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Apoy
08-23-2006, 10:39 PM
There are plenty of times when aikidokas have conversations that ends up in the drain. Funny enough aikidokas still use aikido jargon to describe things that is already the drain.

Here are some example for the naughty aiki that I have experienced and heard:

I did a lot of kokyu training in the pub today (kokyu action mimicking the drinking of beer).

It is not a beer belly it is good Hara because I have lots of ki.

Calling a three person training sessions a 'threesome' or 'manage et toi'

I love Hamni Handachi in the bedroom

Shomen yours and I'll shomen mine

:D :D :D :p :p

Apoy
08-23-2006, 11:51 PM
Oh another one that somebody forwarded me.

'I like my Jo thick, long, and straight'

:D :D

AESBird
08-26-2006, 05:43 AM
One from someone instructing in our dojo - 'Grab her as soon as she touches you; oh, no, that didn't come out right!'. :D

Jess McDonald
08-26-2006, 10:37 PM
Perversion and damnation!! Heed thy tongues sinners!! For the Great One watches with bitter haste!! (I'm just joking you guys...I mean no disrespect...I'm very 21st-century politically correct) :)

Tony Hudspith
08-27-2006, 05:36 AM
Hi
One that always gets a smile in my dojo is when I use my missus as an uke and I say when she attacks we come together at the same time!
It's honest enough, it's just you people with mud for minds who twist it like a sankyo!
Keep em coming I'm loving this thread!!

Mark Freeman
08-27-2006, 06:58 AM
Hi
One that always gets a smile in my dojo is when I use my missus as an uke and I say when she attacks we come together at the same time!


Obviously the hours of practice are paying off ;)

Donald Pillow
08-27-2006, 07:14 AM
You guys are destroying my image of stern wristdestroying Aikido maestres! :eek:

Apoy
08-28-2006, 06:50 PM
I appreciate it when I see an instructor highlight the use of the hip. and I always laugh when they slap their own butt to highlight the use of the hip. :p :D :p :D :p

Apoy
08-28-2006, 07:05 PM
This story is just a disturbing story.

When I was in 4th kyu we had a sempai teach the class because sensei was away.

He is really into relaxation...relax this relax that he always says. One time he came up to me and my partner when we were doing ushiro waza. He adviced us graphically..."Relax your asshole, imagine there is a string that is connected from your navel via your relaxed asshole to the centre of the earth". :eek: :eek: :eek: :disgust: :disgust:

I tell you what; my partner and I were so uncomfortable that training session. It almost killed that personal trust that we willingly give during training.

Since then everytime a sempai advises me on aiki I have to take it with a grain of salt :confused:

Nick Simpson
08-29-2006, 09:52 AM
Yeah, thats weird...

I cant help but stiffle a chuckle when sensei says:

" I go down on him. "

When he means drop into a pin/knee into ribs.

Yes, Im very immature.

James Davis
08-29-2006, 10:18 AM
This story is just a disturbing story.

When I was in 4th kyu we had a sempai teach the class because sensei was away.

He is really into relaxation...relax this relax that he always says. One time he came up to me and my partner when we were doing ushiro waza. He adviced us graphically..."Relax your asshole, imagine there is a string that is connected from your navel via your relaxed asshole to the centre of the earth". :eek: :eek: :eek: :disgust: :disgust:

I tell you what; my partner and I were so uncomfortable that training session. It almost killed that personal trust that we willingly give during training.

Since then everytime a sempai advises me on aiki I have to take it with a grain of salt :confused:
Damn, Juan! Don't share that! :yuck:

Eric Webber
08-29-2006, 12:56 PM
Saturday morning weapons class:

"Grab your favorite wood and get warmed up"

"Swing wood at will."

Apoy
08-29-2006, 08:36 PM
Sunday Morning Weapons in the Park:

Breath the fresh air

Feel the length and hardness of your Jo

Get into rhythm

tski to penetrate with intention

Watch your rhythm

Breath and enjoy the rhythm

:confused:

James Davis
08-30-2006, 09:53 AM
Saturday morning weapons class:

"Grab your favorite wood and get warmed up"

"Swing wood at will."
Poor Will. :(

Eric Webber
08-30-2006, 10:19 AM
We've got a couple guys named Joe who take some abuse, too, when I tell the class to grab a jo.

Lee Mulgrew
09-01-2006, 02:09 AM
Hi
One that always gets a smile in my dojo is when I use my missus as an uke and I say when she attacks we come together at the same time!
It's honest enough, it's just you people with mud for minds who twist it like a sankyo!
Keep em coming I'm loving this thread!!

funny that, she says i go down too easy. :D

when doing ushiro techniques, is it correct to say the uke enters from behind?

Lee Mulgrew
09-01-2006, 02:10 AM
is that a tanto in your hakama or are you just pleased to see me?

Lee Mulgrew
09-01-2006, 02:19 AM
there is a small French lady who trains with us (hello Silvy!!) and she sometimes misses the subtle naunces of our language much to my amusement such as when she wants to train with you she has been known to say "come, play with me and then I play with you", or "I go with him first then I will take you both". there are many many others!

Apoy
09-03-2006, 08:46 PM
During Hamni Handachi instuction:

- Uke on your knees and grab nage strongly and firmly

- Nage feel where uke has grabbed, feel the ki on the grip, then drop your hips and enter.

:p :p :p

Steve Mullen
09-04-2006, 05:29 AM
Yeah, thats weird...

I cant help but stiffle a chuckle when sensei says:

" I go down on him. "

When he means drop into a pin/knee into ribs.

Yes, Im very immature.

Ill never look at sensei the same again.

Astig Kamao
09-04-2006, 05:12 PM
Well my big boo boo is during kokyu ho at the end of the class.

There is a fair amount of times that I've done kokyu ho suwariwaza with a woman. Women are great to train with less muscle needed, more angle, and grace. Unfortunately sometimes I get resisted funny in kokyu ho and...um...my open hand kokyu ho lands on the...errr..umm Boobs. :o :o :o :o :D :D :D

Lee Mulgrew
09-05-2006, 03:19 AM
Well my big boo boo is during kokyu ho at the end of the class.

There is a fair amount of times that I've done kokyu ho suwariwaza with a woman. Women are great to train with less muscle needed, more angle, and grace. Unfortunately sometimes I get resisted funny in kokyu ho and...um...my open hand kokyu ho lands on the...errr..umm Boobs. :o :o :o :o :D :D :D

I have the same problem mate! luckily my wife trains with me now so no more grope-age problems! Still, it was always a great excuse!:D

there are soooo many inuendos that I dare not put on here in case I get banned from ever coming on again but with any direct technique Tony always wants us to commit ourselves and make a deep entry (to take their balance you understand!) :p

Tony Hudspith
09-05-2006, 03:01 PM
Lee
Do you ever get worried when someone from Aikido comes up to Helen and says "Hi Helen, you look different with your clothes on". It wouldn't be too bad with me but you know what Marie is like, she fights 3 people at the same time with her boobs hanging out. For those who don't know what happened I suppose you had to be there. The Police thought it was funny though. :D
See you at training on Thursday if not before mate.

Tony

Rigel Keffer
09-05-2006, 03:16 PM
Lee
It wouldn't be too bad with me but you know what Marie is like, she fights 3 people at the same time with her boobs hanging out. For those who don't know what happened I suppose you had to be there. The Police thought it was funny though.

Must. Have. Full. Story. :freaky:

Lee Mulgrew
09-08-2006, 03:05 AM
it's like that scene in the last samurai where Tom Cruise fights all the samurai surrounding him.... except with three attackers, one defender, no swords and two breasts! :D It was quite a sight! BOIING! :D :D :hypno:
It was proof that aikido works though.

Must remember to get the cctv tape from my mum (she runs all the cameras in the town)

Tony, as an afterthought I think that we should introduce this style of aikido into our club!

Lee Mulgrew
09-08-2006, 03:16 AM
i must apologise to Sylvie, she IS NOT FRENCH!! She is Canadian (which I knew!) but she still comes out with some corkers!

Michael Hackett
09-08-2006, 08:02 PM
We had two Brazilian Jujitsu instructors visit our dojo and give a "mini-seminar" on their art. The first, Rogerio was from Brazil and spoke broken English and the second was from the US and spoke reasonable English.

Rogerio told the class that he really enjoyed our "hot bodies" to our puzzlement. It seems he meant that he liked our warm-ups before training.

He also described the North/South posture and asked us "You do sixtynine, now". The other instructor explained what he meant and explained very quickly to him that the term he used had an entirely different meaning in California than it did in Rio.

So much for the multi-language dictionary!

Lee Mulgrew
09-09-2006, 07:37 AM
We had two Brazilian Jujitsu instructors visit our dojo and give a "mini-seminar" on their art. The first, Rogerio was from Brazil and spoke broken English and the second was from the US and spoke reasonable English.


Yeah, most peo-ple from the U.S. speak fairly reasonable English :D :D :p

Michael Hackett
09-09-2006, 10:20 PM
Lee,

That was a tip of the hat to you Brits. Wasn't it Churchill who once described the Brits and Yanks as one family separated by a common language?

vjw
09-10-2006, 12:27 PM
Wasn't it Churchill who once described the Brits and Yanks as one family separated by a common language?

It was George Bernard Shaw. He also said:

"Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them."
- and -

"An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. "

;) . an Englishman in New York.

Michael Hackett
09-10-2006, 07:04 PM
Victor,

Thanks for the correction; you are right of course. I will select an appropriate Shavian play as my penalty (and my reward for remembering the spirit of the quotation).

Michael, an Amurrikan in California.

vjw
09-10-2006, 07:55 PM
Michael,
I often get in trouble over the differences. When I make an innocent statement in English, Americans laugh, and when I explain to them what their words mean in England my American wife smacks me around the head.

Michael Hackett
09-10-2006, 11:20 PM
Victor,

My wife told me that an English friend once offered to come by her hotel in the morning and "knock her up". There was no head smack waza in that case as she understood that he planned to awaken her. On the other hand, I frequently receive the spousal head smack technique for comments I make in English, Spanish, or under my breath. My comments are ALWAYS innocent of course.

Lee Mulgrew
09-15-2006, 03:38 AM
just try saying someone has a cute fanny over here and see what looks you get!

mut
10-08-2006, 01:50 PM
Yeah, thats weird...

I cant help but stiffle a chuckle when sensei says:

" I go down on him. "

When he means drop into a pin/knee into ribs.

Yes, Im very immature.
i heard a fantastic one in class today, suwariwaza kata tori nikkyo,
sensei says " im not just gonna sit there and pull him off " refering to the grabing hand. it was cool , how do you refrain from wetting yourself. yes im also imature its great. :) :ai:

robert weatherall
10-26-2006, 09:00 AM
I seem to recall a recent incident with Mr Southward in the dojo when a dragon fly flew onto the mat.
Mr Southward wanting to be all loving and aiki-like wanted to make sure the insect wasn't harmed when it was removed from the mat so he shouted out "Don't kill it - Just blow it off"

brunotex
10-26-2006, 09:20 AM
[QUOTE=
He also described the North/South posture and asked us "You do sixty nine, now". The other instructor explained what he meant and explained very quickly to him that the term he used had an entirely different meaning in California than it did in Rio.

![/QUOTE]

Here in Brazil the term 69 has exactly the same meaning than it does in USA. :D
The people from BJJ that I know (and i know many) just use " 69" instead of "north/south" in regular training. Maybe as a joke at the beginning, but now it is normal.

Rachel Strickman
10-30-2006, 11:07 AM
this one is less dirty and more ew... my sensei was very into moving with the flow of energy. One day he really got into his stride saying "Just accept the flow! Go with the flow! Dont be afraid of the flow!" and it sounded so much like a tampon commerical.

Lee Mulgrew
11-02-2006, 03:04 AM
I seem to recall a recent incident with Mr Southward in the dojo when a dragon fly flew onto the mat.
Mr Southward wanting to be all loving and aiki-like wanted to make sure the insect wasn't harmed when it was removed from the mat so he shouted out "Don't kill it - Just blow it off"
How would you even do that!? Perhaps Lee could show me sometime...... No, no, that came out all wrong! :blush:

I suppose you look for the 9th leg :D

mut
11-02-2006, 03:12 PM
How would you even do that!? Perhaps Lee could show me sometime...... No, no, that came out all wrong! :blush:

I suppose you look for the 9th leg :D
it is easy to blow off a dragonfly , even if it is non cooperative, and no thats not against any laws that im aware of. ive been blowing off all kinds of insects for years, now i think about it im not aware of the law anyway. so my advice is continue to blow them off they like it, its much nicer than the alternative. :) :ai:

mut
11-10-2006, 03:53 AM
atemi then tai sebaki, thats right come on to my body. ( shomen uchi aiki kokyonage ) :) :ai:

MarshallPrince
11-13-2006, 01:32 PM
Hello everyone, I'm new here and I've been reading your posts and getting quite a few good laughs.

I'm reminded of an incident in my class when we were loosening each other's muscles up for technique. We were just gonna be rubbing each others back muscles to prepare for a busy class.

Well, my teacher sat in the middle of the mat and called our youngest student over, he's 17, I can only imagine the trauma that his poor mind endured next. For some reason, he thought he was to do a technique in suwariwaza. Eduardo had explained otherwise but Roger (the 17 year old) must have not listened very well. Eduardo grabbed him by the pants and pulled him to the mat (not roughly, just quick and smooth, lol). Roger's pants came down to his knees and he came to a flat position on the floor in front of our teacher, who was preparing to loosen him up (lol).

We all burst out laughing, Roger rushed to the restroom to fix his gi, and we were reminded that Aikido truly is the Art of Love.

I hope they're not too embarassed by this post.

Marshall :D

Eric Webber
11-15-2006, 09:31 AM
Last evening we were practicing koshi nage (hip throws), and my partner asked if she was "getting me up enough." Having been intimate with this particular aikidoka in the past, we got quite the chuckle out it... ;)

MarshallPrince
11-18-2006, 11:45 PM
I can imagine, lol.

mickeygelum
11-19-2006, 10:22 AM
"Lead her down, enter smoothly, and then move in circles...if she resists, turn her and enter again." ..... :eek: (Ryote-dori-shihonage)

...That left the class speechless

DonMagee
11-28-2006, 08:46 AM
Last Saturday, i was in class and kind of drifting in my own little world while two others were working on a more advanced technique. I got snapped back to reality when I heard this from the instructor:

"Suck him off more"

Of course they were talking about kuzushi, but I didn't know that at the time.