View Full Version : Fear-based to Love-based

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Mary Eastland
08-27-2008, 08:28 AM
When I first started training I had no clue....after training for a few years my motivation became fear based...I started training in Self-defense along with Aikido....

Several years later..... now my motivation in connection, blending and love based....no more specific self-defense training...... just aikido.
My fear has been replaced with understanding and openmindedness...training is an amazing process.:)

08-27-2008, 12:48 PM
Fear-based to love-based.
That's the journey and the discipline.

Lyle Bogin
08-27-2008, 08:58 PM
From fury to forgiveness.

Hebrew Hammer
08-27-2008, 10:43 PM
Hi Mary,
If you don't mind sharing....what do you think were some of your major turning points/milestones in this process? Why is self defense no longer important? Finally congrats on your journey!

Beard of Chuck Norris
08-28-2008, 03:10 AM
A wise man once said that we choose to see the world through one of two sets of eyes: the eys of fear or the eyes of love.

A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourselves off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Will Prusner
08-28-2008, 04:09 PM
This reminds me of something i read in some sort of samurai text (can't remember where). Basically, just because you have to kill the enemy doesn't mean you should view them with anger and hatred, on the contrary, your enemy should be viewed with love and compassion and respect. I also remember reading, I think in "Hagakure", that one should exist with so much compassion that it should feel as if one's chest is about to burst.


08-28-2008, 06:43 PM
Well, I don't know if I can go so far as to "love" someone trying to do me harm, but I think I can express compassion or empathy.

08-28-2008, 07:46 PM
I read something once from an American soldier in Iraq that struck me. He said how he had gained great respect for the Iraqi's they were fighting.

08-29-2008, 08:19 AM
I read something once from an American soldier in Iraq that struck me. He said how he had gained great respect for the Iraqi's they were fighting.
INHO, one should always respect who they are fighting. Otherwise you might underestimate them and get everyone killed.

Conrad Gus
08-29-2008, 04:29 PM
I feel like I am going through a similar transition.

I was teaching jo on the beach on Wednesday to a small group of my students, and I had the feeling that for the first time I am using this weapon without aggression. My sensei has been saying "relax" for years (to me, and to everybody), but how can you relax when some part of you is imagining hurting another human being (and probably achieving some sort of gain from it).

It is a paradox of aikido that it is a martial art based upon a foundation of love. Good ol' eastern philosophies and their paradoxes! It's crazy but it is actually true. Waza flows more truly when the conflict paradigm has been transcended.

jennifer paige smith
09-02-2008, 10:23 PM
Brian Johnson, the CEO of Zaadz, sent this in the mail today:

Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy, once said, “Fear is excitement without the breath.”

Anja Lampert
09-04-2008, 12:27 PM
This thread just captured my attention as I was thinking about fear quite a lot in the last few weeks. A friend of mine was attacked ba a guy who tried to rape her and threatened to stab her with his knife to keep her from calling from help... Luckily he was not successful, but still it was a shock for her and for her friends as well, as you can imagine... I don't consider myself a fearful person, but still this event changed my view and my feelings, as I couldn't stop myself from viewing other people as possible threat. And somehow I wondered if this would change my attitude in Aikido training (I did concentrate on Iaido during the summer and went to Aikido training yesterday for the first time after a few weeks of absence; mainly I was afraid that the thoughts about this incident would keep coming up during Aikido lessons, but they didn't ...). Somehow I have the impression that yesterday's training gave me back some of my inner balance again, it somehow made me a bit less insecure about being out in the streets and wondering if someone might try to hurt me, it just made me calm down again; not at all in way that I knew some things to get away in case of an attack (which I abolutely don't think I could), it just changed my inner tension into some kind of calmness again...

Perhaps this is some part of this "fear into love" conversion as well, that even if you are training a martial art, it makes you less fearful, also takes away your thoughts of aggression or revenge, it kind of makes you believe in the goodness of human beings (just as a principal view, I know that still not all humans are good and still you shouldn't just trust anyone; but in general I just can't take it to walk around and see everyone as potential criminal). Kind of makes you able to see the world with more love and less fear...

Just what came to my mind after reading the posts of you all... I'm not sure if I can explain properly what it feels like...

jennifer paige smith
09-04-2008, 12:39 PM
Sounds like you've done a good job to me.

09-04-2008, 01:49 PM
Just what came to my mind after reading the posts of you all... I'm not sure if I can explain properly what it feels like...

IMHO, your explanation illustrates it properly. When you identified with your traumatized friend, you took on her perspective of the world as unsafe (common among rape victims), you became fear-based (even out of love). That could have stayed with you. But, it sounds like when you trained, you owned back some of your personal power.