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I've discovered what it means to be a black belt...I have to take ukemi from the instructor more, and it's faster and harder. Fortunately I trust this instructor a lot ...and he never pushes me beyond what I'm able. Just not that used to finding myself on the mat before I can think .
Aikido was so good for me today. I had a really bad last two days and was carrying around a lot of emotional hurt from being scolded by my boss over a mistake I made (legitimate scolding) and for my earlier blow up with my two friends. And while the latter's not resolved and maybe will take many years, it's just one of those things...with one friend I'm fine and we made up and it helps a great deal that I see she's trying, but with the other, I think we're two such different personalities that there is this huge area of incompatibility which makes me feel very unloved. So I've decided to walk away for a while. I'm one person for whom it takes a long time and a lot for me to blow but unfortunately once I do, it also takes an awfully long time to heal.
So aikido was good for me, because it really helped me to relate to those around me and it helped me to relax physically and let the tension go, and to breathe deeply and well. And yeah, to stop my mind from dwelling on hurtful things. I felt free-er somehow when I was on the mat. There are so many reasons why I love this art. This is one of them...it helps me transcend things.