I understand your dilemma. I have been there too. I guess I feel a little differently than you in one aspect though. I learn more from teaching than learning. When Im teaching someone something I seem to see, feel, hear, and look for something totally different. If you have trained for this long you now know that each persons Aikido is different. Although Kote Gaeshi is one technique, it has many variations. Some people will be better at using energy (which we call professors) and others will be good at technique or strength. I have study many martial arts and Ive noticed a clear difference in Aikido as far as others. Aikido you are training to be a professor, while in other arts you learn techniques and how to do them, and after time you become a professor and learn that technique is all you need. The problem I see with Aikido is thatbecoming a professor (technique master) takes years upon years. This means a person that essentiall gets his black belt is not a master, but yet only beginning the journey towards something further. A black belt in Jujitsu means you have learned the necessary techniques. All the belts afterward are where we learn to become masters of manipulating energy, transitional flowing, and technique mastery. To me Aikido has taken this journey and made it harder to achieve. Why? Because they focus on not pushing and pulling, they focus on never giving up center, but taking it. In all honesty, in dojo practice, this will never be mastered. You have too many ukes that just dont have the intent needed for you to achieve what you need to. Ukemi is great, but you should not depend on your partners Ukemi to make your technique work. Your technique should work on those that know nothing. This is why many MAs have said that Aikido is BS. They say that certain moves can not be done with joe blow, but only to another Aikidoka. I honestly have the fact that many Akido instructors force you to not push and pull your opponent. You are there to manipulate energy and this can be done by playing chess. Move your opponent backward so he wants to move forward, then take that energy and use it to your advantage. I know this may sound bad of me, but I do suggest taking another art to supplement your yearning for knowledge. You want to learn and there's so much more out there, than just Aikido. The more you learn from other arts, can only make you better in Aikido, or better yet, YOUR AIKIDO. I have a saying that I tell my students. You have all the techniques on the outside and in the middle lies our art; Jujitsu. You can add to those techniques and find others from where ever you can, but in the end, the middle, your base, your foundation remains Jujitsu. The same can be for any art. Good luck in your journey. I hope my comment isnt seen as hot air.