Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the
world's most active online Aikido community! This site is home to
over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a
wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history,
humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.
If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced
features available, you will need to register first. Registration is
absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!
WARNING This journal entry has little to do with Martial Arts
I was running this morning and thinking about my highschool days. I was so rediculous. I used to fight everyone that crossed my path if they thought they could take me. Why? I do not know. I was raised a fighter. I was raised in an environment where my unlce (only 5 years older) would fight me for practice. He would tell his friends to fight me as well just to "make me tough". I was also taught martial arts, which didn't make it any better for the other people.
To me fighting was the answer to prove something. What something was I had no real clue.
I learned later in life that I was only proving my inadequacy to end confrontation with a verbal argument. I had no clue how to communicate except with my fists.
I passed this legacy to my brother who I feel I helped raise. I wanted him to be tough like my father before me wanted. I was such a moron. I treated him hard because I wanted him to be "hard".
Now years later I wonder why I don't have a relationship with him. It's because he is still hard. Maybe not fighting wise, but hard to feelings. I assume he has none for me, and that's fine. There's nothing I can do to change this. I have tried multiple times to get a hold of this man and rekindle a relationship, but it's impossible. He cares nothing for me.
I wonder at times if he has children, if he thinks of me, if he knows that I am sorry for setting a bad example for him. Through all my years of martial arts and the Lord, the one thing I finally learned is that each decision we make effects the rest of our lives.
I live in guilt for the things I have done in the past because I have opened my heart to other things than just fighting. I have grown inside more so than physically.
I have also changed my way of teaching. I used to focus on the fighting aspects and teach people techniques and how to develop Ki. Now I also try to use my influence to help people be better people as a whole.
This is weird to some, but instructors are more than just teachers of martial arts, they are mentors changing and shaping the way people live on a daily basis. We are role models and people that are looked up to by the community if we have given back. This is a huge responsibility and we owe it to help shape our world to be better, not just tough.
Anyways, Ill jump off my sopa box, I have some running to do. :P