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John Boswell's Blog Blog Tools Rating: Rate This Blog
Creation Date: 02-26-2005 11:02 AM
John Boswell
Blog Info
Status: Public
Entries: 87
Comments: 41
Views: 230,622

In General Feeling much better. Entry Tools Rate This Entry
  #16 New 01-24-2005 02:56 PM
Howdy! And welcome back to another thriling and exciting entry on...

Well, the shoulder is healling up nicely. I have almost full range of motion, though to do so is very tender. At work this morning, I was adding up figures from several documents. Just flipping pages made my shoulder ache! LOL Figure that one out.

What could have been serious has turned out to be a minor inconvienence... thankfully. It has given me a new appreciation for the human body and all it can do and put up with. I mean, I'm 250 lbs. and I LANDED on my shoulder! And nothing broke? A) I'm very lucky, but B) The body is very strong. I need to take better care of it as it is doing well by me.

On a more serious note, I've been looking down the road on where I'm going with aikido. My classmates talk TO me and ABOUT me as though there isn't a doubt in their mind that I will one day make shodan. To me, 1st kyu (even 2nd kyu) seemed a world away to me. Now I have achieved 2nd kyu and 1st is knocking at my door.

It is strange to feel this way, but shodan seems an impossibility. I can't help but wonder if this last accident wasn't some sort of unconcisous effort to stop myself and get in the way.

Over the period of my life, I have rarely achieved the goals I had set for myself. Things seem so much more harder and difficult until it is behind you... then it seems so easy. On the ski trip I just took, I couldn't help but keep focusing on the negative: how I could be injured, how I could NOT make it down a specific ski run, how I could not keep up with the people I was there to ski with. I knew it was negative and I tried to stop it. Hell, I was as sick of listening to myself as I'm sure they were of hearing me talk like that.

The bane of my existence has always been my own self doubt.

Wonder what I can do about that? If you come up with anything, let me now. And if your answer is,"Knock it off and just get back on the mat!" well... gimme another week or two.


Just found this Doka of O'Sensei's that I thought was highly appropirate -

Self-centred thoughts
are reflected as
clearly as in a mirror;
let others see them,
and you will be making a fool of yourself.
OUCH! Thanks a lot, Sensei!

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