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My daughter Emily told me that Mercury has been in retrograde since last week. Maybe that explains why I have been dragging my heart around all week.
My mind comes up with some pretty creative negative thoughts, such as, "you should have stayed in nursing school" or "why did you divorce him?" Both laughable ideas.
My mind never comes up with spontaneous joyous judgments like: "Good job marrying, Ron" or "don't you have a beautiful family full of lovely grand children?"
So class last night was especially needed and especially helpful. It was an ordinary Aikido class at our dojo. We trained in groups of three, concentrating on 3rd kyu techniques with the formal finishes. Training always makes me feel better and the quiet practice of kata tori sankyo with the finish lulled me back to now again. Ron had us do other 3rd kyu test techniques separated by repetitions of ki testing that further focused our ki and settled me down even more.
I left class sweaty, tired and centered, able to relax into another evening after a long day at work. Menopausal hormones mess with my mind and age has made my body more achy breaky. My Aikido training continues to help me blend reality with the scary places my mind can take me.
Today we don't have class, so breathing from my center and remembering where my feet are bring me back to now over and over. I train where I am in the moment in or out of the dojo.