I feel like this often as well, and I am a shodan. But then I remind myself that I still have my whole life to learn, and realize that what's really important is the journey, not the destination.

I actually think that you questioning and wanting to learn marks you as rather a good student to have around, it's no good being just good at technical aikido if your attitude's not in the right place. Our feelings can send us in every direction and let us down and mess us up if we haven't figured out what's important in our heads first. Commit to the love of learning and you'll always be the most worthwhile student to share life with. Well done on coming so far.

Thanks , porhaps your right. To some deagree I supose trusting in teacher knonwing , more then I is porbbly a good idea.

You feel like you might not be good enough to have truly earned your rank. The fact that it upsets you shows that you have integrity, that you want your rank to mean something, and you want to do your best. Those all point to being a good student. If you were interested in advancing in rank, no matter what, I'd be concerned. Don't worry, even if rank and skill do get a little out of sync now and then, each will eventually catch up to the other.

Yes I have questions , but none you can ask anyone ? What makes you think I am a good student, I not so sure I am anymore? Thanks itherway for reading and offering input.

I have heard or read many times that people sometimes feel they are on a plateau and not making progress, then later they find out they did progress, they did learn a lot at that time. You probably did better than you think. In any case, I've been thinking since your last post that you should talk to sensei and seniors and just ask for their advice because you have questions. I've heard that it is good to have questions. Good luck, I think you are a good student.