PDA

View Full Version : Aikido does not work at all when........


Please visit our sponsor:
 

AikiWeb Sponsored Links - Place your Aikido link here for only $10!


Steve Mullen
06-08-2006, 03:01 AM
Okay, so here's the thing, there is loads of these things all over the web arguing why aikido does or doesn't work in a fight, so i thought id make my own up, in my own special way.

Aikido does not work at all when........

Tori is fully encased in concrete from head to toe.

Uki has super powers and can make their arms turn to water and thus drip out of Tori's grip


Continue..........

Jorge Garcia
06-08-2006, 04:19 AM
Aikido doesn't work when ....you don't believe in it.

Mark Freeman
06-08-2006, 04:39 AM
Aikido doesn't work at all when...you don't know how to do it properly ;)

Mark Uttech
06-08-2006, 05:29 AM
Aikido does not work if you are distracted by a kitten attacking a shoe.

Steve Mullen
06-08-2006, 06:05 AM
Aikido does not work when...... instead of doing technique you run into a corner, tap your heels together three times and yell "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME"

Mark Freeman
06-08-2006, 06:22 AM
Aikido does not work when...... instead of doing technique you run into a corner, tap your heels together three times and yell "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME"

Oh Dorothy, you don't mean that do you?

aikido doesn't work at all when.....not in the correct dress

PhilMyKi
06-08-2006, 06:40 AM
Aikido does not work at all when ... ... to try performing it on the lamp post that pushed you over on the way home from the pub :freaky: :)

billybob
06-08-2006, 12:48 PM
Aikido does not work when...... you kiss your Nage 'Jon' on the cheek before you attack him......and your name is 'David'.

dave

DmG
06-08-2006, 02:31 PM
I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....

billybob
06-08-2006, 03:29 PM
Re: Aikido does not work at all when........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....


HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA aaah!

every time i am outrageous i am outdone! this brings up endless possibilities!

dave

Jorge Garcia
06-08-2006, 03:32 PM
Aikido does not work when.... what you believe is incorrect.

Michael Hackett
06-08-2006, 03:32 PM
Amazing! I once wondered how to goose a guy named Nick.

Kevin Leavitt
06-08-2006, 03:37 PM
....when you say "hey pull my finger!"

Lucy Smith
06-08-2006, 05:47 PM
when Uke is Dexter.

Mark Freeman
06-08-2006, 06:31 PM
I once wondered how to do Nikkyo on a goose who was giving me the evil eye....

I could pass on a technique we dicovered when practicing with our local flock ;)

xuzen
06-08-2006, 08:37 PM
Aikido does not work when Uma Thurman (or any gorgeous hollywood babe) ask you to get in her guard... why should you ;) ?

Boon.

DmG
06-08-2006, 09:29 PM
....when you say "hey pull my finger!"

Actually....I've seen this work. Big bad French Canadian yudansha...my husband said..."pull my finger"...and before I could stop the poor guy...he did! He was never the same (the Canadian... my husband remained the same....believe me...)

:crazy:

ruthmc
06-09-2006, 03:56 AM
... the brakes fail in your car when travelling downhill at 50 mph :eek:

... Sensei has just knocked you unconscious for doing something silly :uch:

... everyone is feeling too chilled to want to attack anyone :cool:

Ruth

Mark Freeman
06-09-2006, 04:28 AM
=Ruth McWilliam
... everyone is feeling too chilled to want to attack anyone :cool:



'Real' aikido :D :cool:

Eric Webber
06-09-2006, 09:47 AM
aikido does not work when...

we take the "martial" out of "martial art"

Brian Vickery
06-09-2006, 10:57 AM
Okay, so here's the thing, there is loads of these things all over the web arguing why aikido does or doesn't work in a fight, so i thought id make my own up, in my own special way.

Aikido does not work at all when........


...a red-shirt wearing fung fu guy does this ...http://www.guzer.com/videos/kungfu_fight.php (Please view video ;) ) ...there's just no aikido defense when this happens ...what can you do when your eyes are blurry from tears, tears formed from hysterically laughing ...how can you execute ANY technique when you're totally out of breath, gasping for air because you can't stop belly laughing ...in fact, you're bent over at the waste due to this uncontrollable laughing fit ...face it folks! ...you're DONE FOR!!! :p

RebeccaM
06-09-2006, 06:45 PM
Aikido doesn't work at all when uke is an inanimate object.

Rachel Strickman
06-10-2006, 09:48 PM
.... uke actively tries to escape.

I tried to get my sister to train with me for my test. It was like training with a greased noodle.

Gernot Hassenpflug
06-11-2006, 02:09 AM
Aikido does not work at all when....

...martial is converted to marital

...you start talking during your demonstration LOL

... you forget to wear your hakama

... your uke doesn't throw a "real punch" or attack "properly"

... the uke starts to put a judo technique on you

... that meal of tacos and beans you had for lunch has thoughts about making a comeback.

Hehe, good memories, all.

Lucy Smith
06-12-2006, 10:44 AM
... you forget to wear your hakama


How can that make your Aikido "not work at all"??? :confused:

AESBird
06-12-2006, 12:56 PM
- You trip over your big toe on the mats :blush:

aikispike
06-12-2006, 01:05 PM
... uke doesn't know how to attack properly

... you split the backside out of your dogi pants, and are dressed "japanese" style.

...uke farts.

Eric Webber
06-12-2006, 02:22 PM
Stench Atemi!!!!! :crazy:

Steve Mullen
06-12-2006, 05:09 PM
your name is steve mullen and you are testing for 2nd kyu in september.........s**t im introuble :dead: :dead: :eek:
:confused: :sorry:

statisticool
06-12-2006, 06:19 PM
Everyone is oiled up.

Niamh Marie O'Leary-Liu
06-12-2006, 09:26 PM
uke, in a novel interpretation of the so-called touchless throw, suddenly becomes nage by blasting you in the face with a nasty wet sneeze at point-blank range. (This happened to me-- Eww!)

connie brown
06-13-2006, 06:37 PM
Aikido does not work at all when...

You stand there and politely tell your attacker, "Uh, could you please grab my wrist instead? I'm not familiar with that attack,"

Or, "Just hang on a minute while I run home and put on my gi. I'll come right back to this dark, deserted alley and be all ready to fight you."

Or, "Hey, I can't fight on concrete! My feet don't slide, and it's not padded like I'm used to!"

....But your attacker ignores you and rudely attacks before you're fully mentally prepared....he won't even bow before you begin. :rolleyes:

Steve Mullen
06-14-2006, 02:04 AM
....But your attacker ignores you and rudely attacks before you're fully mentally prepared....he won't even bow before you begin. :rolleyes:

Surely there are no people around who have such terrrible manners that they won't bow before beating you upside the head with a metal bar :eek:

Jimmy L
06-14-2006, 08:59 AM
Aikido does not work at all when....

... the uke starts to put a judo technique on you



I'd second that owww!! :uch:

aikispike
06-14-2006, 09:01 AM
Aikido does not work at all when
...uke has retractable adamantium claws

Dajo251
06-14-2006, 12:15 PM
Aikido does not work at all when
...uke has retractable adamantium claws
and an indestructable skeleton....

John Boswell
06-14-2006, 02:10 PM
Aikido does not work at all when...

... you are one of the people that selects: "I do not do aikido." on Jun's polls. :D

...you don't do aikido for six months because of RL obligations.

...you are bound, gagged and blind-folded in the trunk of a car.

...you turn to the "Dark Side" of the Force and over-estimate your own powers.

...you spend all your time on Aiki-web. (Not that that's a bad thing! ;) :D )

emma.mason15
06-14-2006, 05:17 PM
aikido does not work at all .....
if your names dory
if you cant remember anything ..... ever!
you actually dont do aikido ... but insist that shouting the names that you've learnt on aikiweb will sound impressive and be just as effective!
your having your stomach pumped.
your harry potter facing voldemort.
your being attacked by gandalf
your a pink flamingo.

xuzen
06-14-2006, 09:12 PM
Aikido does not work at all when....
... the uke starts to put a judo technique on you.

This is debatable...

Boon.

emma.mason15
06-15-2006, 04:50 PM
aikido does not work at all when ...
your attempting it on the amazing jelly man
your Ian beale (non uk-ers its a character in a british soap)
... i shall conjour more up whilst im beating .... er i mean tending to more patients

CNYMike
06-15-2006, 11:11 PM
Aikido does not work at all when .....

.... your uke keeps losing his/her grip on your wrist because you're sweaty

... you are the uke in the above situation

.... the dojo is so incredibly humid you get sick to your stomach five minutes into the class and have to rest more than you train.

.... you have the flu (at least I hope that's what it was; was the goo I coughed up yellow or green?) and can't train for ten days

billybob
06-16-2006, 08:05 AM
...when -

...you are required to do kihon waza and uke thinks he is doing you a favor by bracing against the 'one correct way' you are currently required to do the technique.

dave

Mike Hamer
06-19-2006, 04:07 PM
Aikido does not work at all if you dont go to practice!

Aikido does not work at all if you have a narrow mind.

Steve Mullen
06-20-2006, 09:46 AM
when you finish (what you thought was a brilliant rendition of) the 31 count jo kata, to find that everyone was watching, start to feel good about yourself and the admiration you receive from your peers, and then sensei says "that was nice, no one copy it mind, because it was wrong"

DAMN!

emma.mason15
06-20-2006, 04:23 PM
lmao .... bless ya! .....

Patrick
06-20-2006, 08:32 PM
your gi pants come untied during randori.

samurai_kenshin
06-22-2006, 05:38 PM
aikido does not work at all when you're going commando under your hakama and that randori gets a little...shall we say exhileratng...

TigerJK
06-22-2006, 07:36 PM
Aikido does not work when - your sensei is uke :dead:

Karen Wolek
06-22-2006, 07:50 PM
Aikido does not work when - your sensei is uke :dead:

LOL! I was gonna say that!!!!! Everything seems to be going along swimmingly, then sensei comes over and grabs.

Oof.

Damn.

TigerJK
06-22-2006, 10:34 PM
lol I can never get any technique to work on sensei if he doesn't feel like allowing me to - he always finds the most minute error in my technique!

it's as if he has to pin or throw himself down, and then it's more of a one man aikido thing and I'm just on his arm for the ride lol

xuzen
06-22-2006, 10:45 PM
lol I can never get any technique to work on sensei if he doesn't feel like allowing me to - he always finds the most minute error in my technique! it's as if he has to pin or throw himself down, and then it's more of a one man aikido thing and I'm just on his arm for the ride lol

Funny thing this just happen, my instructor was trying to do some variation and he tried sukui nage (lifting thigh rear throw) from an akward position. I felt his akwardness and reverse it with a lame yoko yaware... both of us fell onto the mat. I really do not know how I did it, it just happen spontaneously (takemusu-aiki?)

My instructor got up, said, 'This is not so good technique, lets go back to basics". OK OK, even instructors are allowed to make mistake. I can live with this. :D :D :D

Boon.

TigerJK
06-22-2006, 11:16 PM
Funny thing this just happen, my instructor was trying to do some variation and he tried sukui nage (lifting thigh rear throw) from an akward position. I felt his akwardness and reverse it with a lame yoko yaware... both of us fell onto the mat. I really do not know how I did it, it just happen spontaneously (takemusu-aiki?)

My instructor got up, said, 'This is not so good technique, lets go back to basics". OK OK, even instructors are allowed to make mistake. I can live with this. :D :D :D

Boon.

Aww man, if that ever happened in my class my instructor would KILL me loL!

when I was a beginner I was sort of naturally tolerant to pain, even if the technique was working. My sensei, being a polite man, did 2nd control very lightly and was surprised to see that despite being down I did not flinch or show pain. He promptly covered his "mistake" and nearly ripped my wrist haha

xuzen
06-23-2006, 02:27 AM
Aww man, if that ever happened in my class my instructor would KILL me loL!
Well, I have a cordial relationship with my instructor.

when I was a beginner I was sort of naturally tolerant to pain, even if the technique was working. My sensei, being a polite man, did 2nd control very lightly and was surprised to see that despite being down I did not flinch or show pain. He promptly covered his "mistake" and nearly ripped my wrist haha
To make second control (nikajo) work, the first principle is Kuzushi (off-balancing), pain is a bonus.

Boon.

Thalib
06-23-2006, 03:37 AM
...a red-shirt wearing fung fu guy does this ...http://www.guzer.com/videos/kungfu_fight.php (Please view video ;) ) ...there's just no aikido defense when this happens ...what can you do when your eyes are blurry from tears, tears formed from hysterically laughing ...how can you execute ANY technique when you're totally out of breath, gasping for air because you can't stop belly laughing ...in fact, you're bent over at the waste due to this uncontrollable laughing fit ...face it folks! ...you're DONE FOR!!! :p

HUAHAHAHA :D

I can't stop laughing... especially when he started to take a stance... but in the end it's cat-fu all the way...

Well he did knock that guy out...

Thalib
06-23-2006, 03:38 AM
Aikido doesn't work at all when uke is an inanimate object.

I'll do one better... a sack of potato...

Dave Yap... you know what I'm talking about...

Heheheheh.... :p

CNYMike
06-24-2006, 08:27 AM
I'll do one better... a sack of potato...

Dave Yap... you know what I'm talking about...

Heheheheh.... :p

Oddly enough, my Kali instructor describes people who are very stable as "sack of potatoes" or "sack of cement." The idea is that if you have a sack of powdered cement standing on end and you try to push it over, it takes forever to fall over.

The last time he referred tot me as a sack of cement was when he was doing the kali version of ikkyo ura and I went with it using basic arm bar ukemi. I don't know for sure that made me harder to put dowen but it is interesting.

And as long as I'm on the subject....

Aikido does not work at all when........

Your uke is your kali instructor.

The man just has so many tricks up his sleeve it's not funny!

Karen Wolek
06-24-2006, 02:18 PM
"Don't just stand there like a bag of sand."

My sensei said that to me....at least once.

TigerJK
06-24-2006, 04:21 PM
Well, I have a cordial relationship with my instructor.


To make second control (nikajo) work, the first principle is Kuzushi (off-balancing), pain is a bonus.

Boon.

haha just kidding man, sorry if my attempt at joking sucked

shadowedge
06-25-2006, 03:36 AM
When your opponent has RPG-type powers.. :)

Battle over a drink (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg9bQPoUf_4)

emma.mason15
06-26-2006, 05:15 PM
yeah ... that'd freak ya right out~!

Thalib
06-27-2006, 04:28 AM
When your opponent has RPG-type powers.. :)

Battle over a drink (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg9bQPoUf_4)

That is so cool...

But then again... I could always use my level 4 flame thrower spell, and then I'll use the bead of power to do some extra damages...

uh.. hmmm...

yeah... that's right...

TigerJK
06-27-2006, 06:03 PM
When your opponent has RPG-type powers.. :)

Battle over a drink (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg9bQPoUf_4)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAy6oDl1wH8&search=don%27t%20with%20asians