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It has been said many times that Aikidoka cannot punch their way out of a paper bag.
So I tried that.
I put my self in a paper bag and tried.
My first attempt didn't work because I wasn't relaxed enough.
My second attempt didn't work either because the paper bag didn't offer a sincere attack
My third attempt didn't work because the bag knew what I was going to do
My fourth attempt...
My fifth ...
I have had the good fortune of experiencing nearly perfect Aikido as uke.
This was too long ago, the teachers that showed me that Aikido are no longer alive.
Now there is no-one. There are plenty of interesting things to study with a lot of teachers, but something is missing. I study. I train. But something is not there.
I want to study the techniques that beginners train. No fancy stuff, simple ikkyo, because that simple ikkyo is missing something essential. No fancy stuff, just simple irimi, because that simple irimi isn't like I felt.
Sunday I watches the shodan exam of one of my training partners. It was a nice exam and almost everything went well.
Time is a funny thing. Some things change, that is the natural way things are. I remember seeing the exams of the committee members 10 or 15 years ago and somehow I cannot escape the feeling that the standard at exams has changed. Would the same committee members have passed the current exams? Is that something that is important? And if so, who made it important?
4 new women turned up for class last night. For the strong men this is a challenge and I always am amazed who enjoys training with as many partners as possible and who just try to stick with their small circle of clunky men.
One of my earliest encounters with technique vs. force was in my second or third year of training. There was a small Japanese (although nationality is completely irrelevant here) lady (small meaning about 140 cm and compared to my 193 cm that is very small). She trained about as long as I did. Of course she didn't use brute force on me, how could she. When we were up to speed I noticed how fast I found the floor every single time. There was a very important lesson I learned that day. I decided that I wanted to study Aikido like she did, small girl's Aikido instead of big strong guy's Aikido.
Looking back I am grateful I had so many different partners to train with in my early years. All the different partners opened my eyes to what I am searching for.
I hope enough of the women will stay to have the same impact on the clunky men I now train with.
Last week I had a nice experience. Knowing there were exams at our dojo and I was asked to be uke. Now normally people are paired during the exam so that there isn't a big difference in experience. This was different as there was a huge gap. The person doing the exam is ex-military, unfortunately burdened with PTS which manifests itself in a disruptive fear of hurting someone. Aikido has a very strong impact on his well-being and he has progressed a lot already in trusting himself during aikido. Up till now however, doing exams has been one bridge to far for him.
So here I was, being uke at the exams and the one really important task I had was to make him feel safe. No matter what happened, he had to feel safe. Soft, compliant, happy and friendly. Smiling moving along with whatever he did, and he did well. Halfway through he realized he was doing well, a smile came on his face and he loosened up even more.
In my brain there is a clever little monkey. It is a nice monkey, a smart monkey. He is very good at solving problems, that is, he is very good at coming up with different technical solutions to problems. This monkey thinks he is the best, he can solve everything and even if he couldn't solve the problem he still has a dozen of other solutions he wants to try.
I am a mathematician and this monkey is very useful.
He used to come with me during training as well, but he no longer is allowed to come. He wants to and if I let my attention slip he joins me during training instantly.
In my brain there is also an observer. My monkey thinks he is a boring annoying fellow. Doesn't do much it seems and certainly isn't working on solutions to problems like the monkey is. Monkey wants the attention and will at any moment try to push the observer away.
The monkey does stuff. Monkey does this to uke and does that to uke, cause once you have done this to uke you can do that other thing that the monkey came up with do to uke.
The observer observes. He sees what is going on. He has no fancy tricks, no quick solutions. He watches and can direct me to move with what he sees/feels. The observer wants to move with the intention, to move with the flow, to move with the union. He watches to see how ma doesn't change. He simply watches to see what begun end.
I know this. My observer is replacing my monkey ever more often. I know it is true, but if I read it it sounds