes with anticipation. Suddenly Tarzan runs up and kicks her in the crotch.
"Ouch" Cries Jane " What did you do that for ?"
"Me check for Squirrels !!!"
:triangle: :square: :circle:
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