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I'm not sure about yesterday's grading. I feel hard done by. Getting an uke who is twice your body weight (300lbs maybe) who resists every movement you make isn't fair, not in a grading.
Sensei says that's the luck of the draw and no doubt on wednesday he'll have a list of things that need to be "improved" but the long and the short of it is that I have lost faith.
I don't believe that if I carry on training as I do now that I'll be able to overcome that much resistance no matter how long or hard I train, not within a grading setting, there's too much restriction.
If uke resists me in an open setting then I can switch technique and use atemi. You can't do that in a grading, so you fail.
So, what to do? If I retake it in march and get a smaller or more co-operative uke and pass I'll feel like I cheated. It's like saying "I can only pass if I'm allowed to". For my own peace of mind I need to pass the grading with a big resisting uke.
I'm going to go and see some other instructors, who have big students and work on my striking skills and basically work my ass off until march, get some running done too while I'm at it.