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I have been at my dojo for almost a year. I can't say that all the people there are my freinds, but then I slow to trust most and even fewer gain full trust. However, Several people at my dojo I fell at lest a litte connected to and I not sure if it is the people or the group as whole or prohaps even Akido in the "globle unconcus" form , I still feel relly drawn to it. I feel drawn like how I used to feel drwn to church , before I had too many unaswered questions and the coumnity changed,( nothing agenist thows whom do belive in chourch, just not my belife). I feel that what some would call addition to it, I get this same senson when I write and when I am arond hourse.
However, this sora scars me, I love wring but I also can not ever succed fully at it for I can not speel and some issuses like that, thow there are editors , so we see how that one plays out , pofusonaly regurds.The point I am trying to make is that now that I have fallen in "love" with Akidio am I dumed to fail? I am not by any strech of the imanaation "good" at it, I not even ok, but I am lurning and I am making progress. I belive it has also thout be valuble lessons about my self, in other ways asdi form defending my self. I belive it has thought me how to better chanal energy, depth perstion, and even in some ways how to inract with people( that one may be the dojo). I know I will be leaving this dojo in ither abotu 2 weeks or sometime in early August, but I can't help wonder, if akido willk remain in my life. I never relly been a "sports" gril. I mean liked playing them but mostly jsut having fun with people. I am greatly challged in many ways by akido, I battle with trust issuse and not likeing to be tuched, I have weriod ways of litterly viewing the world, etc. Not to meationg akido like many sports is a jurnny and skill to be lurned. However, I geting the inprtion that it is more then that it is kida like how you can't dite you have to make a life stlye change. I belive toi relly do akido you must unlurn all that you know to be so. In that I mean you have to lurn to tun into your oponts energy, when at least here in the usa we are thought throw stull means and not so suttle means that we should verry much almost ignore people. I know many will dissagree with me there they say I pay attation to other peopel I am not ego sentric, I would like to ask you how many times have you noticed someone whom is need of help , fallen, droped somehting, or evne not even notinced that or the brid with a broken wing? How many times a day ddo you spend saying I and how many do spend saying you and words of the like? Now , I getting into phlosy and I am not trying to tell you how to live or do akido, I don't pretend to understand thows enooff to be an athorty. althow, I do knwo that the less I try to do movements in akido and in someways in life and just let my heart or sprit or energy go with litte guidence. The only guidece I give it is my end gole, that my subcouncs sends to it, I come out better then when I try really heard. Thwo we are thought to think from a yong age and while this is good , there is tiem for both and we forget to do tha as we get older. I have watched kids in Akido as well and I belive that is why many of them can do the tecnecal movements inacrotely and produce the same effect. Just some thoguhts to think about. As always Arogoto go sima sa ( crroct my Jappanis, I can barly say the word let alone spell it). Thankyou and Blesed be.