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graham christian
08-29-2011, 07:06 PM
Who's up for battling? Let's test your flow, your rhythm, your lyrical harmony.

Can you handle it?

I'm doing this rap because I'm getting bored,
By the mountain echo of the mountain hoard;
Who don't realize or choose to ignore
That self developement is Aikido's core.

That's what makes it to all so attractive,
A martial art that's extra intro active,
You think I'm biased or on one side partial,
Then you don't know self development itself is martial.

Without center then there's no kuzushi,
Without Koshi then just stick to sushi,
Without kokyu then your wasting your breath,
Aikido's life giving not an art of death.

So when you 'get out more' and all go link up,
And afterwards you socialize and drink up,
Then all together proclaim 'well what do you know?'
'Sharing, in harmony, why this is Aikido!'

End of.

( I would predict David Orange would be good at this.)

It's all good.

Regards.G.

jester
08-30-2011, 09:42 AM
Aikido Rap might be the Next Reality Show!!

Richard Stevens
08-30-2011, 12:18 PM
That was great. :cool:

Janet L.
08-30-2011, 02:48 PM
Graham Sensei -

That's a good bit of versifying, though I'm such a beginner the third verse doesn't make much sense to me.

While it may work differently with a British English, in American English it'd scan better with a couple minor changes:

"Then you don't know self development is itself martial." instead of "Then you don't know self development itself is martial."

Likewise, how about:
"Aikido's an art of life, not an art of death." instead of "Aikido's life giving not an art of death."

I know, "Picky, picky, picky."

If I hadn't been seduced by computers, I'd have been a writer, or more likely that bane of writers an editor!

- Janet.

graham christian
08-30-2011, 04:22 PM
Graham Sensei -

That's a good bit of versifying, though I'm such a beginner the third verse doesn't make much sense to me.

While it may work differently with a British English, in American English it'd scan better with a couple minor changes:

"Then you don't know self development is itself martial." instead of "Then you don't know self development itself is martial."

Likewise, how about:
"Aikido's an art of life, not an art of death." instead of "Aikido's life giving not an art of death."

I know, "Picky, picky, picky."

If I hadn't been seduced by computers, I'd have been a writer, or more likely that bane of writers an editor!

- Janet.

Hi Janet.
I'll bow to your superior grammar and editing knowledge on the first example. On the second I will play the card of poetic licence, for added emphasis.

I've experienced taking work to an editor twice. Quite funny it was, plenty of corrections and plenty of 'No, I want it like that.'

Regards.G.

graham christian
08-30-2011, 04:23 PM
Aikido Rap might be the Next Reality Show!!

Maybe it's a modern Aikido phenomenon? New age doka? Ha,ha.

Regards.G.

Anthony Loeppert
09-01-2011, 12:24 AM
Graham Sensei -
While it may work differently with a British English, in American English it'd scan better with a couple minor changes:


Booooooo... I thought that was a property of poetry, at least free(ish) forms, was not needing to conform to standard grammar, regardless of dialect.



If I hadn't been seduced by computers, I'd have been a writer, or more likely that bane of writers an editor!



I think you're missing various punctuation marks somewhere around "writers an", before "editor".

Anthony Loeppert
09-01-2011, 01:12 AM
me: Oh hey! it's graham christian
me: oh hey! he's on a mission.
me: oh hey! I say "oh hey" a lot.

graham: what's that you say... about tohei a lot?

me: no-no please graham... you misunderstand.
me: you opened that can of whoop-ass,
me: humblegee
me: or was that a can of spam,
me: on you tu be?
...
graham: reply posts signed simply: "well done!"
graham: it's my patronizing way
graham: of implying I know more this day!
graham: G out! Hats on!

Weird... that just came out... you invoke the strangest thoughts in my head!

graham christian
09-01-2011, 07:28 PM
me: Oh hey! it's graham christian
me: oh hey! he's on a mission.
me: oh hey! I say "oh hey" a lot.

graham: what's that you say... about tohei a lot?

me: no-no please graham... you misunderstand.
me: you opened that can of whoop-ass,
me: humblegee
me: or was that a can of spam,
me: on you tu be?
...
graham: reply posts signed simply: "well done!"
graham: it's my patronizing way
graham: of implying I know more this day!
graham: G out! Hats on!

Weird... that just came out... you invoke the strangest thoughts in my head!

Nice try. Needs a bit of work.

Regards.G.