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Seeking Zanshin: Blood, Sweat, Tears & Aikikai Blog Tools Rating: Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-24-2005 10:53 PM
One small gal + a dojo full of big guys = tons o' fun
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 270 (Private: 12)
Comments: 195
Views: 731,581

In General Back Again and --- Gaaah! Less than ONE week to t Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #98 New 02-16-2004 10:42 PM
While I was away from the home dojo for two weeks (and stuck without a viable surrogate one), I had to make due with going over the techniques for the entire test again and again in my head practically every day while was gone, and doing solo kata whenever I found the time and space. While in the Philippines, I also found (er, improvised )some interesting exercises along the way that I would never have expected:
- turning my foot outwards and using my hips more than just my arms while pumping water (for everything --- laundry, bathing, the toilet, cooking, etc.)
- keeping centred and rooting myself while riding in Jeepneys (bumpy and winding roads, sideways seating, and no seatbelts) instead of holding onto the handrail --- worked quite nicely
- testing my speed and awareness while dodging really fast traffic (mostly small, motorized tricycles) as a pedestrian (no crosswalks)

So by the time I got back into town, I was no longer as apprehensive as I was about my test when I left. On Sunday (yesterday), Dave and I went into the dojo alone to do some practicing and we ran through my test. Because of the height difference between us, Katatedori Koshinage was rather awkward (though fairly managable, particularly on one side but not so much on the other, for some reason). This was amplified even more while running through the test for Sensei today after Bokken practice, this time with Jeremy as my Uke. He's a bit taller than Dave, and I couldn't even load him entirely onto my hips, so Sensei got Ken to be my Uke temporarily for that technique, since he's much closer to my own height.

Aside from the whole Koshinage fiasco, and Sankyo feeling rather awkward at times (need to practice this more --- serves me right for trying to mimic Sankyo from that darn Yamada video I watched this morning), the run-through seemed...alright. Nothing spectacular, that's for sure. I guess I was feeling the pressure of being on the spot, because afterwards, I felt like I had just stepped out of a sauna --- my face was actually tingling and emanating heat!

Despite Jeremy telling me afterwards that it was a great test, and that Dave thought it looked quite smooth, I sure as heck didn't feel very happy about it. THEY may have been fooled, but it won't be getting past anyone else --- it may have looked nice to folks for the most part, but it felt pretty sh*tty to me. I know I flubbed up in a couple of places, and the perfectionist in me is far from satisfied. I certainly have no idea what Sensei really thought about it. I wonder if I'll really be testing at all.

In any case, I'm off to hit the books --- going to taint my technique even more by watching more Yamada, Saotome and O Sensei videos and going over my past journal entry notes...
Views: 913 | Comments: 2

RSS Feed 2 Responses to "Back Again and --- Gaaah! Less than ONE week to t"
#2 02-20-2004 09:55 AM
jducusin Says:
Hey again, Kelly --- I know what you mean: negative self-talk is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Though one of my own issues (aside from the performance anxiety bit I mentioned earlier) wasn't so much kicking myself about technique while I was doing it as it was my constantly looking back (after the fact) and kicking myself about how lousy it was. When I think about it more, however, I also realize that the latter has also served a good purpose: it's been helpful in encouraging me to work harder.
#1 02-18-2004 01:09 AM
Kelly Allen Says:
Jamie Quit being so hard on yourself! You have put so much time in on the mat your probably way more than ready for your 5th Kyu. There is a wall you can hit if you don't start projecting a positive energy for yourself. One of the things we train not to do is when we make a mistake we don't shake our heads or sound exasperated with ourselves. This negative energy affects all training afterwards in a subtle way. I am getting better at not beating myself up after I make a mistake and it does make a difference in my technique. I think alot of it has to do with the negative energy we give ourselves causes tention. This tention in turn affects our technique adversely. If, however, we don't react to the mistakes, and think confidently and positively about the next technique it promotes a more relaxed state that improves your technique. What do you think? It's all in the mind. If you don't mind it won't matter, because the technique is going to work better. Kelly

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