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Lately I've come to the conclusion that I've been confusing with
I started my before I ever found Aikido, but because Aikido was such a nice fit I began to blur the lines I think. Aikido became the title of my "way," despite less and less physical training, until anything which seemed to loosely fit was simply called Aikido.
It's interesting that as my "way" has lately been clarifying, I'm looking at Aikido in a renewed light. Gradually, as my sense of this coalesces, I feel greater momentum and drive toward my study of Aikido develop as well. I've never stopped thinking about Aikido. That has been my one constant connection to the art, but I find my thoughts taking a subtle shift into something slightly more concrete...something more urgent. Recently I took my Jo which has long been darkened by the oily sweat of my hands and lightly sanded it. The accumulated gunk quickly rendered the sandpaper useless and I had to get another piece. I thought of the Shinto concept of tsumi, which is also said to be cumulative, and I smiled as I gently removed the old layers of grime I had allowed to collect.
The job isn't done. An interesting polkadot pattern has formed from the many many hits it took, and while I rather like the look of it, I plan on finishing the job.
All that's left is to do it.