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I have not been in weapons class for some time. It is a strange draw to understand weapons work, and a feeling that I am really bad at working with weapons. This class did nothing to disprove either. I know that if I am to get better at the sticks thing then I have to do more off the mat practicing on the Kata's I have to know what comes when so that I can focus on positioning, movements, and the like.
I caught Sensei smiling at my weapons attempts today. It was pretty funny I thought too. It is interesting to know that I am not doing something very well, and still find it funny. This is a change for me personally as I generally would find it much more frustrating that I do. Part of the way that Sensei teaches seeking always to keep all of us off balance, always in beginners mind.
Sensei came over at one point in the paired practice and noted that I did not back up, I gave no ground. He then said "Remember there is a flow to this, moving backward is not retreating, it is working with the flow of the situation. You are not used to yielding much are you, you just stand there and take the blows of life." He stood ram rod straight, when he was saying the last part. Then Sensei talked about the way that Kelp moves with the waves and is not broken, and asked what would happen if it were rigid. Yielding ground, moving backwards as part of life, not a defeat, not a retreat, something necessary for mental, emotional and spiritual survivalů.. This is a new concept for me. I can see it, but fear it at the same time, like all new steps in learning about life. We understand the concepts, and even agree with them long before we can adopt them as part of ourselves.
So my little brain is again boggled with the spiritual life side of the practice, along with trying to figure out where in the heck my feet go!