It's fall.

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[Mary Eastland]

It's raining this morning. The leaves are colorful and muted. My morning walk was only partly accompanied by others in my head. Prayer and quiet time left me alone with god and nature on my path that wind through my yard, then in and out of the woods.

Yesterday was one of those days that rise up and the winds blow in circles and months of something gets said. Speaking up is uncomfortable for me. I do it anyway. Aikido training teaches me that it is just that; training. My actions are not reprehensible nor should I be ashamed of myself as one gentleman told me I should be. I can just do my best.

I have noticed that the discussions on Aikiweb are constantly being derailed. Hardly anyone talks about Aikido anymore. Anyone that tries to gets called politically correct or too sensitive. I think about leaving and have taken a couple of breaks, yet, I want community.

I like John Stevens’ translations; I like Aikido and the Dynamic Sphere. I know people can develop inner strength without competition. I know that the peacefulness of Aikido does not have to drop because you are afraid that other people will beat you up. This warring culture of MMA and corporate greed needs peace. I love the Daily Doka. I appreciate Jun’s efforts in keeping Aikiweb a place for everyone’s point of view. I renew my effort to stay on my side of the street. If I don't want to get stung I must keep my hand out of the wasp's nest.

Listening with my body, I perceive through my center, my mind rests.

[robin_jet_alt]

It's raining this morning. The leaves are colorful and muted. My morning walk was only partly accompanied by others in my head. Prayer and quiet time left me alone with god and nature on my path that wind through my yard, then in and out of the woods.

Yesterday was one of those days that rise up and the winds blow in circles and months of something gets said. Speaking up is uncomfortable for me. I do it anyway. Aikido training teaches me that it is just that; training. My actions are not reprehensible nor should I be ashamed of myself as one gentleman told me I should be. I can just do my best.

I have noticed that the discussions on Aikiweb are constantly being derailed. Hardly anyone talks about Aikido anymore. Anyone that tries to gets called politically correct or too sensitive. I think about leaving and have taken a couple of breaks, yet, I want community.

I like John Stevens' translations; I like Aikido and the Dynamic Sphere. I know people can develop inner strength without competition. I know that the peacefulness of Aikido does not have to drop because you are afraid that other people will beat you up. This warring culture of MMA and corporate greed needs peace. I love the Daily Doka. I appreciate Jun's efforts in keeping Aikiweb a place for everyone's point of view. I renew my effort to stay on my side of the street.

Listening with my body, I perceive through my center, my mind rests.


Where is the like button? I like this.

[NeilWebb]

It's raining this morning. The leaves are colorful and muted. [/I]

It's autumn, btw. ;-) My favourite season; colourful, my birthday, seasonal squashes and cabbage! Miam Miam!! And I felt I had a really good sesh at Aikido last night, bit of first 6 jo suburi, 1 ken awase, and some koshinage. First time I'v felt half comfortable with those. :-)

Totally agree with you though, that's probably the reason this is only my 2nd/3rd(?) post. I'm a little intimidated by the Troll-dokas, and (let's be honest) I'v only been doing this a year and a half, so I couldn't defend my opinions against them, or even recognise if they have a valid point or not. But that's the intertoobs for you, I guess.

[Chris Li]

It's raining this morning. The leaves are colorful and muted. My morning walk was only partly accompanied by others in my head. Prayer and quiet time left me alone with god and nature on my path that wind through my yard, then in and out of the woods.

Yesterday was one of those days that rise up and the winds blow in circles and months of something gets said. Speaking up is uncomfortable for me. I do it anyway. Aikido training teaches me that it is just that; training. My actions are not reprehensible nor should I be ashamed of myself as one gentleman told me I should be. I can just do my best.

I have noticed that the discussions on Aikiweb are constantly being derailed. Hardly anyone talks about Aikido anymore. Anyone that tries to gets called politically correct or too sensitive. I think about leaving and have taken a couple of breaks, yet, I want community.

I like John Stevens’ translations; I like Aikido and the Dynamic Sphere. I know people can develop inner strength without competition. I know that the peacefulness of Aikido does not have to drop because you are afraid that other people will beat you up. This warring culture of MMA and corporate greed needs peace. I love the Daily Doka. I appreciate Jun’s efforts in keeping Aikiweb a place for everyone’s point of view. I renew my effort to stay on my side of the street. If I don't want to get stung I must keep my hand out of the wasp's nest.

Listening with my body, I perceive through my center, my mind rests.


I like John too. He lives down the street from me, and we've talked about working together on projects in the past - we actually had one in the pipeline before Kodansha went into reorganization.

I even like his translations. But that doesn't mean that they're perfect, that he got everything at the time, or that there's nothing that can be improved. I think that, at the time, he tried to get as much out to as many people as possible - do you know that the "Budo" manual has never been published for public consumption in Japan? Even with the mistakes in it, at least there is an English edition.

Best,

Chris

[kewms]

When I find myself taking conversations on Aikiweb too seriously, that usually means I need to spend more time on the mat and less time at the computer. Like the post-seminar bull session it emulates, it's easy for a few people to dominate the conversation. That doesn't mean there aren't other conversations going on.

Katherine

[mathewjgano]

Hi Mary,
I share your feeling about speaking up and it's part of my reason for coming to Aikiweb. In the past when I would discuss things on different sites I had the extreme comfort of anonymity. Here my name is attached to everything I say and it's been incredibly stressful at times in the past, but I trudge on because I see an importance to speaking my mind openly; to putting myself out there for others to judge; to engaging others and thinking about their opinions and how they relate to my own. Even where I disagree with other people I value the counter-points because sometimes down the road I either find a better way to express what I have to say or I understand some new point I missed initially (it's interesting how often while driving or taking a shower some random thought will pop up). In short it's food for thought; mental exercise, not unlike some logic puzzle books you can buy.
I also feel like the tone on aikiweb is...at times rather "interesting" (although much nicer than the philosophical and religious sites I used to visit). I read people making this assertion or that in ways that seem...less than ideal...and can't help but wonder how I come across, because I am making efforts to make "strong," definate (even if a bit unorganized at times), statements. I have opinions and thoughts and I hope to have them addressed by outside view points, but even more importantly, I hope the respect I have for people shines through on the whole...because I have tremendous respect for the kind of discipline and intelligence I see on a regular basis here. Then again I come from the school of thought which suggests everyone has something valid to what they are expressing (mom is a "hippie":D ), even if it's not readily aparent to me. Some people have thought this means I think all are equal in every way, which isn't the case at all. I simply believe we all have validity to our perspective, on the whole, and that communication is an imperfect transmission of perspective; one in which we have to go "back and forth" in order to settle upon real undertanding.
Just as I think "sensitve" personalities could often use thicker skin, I think "strong" personalities could often stand a bit more sensitivity. If the purpose here is to communicate, we must consider the people we're communicating with. If we're only here to communicate with like minds, I don't see that as much of an accomplishment and believe a public forum isn't the best place for that. When I taught kids' class I was told not to let the loud kids dominate the class. The purpose was to make sure the quieter personalities felt like they could assert themselves too. I think the idea is that we're trying to promote personal strength, and you have to create space for that. Continually pressing doesn't help that very much. Now that's kids' class, but the principle stands true in other ways for adults interacting. I think Jun does a good job of trying to maintain that balance too.
I was raised to be a bit of an iconoclast. "Question authority," and all that. I believe that people have the right, if not the responsibility, to make something their own on some level, so I'm not real concerned when people take an idea or doctrine and build it around their own conceptions. If, for example, O Sensei wanted Aikido to only be one thing, but someone else decided to take the name and parts of his practice and make them "something else," that's not an issue to me. The "aiki bunny" complaints come to mind. If a person finds value to their practice and it somehow disagrees with my own, it doesn't affect my practice. My practice is mine:
on my path that wind through my yard
Our practice is our own: listen to the world around us, yes; and don't let others tell us we're less-than...I've usually found, given a long enough conversation, they're not really trying to say that. Communication is imperfect; the mind can only see so far at any given time.

Reading my posts you can probably tell my path is a series of curlycues and zig zags. :D
...Anyhoo, FWIW.
Take care,
Matt
ps-holy crap that's a lot longer than I intended.

[jlbrewer]

The NY/Western MA expat currently in AZ would like to take this opportunity to lament at the lack of a fall color season here.

Siiiiiigh.

Then again, my mother told me it snowed today in NY, whereas we're just finally out of air-conditioner weather.

[Janet Rosen]

Fall here is a confounding experience. The trees turn pretty colors and lose their leaves while two native shrubs are just coming into full bloom to feed the bees and butterflies and make people take allergy pills (coyote bush) and to feed the hummingbirds (epilobium) and the roses are exploding with new blossoms, buds and leaves. Mind you....I'm NOT complaining.

Aikiweb too can be confounding but I hope it continues as a "big tent" with room for a variety of viewpoints, especially among those who derive such pleasure from our practice of aikido.

[Diana Frese]

Fall colors not so bright as some years, possibly because lots of rain (but those of us whose old wells have problems in drought years had less worries this year, so I'm not complaining) Still see some reds and oranges here and there among the more staid yellows and browns and muted greens.
Hummingbirds don't seem to be so plentiful around here, so it was a treat a couple of years ago to hear a strange sound that didn't seem quite like the usual insects and then the hummingbird came into view. Are we just lucky because we let a lot of weeds grow up, and with them, wildflowers?
Maybe I'll ask the other people around here if they have one or two of these fascinating birds dropping by.

How great you all have flowers starting to bloom as the leaves are falling. Fascinating to read about the changes of season elsewhere, even if not so dramatic as here, your scenery report is pretty inspiring and impressive.

I love the Big Tent concept of Aikido!

[lbb]

To some extent, a derail is in the eye of the beholder. If this were a cooking forum, and someone started a thread about tortillas and the best way to make them, and someone else chimed in with, "What's all this masa nonsense? Tortillas are made with eggs!", in the eyes of the original poster and those of like mind, it's a total derail. In the eyes of anyone who knows that a tortilla is a type of omelet, it's getting the subject onto the right track: yes, by all means, let's have a thread about tortillas, but I'm going to correct this lunacy about how tortillas are made out of corn, because they're just not.

And then there are situations where harmony is false. When someone insists that 2 plus 2 equals 5, where does equanimity fit?

I dunno. It's probably worth always asking yourself, "Do I really have to stick my elbow out?" or, conversely, "Is this person really sticking their elbow in my ear?" On a crowded Green Line trolley, you're being a bozo if you throw your elbows around, and at the same time, you're being a jerk if you act like you're being attacked every time an elbow presses you. Your rights end where my nose begins, but I don't get to declare a ten-foot bubble of sacred space around my nose, either.

[RED]

OFF TOPIC: To mention cooking; I'm a member of a recipe site, there are never any arguments on that forum, even when people disagree on points. Just something about pumpkin pie that makes people more agreeable.

[Mary Eastland]

All very interesting, as was the lovely snow on colored leaves this morning...I do love the Berkshires!

[RED]

All very interesting, as was the lovely snow on colored leaves this morning...I do love the Berkshires!

I haven't been to the Berkshires in years. I definitely envy you right now. Here in Florida, I got an Apple-pumpkin pie in the oven, yet outside the trees are still green everyone is wearing shorts. Just doesn't make sense.

[genin]

Colored leaves and snow sound like they'd be cool. I'll never see them though.

[DH]

Six -twelve inches of snow coming...a fire in the wood stove. A nice dinner, early to bed with a good book.
Autumn can be a friend.
Dan

[mathewjgano]

OFF TOPIC: To mention cooking; I'm a member of a recipe site, there are never any arguments on that forum, even when people disagree on points. Just something about pumpkin pie that makes people more agreeable.

I agree! :D Pie is awesome and tends to bring out the best in people...at least, I find I appreciate people more when they have pie with them.

[Thomas Campbell]

Berkshires to Spencer
Dual opposing spirals--
Red leaves fall softly.

[Cady Goldfield]

the wind of autumn plays in the reeds
down by the marsh's edge
tussling the silken plumes
the silken plumes of the brown reeds
rustling the dry leaves
and making ripples on the gray-blue water
gray-blue water, mirroring the sky

[Thomas Campbell]

TV--football--belch!
Sit on sofa scratch belly.
Wife goes for a walk.

[lbb]

With eight inches of snow on the ground and more coming, I hereby declare this thread dead.

[Mary Eastland]

It really is still fall, or Autumn. :) We have 17 inches of snow that is a beautiful contrast to the red yellow, green and brown leaves that still cling to the deciduous trees. I can almost hear the trees whining " Alright already, Mr. Sun, shine on me and melt this frigging snow so I can stand up straight again!" Some of the trees have just laid their branches down, too weary to hold them all up with weight of snow on the leaves. Main St., Great Barrington has shattered pear trees all over the sidewalks.
I accept what is. Snow in October is one of the blessings of living in New England. It is not an ordinary occurrence but it happens. It creates mystery and beauty. The sky this morning was October blue with bruised storm clouds, a little late in leaving. The sun shines on little snow showers as the branches shake and return to straightness. The mountains are dark green and yellow and white all accentuated by brilliant sun light. Not a sight I am used to but lovely just the same.

Uke tells nage where to go, nage goes, uke follows, all without a sound or moving on the outside.

[Diana Frese]

Our part of town doesn't have city water, so .... on and off moving plants inside and filling water bottles... nice to think of the beautiful side of this early storm. Thanks to Mary and the others, looking for the rare sights provided by this particular occurrence. My husband is thinking the arbor vitae is down for good, but I think it will spring back up, at least most of it.

A thought from Japan years ago... a shrine near Aikikai Hombu, on a side street, shrines are places of trees, rocks, earth in the midst of a great metropolis. This one was dedicated to a famous scholar, unfortunately I forgot his name but I'm sure I will remember later.

At a certain time of year, maybe New Years, school children post their best calligraphy examples around these shrines. When I was there, someone read the kanji for me or I figured it out. It said Shizen ni Chikazuku --- draw near to nature, get close to nature .... is the best translation I can think of.

It's nice to have a thread that's Japanese and American at the same time. If I may be so bold to say, I think O Sensei would be pleased.

Thanks everyone who posted. More would be good, too:)

[Cady Goldfield]

Diana,
Arborvitaes usually do pop back up after the snow melts. The limbs are pretty flexible. You can always loosely bind up the branches with heavy twine for the winter, criss-crossing it from the base, all the way up as far as you can reach. Some folks wrap with burlap, but I don't find it necessary except in the harsher New England climates.

The tall bamboo growing by my door bends like a garden arbor over the driveway when snow lades its branches, but springs back up good as new when I tap it with a broom to loosen the snow (I have to wear a raincoat with hood when I do that to shed the avalanche).

[Diana Frese]

To steal a line from the old New York comedy scene, "Funny you should mention it" our arbor vitae, like your bamboo, fell forward a year or so ago, and no way to winch it back up, so I simply started trimming the lower branches to make way for vehicles. It made a nice archway:)

So this time after saying the arbor vita was down, and hearing me say it would come back up, my husband, going by to check out fallen branches in the back yard, shook the snow off. We'll see how far back up it goes....

Not having waterproof boots, I got my exercise, with the ski poles left in the front from navigating slippery paths last winter, gently whacking the taxus or yew bushes in the front to get the snow off, remembering to extend through the end of the ski pole to reach the edges. Maybe a good stretch for a few core muscles to keep from falling over.

Oh well, that was my keiko for yesterday. Hope you all had some fun and thanks again, Cady.

[Cady Goldfield]

Oooh. It's one of those big, old arborvitaes? Once the trunk tips, it's down for the count! I have one out back that looks like a bonsai, because the trunk tipped (even though the roots, thank heavens, didn't come out of the ground) and the tree's new branches started growing upward toward the light. Now it is kind of an "S" shape that looks like I spent years painstakingly wiring and training it! :)

But it sounds like you're doing all you really can to at least keep it under control. The arch sounds lovely. Yews are so much easier - they're the workhorses of the shrub border. You can hack them, lop them, cut them down to nearly nothing, and they come back full and lush. They may break a branch under a load of snow, but if you saw away the ragged break, the trunk will send out fresh new growth in the spring and cover the scar. Arborvitaes, alas, are not so resilient!

I can't believe we're talking about winter stuff when... it's fall.

[lbb]

How awesome, dojo has no power because of the I'm-not-allowed-to-call-it-winter weather.

2 + 2 = how much again? Oh, well, if it's 5 for you...

[Mary Eastland]

:) You can call it whatever you want. And you can be as cranky as you want...it doesn't hurt anybody but you.

[lbb]

Ya know, Mary, when you preface namecalling with a smiley, it just seems to me like you're trying to award yourself a get-out-of-jail-free card. And when the best response you can give to someone having a perception different than your own is always a form of, "Oh well, if you insist on having that wrong-headed point of view, you're just hurting yourself," it's hard to interpret it as anything but disparaging.

I leave you to your thread. It's your sandbox (well, it's not really, but whatever), so have it however you want.

[Mary Eastland]

Lightness...smiley was supposed to be lightness....cranky isn't a name...it implies cranky...that is all.

I wish I knew why our communication is always so snarky...I would rather it isn't. Maybe we could start over...

[RED]

Hope the snow isn't too bad for you Mizz. Eastland. Bet it is beautiful though. I miss that part of the country. Even when it is snowing hard in the Fall, it is different from the hard snow fall in the winter. Fall snow was always soft when I lived up New England. Winter snow made me want to crawl by the fire...Fall snow always made me want to bake a pie and make tea. I know the snow is destructive in some parts. My mother says it is looking good in her parts... comfy snow fall weather,

[Mary Eastland]

It wasn't bad here...we got a lot of snow but did not lose power...My daughters live in and near Springfield and they still don't have power. Emily said that Springfield looks worse than when the Tornado hit.

[RED]

That part of Massachusetts just can't get a break this year.

[Mary Eastland]

On my walk today I came across a huge oak leaf…it was mostly green with red edges. This leaf would have been huge on a big tree. However, this really big oak leaf was clinging to a single twig that was growing from a dead wood pile. The twig is about a foot and a half high and literally a twig. I can’t give you a dimension because I can’t talk that small.

So the huge leaf is hanging there and I started thinking about what would happen to this leaf when it let go. It probably would fall directly under where it hung and eventually turn into soil. I went out this afternoon to take some pictures of the leaf for my blog and it was still hanging there. I wonder if leaves let go easily or do they have to have their grips pried off like I do sometimes.

I notice when I let go of things and don’t try to fix me or others, my life is just fine. When I get into fix mode is when I get into problems. I neglect my own work, play and study and get busy with others. I notice that others don’t love to be fixed. They don’t love to be fixed even when I am undercover and they don’t know I am fixing them. They can still feel the energy they may just not know where it is coming from. I can tell, though. When I am sticking my hand, head or heart into somewhere where it’s not supposed to be it hurts. I feel really uncomfortable and often my stomach is in knots.
Aikido practice helps me notice when I shifted out of myself and onto fixing someone else. There is a difference between fixing and really helping. Fixing feels bad because my motives are bad. I have the, “I know better” state of mind. Helping feels okay because I am not attached to the outcome. I can help and have no hands on the results.

When I am nage I can practice patient and tolerance, and then guide my uke. If I am feeling impatience or lack of tolerance, I notice in my body. My hands will feel grabby or I will feel frustrated with how uke is moving. I know when I am trying to muscle my uke around by my inner reaction. If I am complaining about my uke in my head I know I am doing something ineffective.

Uke is like the big green, red tinged oak leaf hanging on her tiny branch until it is time to let go. When that time comes I guide her gently through the motions of the throw to a positive resolution of a gentle but powerful fall.

[Janet Rosen]

When I am nage I can practice patient and tolerance, and then guide my uke. If I am feeling impatience or lack of tolerance, I notice in my body. My hands will feel grabby or I will feel frustrated with how uke is moving. I know when I am trying to muscle my uke around by my inner reaction. If I am complaining about my uke in my head I know I am doing something ineffective.

So true!

[Cady Goldfield]

On my walk today I came across a huge oak leaf…it was mostly green with red edges. This leaf would have been huge on a big tree. However, this really big oak leaf was clinging to a single twig that was growing from a dead wood pile. The twig is about a foot and a half high and literally a twig. I can't give you a dimension because I can't talk that small.

So the huge leaf is hanging there and I started thinking about what would happen to this leaf when it let go. It probably would fall directly under where it hung and eventually turn into soil. I went out this afternoon to take some pictures of the leaf for my blog and it was still hanging there. I wonder if leaves let go easily or do they have to have their grips pried off like I do sometimes.


I know you were using the oak leaf as a metaphor for uke, but I couldn't resist throwing in a horticultural "fun fact," since it's what I do for a living. Oaks originally were a Southern tree, their range expanding into New England only after the climate started warming following the end of the last ice age 10,000 or 12,000 years ago. Northern deciduous trees, such as sugar maples and birches, have been here longer and are adapted to the drying, frigid weather of northern winters. They get rid of their leaves in order to conserve water during winter, since their leaves would lose vast amounts of water through their surface areas. They do this by creating abscisic acid and ethylene, which form a rubbery plug between the leaf's petiole -- stem -- and the twig it's attached to, thus cutting off the water supply and letting the petiole dry up and disconnect from the twig. Oaks do not fully have that ability.

So, oaks' petioles cling to the twigs until a strong-enough wind blows them off, or otherwise they hang around until spring, when the buds of the year's new growth push the old leaves off. That's why you'll often see oaks with clumps of dead, brown leaves still hanging on them in January.

Not sure how that would relate to uke's grip on nage, but I'll leave it to aikido folk to find a connection. :D

[Mary Eastland]

Thanks for the feedback, Janet and Cady.

[hughrbeyer]

A memory of ice and shattered branches--
October snow

[lbb]

A memory of ice and shattered branches--
October snow

So this is how we know that you finally got your power back on ;-)

(seriously, hope it wasn't bad for you)

[hughrbeyer]

Power was okay, but I was driving saturday night and it was horrible. I think you guys got hit harder than we did.

[Mary Eastland]

My path through my yard and woods is circular. I walk it every day. Every day, nature looks different even though it is the same path.

Today the path is covered with large brown oak leaves. The poison ivy is mostly gone or turned to red. There is much more brown and gray than this summer when many shades of green were the dominant colors. Soon the path will be covered in white. Yet it is the same path through the same woods and yard during all these changes and cycles. Each day a new me walks on a new path even though it is the same me and the same path.

Testing for one point is an important part of ki development for both tester and the person being tested. By pushing with an appropriate amount of pressure the tester provides the person being tested with the opportunity to find their center and then, to learn to trust their center.
As a beginning reference we teach the center is 2 inches below the belly button. I could not feel my inner center at first so I had to practice feeling my center was where my hand rested on my skin 2 inches below my belly button.

As I continued to do ki exercises and aikido technique I learned what my inner center felt like. When I was a second kyu I decided to trust that feeling and my real inner strength started to develop.
The repeated falling, rolling and contact of aikido techniques with a partner presented me with opportunities to experiment and learn what felt most dependable for me. I progressed though times of power bursts and complacency. Both periods affording unique opportunities for me to meet myself and work though ego challenges.

The process of having one point and developing strong ki is a remarkable journey. No one can hand you the secret. Correct feeling can be developed by anyone through devoted training. Part of becoming an integrated martial artist is developing a sense of self. We don’t need experts to explain secrets to us anymore than we need priests to define the word of god to us. The secret is there is no secret.

Ki development provides one way to develop inner strength though the practice of ki exercises aikido technique and principles of non violence. Power over is discouraged as we train together so we all become stronger. A sense of compassionate understanding and appreciation of differences are all by products of non-competitive training, along with the desire to continue to learn and teach. There are no short cuts on this circular path. It is an enduring practice.

[Mary Eastland]

The oak leaf has fallen. The wind is very cool, with a promise winter. My back is warmed by the still balmy afternoon Autumn sun.

A connection,
a blending,
a movement,
power together,
connection made deeper by attention to detail,
tenkan,
irimi,
soft swooping arms,
curled wrist,
open posture,
dramatic movement or not,
there again and again,
ego subjugated by the desire to connect and learn.

[Mary Eastland]

What a difference a day makes. Tuesday night I was a half a bubble off all night. I hurt one of my ukes. Hurt not injured. I felt bad. That stayed in my head for a few minutes. I went to “I suck”. The good thing is that Aikido is so interesting to me I could not stay there for long because Ron was teaching something cool. I had to pay attention despite my venture into self loathing. Then I had a nage that wasn’t taking my balance. It seemed to me that nage was getting impatient with me. Their heaven hand kept landing on my clavicle and pushing. It is not very effective but it does cause pain. I got to watch a thought of “why don’t you just quit Aikido?” march by in my mind. That is a drastic thought for me. I have a dojo right at my house, for Christ’s sake. I had a little chuckle at my negative thoughts and attacked my nage again. This time I just fell down because my clavicle was getting sore.

Last night I showed up again. I started class after doing my warm ups and a whole different perspective was available. We had 7 people on the mat and then Robin showed up a little late. We were all so happy to see her. Class was lively and interesting. Nobody got hurt. Class is always more fun when I am not taking myself too seriously. I can be committed to my training without being self abusive. I would never talk to someone else the way my mind talks to me sometimes.