Blame

[Please visit our sponsor:]

[Chocolateuke]

I looked at the post about women and backbiting and stuff I aint replying to that thread cause I would do more damage than good really. I do have a problem with a training partner, and Im not sure where to put this post, so I put it in chit chat so people dont have to see it on the hompage if it gets debatable :). So, heres my problem. one of my friends who is a student also, keeps blaming EVERYTHING on everyone else weather its how they fall or when the the student losses blance during a throw, and that's not all the student brings its personal life on the mat and talks about how parents are stupid and how the student cant do anything ( I know this students parents really well and they are a nice bunch of people). This student never really looks at itself. The student brings it in the dojo as well as everywere else, Im good friends with this person but its really getting to me personally when blame is constantly being pointed elsewhere when its really this persons fault.

So how can I get to my friend and ask my friend to tone it down at least at the dojo without brining a storm ( ive tried before and my friend gets really pissed). I dont want to offend em but try to help and maybe if I help we can be happier, or the exact opposite any suggestions?

Sorry about being picky on how I describe my friend, (ie it, friend and student soforth). Happy INDD and thx.

[SeiserL]

There are people who sort the world for external causes to blame. It is a sorting mechanism they learned. Others always blame themselves, even when its not their fault. IMHO, don't worry about changing your friend's since will only allow him to progress so far. Trying to change him may only be an exercise in futility. Rather, model for him the benefits of not blaming at all, but accepting our own contribution and participation in the dance.

Until again,

Lynn

[suebailey]

hi chocolateuke

if ur friend is so bad that its affecting others training then ur instuctor should be informed. i know u prob dont want to be known as a grass but they'll get over it.

failing that have a quit word with ur friend and explain that ur not having a go at him but ur just woried he mmight get in trouble if he doesnt leave his problems out side
and stop blaming the other students.

till nxt time
let me know how u get on mate
sue

[Kat.C]

Originally posted by Chocolateuke
I looked at the post about women and backbiting and stuff I aint replying to that thread cause I would do more damage than good really. I do have a problem with a training partner, and Im not sure where to put this post, so I put it in chit chat so people dont have to see it on the hompage if it gets debatable :). So, heres my problem. one of my friends who is a student also, keeps blaming EVERYTHING on everyone else weather its how they fall or when the the student losses blance during a throw, and that's not all the student brings its personal life on the mat and talks about how parents are stupid and how the student cant do anything ( I know this students parents really well and they are a nice bunch of people). This student never really looks at itself. The student brings it in the dojo as well as everywere else, Im good friends with this person but its really getting to me personally when blame is constantly being pointed elsewhere when its really this persons fault.

So how can I get to my friend and ask my friend to tone it down at least at the dojo without brining a storm ( ive tried before and my friend gets really pissed). I dont want to offend em but try to help and maybe if I help we can be happier, or the exact opposite any suggestions?

Sorry about being picky on how I describe my friend, (ie it, friend and student soforth). Happy INDD and thx.

Have you tried saying to your friend that you know he/she is having problems and that you'd be more than happy to talk to him/her about them at a more appropriate time when you can devote your full attention to him/her? And when your friend complains about other aikido students you could mention that with practice everyone will improve, it just takes time.

[suebailey]

hi

that was well said kat u sound like the voice of experiance.

this is certainly worth a try chocolateuke

ur friend might just be trying to get help but just isnt going the right way aboput it. snd may not ant to ask incase u say no so offer a hand as kat says.

sue

[Ben_t_shodan]

I like to think in aikido terms. so how is this;

masakatsu agatsu

True victory is vuctory over one self.

Try and teach them that. (I would)

dose that help?

Thank you,

Ben

[Gregory King]

It is your friends choice to become annoyed over these things, your friend can choose not to let things get under the skin so much, you can respect your friend and still tell them they are becoming a pain in the arse! Encourage your friend to choose happiness, it's a much preferable state of mind to being annoyed with others.

Regards

Greg

[Genex]

well hey i know my techniqure is perfect, if they dont fly accross the room when i do tenchi nage then obviously gravity doesnt want to play....

Ok ok so i'm a bit crap at a few things ;)

naw i learn just like everyone else, we've not had anyone doing the whole oooh that was your fault for attacking my wrong (as if you can get a wrong attack) but there we go, sometimes i even mess up Ikkyo's and my Yonkyo's could do with more work (and a willing Uke who wants to be punished) although my nikkyo's and sankyo's are good.

there are those that really throw you about but we getr revenge on them ;) i suppose you could just say OI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

just tell him no that was your fault you need to extend your arm more, then have him do the technique on you that way even tho he's pissed he'll simply take the anger out on you.

pete