View Full Version : Fed up with Sensei
04-09-2009, 09:27 PM
I just thought that I share and see what you say.
I have been practicing aikido for long time. More than 15 years. I have seen good and really bad. I have seen the assume and also con artist who tried convince others that what they are teaching Aikido.
The problem that I am fed up with Sensei.
I started with my sensei a long time ago. I had practiced Aikido before practice with him and he was and still assume at Aikido. The problem is of moral character.
Here is problem. When I start practice at dojo he was different person. Not to practice Martial arts with jeweler. No food or drinks in Dojo or on the mat. The Dojo is a sacred place. You do not consume alcohol or take drugs before or during practice. No Gamble bad for mind. Anyone who take drugs or drinks before or after practice would is not be let on the mat and Recife a very harsh talk to. Even diet regimented. Macrobiotic diet. Fish, Rice, Miso.
Over years this changed. He is alcoholic know and lost many students. Life difficult to him and he also had and has money problems. Has also had police problems to.
He has always been the best Aikido instructor to me and is also still the best Sensei in area. Even though is alcoholic and does not have stable job or even Dojo where makes money. I remember when I was younger he say, you don't have money that O.K. come and practice you pay later. I really love this man like second father. He has given to me what no one else could. Another way. Different eyes.
Over the years it has been getting worse and worse with him. First it was the drink, Then gambling then women dancers. Show up to class with alcohol on breath. Show up class tipsy. Not properly looking managing expense. Even letting people of questionable character learn. Bad mind students. Use Aikido bad in ways. One student broke arm of street man.
I never give up on him. Even when dojo was gone I stayed until he got another.
He was hope still good person but don't know anymore. My frond say Akinasu wa yome ni kuwasuna, Taking advantage. I say Saru mo ki kara ochiru, He make mistake.
I feil like time for him is need. To many many years off need.
Keizoku wa chikara nari, I don't give up.
What do you think. Should I give up or go to train in other dojo. I cannot change him he has to change him. Lost his eyes.
04-09-2009, 11:44 PM
Gee I feel sorry for both of you. Have you tried talking to him? There must have been something significant that has happened to him for him to completely change character like that.
Sometimes a man has to go dirt bottom before he can dig his way up again. But its certainly better to do it with a friend to guide and help than alone.
04-10-2009, 05:36 AM
It's hard to give up on someone who has given you so much. Are you at a place in your life where you can take care of him? Manage the dojo and the money, etc., pay for his bills while you re-invent the school? Would that even help? Maybe he would be happier not having the responsibility of teaching, and maybe it would be better for aikido in general if he stopped for now. Some people do go bad and never manage to get right again. It sounds like a terrible situation for all concerned... I hope that you and he find your way through it.
04-10-2009, 02:08 PM
He needs to be confronted about his behavior for his own health and that of the dojo. Alcoholics are classically surrounded by 'facilitators' who support the alcoholism by pretending that nothing is wrong, calling into work to say that the alcoholic is sick when they actually have a hangover, etc. It keeps the alcoholic from having to face the consequences of his actions.
It may end your relationship if you decide to confront him on this, but if you truly care about him it would be the honorable thing to do.
You point out something really valid here. 15 years, is a long time for any relationship. We can fit this situation into a failing marriage model and all that stuff. Or having your kids stay at home, and not move out on their own. But, more interesting is that maybe staying at one place too long isn't a good thing. It could be a reason, after a certain time, to have students move on and start their own dojos. That should be expected and accepted by everyone in the dojo. That is what I think you should do, start your own dojo.
That sensei is he going through a divorce?
Ramification of leaving and starting own dojo, because the sensei's life is falling apart and out of control.
The Sensei is obviously a mess. His world is falling apart and he isn't a functioning drunk. This makes any reasonable and rational decisions or communication impossible. One thing for sure, if you stay you build the resentment. Besides the resentment stuff, over all, if you stay it will be hell , and if you leave it will be hell. You have to pick your poison. What are you willing to live with? The decision is yours, and you have to be the one to make it.
I say move on, start your own dojo. Not to compete against his, but so you can continue to practice. :)
On to another issue
Now, with that said, not every functioning drunk sensei is a mess. And even if your sensei doesn't drink and stuff, you have to weigh in the fact that people change and have problems over-time. Ideals can be eroded. Sensei get jaded and disillusioned, their dreams are not fulfilled. Their expectations are undercut, or sabotaged and are not met. They have headaches with their students and student issues, parents, and the stuff teaching and running a dojo year after year. And all the other associated issues. They get tired of teaching, it gets routine and boring. Plus it take away from the family and other relationships problems involved in being committed Sensei. And all that stuff. It is all about putting yourself in the other person's position, and not being so focused on you.
04-12-2009, 12:48 AM
Out of respect I said no because I thought I was not ready but you have help me make my mind. Sensei said to start Dojo before but I think not ready. I will start know.
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