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I got an e-mail from my Aikido instructor today. He sounded a little disappointed that I was leaving for a month, and said he would hopefully see me in October.
I feel bad, but it was needed. I always find myself at a crossroads with arts. It's either stay for the long haul, or leave. I guess I always feel this about 6-12 months into it.
The arts I have stayed, I always get at least Shodan in, but the arts I leave I never regret. I guess Im feeling a choice coming on.
I love the practice of Aikido, and I love learning certain things in Aikido. I guess the only thing I do not like is the fact that I am not learning any techniques. I guess after doing Jujitsu so long, I wouldn't learn any techniques, but when taking Jujitsu, I constantly learned new techniques, new throws, or something. It kept me interested.
It's the problem of learning too fast I think. I can be shown a technique and I will practice it at home with my woman, or with other students, and I will try variances, or from different grabs etc etc etc. So I try to make each technique my own..
I guess in other arts, you are rewarded with learning fast, and practicing at home. But in Aikido, there are no rewards. There are no promotions for "knowing the techniques". There is only self-growth.
I guess I feel like "what's the point?" I have instructor status in another art, and I already teach. Why do I need to start over and remain a white belt for over half a year when I have been practicing most of these techniques for years.
Maybe this is the self-growth process. Maybe the patience is what I need. Maybe I need to be humbled?
I honestly do not know what would be best for me as a martial artist. In my 20 years of training, only Sifu Davies and Sensei Mitter have seemed to promote people based on technique and not time. These instructors were both 5th Dan and above. So what's the deal with this Shodan instructor not promoting me?
Is it because he's not allowed to promote people to blackbelt? Is it because he knows his students cant go anywhere (as far as rank) after a certain level? Does he have issues with me?
I guess I'll never really know. I'll be forced to make the decision in the future..
Maybe I'll talk to him about my concerns.. But will I leave a bad impression.. But honestly, according to the syllabus, I have everything except the Jo and Bokken. Yeah, everything to 1st Kyu except those two things..