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Having been so used to struggle I didn't know how to respond to those who 'cooperated' with me as ukes. I thought to myself 'Hey, you made that too easy!' not considering that I didn't even have rank yet. There was an uchideshi there who grabbed my wrist tightly for katate dori tankan and I thought 'Okay, now we're talking.' and I struggled to blend (huh, funny turn of phrase 'struggle to blend'). Sensei asked me 'You did another martial art before, right?' 'Yes, sensei. Karate.' 'Yes, I can see it.'
I felt unfinished by the end of class. I didn't feel comfortable enough to ask anyone if they would train after class, so I watched others. Watching them go sealed it for me. 'This is so cool.' I thought to myself. I'm going to master this art.
I immediately found as many books as I could about aikido. Among them was the book of interviews called Women in Aikido. I read them diligently. I found magazines, one of them with an interview with my sensei; I studied it.
If my body couldn't pick this art up as fast as I could learn Karate, then I'd have to try to make it up another way.