Limerick challenge!

[Please visit our sponsor:]

[Karo]

There was once a great aikidoka
Whose technique was increasingly local;
His movements got smaller than ever
Till they disappeared altogether
And even his kiai was sub-vocal.

***********
Methinks I wrote about Tissier Shihan... :cool: :D

Now who can do better?! Come on, I know you're just raring to unleash your poetic talents upon the AikiWeb!

Karo

[Voitokas]

One night Karolina Owczarzak
after aikido got carjacked!
She tossed the offender
On top of her fender
and said "Yer not such a baddy now, are ya?"

[Karo]

One night Karolina Owczarzak

Jeremy gets plus 100 points for spelling my last name correctly :D

For the rest of you, don't worry, in this game everything's made up and the points don't matter... That's right, the points are just like "Whose Line" and your aikido rank... :p

So, I'll see your hijack and raise you marine fauna with a local flair:

There was a shodan from Woodley Park*
Who was attacked by a giant shark;
He grabbed the large fin,
Did a sankyo pin
And made it promise to eat only bark.

************
* Woodley Park is where my dojo is in DC. Now I wonder who's the shodan... :D

Karo

[Linda Eskin]

Dagnabbit. Why'd you have to bring up Limericks just before bedtime? Now my mind won't shut up. Here are a couple written while brushing my teeth:

There once was a sensei named Dave
Who would practice all day with a glaive.
He mastered the kata
of the naginata
'Til the motion was just like a wave.

There was a yudansha named Karen
Whose waza was flashy and darin'.
Her hakama flew
as her uke she slew.
And all of the white belts were starin'.

[Linda Eskin]

Aha! Another one:

No one does ukemi like Jay,
Who rolls in his own special way.
He melds with the mat,
With nary a splat,
And pops up on the preceding day.

I still got nothin' close to that first one (by the OP), though.

[Linda Eskin]

In his three DVDs about Entries,
Ledyard shares what's been passed on for centuries:
If you're already in
The attacker can't win
Just drop, and he'll be on his knees.

:D

[Nick P.]

The other evening on my way to class
I grew curious and I had to ask
What will sensei do tonight
Lots of attacks but no fight
And for sure we'll end up on our collective ass

[Shadowfax]

I know a cool Sensei named Garth
Whose Waza is hardly a farce,
He'll show you the way,,
To Irimi Nage',
And introduce you to the planet Earth. :D

I also know someone named Pyle,
Who has an encouraging smile,
But his technique's no joke
When he does a nikyo,
You'll find yourself flyin a mile.:p

[Karo]

Oh, well, if we're boasting about our senseis now.... :rolleyes:

There was a sensei called Michael
Who was famous from here to Lake Baikal
He trained at great pace
With such skill and grace
That the uke could not be recycled.

****************
I should soooooo get a promotion for that... :cool: :D

Karo

[Shadowfax]

Oh, well, if we're boasting about our senseis now.... ah I'd rather not call it boasting. Just a certain amount of admiration.

But then maybe you haven't met Tara
who has quite a knowledge of hara.
with a shomenuchi cut
she'll put you on your but
and she won't even smear her mascara.

Oh I am in so much trouble arn't I?

There's also this girl you should meet
she walked in one day off the street.
shes an interesting case,
she don't land on her face
In spite of her tangled up feet.

[Voitokas]

Oh, well, if we're boasting about our senseis now.... :rolleyes:

There was a sensei called Michael
Who was famous from here to Lake Baikal
He trained at great pace
With such skill and grace
That the uke could not be recycled.

****************
I should soooooo get a promotion for that... :cool: :D

Karo
Nice.

[ninjaqutie]

There once was a man in Nagoya,
Who said "I have something to show ya."
He spins you around,
You fly up and down,
As he says "It was nice to know ya."

[Linda Eskin]

Aikido is all about blending,
Aligning, flow, and defending.
We came to this way
Through our dear O Sensei.
And now it's the world we are mending.

:)

[Patrick Hutchinson]

Behold the Three Tenors of Aiki:
There's Dan, and there's Ark, and there's Mikey,
They can put back the Ki
In the waza, you see,
And make every uke yell "Crikey!"

(with apologies to Mr. Sigman for unearned familiarity)

[Karo]

I didn't mean to imply in my previous post that our dojo condones violent training in any way... :uch: ;) So here's another perspective on our Sensei:

There was a sensei in Northwest D.C.
With an exceptional command of ki;
When he was away
His spirit would stay
And scold students invisibly.

Hmmmm, somehow I don't think this fully reflects the atmosphere of loving kindness which really pervades our dojo... :rolleyes: :D

Also, some of our senior black belts have just become more senior than previously:

A wise aikidoka named Larry
To Okinawa went, testing his merit;
He returned from Japan
With a second dan,
For his aiki was exemplary.

Larry doesn't read these forums, AFAIK, but I just wanted to share, because he's the coolest sempai ever. Also, he leads a killer warm-up! :D

Karo

[OwlMatt]

There is an old aikido sensei
Who likes teaching the Hombu defense way.
His uke say he's gruff,
Evil-tempered, and tough.
Maybe so, but that's not what his friends say.

[Josh Lerner]

Behold the Three Tenors of Aiki:
There's Dan, and there's Ark, and there's Mikey,
They can put back the Ki
In the waza, you see,
And make every uke yell "Crikey!"

(with apologies to Mr. Sigman for unearned familiarity)

A pursuer of internal training,
was concerned that his power was waning.
He'd grimace and glower
to increase his power
but everyone knew he was feigning.

[Josh Lerner]

A sensei I knew in Peru,
Wrote fine limericks that stopped at line two.

[Linda Eskin]

Awesome, Josh! :p

Here's one about tonight's class:

Though I love Thursday night's weapons class,
my techniques with the jo barely pass
for aikido. It's true,
and it makes me quite blue,
that I tripped up and fell on my side.

Haha... I crack myself up. :D

[chris wright]

There was a sensei called Shane
Who knew a lot about pain
Thrown to the mat
Hit it with a 'SPLAT'
Bow, and continue to train

[Eugene Leslie]

In the spirit of the 2010 Winter Olympics; and being a Canadian born in the province of British Columbia in which they will be held; I hereby appoint myself judge and judicator of aforesaid Limerick Challenge!
Heretofore, therefore, furthermore...and any other lawyer-like terms I may have missed.

The Bronze medal goes to......(drumroll)....

The United States! ....and Karolina Owczarzak!!!


There was a sensei in Northwest D.C.
With an exceptional command of ki;
When he was away
His spirit would stay
And scold students invisibly.

Exceptional rhyming tempo while keeping the spirit of aikido in the forefront... (spaztic clapping with Cheshire Cat grin....!!).

And the Silver medal is awarded to.......(Anne of Green Gables two fisted apprehensive chin tuck).......

The United States!! for Cherie Cornmesser's stirring piece!


But then maybe you haven't met Tara
who has quite a knowledge of hara.
with a shomenuchi cut
she'll put you on your but
and she won't even smear her mascara.

"A great piece, Dr. Seuss! Superb rhyming and female Aikidoka imagery!
"Yes I agree, Shakespeare. She may have had a chance for gold but unfortunately was deducted two points for beginning with a conjunction and misspelling "butt". A marvellous showing nonetheless!
Congratulations!!

The Gold medal in this years Limerick Olympic Challenge belongs to..........(expectant, breath holding hush..........)

The U.S of A! and Linda Eskin!!!

(the band begins playing) America....America......


There was a yudansha named Karen
Whose waza was flashy and darin'.
Her hakama flew
as her uke she slew.
And all of the white belts were starin'.

(A teary acceptance......a wave to the crowd...)................

"The U.S.A. has swept the Limerick Challenge! The U.S.A. has swept the Limerick Challenge!"

"Oh my! What a championship!"

"Linda Eskin's masterpiece captures the essence of the feel of a Dojo, whilst using traditional terminology. Her use of moderate slang, perfect rhyme and personal narrarative is deserving of the highest award of Limerickismiasticks!"

"So closes another challenge...will the U.S.A. continue to dominate the lyrical arena? Where are the other representatives of their respective countries? I dunno Bob; but The Swedes and Czechs have glib tongues and the Japanese continue to dominate the Haiku arena."
"Until next time ..keep your bokken close and your keyboard closer."

[aikishihan]

Kudos to all who joined in
To laugh, have fun, not to win
a contest of Aiki
with humor so likey
that now I'm just left with a grin

[Shadowfax]

Wow.... I am honored, thank you. :D Congrats to Karolina on her bronze and to my aiki sister, Linda on her victory.

[Linda Eskin]

Thank you, thank you... I'm honored. :p

I'd like to give an Honorable Mention to Josh Lerner for his very creative and economical Limerick:

A sensei I knew in Peru,
Wrote fine limericks that stopped at line two.

That was fun. :)

[Eric Webber]

Hand me my dogi, give me my belt;
Onto the mat, train and get svelt.

Irimi here and tankan there,
When pinning ukes, avoid kneeling on their hair.

Swing your bokken, jab with your jo;
Blending with your partner, go with the flow.

[JCT53]

uke's this is for you :)

I know an uke or two,
who know just what to do.
When you throw them down,
they pop off the ground
and come right back to you!

[JCT53]

I know a black belt named Bill,
to uke for him is a thrill!
Every move is a shock,
and done solid as a rock,
by a black belt named Bill.

*How we love to work with the jo!
Our fantasy prowess we love to show,
untill our sensei picks up a jo!


("We" is referring to the Kyuu Ranks at out dojo)

[graham christian]

Zaitoshi was beset by blindness,
But could see through his love and his kindness;
He was calm, he was centered,
And all enemies who entered,
Became spiritless,bodyless and mindless.

[JCT53]

Cool! That was a very new spin on this tread!

[guest1234567]

In our class we are about thirty
and everyone brings a cake for his birthday,
although we sweat a lot each day
with all that sweet we'll put on weight
which to take ukemis is great
because we protect our bones,
fall very soft and stop our moans. :)

[lbb]

There once was a man from Nantucket...

[Michael Hackett]

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who could do small waza under a bucket.
Until he met Massachusetts Mary,
He thought he was light and airy,
Then he wished he'd have ducked it!

[Mary Eastland]

There is more than one Mary from Massachusetts. ;)

There once was a gent ..quite clever,
When asked about ki said "No, Never!"
Always when tested,
His nage he bested,
He will throw with just muscle forever!

Mary

[Diana Frese]

There was a young shodan named Harry
Of his nikyo you'd better be wary
Before you could think
He'd wind up and krink
If you ask if it hurt I'd say very

(The Harry part just fit the rhyme, but the verb krink may have
been invented by one of my assistants)

Please keep sending limericks they're great fun for New Years!

[Michael Hackett]

But only one who would throw out "Nantucket" like some raw steak to a pit bull!

[nuxie]

in ice and snow
to class I shall go
a blizzard I brave
for the aikido I crave

4 inches of snow for us today :(

[David Orange]

uke's this is for you :)

I know an uke or two,
who know just what to do.
When you throw them down,
they pop off the ground
and come right back to you!

OK...I'm sorry, but in a limerick, the meter is the most important thing. Every syllable counts and the rhythm has to be smooth.

Here's the pattern

da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da
da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da
da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

A real classic:

There was a young woman named Bright
whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
in a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

In that one, the author sort of squeezes "and returned" into the rhythm of just "returned" but it fits very naturally.

And then there's the classic Nantucket verse:

There once was a man from Nantucket
who kept all his eggs in a bucket...

Or was that how it goes?

Anyway, the meter is what defines a limerick. If you miss that, it simply isn't a limerick.

Otherwise, good sentiments, but I wonder if we could do better.

(For non-native-speakers of English, don't worry. Nice try.)

Best wishes.

David

[David Orange]

OK...I'm sorry, but in a limerick, the meter is the most important thing. Every syllable counts and the rhythm has to be smooth.

And now that I've criticized, I'll offer one of my own:

An aikido man who was happy
would make all his ukes feel sappy.
He'd roll them around
and they'd flip to the ground
because all his waza were snappy.

Not great, but it does fit the form, just as an example.

So let's see if I can do better. Here's one that varies the count very slightly, which works if you keep it consistent:

There once was a puppy named Neat.
She never could get food to eat.
The others were faster.
They muscled right past her.
So her owner gave her a treat.

And here's one of the best I ever heard, if not the greatest ever written, which fits the original pattern:

A hillbilly who was named Hollis
used possums and snakes for solace.
His children had scales
and prehensile tails
And voted for Governor Wallace.

Sublime on so many levels.

Thank you. Thank you.

David

[Shadowfax]

Actually David...

Line one of your first rhyme is dicey,
though the rest of it flows rather nicely
the second one lacks
the last lines a bit slack
but the third's put together quite nicely. :)

But thanks for pointing out the importance of meter in a Limerick. I bet lots of people did not realize that poetry has rules. :)

[David Orange]

I bet lots of people did not realize that poetry has rules. :)

Like this haiku:

Long did I walk through winter woods, and slowly
did I see the snowflakes falling
and the sight did take me wholly
through the halls of long lost memories,
through the shadows of lost time.
And there, upon the cresting hill,
the sun came up, sublime.
And near the stream, where the old stone wall is,
who should I see, but noble Hollis...

There's more. It's kind of long for a haiku, but I'm proud of it!

:p

David

[Shadowfax]

Wow...David. That's beautiful. :)

[David Orange]

Wow...David. That's beautiful. :)

Well, thanks, but it's just a toss off joke, really--a haiku with about 100 syllables....to point up something really missing the supposed form...

And "noble Hollis," of course, is the hillbilly who was named Hollis.....don't know who wrote that limerick...

But here's something serious, from about 1986:

TARGETS

Poets are places where lightning strikes:
not once, but again, and again.
Targets for luminous bolts of fire,
knowing each breath could be their last,
they fasten words of hope and truth
to pages, which burn with desire
to touch someone with beauty and vision,
to exorcise pain of the vast cataclysm,
to live in the limitless ocean of their dreams.
The true poets I have known have shown me
that all that endures is consumed.
Followed, themselves, by pillars of flame,
they burn into timeless beams.

David

[Howard Prior]

There was a young woman with aiki
Whose talk seemed at least a tad wacky
She said to a friend
It's you I'll up-end
And she left him folded like taffy.

[Shadowfax]

Nice one. Most of my poetry tends to take the form of Rhyming couplets. But sometimes they are a bit more free form like this one.

When the very foundations,
That you stand upon,
Are shaken.
When the pillars
That support you
Begin to crumble,
And fade away.
Where then,
Do you turn for stability?
Turn inward
Turn inward
The calm heart
The very eye of the storm
Only there
Will you find a measure of true peace.

Of course we digress. This is supposed to be a thread about Limericks. :D

Have you noticed the aikiweb trend
discussions go on without end
Whether IP's a farce
or is that dude an arse?
And neither side willing to bend.

[David Orange]

Nice one. Most of my poetry tends to take the form of Rhyming couplets. But sometimes they are a bit more free form like this one...


Nice, Cherie. Thanks.

Of course we digress. This is supposed to be a thread about Limericks. :D

Have you noticed the aikiweb trend
discussions go on without end
Whether IP's a farce
or is that dude an arse?
And neither side willing to bend.

How's this one?

Some people, they just love to talk.
"Bock-bock-bock-bock-bock," then they balk.
They say they can do it
but then they eschew it.
As if Truth were written in chalk!

How's that?

Best to you.

David

[graham christian]

May I just say, on a lighter theme,
I just had an incredible dream;
O'Sensei said attack,
So I attacked where he sat,
Found him gone yet I was where he'd been!

[David Orange]

May I just say, on a lighter theme,
I just had an incredible dream;
O'Sensei said attack,
So I attacked where he sat,
Found him gone yet I was where he'd been!

Nice sentiments, Graham, but I can't sense the timing of this.

The first line doesn't seem to fit the pattern.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

Say if you took "I just had an incredible dream" and made it something like this:

I just had a wonderful dream

That fits.

And then there's supposed to be a second line of the same count, you see, for it to be a "limerick".

So maybe you could say:

I just had a wonderful dream
I saw OSensei by a stream

So there are your first two lines, fitting the meter pattern.

The next two would be paired, as well, but of a shorter meter:

da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA

You have:

O'Sensei said attack,
So I attacked where he sat,

You see, it misses the meter?

Perhaps if you said something like this:

He told me, "ATTACK!"
So I punched where he sat.

or "I kicked where he sat," or "I struck where he sat" or "I thrust" or whatever would fit that meter. You see?

And then the last line....

Found him gone yet I was where he'd been

which is ok but still a bit awkward.

How about: "He was gone, though I was where he'd been"?

And looking back, I guess you did have a first line. The way it appeared in the post, it looked like an opening comment, so I didn't realize it was part of the poem:

"May I just say, on a lighter theme"

Again, though, I think it's a bit loose on the meter:

Da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

But what if you said, "May I say, on a bit lighter theme...."

That fits.

So what if you phrased it like this:

May I say, on a bit lighter theme
that I just had a wonderful dream
O Sensei said "Attack!"
So I struck where he sat.
He was gone, though I was where he'd been.

But the meter...is still just a bit wobbly, isn't it? "O Sensei said 'attack'" just doesn't quite fit, does it?

So how about this:

I just had a wonderful dream.
I saw O Sensei by a stream.
He told me, "Attack!"
So I punched where he sat.
He was gone, though I was where he'd been.

It's rather like the footwork in aikido, isn't it? The timing has to be just so, or the technique is wobbly, or just falls apart.

What do you think?

Best wishes.

David

[graham christian]

Nice sentiments, Graham, but I can't sense the timing of this.

The first line doesn't seem to fit the pattern.

There once was a man from Nantucket
Da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

Say if you took "I just had an incredible dream" and made it something like this:

I just had a wonderful dream

That fits.

And then there's supposed to be a second line of the same count, you see, for it to be a "limerick".

So maybe you could say:

I just had a wonderful dream
I saw OSensei by a stream

So there are your first two lines, fitting the meter pattern.

The next two would be paired, as well, but of a shorter meter:

da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA

You have:

O'Sensei said attack,
So I attacked where he sat,

You see, it misses the meter?

Perhaps if you said something like this:

He told me, "ATTACK!"
So I punched where he sat.

or "I kicked where he sat," or "I struck where he sat" or "I thrust" or whatever would fit that meter. You see?

And then the last line....

Found him gone yet I was where he'd been

which is ok but still a bit awkward.

How about: "He was gone, though I was where he'd been"?

And looking back, I guess you did have a first line. The way it appeared in the post, it looked like an opening comment, so I didn't realize it was part of the poem:

"May I just say, on a lighter theme"

Again, though, I think it's a bit loose on the meter:

Da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

But what if you said, "May I say, on a bit lighter theme...."

That fits.

So what if you phrased it like this:

May I say, on a bit lighter theme
that I just had a wonderful dream
O Sensei said "Attack!"
So I struck where he sat.
He was gone, though I was where he'd been.

But the meter...is still just a bit wobbly, isn't it? "O Sensei said 'attack'" just doesn't quite fit, does it?

So how about this:

I just had a wonderful dream.
I saw O Sensei by a stream.
He told me, "Attack!"
So I punched where he sat.
He was gone, though I was where he'd been.

It's rather like the footwork in aikido, isn't it? The timing has to be just so, or the technique is wobbly, or just falls apart.

What do you think?

Best wishes.

David

Excellent! Love the analysis and the result.
Well done.G.

[David Orange]

Excellent! Love the analysis and the result.
Well done.G.

How about this one:

An aikido woman named Janet
told two crazy fellows to "Can it!
You're both full of fears
and it's hurting my ears!"
"Yes, stop it!" replied the whole planet!

:p

David

[Shadowfax]

How about this one:

An aikido woman named Janet
told two crazy fellows to "Can it!
You're both full of fears
and it's hurting my ears!"
"Yes, stop it!" replied the whole planet!

:p

David

^^This is my favorite!:D

Last night doing ikkyonage
My sensei a thought tried to convey
So I grabbed on his wrist
and he gave a great twist
and I flew through the air like a bluejay

[Howard Prior]

When the very foundations,
That you stand upon,
Are shaken.
When the pillars
That support you
Begin to crumble,
And fade away.
Where then,
Do you turn for stability?
Turn inward
Turn inward
The calm heart
The very eye of the storm
Only there
Will you find a measure of true peace.

Very nice. A sacred tone. Do you think it is really true?

Returning to my own diversion, borrowing a bit, perhaps, from Mr. Orange:

There was a young man from Japan
Who, when asked if he could said, "I can"
Now whether he coulda
Or whether he shoulda
We might write on a beach in the sand.

[Shadowfax]

Very nice. A sacred tone. Do you think it is really true?


For me, yes it is quite true.

I know a fine fella named Gregg
who was always entrapping his leg
in his hakama fold
every time that he rolled
so he left it hung up on a peg.

[graham christian]

Whenever I treat someones illness,
With Ki-atsu I give it some stillness;
It helps with the healing
And improves their feeling,
And many leaves drug free and pill-less.

[lbb]

I have a friend who once saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that said, "I am the man from Nantucket."

Sorry to keep returning to this theme, but it is the best limerick ever. Has nothing to do with aikido, though.

[Howard Prior]

A sensei I knew in Peru,
Wrote fine limericks that stopped at line two.

A sensei I knew in Peru,
Wrote fine limericks that stopped at line two.
When asked why he said,
"The rest are not read"
And he grinned for an hour or two.

[graham christian]

When I hear of internal power,
A sign of here cometh the hour;
By looking elsewhere,
They say it's not there,
Oh dear, what a faithless shower!