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Okay so I had one of the university aikido students ask me a question relating to the Japanesey letting go of ego practice. By relating that humility and selfless service are all forms of keiko I may have mislead him into thinking that I've a handle on such a thing. Nope. I have not. I wish I could be a good example. I try. I attempt to provide service whenever possible. I listen to my sensei's instructions and do not question any aspect of them.
I have a major ego 'mole' however. I can't get past it. There is another student, a relatively recent uchideshi who has no reverence for the gift he is given by being allowed to train and serve. He is unkempt and not respectful to his sempai in such extremes that he attempts to freeze out and give instruction to them. I have witnessed him speak ireverantly even to sensei. Grrr! The big ugly here is that I am most invested in this because I was an uchideshi so long ago at this dojo and I feel like he is making a mockery of something I took very seriously. I wasn't a prime example of what a great uchideshi could be, but my heart was in it.
I have sat with this feeling and tried to convince myself to let it go. Still it gnaws at my bones. So again with the ego keiko.
02-22-2004 08:38 PM 