12-08-2009, 01:08 PM
This is a follow up to the thread "End of the Road for Aikido Training".
One thing I seem to be learning, not only in my time spent in Aikido, but my time spent here in Hungary in general, is how to let life flow.
[or better put, how not to die from stress at a [relatively] young age.] ;)
Part of this is realizing how everybody & everything is truly a part of one another... we are all connected, and therefore affect each other regardless of if we are conscious of this or not.
This is where the trouble comes into the world, as we are unconscious of this for the most part and therefore we tend to create our own obstacles.
The most we can do when obstacles arise, is learn how to put a positive slant onto it, or rather learn how to make the best out of what is. [This may mean changing paths or going onto a slightly different path.]
All too often we get set in a certain mentality which makes getting off the path next to impossible - we suffer as we cling ever so tightly to a dieing/changing idea[s] that we identify with.
This identity is based on what we constantly do.
Our job, our roles we play... [i.e, teacher, mother/father, sister/brother, etc.]
We dont see the difference between these roles we identify with and who we truly are. [The potential to be the water Bruce Lee talks about hitting the rock is not apparent to us.]
What does this have to do with my former post?
Put simply, one of my main goals is to grow spiritually, I suppose you can say, and my experiences with conflict has taught me quite a bit. It has taken me out of my comfort zone, and in doing so it has been my goal to drop judgement toward individuals, realizing its the stories you go up against and not the individual themselves. [i.e., in the Bible it would say, "you wrestle not with flesh and blood."]
Dont get me wrong, I still get angry, etc., and have my expectations on people and situations, but then I try to let it go and see the bigger picture, as it were, realizing that things are happening for a reason - and what role do I potentially play in what is happening?
In doing this it opens up the possibility of not burning bridges, even if paths must diverge temporarily or even permanently... the point is you let no situation hold you prisoner.
Also you get a better insight into people and where they are at, and then can extend love/acceptance to them, which is the only thing that will act as a true catalyst for change.
As my last thread pointed out, I had some issues with the training at our dojo.
Primarily I came with the expectation of being dedicated to practice so that I could achieve as high a rank before leaving Hungary. [1st Kyu or 1st Dan.]
My reasons vary, and I wont expound on them here, but this is a good example of how conflicts can arise. That is, we set expectations, but then circumstances appear in which our goals get side-tracked. - Typically life uses people, as this is the best way to actually see where you really are spiritually. [They are the mirror to where we are at in our lives.]
Typically we can avoid these mirrors by just moving to and from one point to another, and thus 'seamlessly' making our dream appear to work... but eventually, if we want to take our spiritual path up a notch, life challenges us, as mentioned, so that we see what is truly important to us.
Its fine to have a solid goal, but make sure that you dont make an idol out of it, or rather dont get trapped in identifying with the outer form as it were - as that is guaranteed to change. ;)
Today I walked in, got dressed with the others, laid out the mats, and then went to get in seiza when the instructor told us that the Director of the school just said we had to clear out.
Now from what I understand from my friends who know a bit of English, it appears the Director of the school did not know we were having Aikido practice... what does this mean? Does it mean he has been unaware that aikido has been practiced there for years? I dont know.
From what I understand, or was told, he was using his power to push our instructor around.
But here is the point... it would be easy to get up and take sides, but everyone has their story, everyone as a reason to do what they are doing. Why did this occur to begin with? Is there something we all can learn and take from this in order to not have something similar happen again?
I have pointed out my disappointment with how training has been handled in the past. But their are many factors into why things happened the way they did, and the best I can do is either work on learning what those factors are, or make a change.
Either way, to put it more simply, we do not know what has affected someone else to make their decision. Old man scrooge might have had a belly ache that he and no one knew about and thus was irritable.
The point is stepping back from the drama of the moment to realize that yes, there is an issue, but to stop short of making that individual your enemy as their probably is an underlying story that we dont know about.
In our aims to reach our goals, we tend to take out the humanity factor, and thus harshly judge one another when something occurs in which changes the course of our plan. [or rather how we thought the plan would unfold.]
Point in case - I could say that training in the dojo Im currently training at is not that conducive for advancement - and I may well be right on with that.
But the question then becomes how do I go about being a vessel of change and not another schism in the system?
Part of it is by recognizing the individual and dropping any stories/labels I,or they, have created around themselves.
Also seeing what it is that they have to offer and not only what it is I believe I have to offer them.
See this is a common mistake many of us make. We see an issue, which is really only an issue as it relays to our personal goals, and then we go about trying to make a change that others may or may not want. [In which it may be better to just readjust our goals and move on completely.]
As I have mentioned, I have found a place in which I can train.
Today I told my instructor about this place, which he knows already, but figured it may be of an encouragement after what happened this afternoon.
[apparently there is no need to pay for the 'lost' month of training now, therefore I ended up back at class.]
It must be made clear, that none of this means being pushed around or staying in a 'bad' situation, etc. Each person has to know and re-evaluate where they need to be as life unfolds.
Sometimes we stay stuck in situations that we need to get out of, or we run away to quickly from situations that we can learn from. [Either way, life will give you what you need.] ;)
So on my part, I will still say that I believe the dojo could have a better system when it comes for training and prepping for test, etc.
I have a list of things that could change, but the question is can I still get something out of it until one day I start my own training center. :)
As mentioned, I already have lined up on the side to have free/extra practice time in Aikido with a couple of people. Also Im training in ThaiBoxing MMA so that I can try to mix that in with my Aikido training later.
So in a sense, I have my ducks lining up in a row. Perhaps its not how I first envisioned it, but things change and life knows what it is we need to experience when we get it.
Sure it makes for great gossip and drama to talk about some of these things... and people get in their polarized cells as they take the defense of who is right or wrong.
When all the while, we are 'wrong' in some areas as well. Its finding what we are both 'right' in that will help move us along.
I will say that it is good to be honest with your feelings, just dont get trapped in them. Aikiweb is a good place to chat about my accomplishments as well as my frustrations in Aikido, especially seeing that I can freely express myself in my native tongue here. :)
At the end of the day, not sure what kind of sense this post actually made... but as many of you have pointed out in the other thread, make the best of what you have - and when you focus on that, you begin to realize how much you actually do have, and more of that comes.
You could call it the "law of attraction". As mystical & sci-fi as that may sound, you tend to actually do exactly that.
The irony in that is that you can actually attract that which is good while someone else around you will be experiencing a version of hell from the same experience. - How you perceive what is happening dictates how you will react to it.